Thursday, August 29, 2013

Reaping What We Sow. . . Let's Connect The Dots. . . .

No doubt, this week's hot topic just about everywhere is what so many saw on TV on Sunday night. . . . and if they missed it, everywhere else since! While it might be easy to conclude that the blame needs to be placed on one young woman (Miley Cyrus) and one young man (Robin Thicke) for the over-sexualization of children and teens, it's more accurate to conclude that they are poster children of the moment for some deep-seated and long-running sexual attitudes in our culture.

We've been saying for years here at CPYU that culture is both directive and reflective. It is both a map and a mirror. It shows and tells us who we are how we are living. And, it shows and tells us who we should be and how we should live. In other words, Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke are both a product and producers of these values, attitudes, and behaviors. They've been taught. . . and now they are in turn teaching. So. . . why should we be surprised by what we saw? We're reaping what we've sown.

I've been thinking about these things along with the rest of you over the last few days.

While driving through a neighboring town yesterday I saw a couple of things that made me think even more. The first was this corn field. There's a lot of corn here in Lancaster County. During my recent bike rides I've passed through miles of corn fields. At times, the corn forms a beautiful gauntlet that hems me in as I ride quietly down these peaceful roads. The other day I passed an Amish farm where a couple of the guys were starting to do what farmers all around here will be doing in the coming weeks. . . that is, harvesting corn. I've lived here in this beautiful place for a long time so I've seen the routine with every passing year. But what I've never seen is a farmer standing at the side of one of his corn fields at the end of the summer, scratching his head and wondering, "How did this happen???" I've never heard a bewildered farmer who's looking at his corn say, "Where did this come from?!?" No, they have corn to harvest because it was corn that they planted. The seeds went into the ground several months ago. They put them there. Those who planted the seeds looked forward to this day. They knew that corn was coming.

Which leads me to this question. . . . Why can't we and don't we see that the seeds of ideas, ethics, and values that we're planting in the fields of our culture (media, family, community, etc.) will bring a harvest down the road? 

Today, I'm thinking specifically about the horrifying ways we are nurturing ourselves as men to treat women (go back and watch Robin Thicke's performance), and the ways our culture is nurturing girls to treat themselves and allow men to treat them (go back and watch Miley Cyrus's performance). If we map and mirror the fact that people are nothing but sexual objects, should we be surprised when people become nothing but sexual objects?

I'm also thinking about the stories I read in today's newspaper. The front-page headline about the local 73-year-old man who was given 50-100 years in prison for kidnapping and sexually molesting a 5-year-old girl last month.  Or how about the 37-year-old man - a school principal in Pittsburgh - who allegedly exposed himself to a 17-year-old boy in a health club sauna. Or the ongoing story about the Montana man, a former teacher, who raped a 14-year-old girl who then took her own life. And then the story about the latest Jerry Sandusky appeal. Yes, these are all criminal cases and recognized as such. They should be.

But here's my concern: If we choose to nurture ourselves and our kids in an over-sexualized culture, should we be at all surprised if these stories continue to increase as the years pass? And, in a world with changing standards, will these more frequent stories become less frequently reported because they are so frequent. . . and even accepted as normalized behavior? In other words, will we get to the point where we assume that "That's what men do" and "that's just what women do?"

So, there's this second thing I saw on my ride yesterday. . . and here's a photo of it. It's a sign promoting a fund-raiser for a well-deserving cause. But just as the car wash is raising much-needed money to battle the devastating scourge of cancer, does the way in which the funds are being raised promote another kind of cancer. . . the "cancer of dehumanizing objectification?"

If we plant corn in the field today, we can't stand on the side of the field at harvest time. . . scratching our heads. . . and wondering, "How did this corn get here?!?"

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Lessons From the 2013 VMAs. . . Disney On Parade, and Whatever Happened to Fart Man? . . . .

Yesterday I explained what I didn't do two days ago, and why. I also mentioned that I was going to embark on my annual journey into the cultural window known as MTV's Video Music Awards the day after. . . while the sun was shining. . . and long before I had to climb into bed once again. I knew it would leave my head spinning and I wanted to be sure that my head was spinning in a direction that would be balanced, reflective, and thoughtful. So, yesterday afternoon I sat down and watched the VMAs.

My prayer is always that I would engage in meaningful reflection on culture that isn't knee-jerk, that is done to the glory of God, that sees culture and people through the lens of Scripture, and that yields a positive response rather than "the world is going to hell in a handbasket" hopelessness. I think we would all agree that if we want to truly represent the Jesus we've been called to follow, well. . . we have to do better than we typically do. That's always been our goal here at CPYU.

