Jason Collins, ESPN's Chris Broussard, and Coming Out. . . .

Youth workers and parents. . . if you haven't yet talked to your students about same-sex attraction and the Christian faith, you need to now. The events of the last twenty-four hours and the chatter that's ensued and which will continue over the coming days affords us a wide open opportunity to get a more accurate feel for the cultural climate, to prayerfully craft a response that's glorifying to God and faithful to the Scriptures, to examine our own hearts and actions, and to think about what this all means for our now and for our future. To be honest, this is making my head spin. . . about our culture, about same-sex attraction, and about who I'm called to be as a particular follower of Christ living in this particular time and place.

NBA player Jason Collins has come out. No, he's not the marquis athlete that many of us suspected would be the first active male athlete to tell the world, "I'm gay." That's yet to happen. . . and we can expect that it will in the next few days. A couple of interesting things to consider as you watch the cultural curtain peel back in response to Collins' revelation will be 1) If he's pursued with endorsement opportunities, and 2) If he signs with another team (he's a free agent without a team right now). His playing future is under the microscope and will be dissected whether he's picked up by a team (making pundits wonder if he was signed for his playing skills or signed as a poster boy for the issue), or if his playing days are over (making pundits wonder if he wasn't touched because of his abilities, or because of his sexual preferences). By the way, I think it's quite telling that both of those things show just how powerful marketing and branding are in our world.

Equally fascinating and noteworthy was the response of ESPN NBA insider Chris Broussard. . . a response that is getting and will get just about as much press and attention as any other response out there. What is notable about Broussard's response (see video below) is that Broussard is being open about his convictions and his desire to be faithful to God's Word. Broussard is already getting hammered by those who have no sympathy for the Christian faith and who are not listening with accuracy to what he is saying. This too, is quite telling and worth watching as we sort out our current cultural climate and the responses Christians will hear to their own responses. . . regardless of how orthodox or compassionate those responses might be. In fact, when I watched the Broussard video clip on YouTube this morning I curiously scrolled down to the comments where a full-on battle was raging with words, profanity, and accusations flying all over the place.

The issue is complex. The issue is volatile. The issue is here and it must be addressed. Because the issue involves people, it is that much more difficult for those who are called to show Christlike compassion. Today, if you haven't already spent loads of time working through the issue it might be best to keep quiet in terms of public commentary. To sit back. To watch. To listen. To ponder. To study. To read. To pray. To consider what it means to respond to Collins, to Broussard, and to anyone with an opinion (regardless of where they fall on the spectrum of opinion. . . pro, con, and in-between) in a way that brings honor and glory to God. Stop and take a deep breath. Get your bearings. Look deeply into the Word of God. . . true north. Then, look deeply. . . first into yourself and then into our world.

How will you talk about this with the kids you know and love? And, what will you say?

Market-Driven Pastor? . . . Market-Driven Church? . . .

 Hard questions are a gift to the Body of Christ. We have to ask the hard questions of ourselves. We have to ask the hard questions to each other. Those hard questions are good for us. They make us think. They can  reset our bearings where they need to be reset. They can even force us to stop and "reboot."

One of the questions I constantly need to be throwing into my own face is this: "Who's pulling your strings?" I know who should be pulling my ministry strings. . . those "ministry strings" being that which guides me through every minute and every nook and cranny of every day. But life in our consumer-oriented and market-driven world can feed the tension between humbly following Christ and building one's brand. If you don't believe me, just spend some time reading Tweets. . . both your own and others. It's a very real tension. In my case, I need to keep looking up the strings to see who or what's on the other end.

Some food for thought. . . that might just fuel some difficult questions. This morning I read these powerful words of reminder from Eugene Peterson's memoir, The Pastor: "If I am going to stay true to my vocation as a pastor, I can't let the 'market' determine what I do."

The great irony here is that many of us won't ever think to tap into Peterson's seasoned wisdom by reading he memoir. . . after all, "He's too old. . . He's irrelevant. . . He even tucks his shirt in." Well, if you think that, you've already let the market determine what you do. Perhaps you've even let the market determine who you are. 

Something Stunning About You That Will Rattle You. . . .

Yesterday a link my friend Brandon Fisher put on his Facebook page caught my eye. I took the bait, checked it out. . . and was stunned. The stunning wasn't occasioned by learning something new. Rather, it came from being reminded of something that I would much rather forget. It's about money. . . the money I make. . . and what I have.

First, some background. I like to think that I'm not rich. It's easy to convince myself of that when I drive through nicer neighborhoods or ponder guys like Donald Trump. But several years ago I was challenged to think globally. When that happened, I had to reckon with the fact that since I most likely fall within the top 2 percent of the world's population in terms of wealth, then. . . well. . . I'm rich. But a quick trip back to driving and pondering usually removes the thought about that reality and the responsibility that comes with that.

But then I think about being in the 2 percent. Which then leads to this. . . If I am indeed rich in the world order of things, then Jesus talked about me. . . a lot. The reality is that God cares deeply about our attitudes and practices when it comes to money and wealth. More is said in the New Testament about money and wealth than about heaven and hell combined. Five times more is said about money than about prayer. And 16 of Christ's 38 parables deal with money.

So, what was the link Brandon posted that occasioned these thoughts? It's the Global Rich List. You need to check it out. It's quite simple to use. Choose the "income" route. Select your country from the drop down list to be sure you have the correct monetary unit, and then enter your annual net income. Then, hit the "show my results" button. It's compelling. . . stunning. . . convicting.

I did a little fiddling around on the site and discovered this: Anyone whose net income is $24,000 or above. . . . you are in the top 2 percent globally. If your net income is $10,000, you are in the top 15 percent globally. A net income of $10,000 and you are rich. I'm in a smaller group that the top 2 percent.

This has me thinking today. Show it to your students. Talk about it. And then, read the Gospels. And then. . .

Post-Boston Thoughts. . . .

Over a week has passed and the dust has begun to settle, with the people involved starting the long and painful process of physical and emotional healing. Seeing and hearing the firsthand stories of trauma is truly gut-wrenching. My mind's been racing over the course of the last few days as I have watched all the drama and its aftermath unfold.