As I prepared to watch the VMAs, I kept reminding myself of some core theological truths that are sometimes easy to forget when you are engaging with disturbing cultural artifacts. We need to remember that God is in control, that God is providentially working out His plan, that there is nothing new under the sun, that sin is sin no matter what shape it takes, that I'm the chief among sinners, and that we need to be like the Men of Issachar. . . "who understood the times and knew what Israel should do." (I Chronicles 12:32).

So here's my attempt to make some sense of what happened in Brooklyn on Sunday night. What I offer are some random thoughts and responses that I trust will make sense and that will be helpful. . . .

  • There was nothing at all surprising. Not one thing. If you've been watching culture for any length of time it should come as no surprise that what you saw is not only all around us, but it's reflective of who we are. It is the soup that our kids swim in everyday. It shapes their values, their attitudes, and their behaviors. How many young bloggers were protesting yesterday? Why didn't we see any? For most kids, this is normal fare. Nothing out of the ordinary. Sure, it's nuanced in the sense that it has been evolving over the years. Pop culture is always stretching the envelope. Relatively speaking, what you saw on this year's VMAs makes Howard Stern's 1992 appearance as Fart Man (the talk at water coolers the day after back then) seem rather tame. . . maybe even a bit "old-fashioned." Even this year's routine by twenty-year-old Miley Cyrus wasn't shocking in the sense that it could never have been anticipated. We are reaping what we've sown and culture is on a step-by-step progression that is not only still moving in the same direction, but it's moving faster and faster as time passes. Think about this. . . we now live in a world where an out-of-breath Justin Timberlake can look into the camera after 15 minutes of singing and dancing to the glory of whatever, and raise his Video Vanguard Moonman into the air while saying, "This is for you Granny!" . . . while his parents smile proudly from the front row. All that to say, don't be surprised by what you see next year.
  • About Miley Cyrus. . . and Selena Gomez. . . and Justin Timberlake. . . again, should we be at all surprised at the visual, lyrical, and lifestyle turns their careers have taken? Several years ago I wrote about "How To Make A Pop Star." The formula is a well-thought out marketing plan that's still being used. It involves a rapid metamorphosis of a young someone-who-will-be-embraced-by-the-gatekeepers-known-as-"mom," to someone who will flat-out "piss the mothers off." This "quick-change" is almost as fast as Lady Gaga's rapid-fire multiple costume-changes during the first five minutes of this year's show. This formula has worked well with Cyrus, Timberlake, Gomez and a host of other former Disney-darlings who are now parading through youth culture as pied pipers with a legion of young followers right behind. . . little and impressionable disciples who are being shown what it is that makes getting out of bed in the morning worthwhile, and how to live their lives for the rest of the day after their feet hit the floor (thanks to Steve Garber for that descriptor of  a "worldview"). 
  • There was ample proof of pop culture's amazing power to map out life for our kids. I've been watching culture for several decades now. I more convinced than ever that it's not "just music" like so many think. It maps out life. Add to that the fact that there are now 24/7 delivery systems thanks to technology, and the ante is upped exponentially. The power of music and media to shape kids is even greater where the traditional socializing institutions of family, church, and school are no longer functioning with time, conviction, nurture, and clear ethical directives as they once did. What you saw on Sunday night was this generation's philosophers, trend-setters, preachers, and educators. Think about this. . . most of the performers and presenters were extremely young. What they sing and how they live is evidence of how they have been shaped by those in the industry who exercised a nurturing presence in their lives as they were coming of age. And the beat goes on. . . 
  • Speaking of nothing new under the sun. . . where has all the creativity gone? Overall, the mainstream music industry is currently being driven by a marketing machine that's turning out cookie cutter stuff from the sound, to the lyrics, to the performers themselves. The formula ran like a thread through almost the entire evening. It's almost as if the mantra for today's performers is "Anything you can sing I am singing too." This should cause us to sit up and take notice at just how powerful marketing is in our lives. Not only should we help our kids learn how to become discerning consumers, but we need to nurture this generation of kids into being creative and original culture-makers.
  • Spirituality still holds a prominent place in the pop music world. It's just not as obnoxiously obvious. In years past I would oftentimes lament the habit of thanking God or giving praise to Jesus in an acceptance speech, especially when the awards have been given for artistic expressions that do anything but give glory to God. The total lack of integration was alarming. Even more alarming. . . and even more telling. . . was that for the most part, young viewers couldn't even see the blatant contradictions. So maybe we should be thankful that this year, only one person (that I remember) gave thanks to God during his acceptance speech. That was Austin Mahone. But there's another kind of spirituality working it's way through youth culture, and it's clearly reflective of how spirituality is being embraced by young people. There's Lady Gaga's white clerical robes in the opening seconds of the show. . . setting her up as a kind of high priestess for kids. There's Macklemore and Ryan Lewis chanting familiar scriptures on love that are embedded in a context ("Same Love") that skew faithful exegesis of Scripture and a responsible hermeneutic. And there's Kanye West divinizing himself with his album Yeezus and his introduction by Jared Leto before his on-stage performance. Leto asked for an "Amen," a "Hallelujah," and a "Praise the Lord" from the crowd before asking them to "make some noise for Yeezus himself!" You have to have come a long way as a culture to not even flinch over Leto's directive.
  • Sex is redemptive. . . or at least that's what we're told. If the music if formulaic and it all sounds alike, then there is also a lyrical thread that runs through the great majority of today's popular music. At the VMAs, it was abundantly clear that sex is sacred. . . not in it's divinely created and intended way as one man and one woman to express love/commitment, experience deep physical/emotional pleasure and bonding, and as the path to procreation. . . but in a self-serving and almost animalistic way. The message came through loud and clear both visually and lyrically. . . from start to finish. Miley Cyrus offered us a show and tell about her body, her heart, and our collective cultural beliefs in her performance with Robin Thicke, 2 Chainz, and Kendrick Lamar. When it comes to sex, "it's our party and we can do what we want" and - as the song's title says, "We Can't Stop." She brought Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" lyrics to life on stage as Thicke sang, "you're an animal baby, it's in your nature. Just let me liberate you." And she did what she did as Thicke ended the medley with "Give It To You" (lyrics here). With our culture and kids developing a deeper sensitivity to sexual trafficking, why do we celebrate culture-makers who traffic themselves and each other on-stage?
  • The social issue of the day is homosexuality. It's a good thing that the VMAs now include a category for "Best Video With A Social Message." Service is at the heart of the Gospel. In the on-stage dialogue during this segment, viewers heard that "videos do change the way we see things." That's the power of music that I was mentioning before. Macklemore and Ryan Lewis's award-winner "Same Love" is worthy of our attention as it not only indicts us for our failures to love the homosexual, but offers an example of how our culture is skewing God's design and shalom for our sexuality. It's a video we need to reckon with because it is changing the way we see things. If you want to know more about "Same Love" and how to talk about it with kids, here's a little 3(D) guide on the song that we put together last year. 
What are the "take-aways" from this year's VMAs? There are many. Here's what I'm walking away with at this point. . .
  • Youth culture is spiritually hungry. Augustine said that "our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee." The VMAs were like a cultural ultra-sound that allow us to see just how restless the heart of youth culture really is. There is a spiritual hunger that screamed out through the TV screen on Sunday night. Sadly, most Christians choose to respond by screaming right back. In reality, we should be grieving. . . and praying. . . and showing. . . and telling. Our response serves as our spiritual ultra-sound that offers a peek into our own hearts. Is what we see the compassionate heart of Christ? Or, is  it the heartless response that brings great joy to the enemy?
  • Idolatry is a dead-end street. Yes, we've all been made to worship our Creator. When we choose to not worship our Creator, we do not choose to not worship. We simply worship something else. In today's culture we worship all kinds of things including consumerism, ourselves, a growing following, and even sex. Idolatry is the making of good things into ultimate things. It is taking what God has made with a purpose and draining it of it's purpose while hoping that it will do for us what only God can do. G.K. Chesterton once said that "the man who knocks on the door of the brothel is looking for God." When Miley Cyrus was twerking, she was looking for God. On Sunday night there was a lot of door-knocking going on. The knocking only continues. . .
  • We need to realize just how counter-cultural the Gospel is. . . and how counter to the Gospel our culture can be. Now is not the time to sit around and wallow in despair as we lament the state of our culture. If we do that, then we are playing right into the hands of the enemy. Paralysis brings the enemy great joy and gives him days off.  I am convinced that parents and youth workers are so very, very important and influential. As parents and youth workers, we need to know the truth, live the truth, and tell the truth. But we need to do more than that. We need to love those who don't know the truth, live the truth with mercy and grace in the midst of those who don't know the truth, and tell the truth to those who have no idea what the truth really is. The table has been set and a hungry culture is seated and waiting for the Gospel to be served. It's not about a culture war. It's about engaging with and loving individuals.
  • We need to be talking about what we see and hear in the culture. Again, this is where our kids are swimming every minute of every day. They have no idea what the water looks like and how the water is shaping them. We need to take a cue from Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. He would examine and know the water, then state the obvious cultural beliefs ("You have heard it said that. . . "), and then he would turn that accepted norm upside down by laying out his will and his way (". . . but I tell you. . . . "). We must do the same.
I found the last two live performances of the VMAs to be especially interesting. I saw a contrast that I think is helpful. The very talented performer Bruno Mars performed his new single, "Gorilla." As I listened, I realized that the song was simply laying out a worldview regarding sexuality that was more of the same. I quickly Googled the lyrics for "Gorilla". The song, quite simply, is about a lusty drunken and drug-induced journey into "making love like gorillas." I sadly wondered, "Is that the best that we can give our kids?" You and I both know the answer to that question. 