No doubt, law enforcement, government, anti-terrorism and a host of other agency officials are sorting through all that's happened to deconstruct responses so that they're better equipped for prevention and intervention the next time around. That's wise. . . very wise. While it may sound brash and insensitive, I believe it's also important and wise for us to move outside of ourselves to look at ourselves with a critical eye, calling ourselves to task if what we see in our personal/corporate response indicates skewed understandings of faith and life. In other words, how we respond can be quite telling regarding who we are, where we get it wrong, where we get it right, and how we need to grow.

So, let me share some thoughts that are still unrefined and incomplete, but that I think are safe at this point to put out there. I'd love to know if you think I'm barking up the wrong tree, being too harsh, or simply stating things that you've observed as well. Here are some random thoughts post-Boston. . . .

First, we need to understand sin. Our post-Christian world is truly a world without an understanding of original sin and human depravity. Did you watch the interviews with the friends and family of Dzhokhar and Tamerlan Tsarnaev? Nobody but Uncle Ruslan was willing to believe that they were capable of, could, would, or did do such a thing. It seems that with any heinous act or crime committed these days, there are people close to the perpetrator who are in a constant and vocal state of denial and disbelief. Even when the evidence is clearly to the contrary or the perpetrator stands in court and confesses their guilt, there are family members and friends who can't grasp it, won't believe it, and who continue to trumpet denial. Sometimes, blood is thicker than water . . . and you can't see through it to what is actually there. In this case, that extends from the perpetrators' parents to the high school classmates of Dzhokhar. Did any of you watch Dzhokhar's friends talk about who he was in high school? Did any of you see the many incidents where reporters asked Dzhokhar's friends to turn to the camera and say something to him as he was on the run? Did you hear how those friends encouraged him to turn himself in and get on with life because he was a good guy, a good friend, and someone who has something yet to contribute to society? While some of those things might indeed be true (God is a God of miraculous redemption, after all), it is the underlying assumptions about human goodness that informed those remarks that just seemed rooted in obliviousness to reality. Without a good understanding of sin we have no understanding of the reality of the human condition, no foundation that can help us make sense of what happened and how it happened, and no need for the redemptive saving work of Christ. For me personally, I could only sit there and shake my head as friends and family spoke. Why? Not because I know Tamerlan and Dzhokhar, but because I know me.

Second, we struggle to understand tragedy and death. At a theological level, death is difficult for us all to deal with because we know we have moved beyond the flourishing and shalom of Eden into an existence filled with things that are not the way they are supposed to be. But in a world where we have lost our perspective because we have turned our backs on truth, we are left to flounder around and make sense of death on our own. I don't remember spontaneous memorials at sites of tragedies when I was younger. I don't remember seeing roadside memorials along the highway in years' past. This is something relatively new, and I wonder if the newness flows from our efforts to grapple with a reality about which we've lost context. In addition, I'm trying to figure out how the Boston Marathon bombing (which, by the way, was horrific) warranted so much more attention than other horrifying tragedies, many which occurred last week as well. While a death toll of just one is indeed bad, a death toll of four somehow trumped all other mass deaths of greater magnitude. And why have so many Americans latched on to this cause as opposed to latching on to  other unjust causes/tragedies, with such an outpouring of grief and compassion. At the very least, I think one good thing that comes from the outpouring is the ability to say, "Yes, we can all agree that something is wrong with us and with our world."

Third, I wonder if the "Boston Strong" movement has become the cause dujour that we feel we must buy in to. In other words, is it more about style and belonging, than it is about really, really caring? I know. It sounds so harsh to be asking that question about a legitimately timely and helpful cause. But we can't deny that things like the yellow rubber Livestrong bracelets became for many a cultural fashion phenomena more than a representation of a heartfelt cause. Or what about the "Save the Tatas" or "Feel Your Boobies" decals and t-shirts? Sure, for many there is a sense of deep care, concern and allegiance to these causes. But as the marketing for these causes spread, the real deep meaning gets drained. It's more about saying the right thing at the right time in order to be relevant and to belong. Here's something related to watch tonight. Our Philadelphia Flyers have a hockey game against the Boston Bruins. There's no love lost between these teams. There's a good chance that there will be some fisticuffs before the final horn blows. But as the teams share the ice tonight the Flyers will be sporting patches and helmet decals in support of the City of Boston. . . a great gesture. Should we see any irony if those adornments are being worn during a combative on-ice fight?

Fourth, tragedy just might bring us out, more than it brings us together. All of us have been stopped in interstate highway traffic as cars come to a standstill because of an accident. That's to be expected when the accident happens on our side of the highway. But have you ever noticed how traffic stops for accidents on the other side of the road thanks to the "gawker effect" and the "curiosity factor"? For whatever reason, we love train wrecks. We love to show up. We love to look. We love to stare. We love to tell others that we've been there. Could it be that we care more about being there, than we actually care?

Finally, our collective frontal lobe is failing.  A loss of a moral compass has combined with a host of other cultural factors. . . including the immediacy nurtured by social media. . . to create a world where we speak and broadcast way before we think. One of the biggest stories to come out of Boston is the way that social media was used to spread news. . . much of which was highly inaccurate. Columnist Michael Gerson touched on this in his piece, "Filling the silence after the sirens." He writes, "The sense of helplessness that follows a tragedy is too much for us. So we fill the silence after the sirens with explanations. This is very human - until it becomes inhuman." He points out the pitfalls of social media when he writes, "Twitter is not a medium that encourages reflection." He's right. In our seminars on adolescent development we regularly remind parents that the frontal lobe is not fully formed until about the age of 25 or 26. The frontal lobe is the part of the brain responsible for decision-making and impulse-control. We live in a day and age when more and more people are using communication tools to bypass their frontal lobes  and other filters to speak before they think. And when you're competing with everyone else to stay in the social media game (or be "relevant") by staking your claim in the information landscape as close to first one there as you can. . . well, the name of the game is speed more than it is truth, accuracy, or reflective depth. Proverbs 18:2 reminds us that "a fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions." If that's true, what does that make us?

Thoughts?