Then, the evening ended with Katy Perry singing "Roar" from beneath the Brooklyn Bridge. In the song's opening verse Perry sings, "I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath, scared to rock the boat and make a mess. So I sat quietly, agreed politely. I guess I forgot I had a choice. I let you push me past the breaking point. I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything." 

As parents, youth workers, pastors, grandparents, teachers, etc. . . . let's remember that we are called to live and teach the truth of the Gospel. The Gospel gives kids something to stand for. The Gospel will keep them - and us - from falling for everything. 


To watch the VMAs in their entirety or to watch selected segments, click here.

Monday, August 26, 2013

A Little Film About What Social Media is Doing to Us. . . Socially. . . .

A big "thank you" to Adam Knudson for passing this on. It's worth watching and talking about with parents, kids, etc.

Why I Didn't Watch The VMA's Last Night. . . .

Every year at this time I stay up really, really late. . . and I get up really, really early. That's the way it's been now since 1984. That's because I stay up late to watch the annual MTV Video Music Awards. . . and I get up early the next morning to respond. Not this year. And in case you think I'm turning my back on fulfilling my calling and role as a culture-watcher. . . don't worry. I'll be carefully watching the VMA's today. I just couldn't bring myself to do it last night. And there's good reason. . . .

I wanted to sleep last night. .  .
and this wasn't going to help!
Over the years I've been asked regularly by cautious Christians about the best practices that culture-watchers should adopt. Questions like "how far is too far?" and "should I really expose myself to that sort of stuff?" I worked hard to answer many of these questions and even some objections to culture-watching in my book Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture. But what drove me last night to keep the TV off was a number of factors. Yes, I am adamant about the fact that the MTV VMA's offer one of the most concentrated windows into the world of today's youth culture. In fact, paying attention to who and what our kids are paying attention to gives us tremendous insights into just what we need to be paying attention to in our kids' lives. Still, I didn't watch. Why?

 First, yesterday I had experienced a refreshing Sabbath. It had been a good day of worship, coming apart from the normal activities of the week, and experiencing some rest. I didn't want to ruin that.

Second, I was alone. My wife is gone for a few days tending to a family member. I benefit from being able to process what I watch with her. Watching the VMA's typically makes my mind spin, and last night I didn't want to have to do that alone.

And finally, I always tell people to exercise great caution in knowing where their "line" is. In other words, don't go where you can't go at a time when you know you can't go there. Last night, I couldn't go there. . . basically because I wanted to be able to sleep.

So this morning, rather than blogging on what I saw when I watched last night's VMAs, I thought it would be more helpful to blog about why I didn't watch last night's VMAs. I want to encourage you all to be sensitive to the rhythm and flow of your own life, then tune in or tune out culture accordingly.

Today, I'm ready to watch. . .  and tomorrow I'll blog on what I see.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

The Bible. . . Paper Book vs Tablet Screen. . . Is It An Issue? . . . .

There's a spirited and healthy discussion going on underneath a post I stuck up on my Facebook page the other day. I shared Matthew Barrett's thoughtful weigh-in on whether or not pastors should use a paper Bible or a tablet when they preach: "Dear Pastor, Bring Your Bible to Church." It's something youth workers should ponder as well. I thought the article was timely, thoughtful, insightful, and needed. That's why I passed it on. (I did, however, struggle a bit with some of Barrett's last point on "non-verbal communication" as it seemed to lean towards the kind of problems with showy praying in public that Jesus challenged in the Pharisees.) Still, I want people (parents, youth workers, pastors, etc.) to read Barrett's post because it's the kind of thoughtful speculation and pondering that needs to take place in a world where technological change is doubling every two years.

I'm more convinced than ever that when it comes to technology and how we embrace it, we need to ask the difficult questions. You know. . . stop. . . take a deep breath. . . think. Marshall McLuhan was right when he said "We shape our tools and then our tools shape us." And we don't find out how they shape us until years later. That's when we lament our lack of wisdom and foresight when we first shaped and embraced our tools. We didn't stop. We didn't take a deep breath. We didn't think. As a result, we didn't proceed with caution.

Do our tools shape us? Let me share something that I saw the other day that really got me thinking. I was in the last few miles of my bike ride on one of my most-traveled and familiar routes. After heading out into the farmland I came back through our town as I always do. As I'm laboring up the last big hill of the route, I saw a couple of middle school kids speeding down the hill on their bikes. They caught my attention for several reasons.

First, this was the same hill I was climbing three years ago on a hot summer afternoon when I took note of a huge, elaborate, wooden playhouse/swingset in a backyard. What struck me that day was that the playset was empty. Not a kid to be seen on it or near it. No noise of screaming, laughing, playing neighborhood kids. In fact, I realized that I hadn't seen or heard a kid on or near that thing the entire summer. Kids don't play outside like they used to. Could it be that they are inside on computers, video game systems, etc.?