Responding to Kids Who "Can't Handle This Sucky World Any Longer". . . .

These are words from a 15-year-old's suicide note: "I can't handle this sucky world any longer." My first encounter with teen suicide came in the early 1970's when a childhood neighbor and friend took her own life as a high school student. Just a young kid myself, it was confusing, dark, and difficult to think about. But it was real. Sadly, it wasn't my last encounter. If you're in youth ministry, you encounter it way too much.

Experts now remind us that since we are in the Spring, teen suicides will most likely once again be on the rise. While the reasons for this are many, one that stands out is that springtime usually makes us feel good. Kids who are not feeling good and dealing with depression are especially sensitive to the fact that everyone else is feeling good. Contrasting their own moods with those who are happy can trigger suicidal thoughts and attempts.

Youth workers and parents should be thinking about how to recognize the signs of depression and suicide so that they can intervene to help kids move from hurt to healing. I want to invite you to join me for a free one-hour webinar - "Suicide, Depression and Hurting Kids: You Can Save a Life!" - that I am hosting on Thursday, April 25th, at 1pm (Eastern Time). I'll be having a conversation on hurting kids with CPYU Associate Staffers Rich Van Pelt and Marv Penner. With years of counseling and crisis intervention experience between them, Marv and Rich are uniquely equipped to help you understand the signs of risk, and to prepare you to act on behalf of desperately hurting kids. Rich and Marv will help you know what to look for and what to do when you suspect that a student might be suicidal. In addition, we will point you to some helpful resources on helping hurting kids that you can use in your church and community. You can register here.
Here are some teen suicide facts and figures from my book, Youth Culture 101:

Today, suicide is the eleventh leading cause of death in the United States, and the third leading cause of death among teenagers. While suicide accounts for 1.3 percent of all deaths in the United States, they comprise almost 12 percent of all deaths among 15 to 24 year-olds. Every two hours and 11 minutes, a person under the age of 25 completes a suicide. Official statistics indicate that roughly six thousand teens a year take their own lives, but that number is believed to be low since many suicides are reported as accidents in an effort to protect a family’s privacy or to secure insurance settlements. At times, a family will rearrange the scene to hide the suicide, and some will even go so far as to hide the suicide notes. In some cases, coroners will only report those deaths where a note is found as a suicide. In other words, the real number of teen suicides is much higher than the official number.

The growing number and intensity of problems associated with passing through the teenage years have contributed to this crisis. The teenage years are already a period of storm and stress. Add to that the societal factors that have made adolescence more and more difficult, and a growing number of adolescents are thinking about or attempting suicide. It comes as no surprise that the rate of suicide among 15 to 24-year-olds has tripled since 1960. Along with heart disease, suicide is the fifth leading cause of death for 5 to 14-year-olds.

The teen suicide crisis has led researchers and the government to examine the problem closely. Many studies and surveys have shown that suicidal thoughts and considerations are far more prevalent than anyone ever knew. One national school-based survey of ninth through twelfth graders found that during the twelve months preceding the survey, 16.9 percent had seriously considered attempting suicide, 13 percent had made a specific plan about how they would attempt suicide, 8.4 percent had actually attempted suicide one or more times, and 2.3 percent had made an attempt that required medical attention.

High school-aged girls were more likely (21.8 percent) than their male peers (12 percent) to have thought seriously about attempting suicide during the previous twelve months and were significantly more likely (10.8 percent) to have attempted suicide than males (6 percent). Girls typically choose more nonviolent methods such as pills, carbon monoxide poisoning, etc.

While fewer boys than girls will attempt suicide, the success rate among the 15 to 19-year-old age group is 4.4 times greater than that of girls. The reason for this difference is that males typically choose more violent means such as guns and hanging. The highest rate of teen suicides in America is among white males.

There are those who would argue against using the word epidemic to describe the current suicide situation among our teenagers. But the statistics and hard facts tell another story. Suicide has become like a disease among the teen population, and as with any other communicable disease, those who know someone who has it are at risk to contract it themselves. Suicide “clustering” is a phenomenon that suggests that those who have friends or family members who have committed suicide may “catch” the inclination to follow and do the same. Several years ago, officials at one Pennsylvania high school canceled final examinations and the graduation ceremony after they learned of a possible suicide pact among the friends of a student who had shot and killed himself at home over Christmas. Some of these students had told others that they were planning on making the graduation a memorable one that nobody would forget. These clusters of suicides typically take place in middle- and upper-middle-class neighborhoods with a transient population. The lives of these kids are filled with numerous stresses, including high levels of divorce among their parents, two-career families, pressure to perform, and the absence of an extended family. In addition to these pressures, their situations are often complicated further by frequent family moves or best friends moving out of town.

But don’t be fooled. Suicide doesn’t play favorites. Teens of every age, from every socioeconomic group, geographic area, and type of family situation have become statistics. Many of our children and teens are at high-risk for suicide. As parents and youth workers, we must realize that the normal pressures of adolescence have coupled with societal factors to leave all teenagers at potential risk.

Boston's Massacre, Media's Response, and a Telling Imbalance. . . .

Horrible and horrifying. . . that's what it was. Like most of you, I got to the television as soon as possible to catch the reports and updates as they came out of Boston. That's how we get the news these days. It's in real time and we get a live, front row seat. As the evening went on, we learned details. Three people dead. Dozens maimed and injured. When it was announced that one of those killed was only 8-years-old, that death made the whole thing that much worse and the entire story became even more horrifying. The fact that this was not some kind of accident or natural disaster adds to the horror and disgust. Somebody took the time to think this through. . . to do this. . . to pull this off. This is certainly not the way it's supposed to be and we all know that. This was bad. It is without a doubt front page news.

In the midst of all of yesterday's badness that unfolded in Boston, there was something else happening. . . (I would refer to this something else as "badness" as well) . . . that most of us didn't notice. We didn't notice it because it is ambient in our culture and our lives. It's how the media subtly twists and manipulates stories, and thereby subtly twists and manipulates us as we watch. What we can't forget is that news media mediates the news. We see and hear what they want us to see and hear. . . from the stories we see and hear, and how we see and hear those stories. Within 10 minutes, I had already seen the raw and primitive video footage of the blasts loop through at least a dozen times. I have to wonder, is that really helpful? And, I have to wonder, how does that barrage serve to manipulate my emotions and/or desensitize me? I also remembered that the gruesome footage of the JFK assassination contained on the Zapruder film was never publicly shown in its entirety until twelve years later. Times have changed.

After my initial 10-minutes of watching the live feed from Boston late yesterday afternoon, I mentioned to my wife (with admitted cynicism) that the evening news and all reports that followed would include carefully crafted graphics (three words max. . . that lend themselves well to monotoned voice-overs), musical soundtracks, and video montages that are designed to draw out a deep emotional response. And with so many media outlets jockeying for "scoops" and viewers, the one who does the best job is the one that's going to win. It happened. . . and predicting it wasn't rocket science on my part. Did you watch any television last night? Not only that, but I wonder if the rest of use our own social media outlets to let others know that we're with them in the moment and that somehow we're still relevant for the simple reason that we're chiming in and making social media noise? For example, can we read anything into the fact that many of us on social media weren't so much requesting prayers for those who were suffering, but that we ourselves were "praying for" those who were suffering? Why do we find it so important to tell others that we are praying? Shouldn't we be doing that quietly while hidden in our closets?

I awoke to the same thing in the news media this morning. The story was front page news. . . and so it should be. The editorial a few pages further was titled "Boston Massacre". . . a most appropriate title as the word "massacre" is defined as "the unnecessary, indiscriminate killing of a large number of human beings or animals, as in barbarous warfare or persecution or for revenge or plunder." And while our local newspaper didn't seem to go to the same lengths of manipulation and staging as broadcast media, there was something significant about today's newspaper that struck me. . .

The front-page headline that saw when I picked up the paper at the curb reads, "Terrorism suspected in Boston; 3 dead, 140 hurt." OK. . . that's factual, to the point, and appropriate. Then I turned to page 3 and saw this headline buried a few inches down the page: "Doctor testifies against fellow abortion provider." That article reported on the mostly-forgotten-by-the-media trial of Philadelphia physician Dr. Kermit Gosnell, who was arrested two years ago and charged with performing the late term abortions of seven babies who were born alive. He was also charged with causing the death of a patient. The charges and details are absolutely horrifying. . . but the media has kept the story fairly quiet by not giving it significant attention. Perhaps the most outrageous detail of all in today's news story mentions the name and "resume" of the testifying doctor, Charles Benjamin, with these words: "Benjamin, by his own count, has performed 40,000 abortions over a 30-year career." Estimates are that Kermit Gosnell performed about 30,000 abortions over the span of his career.

The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall has 58,272 names on it. This story was deemed worthy of third-page news. . . or maybe no news at all. Has anyone used the word "massacre" in reference to the Gosnell story?

Stand back and look. . . and ponder. . . and be sure to talk to your kids about the fact that the news is mediated. . . that emotions are played. . . and that we see and hear what the news media wants us to see and hear in the way that the news media wants us to see and hear it. . . or not. If all we do is trust broadcast, print, and online news media to tell us what's happening in the world, we miss a lot.

Horror happened in multiple places and in multiple ways all over the globe yesterday. . . not just in Boston. . . most of it unnoticed by the rest of the world. There are people who live in legitimate fear and the reality of these things 24/7/365.

We are horribly broken. God have mercy on us sinners. And let's not forget the first three words of Psalm 93: "The Lord reigns. . ."

Infographics: Are We A Post-Christian Culture? . . . .

This morning I received an interesting and helpful email from David Kinnaman and the Barna Group regarding some research they've done on the so-called "Nones" and the growing number of adults who claim no religious affiiliation. I encourage you to access and read the news release - "How Post-Christian is U.S. Society?" - here.

Here are some very helpful and interesting infographics from the Barna Group:

Suicide, Compassion, and Unintended Outcomes. . .

This week I've had some interesting conversations about suicide with Marv Penner. Marv is a dear friend, one of our Associate Staffers here at CPYU, and the author of "Help! My Kids Are Hurting." In today's guest post, Marv offers seasoned wisdom on some very valid concerns related to suicide, our response, the compassion we show, and some surprising consequences related to how we respond.

Some suicides are more visible than others.  For every story that makes CNN there are thousands of these tragedies that are hidden from view to all but those who are closest to the friends and family left in their heart-wrenching wake.  The pain felt by those who remain is linked forever to the pain that precipitated the lonely decision in the first place. The injustice of a life cut short can seem overwhelming as “survivors” swim in a sea of unanswerable questions.

For those of us who have the opportunity (privilege) of standing on that holy ground of unspeakable grief with parents, siblings, friends, and loved ones, the desire to bring hope where there is only despair is appropriate and timely. I am appalled at the thought that we could respond with anything other than comfort, gentleness and a thoughtful quiet presence in such moments. Our responsibility to care for one another in these circumstances is non-negotiable. I can only imagine the deep satisfaction our heavenly Father must feel in seeing His children carrying one another’s burdens – weeping with those who weep – comforting those who mourn in these times of absolute brokenness.

But, I have a haunting question. Is it possible that in our genuine desire to be agents of healing we might be communicating a subtle secondary message – absolutely unintended, but nevertheless heard by some? I’m talking about the message that suicide is a reasonable, viable and appropriate option in some circumstances.

The “why?” question always dominates when a suicide occurs and in the untangling of the complex emotional web (hindsight is often 20/20) the precursors begin to emerge – pain… despair… loneliness… bullying… alienation… Of course, the presence of these realities can help make sense of the senselessness. Somehow, they soften the punch to the gut, and rightly so.  But while the presence of profound pain can help demystify the decision to end one’s life, it should never be presented as justification.

Life is fragile at best. Suicide is irreversible. As the stories become more common, and the themes become more familiar let’s be careful to ensure that compassion and understanding aren’t heard as permission.

For most who come to the point of suicide there is a sense that all other options have been exhausted.  Our responsibility as God’s people on this planet is to ensure that every person in our community has a range of options that not only keep them alive, but point them in the direction of true hope and healing.  