Second, I was struck that I was even seeing kids outside and on bicycles. It's not the common sun-up to sundown reality that it was in a pre-digital world. (Am I sounding old yet?!?).

Finally - and here's the amazing thing - was that these two boys were flying down the hill with their hands off their handlebars. OK. . . we all did that when we were kids. But these kids weren't going "no-hands" for the thrill of it. In fact, they were also going "no-eyes." Both of them had smartphones in their hands and they were texting. The thought crossed my mind that I should grab my phone and snap a picture. . . but they went by way too fast. Maybe next time.

"We shape our tools and then our tools shape us." As Christians, we are called to be thoughtful. We are called to be God-honoring. We are called to be transformed, renewed, and counter-cultural. We do so because all of life is to be lived "coram deo". . . before the face of God and in the presence of God. So, let's take the time to stop. . . take a deep breath. . . think. . . talk amongst ourselves. . . debate. . . and do so in ways that save us the agony of future lament.

(We're working hard here at CPYU to think through these issues and offer helpful resources through our Digital Kids Initiative. Here's a link to a short list of helpful written resources that I'm recommending if you want to read further and hear what some very thoughtful folks are learning about technology and how it's shaping us."

Monday, August 19, 2013

A Prayer As You Send Your Kids Off To School. . . .

If they haven't done so already, your kids will soon be heading off for the first day of school. I love looking at all the first-day-of-school pictures that are popping up on Facebook. Because I remember taking many of those photos myself. . . like the one at the right of Bethany (now an elementary school teacher herself) ready to cross the threshold for her first day of Kindergarten 20 years ago! I know that there's always some nervousness mixed in with the excitement. . . maybe even some fear. . . in the heart of the one taking the picture. 

Because I was always concerned for the physical, emotional, and spiritual safety of my own four kids, I would often times pray for them during the course of the school day. I knew that either they or the people around them might make choices that would be unwise, dangerous, sketchy, or even immoral. I wanted them to make choices that were wise, safe, full of integrity, and God-honoring. So, I would pray for their protection.

My prayer would typically include a few lines about God's protection over, under, in front of, in back of, and on either side of them. In recent years, I discovered that I was praying words similar to those from what's oftentimes called "St. Patrick's Morning Prayer," a short version of which I've adapted below. I've changed it from the first person to the third person so that you can, if you choose, use it to pray for your kids. 

As they head out in the world today,
may the strength of God pilot them,
the power of God uphold them,
the wisdom of God guide them.
May the eye of God look before them,
the ear of God hear them,
the word of God speak for them.
May the hand of God protect them,
the way of God lie before them,
the shield of God defend them,
the host of God save them.
May Christ shield them today.
Christ with them, Christ before them,
Christ behind them,
Christ in them, Christ beneath them,
Christ above them,
Christ on their right, Christ on their left,
Christ when they lie down, Christ when they sit,
Christ when they stand,
Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of them,
Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks of them,
Christ in every eye that sees them,
Christ in every ear that hears them.
Amen

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Teen Choice Awards Show 2013 . . . What It Tells Us About Youth Culture. . .

It's painful. I'll admit it. Once again I watched the annual Teen Choice Awards show. . . and it is in many ways excruciating. It's a lot of things that make it hurt. . . the shrill screaming, the pulsating monotony of the background music loop, the shallowness of the entire thing. . . too much to mention here. But perhaps the most painful part of the entire thing is what this marketing bonanza masquerading as television programming tells us about our culture, along with what our culture is telling our kids.

After giving it a look earlier this week (I was out-of-town when it aired on Sunday night so I had to take a rain check until a couple of days later), I scribbled some impressions. They aren't exhaustive and they aren't in any special kind of order. Here goes. . .

"Teen" means anything from birth on. This really isn't a show about teenagers. If the live audience was any indicator of who had voted (over 152 million voters!) and who was watching at home, "age-aspiration" and "age-compression" are alive and well. The former is a term describing how kids always want to be perceived as older than they are. That's why you saw an audience loaded with lots of early-teens and pre-teens. The latter term describes what the show did, that is, pump stuff that used to be reserved for those who are older and more mature into the minds, hearts, and worldviews of those who are younger. In other words, a more appropriate title for the show could have been The Pre-Teen Choice Awards.

"Teen" culture is market-driven. Segmenting children and teens into their own market-segments and creating needs, products, and experiences just for them is really a post-World War II phenomenon. It started as a small and seemingly insignificant snowball almost seventy years ago and it's been picking up mass, volume, and speed ever since. Marketing is now the most powerful force in teenager's lives. If you don't get hyped up by commercial words from sponsors, this isn't a show for you to watch. The commercials were legion! And everything between the commercials. . . well, that was commercial time as well as stars marketed themselves along with their music, movies, shows, and brands. Kids are the means to the end of their coveted disposable incomes.