And when another tragic death occurs, let’s be intentionally present in the lives of those who are left behind, listening as they sort through the memories, sharing in the anguish they bear and resting in the goodness of our Heavenly Father whose mercies are new every morning.

Same-Sex Attraction and Stereotypes. . . How Do We Break Through? . . .

When it comes to the issue of homosexuality, I've been guilty of stereotyping. When I read Justin Lee's Torn, and the blog post that's gone viral this week - "An Open Letter to the Church from My Generation"  - I read about a church that's been less than gracious to homosexuals. A good portion of what was said in each assessment was dead-on accurate. so much so, that I had to stop several times to engage in some introspection and remembrances regarding my own history. I've realized that I have been guilty over the course of my life, perhaps not so much of being aggressive and outspoken on these matters in inflammatory or confrontational ways in public, but of at the very least being gracelessly indifferent.

At the same time, I fear that the accusations were thrown as a blanket over the entire church, or at least it sounded that way in both Lee's book and the "Open Letter." While I am aware of my hidden thoughts and biases, I can only go so far as to say "I know that's a part of me and a part of the church, but it's not all of me or all of the church." In other words, that's not who we desire to be, it's not who we are all of the time, and it is in fact something that we work hard not to be as we find ourselves desiring to be conformed to the image of Christ. What I see when I look at the church is a group of people who are endeavoring to follow their Lord into this issue, to be obedient to Christ, and to glorify God through what they think and how they live on the issue and in relationship to their homosexual family members, friends, and neighbors. That's who I want to be. Overall, I think these written assessments of our individual and collective lack of grace were somewhat lacking in grace themselves.  . . even a bit stereotypical in their caricatures. . . of me and the church.

Last night I sat in on something that Justin Lee and other's like him might find surprising. Pleasant, in fact. I went in expecting to see and hear a discussion that looked and sounded nothing like the stereotypes that many have regarding Christians and the homosexuality issue. I wasn't disappointed, nor was I surprised. There were no hostile words. There was no Bible-thumping. There were no angry anti-gay diatribes. In fact, those who do that sort of thing were clearly reprimanded. Instead, any admonishments or directives I heard were directed not at homosexuals, but at the people in that room. That's something that's needed.

It was the middle and high school youth group meeting at my church. . . a very traditional and conservative church here where I live. Our youth pastor had informed me that he was starting a four-week series on same-sex attraction. I asked Troy if he would mind if I sat in. I wanted to hear what Troy had to say along with how the students were responding. It was the first of four meetings and the topic was carefully chosen to set the table for everything that will follow over the course of the next three weeks. He set the table well. Troy spoke openly and frankly, and I was very encouraged by what I heard. In very simple and straightforward terms, Troy walked us through the Scriptures to show us the following:

• Christ makes us the kind of people who truly love and are true friends to those who struggle with same-sex attraction.
• The church needs to be a safe place for the homosexual.
• People are not problems to be solved. They are people to be loved.
• Christ makes us into the kind of people who will break the stereotypes people have.
• We represent Christ. . . and Christ was a friend of sinners.
• What does it look like to be a friend of sinners? We need to be like Christ. . . full of grace and full of truth (John 1:14).
• By showing the grace of Jesus, people will come to sense that we love them.
• My sin is no different than anyone else's sin. My sin is deep and deadly.
• The only hope that any of us have is God's amazing grace.
• Grace has no room for pride.
• Each of us must begin with a deep awareness of our own sin and our own need for grace. 
• We need to humbly come to know and embody God's truth. 
• Arrogance is when we try to tailor the truth to our own preferences and biases. 

As Troy stood to speak, it wasn't just a bunch of emotionless bullet points that fell out of his mouth. There was a humble conviction and a deep passion. It was not about them. It was about us. 

Thanks Troy.

What's Next For Your Students? And, Are They Prepared? . . . .

Hindsight usually shows us what we should have said and done long after we've had the opportunity to say and do it. Hindsight is the Monday-morning quarterback of the really significant moments and matters of life. In many ways, hindsight builds wisdom. As Francis Bacon once said, "History makes men wise."

But hindsight is also fuel for regret. Consider the dad who spent so much time at his job that he was filled with regret when he realized that his son had grown up and left home. . . and dad realized that he had missed out on the opportunities to spend time with his boy and shape his life. Hindsight is all too often not about saying "Wow. . . I'm so glad I did that!," but saying "Wow. . . I wish I had done that."

I remember that when each of my kids were born I looked carefully at each and pondered all the things I wanted to say to them, to teach them, and to do with them. . . all before they had grown up and left home. My intentionality was shaped not only by what people had told me was the right thing to do as a dad, but equally as much by those who shared with me their heartache-filled stories of doing other things at the expense of missing out on being with and shaping their kids. I haven't gotten it all right. . . not even close! But I have understood and worked to act on the need for intentionality.

As parents, what messages do we want to intentionally pass on to our kids? And are we choosing those messages in ways that prepare them to follow, serve, and glorify God in the next chapter of their lives? Or, are we simply letting nature takes it course? We all know that they are swimming 24/7 in a soup filled with messages that shape what they think and how they live. . . not only what they think and live now, but what they will think and live for the rest of their lives.

One area of hindsight-fueled regret that I hear over and over and over again is related to how parents, youth workers, and churches have failed to prepare students for the transition from high school to college. Consider these little research snippets:

• Only one in seven high school seniors report feeling prepared to face the challenges of college life.
• Forty percent of college freshman report finding difficulty in finding a church or Christian fellowship group.
• More than half (60%) of all Christian teens and twenty somethings leave active involvement in church.

It seems that all of us. . . in unison. . . are asking, "How can we do a better job to help students be more spiritually prepared for college. . . and the life that follows?"

That reality has fueled us here at CPYU. A history filled with echoes of that question has made us wise up and start our College Transition Initiative. Tomorrow - Wednesday, April 10 - at 1pm (Eastern Daylight Time), we're going to be hosting a free 30-minute webinar on "Helping Students Transition to College." I'll be    interviewing Derek Melleby, Director of our College Transition Initiative here at CPYU and author of the book, Make College Count: A Faithful Guide to Life & Learning. Derek will walk you through the resources CTI provides along with a suggestion for a 3-week series of youth group meetings to address issues related to college transition.

Whether you're a youth worker, a parent, a teacher, or a pastor, we want to help you be more intentional about this issue with the kids you know and love. If you're not already signed up for Wednesday's "Helping Students Transition to College" webinar, you can register here. 

Matthew Warren, His Family, And Guidelines For The Rest of Us. . . .

I'm not sure that I've ever wrestled with the title and content of a blog post with greater care or for a longer amount of time. Nothing about titling this post or developing its content seems right. I don't know the Warren family. Any public mention of this in today's self-serving world of personal brand-building via technology and all its tools seems exploitive. That's not my intent. Rather, my intent here is to speak to how I've already heard some people speak to Matthew Warren's death.

Everyone is talking about this story. News media and social media has been buzzing since Saturday when the news about Matthew Warren's death broke. I haven't even come close to watching all the reports or tracking what everyone is saying about what happened and what led up to it. It's horrible. . . plain and simple. This is not the way things are supposed to be and we all know that in our gut. Nobody is feeling that more than this young man's family and friends. The rest of us - unless we've been through it - can't even begin to imagine.

Some of what I've seen and heard has been troubling. It's for that reason that I want to very quickly mention some guidelines that I believe might be helpful as we ponder how to best respond to what's happened. . . not only in this story, but in the thousands of others like it. Here are some strongly stated Don'ts and one simple Do. . . . 

• Don't speculate. Don't speculate on what happened or the reasons behind it. Don't speculate on the specific causes and circumstances. We don't know. We won't know. We don't need to know.
• Don't blame. The legalists and Pharisees among us will quickly dissect this in ignorant ways that throw blame, and shred an already hurting family. Enough said.
• Don't simplify. This was a 27-year-old man whose story was just as complex as your story and my story. There are no easy answers here.
• Don't exploit the story. . . especially on social media.
• Don't downplay depression. It's not something a person can magically turn on and turn off with the flick of switch or a decision. If you've been there yourself or with someone you love, you know how powerful, deeply difficult, and complex depression is. 
• Don't discount what God will do. God will glorify Himself through this. 
• Do pray. Pray for Matthew Warren's family and friends. Pray for all those who suffer under the debilitating cloud of depression.

Rutgers Basketball, Sport, and What Ails Us. . .

Anybody who's watched the news, read the paper, or accessed any online news outlets this week knows that North Korea is making threats, that film critic Roger Ebert has died, and that Rutgers University has some major problems with their basketball program.

The story coming out of Rutgers, the state university of New Jersey, continues to unfold. The story went public with the release of a video showing Rutgers head coach Mike Rice acting like a spoiled, angry child as he conducted basketball practice with his team. Rice was shown throwing basketballs, hitting, yelling, cursing, and shoving. . .  with his players on the receiving end of it all. Once the story went public, Rice was fired. The story became even more complex yesterday as Rice's assistant coach, Jimmy Martelli, resigned after video footage showed him engaging in the same kind of behavior with the team. In effect, Martelli had become Rice's "Mini-Me."

As you can imagine, the Rutgers University community is in turmoil. Several university faculty members are speaking up and calling for the removal of AD Tim Pernetti and school President Robert Barchi. Concerns are that Pernetti and Barchi have known about these issues for some time and effectively chose to cover them up or even look the other way. Not surprisingly, a moment like this offers university faculty the chance to remind the university community about what should be most important in term's of an academic institution's function. But if we are honest, sports - for many - have eclipsed learning in terms of what's valued most highly at our institutions of higher education. All one has to do is look at the fact that Rice was making $650,000 a year in base salary, along with extra incentives for winning. I'm guessing that there isn't one faculty member at Rutgers making even a quarter of Rice's salary. As the old saying goes, our checkbook is an indicator of our priorities.

Mike Rice and Jimmy Martelli aren't the only human beings in our culture to have crossed the line in their treatment of other human beings within the context of athletics. Our sports culture - at every level - is increasingly populated by everyone from parents of pre-school soccer players, to coaches, to professional athletes whose words and actions show a growing lack of civility or a commitment to the value of persons. Our words and actions indicate that sports has become ultimate. Winning, achievement, and success are valued above the forgotten virtues of sportsmanship and fairness. A sports' culture that should be about things like play, fun, and character development has derailed. . . . and that's not a good thing at all.

I was thinking about the Rutgers story  - and what it tells us not so much about Rutgers but about ourselves - this morning when a good friend called to check in. During the course of our conversation he informed me that he had given up sports for Lent. For forty days, he stopped watching and following sports on television, online, and in the paper. Instead, he spent that time reading in an effort to nurture his Christian faith and soul. He told me two things resulted from his forty day fast. First, he was refreshed and renewed. In effect, he advanced and grew as a human being. Second, he realized that "sports is my God."

Those are challenging insights. Last night I went to bed after checking the final scores for the Phillies and Flyers. To be honest, I was happy that both had won. Somehow, I think I knew I was going to sleep better. I'm a Philly sports fan. That's how I grew up. It's in my DNA. . . and consequently, I probably don't notice just how important (ie. too important) it all is for me. While I have worked hard in recent years to keep it all in balance, stories like those coming out of Rutgers combine with the words of my friend to force me to look deep into my own heart.

In his book Counterfeit Gods, Tim Keller reminds us that the Bible says that our hearts are "idol factories." In Ezekiel 4:3, God says about the elders of Israel, "These men have set up their idols in their hearts." Our culture feeds our idol frenzy. I love how Keller defines and describes idolatry: "What is an idol? It is anything more important to you than God, anything that absorbs your heart and imagination more than God, anything you seek to give you what only God can give. A counterfeit god is anything so central and essential to your life that, should you lose it, your life would feel hardly worth living. An idol has such a controlling position in your heart that you can spend most of your passion and energy, your emotional and financial resources, on it without a second thought. It can can be family or children, or career and making money, or achievement and critical acclaim, or saving 'face' and social standing. It can be a romantic relationship, peer approval, competence and skill, secure and comfortable circumstances, your beauty or your brains, a great political or social cause, your morality and virtue, or even success in Christian ministry. When your meaning in life is to fix someone else's life, we may call it 'co-dependency' but it is really idolatry. An idol is whatever you look at and say, in your heart of hearts, 'If I have that, then I'll feel my life has meaning, then I'll know I have value, then I'll feel significant and secure.' There are many ways to describe that kind of relationship to something, but perhaps the best one is worship."