Loud and perky is the way to reach kids. Watch the show a second time. . . if you dare. Pay special attention to the flow, the visuals, and the sounds in the program and the commercials. Everything moves fast. You have to keep their attention. Sensory overload is a virtue. The backgrounds moved and popped. The music pulsated. And the voices were full of eagerness and enthusiasm. No downtime, as downtime is a recipe for disaster in a world where kids expect and seek non-stop stimuli.

Heroes are made and marketed. The day of the self-made celebrity who has had to use their talent to claw their way to the top through blood, sweat, and tears. . . well. . . the sun is quickly setting on that day. This is the day of the "Franken-star." The business and marketing conglomerates that shape pop culture are constantly creating and releasing new teen-idols in their labs. If you've got the right look at the right time at the right place. . . that's how you make it these days.

Miley Cyrus. . . exhibit A. If you don't believe that heroes are made and marketed, just check out Miley Cyrus. And if you don't believe that those heroes have influence, keep looking. You might want to take some time to read this little piece I wrote on "How To Make A Pop Star" a few years ago.

Kids love movies. There were loads of ads for upcoming films. There were several awards passed out for actors, actresses, and films. Kids love movies. Movie-makers are the movers, shakers, teachers, and philosophers of the day. To watch a film is to learn a little bit about those who are watching that film. We need to watch what our kids are watching. We need to process with our kids the films they are watching. And maybe, we need to filter, monitor, and say "no" to some of what they are watching.

Sex Sells. We've been swimming in the reality of this marketing ploy for so long that we usually don't even notice it anymore. But it's still utilized and it still works. If it didn't work, we might be actually be noticing it more. Think about the way many of the celebrities dressed for the event. These are the image-makers. These are the people our kids see when they are deciding what they should look like, what they should buy, and how they should dress. If you don't believe me, just watch the Candies ads from this year's Teen Choice Awards broadcast. You might want to buy stock in lace.

Style trumps substance. No explanation needed. Just watch.

Social causes are important. . . sort of.  I still don't buy the line that this generation of kids is more socially conscious and aware than prior generations. The evidence just isn't there. And where they are socially concerned, their involvement is many times admittedly more about building an impressive resume than it is about serving others. The social cause du juor at this year's Teen Choice Awards was the "It Can Wait" don't-text-while-driving campaign. As a bicycle rider, I appreciate the campaign and the emphasis. But is that it? With all the deep injustices in the world, is that the best we can during a two-hour block of time with millions of impressionable young viewers? Of course, Ashton Kutcher was lauded with a quick passing mention of his anti-trafficking efforts.

Speaking of Ashton Kutcher, he is now the old guy. The fact that Kutcher's acceptance speech for his "Ultimate Choice Award" (see video clip below) provided the most truth and substance of the evening is a bit alarming. To his credit, Kutcher did pass on some worthwhile advice to kids. But if Kutcher is the most substantive adult presence offering wisdom and sage advice to young people, we're in trouble. . . big trouble. Once again, we're reminded of just how dangerous abandoning our kids to the nurturing presence of people other than dad, mom, the church, and other responsible adults can be.

Twerking is normal fare. The show ended with a lame attempt (watch the disengaged audience) to set the world record for most people "twerking" at one time. Sex not only sells. . . . it has successfully sold.

Finally, Nelly is still dealing with that nasty itch. You'd think he'd either outgrow that nasty habit or seek medical attention. When is someone going to tell him about Gold Bond Medicated Powder?!?!

Why do I watch The Teen Choice Awards show? It's a window into the not-so-deep depths of today's youth culture. And all of us who are called to minister to and parent kids need to see ourselves as cross-cultural missionaries. . . which means that we take some time to listen to kids by listening to their world. Then, we can speak the truths of God's Word to the realities that exist.

The Teen Choice Awards Show is not only about the choices children and teens make. Rather, it's about dictating the choices marketers think they should make about who they are, what they believe, and how they will live in the world.




Tuesday, August 13, 2013

5 Adults to 1 Kid. . . But Who Are the 5? . . .

Shortly after graduating from seminary in the mid-1980s, I jumped back into local church youth ministry with a renewed commitment to ministry effectiveness. At the time, I worked to build a volunteer youth ministry team that would reflect a 1 to 5 ratio. . . one volunteer who could endeavor to care for a small group of five students. We quickly reached that ratio with a wonderful group of volunteers, most of them under the age of thirty. . . and many of them in their early twenties. The number of volunteers and their average age was enviable. Thirty years ago, this was cutting-edge stuff in youth ministry.

Not so today. The world has changed. Along with that have come new cultural realities that have turned the volume up on systemic brokenness, making the relational needs of our students that much deeper and urgent. 