Ouch.

Thinking about idolatry - specifically the idolatry of sport that's become so common in our culture - I thought back to something I read last month from my friend Denis Haack. Denis runs Ransom Fellowship and publishes a wonderful little magazine called Critique. In an editorial entitled "A Very Comfortable Alienation," Denis writes about a phenomenon that's slowly spreading over our social landscape. It's "the tendency, or ability, to become comfortable with the alienation that is our common legacy as fallen human beings." Denis says that we know that we are broken people who live with the ever-present sense that death dwells in the heart of our alienation. So, we pursue our diversionary idols in an effort to "get comfortable with our sense of  alienation: busyness, power, medications, technology, self-confidence, political, or economic, or social ideologies. Fill your life until there are no margins and suddenly you feel less alienated. And so we do."

We can add a whole lot of other things to Denis's list. . . including sport. Pay careful attention this weekend. . . to your culture and to yourself. Thousands will gather to worship in a host of temples around our country - including one temple named "The Georgia Dome" - filling their time with way-too-deep allegiances in an effort to dull the ache. Millions more will tune in from the comfort of their own homes. And if what we see happening within us extends beyond fun and enjoyment into the realm of ultimate obsession. . . well, then we are no different than  Mike Rice and Jimmy Martelli. We don't need to give up sports. We just need to give up giving sports too much.

"Gay Christians, Born This Way, and Other Things We Need to Understand. . . "

Over the course of the last few months I've from time to time thought-out-loud and weighed in on the timely high-profile topic of homosexuality as it has taken center stage as an issue in our culture. I've had conversations with young people who have assimilated and adopted now-widely-held viewpoints and assumptions thoughtlessly, simply as a result of swimming in the soup of today's youth culture. I've also had conversations with people on the polar opposite side of the issue. Because these folks tend to be older, they assume they've been much more thoughtful about their conclusions. Many of their viewpoints and assumptions have - in all honesty - been assimilated with an equal lack of thought as a result of swimming in the soup of today's fundamentalist church culture. To be honest, I have to humbly confess that some of my leanings have been toward the latter.

Because we need to address this issue with conviction and clarity. . . and because we are followers of the Christ who created us with minds, we need to be thinking, praying, and discussing with greater determination, care and depth. My meager attempts to do so at the best levels I can are resulting in some blog posts. . . including today's.

Once again, I want to make clear that I have a high view of the Scriptures that I am unwilling to compromise that foundation. I want to submit my life, thoughts, and opinions to the Lordship of the One who has revealed Himself in the Bible. I am unwilling to adjust or shift this foundation to accommodate cultural attitudes. I believe that homosexuality and same-sex attraction are not what God has intended for our sexuality. Homosexual behavior is wrong. Beyond what I believe, I also want to submit my actions and my interactions on these issues - with those who may agree or disagree with me - to those same Biblical convictions. I want to honor Christ in my doing. That's one reason why I'm valuing the dialogue I'm having as result of thinking out loud on this blog.

Yesterday morning, I was sitting at my computer answering a question from a woman who wanted to know about the use of the term "Gay Christian." I had used that term in the title and body of my blog on Wesley Hill's book, Washed and Waiting. She spoke of a young teenage boy she knows who is struggling with these very same issues as a Christian. His fear, she says, is that if he would admit to others that he is gay then he would be expecting the fact that he was born to be gay, and would live the life style. I understand how that's such an easy conclusion for a kid to come to. . . after all, Lady Gaga both maps and mirrors this cultural attitude in her song "Born This Way." It's a foundational naturalistic assumption. . . you were born gay, God (or whoever) made you this way, so go ahead and celebrate and indulge your homosexuality.

I encountered this type of thinking in a book I'm currently reading. It's Rosaria Champagne Butterfield's, The Secret Thoughts of an Unlikely Convert: An English Professor's Journey into Christian Faith.  It's a book worth reading. Butterfield is a pastor's wife and a woman of deep convictions and faith. Her deep convictions were formerly directed towards her outspoken defense of radical feminism as a lesbian and professor at Syracuse University. (Perhaps you've seen the little article on Butterfield that appeared recently in Christianity Today). In her book, Butterfield relates this encounter as she was beginning to wrestle with the Christian faith and the claims of the Gospel: "During this time of struggle, others tried to help. A Methodist pastor and Dean of the Chapel at Syracuse University believed that I did not have to give up everything to honor God. Indeed, he told me, since God made me a lesbian, I gave God honor by living an honorable lesbian life. He told me that I could have Jesus and my lesbian lover. This was a very appealing prospect. But I had been reading and rereading scripture and there are no such marks of postmodern 'both/and' in the Bible."

Without diligence and a willingness to be nurtured in the faith, it's easy for so many to default to a cultural foundation that reshapes Biblical truth to the point where it's no longer true and no longer anything close to Biblical. It's especially easy for our kids.

In my answer to the woman's question I passed on these words: "Have you read Washed and Waiting by Wesley Hill? He is a young Christian who is gay and who loves Christ and the Gospel. He is choosing to live in obedience to Christ knowing full well that his homosexuality may never be miraculously lifted off. . . he says it may be something he will struggle to deal with obediently for the rest of his life. I highly recommend his book. He actually addresses the issue which you are asking about - Here's what he writes: 'I've taken care always to make 'gay' or 'homosexual' the adjective. , and never the noun, in a longer phrase, such as 'gay Christian' or 'homosexual person.' In this way, I hope to send a subtle linguistic signal that being gay isn't the most important thing about my or any other gay person's identity. I am a Christian before I am anything else. My homosexuality is a part of my makeup, a facet of my personality. One day, I believe, whether in this life or in the resurrection  it will fade away. But my identity as a Christian - someone incorporated into Christ's body by his Spirit - will remain.'"

As I closed out the window after sending my response, another message simultaneously came in from a trusted and respected Christian friend who has been and is thinking deeply about this issue. He says that homosexuality and the same-sex issue is "the most tender, the most complex and the most volatile conversation that we have in the years of the early 21st-century." Wise words. . . which means that we have to foster wisdom and choose our words and the way we say them wisely.

Last evening, another trusted and respected Pastor-friend posted this comment in response to my last blog: "There is one thing that needs to be learned within the Christian community....and it is this. There is no such thing as a Gay Christian. There are Gay-identified Christians but not Gay Christians. God doesn't create people who are gay or lesbian. That means there are no ex-gays....only people who have had same-sex attraction, identified themselves as being gay and then chose to lead more toward heterosexuality (how they were born) or celibacy. When we say someone is a Gay Christian it gives the idea that is how someone was born."

While I appreciate that perspective and continue to weigh it, I'm wondering if a healthy biblical doctrine of sin and the fall allows for the brokenness of shalom to extend to the development of sexuality from the time of conception through development in the womb? I believe that we have to consider this seriously. There are certainly all matters of biological/physiological types of defects which occur in the womb. Could homosexual orientation/disposition be one? And, if that's the case, could Wesley Hill's description of his personal reality and choice of descriptive terms be legitimate? And if so, can we offer careful clarification of term "Gay Christian" in ways that clearly distinguish between usage of the term that justifies indulgence and usage of the term that recognizes human fallenness and a call to Godly flourishing? While we must recognize that many in our culture - maybe even the majority - consciously choose a homosexual identity and engagement in homosexual behavior, is it at all possible that there are some who are indeed, born this way? And if so, what does that mean for the Christian who desperately desires and prays for change, but the change never comes?

Thoughts?


 

Wrestling With Homosexuality. . . Reflections From a Gay Christian. . .

Conversations, emails, interactions over past blog posts, and some very targeted reading all combined over the weekend to increase a sense of personal interest, urgency, and deep need that I didn't imagine could intensify beyond the level it had already reached by the end of last week. I know I'm not alone in this.

The dialogue over the issue of homosexuality, same-sex attraction, and gay marriage is intensifying. Whether we know it or not, all of us already believe something on this. We come down somewhere. And whether we have consciously or unconsciously come to our conclusions, the time has arrived where we will need to address these issues with depth and integrity as we discuss them amongst ourselves, with the homosexuals we know and those we know that we don't know that we know, with a watching culture, and with the kids we know and love. Failure to study, pray, think deeply, and discuss through these issues will be failure. . . plain and simple.

As I continue to pursue those tasks I do so knowing that I have to start somewhere. The foundation. . . the starting point for me. . . is on the will of God as revealed in the Scriptures. This is the foundation on which I've built my entire Christian life. It is a foundation dependent on God, not on me. It's my desire to faithfully look at all of culture and life through the lens of Scripture, rather than looking at Scripture through the lens of my culture and life. It is my hope and prayer that I would faithfully pursue this task along with the great cloud of witnesses and community of faith - both living and dead - who have built their lives on the foundation of historical, orthodox Christianity. I humbly say these things because I'm afraid that the current cultural climate can too easily steer the ship of our faith in directions that are not faithful to that foundation. Instead of conforming our lives to God's will and way, we too easily conform God's will and way to our lives. I want to know what to believe and how to live to the glory of God. I can't jettison this foundation and these commitments because it's culturally convenient. I can't.

And so I continued in my quest to read about homosexuality and the Christian. I devoured a short yet profound book by Wesley Hill, Washed and Waiting: Reflections on Christian Faithfulness and Homosexuality. Wes Hill is a young thirty-something scholar who is passionate about his faith. . . the historical and orthodox Christian faith. Wes Hill thinks deeply and with theological intentionality. He is passionate about the foundation, even though that foundation doesn't mesh with cultural norms regarding how to best live out what he feels every minute of every day. You see, Wes Hill is also gay, a reality that he describes as "a steady, strong, unremitting, exclusive sexual attraction to persons of the same sex." As he has struggled with the sexual realities of his life, he has also struggled to live faithfully as a follower of Jesus Christ. And that's what's so refreshing about Wes Hill's story.

In Washed and Waiting, Wes Hill peels back the curtain to a world many of us have never experienced as he takes us into his battle with shame and loneliness. He unpacks what the Gospel demands of homosexual Christians. . . and how the Gospel actually enables the homosexual Christian to not act on his/her homosexual desires. It's a book about understanding what it means to be washed by God's son and waiting with faith for Christ to make all things. . . including one's broken sexuality. . . new. This is a book about how, "practically, a nonpracticing but still-desiring homosexual Christian can 'prove, live out, and celebrate' the grace of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit in homosexual terms."

In many ways, this was not a book solely about the homosexual's struggle with brokenness. It's a book about my unique brokenness. . . sexual and otherwise. . . the sinful bents and inclinations that I struggle with. . . the crosses I bear. . . the broken parts of my life that I need to submit to the Gospel and battle with for the rest of my life as I see my life as not temporary or my own, but as a part of God's unfolding bigger story. What I read in Washed and Waiting meshed perfectly with what I've been reading over the last couple of weeks in N.T. Wright's After You Believe: Why Christian Character Matters. You see, God calls us to live virtuous lives that are marked by growth as we embrace and practice virtue. It's a process that's not only difficult, but that takes a lifetime.

A young man named Wes Hill spoke to me this weekend. . . with a depth of spiritual maturity that has challenged me to go deeper not only in my understanding of homosexuality, but in my own faith. After all, "the Christian's struggle with homosexuality is unique in many ways but not completely so. The dynamics of human sinfulness and divine mercy and grace are the same for all of us, regardless of the particular temptations or weaknesses we face." While many in our culture would hastily conclude that Wes Hill has gone against his nature to lock himself in some kind of unrealistic and out-dated moral prison, there is an amazing freedom that oozes out of his story as he has intentionally allowed himself to be swept up into God's bigger story.

I'm liking this journey. . . and I'm interested to see where God is taking me.