My good friend Chap Clark was the first one to get me thinking about flip-flopping that once-enviable ratio of yesteryear. It's been almost fifteen years since Chap first suggested to me that every kid needs five adults investing in their lives. I scratched my head for about two-seconds after hearing Chap's new ratio. . . and then I quickly realized that it was a no-brainer. In a 2004 article in Decision Magazine, Chap went public, encouraging readers to embrace and pursue the 5 to 1 ratio for the sake of our kids spiritual growth. He wrote, "Here's the bottom line: every kid needs five adult fans. Any young person who shows any interest in Christ needs a minimum of five people of various ages who will say, 'I'm going to love that kid until they are fully walking as an adult member of this congregation.'" It makes complete sense. And since Chap first brought it up, it has - fortunately for our churches and our kids - been getting more and more attention and traction in our youth ministry world.

Now, I'm wondering if we should go beyond just thinking about 5 to 1, to thinking more deeply about who those five adults are and the kind of mentoring they provide. 

Last week, I began working through Diana West's no-nonsense book on extended adolescence and our culture of youth here in the United States, The Death of the Grown-Up: How America's Arrested Development is Bringing Down Western Civilization. As one who loves reading sociology, history, and social commentary, West's book is one that I find compelling. So far, I can't bring myself to argue with any of her arguments. West contends that since World War II and the rise of post-war marketing, consumerism, and the advent of adolescence as we now know it, we have become a culture that has shifted from a child's duty to his parent (or to adults in general), to a culture centered on a parent's (or adults in general) duty to his child. In addition, we adults have become consumed with looking like, thinking like, acting like, and feeling like we're drinking out of the fountain of eternal youth. Thus, we now have extended adolescence that's extending far beyond one's twenties and thirties. West contends that adults are now abdicating their role to provide a social counterbalance to a younger generation that typically wants to break with the past and take charge. 

If West is right, we've got our work cut out for us. Not only do we need to work hard to convince adults to take their place in the 5 to 1, but we've got to work hard to convince those adults to be adults in the first place. If we don't, we might as well let the kids mentor each other. 

This is a trend worth recognizing, watching, and addressing. The implications for our ministries run deep. We need to realize that effective ministry to kids requires the investment of Dads, Moms, and those other five-plus adults who reflect the full spectrum of adult-age. And the ministry effectiveness of those adult mentors increasingly depends on just how deep, wide, and mature (old, maybe?) in the faith those adults have been taken by those who are ministering to and nurturing them. 

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Insights For Those Struggling with Same-Sex Attraction, the Same-Sex Attracted, and Faith. . . .

Yesterday I had a brief conversation with my dad about what's been called "Christian television." We receive about five or six of these networks through our cable service. I usually avoid them all. Over the course of our vacation I did some extended flipping around and decided to settle in on some of  these networks just to see what the programming's like these days. My overall impression was one of embarrassment. I sincerely hope that my friends who don't share my faith don't see me in the unpleasant light that many of these broadcasts cast so broadly. 

I told my dad that one of the religious networks that I have come to appreciate more and more is EWTN, the television arm of the Catholic Church here in the United States. While I don't share many of the core theological beliefs of Catholicism, I do appreciate their commitment to providing some very thoughtful and theologically deep programming on EWTN. I actually watch from time to time, and have especially enjoyed the show Catholicism on Campus and the shows featuring conversations with Scott Hahn.

This is a big step for me as I've had to overco, me some of the biases and even misunderstandings I've held about Catholicism for most of my life. I've come to appreciate the deep, evangelical faith of many of the Catholics who have tapped into our work here at CPYU. They are among the most earnest and grace-understanding people I know. We've had some great discussions. And, I've been especially thankful for many of the deep insights the Catholic Church has provided in terms of a theology of sexuality. There's a richness there. 

Earlier this morning, I finished reading another in my growing pile of books on faith and homosexuality as part of my quest to not only understand the issue, but to better be able to discern and then speak Biblical truth into this extremely sensitive and divisive issue that is boiling over not only in the culture-at-large, but in the church. This time, the book was by Melinda Selmys, an engaging, gifted, and thoughtful young Catholic writer. Melinda doesn't write about homosexuality as an observer, pundit, or social critic. Rather, she's been there. She's done that. . . and a whole lot more. Her book, Sexual Authenticity: An Intimate Reflection on Homosexuality and Catholicism, reflects what happens in life when we take our attitudes, actions, habits, sins (whatever they may be) and we lay them at the foot of the cross while choosing to live out the Gospel. Selmys writes with a blunt sensibility and honesty. While I've never met her, I would guess that if I did I would quickly come to the conclusion that she is one of the most strong-willed human beings I know. . . a trait that led her to embrace atheism. Let's just say that she's very thorough and resistant in her thinking. . . something that makes her story all the more compelling. 

As the debates on faith and same-sex attraction continue, I want to offer the last five paragraphs of Selmys' book for your consideration. Hopefully, they will challenge your thinking and whet your appetite to read the 233 pages that come before. . . 

"When the life of God is embraced, is lived, it transforms the rest of reality into a foretaste of heaven. The entire project of human living comes into its own, develops its meaning. The light of God shines through life as though through a photographic negative. At last, so much that seems like meaningless and chaos resolves into order, into significance. The trials and sufferings and pains of life cease to be an engine, stopped in the sky and become the chiaroscuro etchings of a portrait so beautiful it is almost impossible to believe that this is oneself, perfected - as one appeared in the beginning, in the mind of God, before all the broken chemistry of a fallen womb or the first breath of hospital-scented air.

It is for this that I gave up homosexuality. I could feel the light creeping under the doorways of my heart, and I understood that is might reveal a future without lesbianism - I understood it with all the terrible clarity of Christ looking at the cup of suffering offered to Him at Gethsemane. There were absolutely no illusions, no possibility of turning and twisting Scripture until is said what I wanted it to say. I had told God clearly what I wanted; then I said, 'Thy will be done.'

So it was that I ended up kneeling in the chapel at Queen's University, some three months after I had first started praying to an unknown deity, a formless 'Thou who art.' I started to pray as I usually did, offering up a general thanksgiving, and informal expressions of my own joy in the world that I had been invited to inhabit. It was not long before prayers from my childhood began rising up in my mind, and I voiced them, as naturally as I had then. 'Our Father, who art in Heaven. . . ' The Hail Mary was new to me, but I had learned it in some quiet moment in the library, when I had first recognized the Lady in the Moon as the Virgin Mother of God. I prayed it as well. Finally, when I had exhausted all of the more innocent prayers, and sung the Christian hymns that I remembered, I realized that I desperately wanted to pray something more. There was something further, unexpressed. Almost without realizing what I was doing I began to whisper, 'I believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth. And I believe in Jesus Christ, His only Son, Our Lord. . . '

The creed ended in silence. And in that silence, I could feel God there, waiting. A question hovered in the air between us: 'What are you doing?' It was not reproachful, and I understood immediately what it meant; why was I saying that I believed these things and yet refusing to acknowledge them in my life, outside of this little space that I set aside for prayer? Why had I spoken with my lips what I had not professed in my heart? I could see, with absolute clarity, that I stood at a crossroads. That either I would reiterate that prayer of belief, and make it real, entirely, with the rest of my life, or else I would turn away and never pray again. I had asked to know God, and to know God's will, and now I did. 

I went home, dialed the phone, and said, 'Michelle, I'm becoming a Catholic. That means that we can't be together anymore - not as lovers.' It was the end of a relationship that had lasted nearly seven years. It was the beginning of a life more beautiful than I could have asked for or imagined."
 

Monday, August 5, 2013

The Mirror That Is A-Rod. . . .

You have to be living under a rock or media-free to not know that there's trouble in Major League Baseball today. BIG trouble. To be more accurate, there's trouble in sports at every level. . . just think about the stories from last week including those about Riley Cooper and racism, Johnny Manziel and a host of issues, or the parents of the 10-year-old baseball players who got into it with each other after a game last week. With incivility, cheating, and a lack of integrity weaving themselves in and through every nook and cranny of our culture, we might be getting perilously close to the day when stories like these don't even make us flinch because we're used to them.

But today the big news is about baseball and the latest round in the doping and drug use scandals. Today has even been dubbed "PED-Day." As of this moment, we're still waiting to hear names and punishment details. What we do know is that the biggest name of all in this story - Alex Rodriguez - will be suspended until the 2015 season. Reading the history, accusations, and facts of this story will make your head spin. It's long, involved, and confusing. A-Rod himself seems to be making an even bigger mess of things through the choices he has made and the choices he's continuing to make as the story unfolds.

One thing is clear in all of this. . . we're all over the place in terms of character and ethics.

Ben Walker's AP column on the story offers some interesting insight into how baseball players are processing what's happening in their world. Walker quotes Hall-of-Famer Joe Morgan and his opinion on whether or not the penalties doled out today serve as a deterrent as ball-players weigh the pros and cons of this kind of behavior. Morgan says, "It depends on what the punishments are. The thing with me is always the risk versus the reward. What is the reward? Getting a $150 million contract. What is the risk? A 30-day suspension, a 60-day suspension? The risk doesn't outweigh the reward. Until that happens, it's not going to change. It's very simple: the risk has to outweigh the reward."

What Morgan is saying is that the ends justify the means. Just doing the right thing no longer matters. It isn't the option, but simply one of many options. Sadly, that's how our kids are learning from their heroes about how to evaluate and make ethical decisions. But this methodology is sketchy, it's narcissistic, it's self-centered, it's materialistic, it's dangerous, and it's flat-out wrong. And if this kind of thinking continues, then that last sentence will be hopelessly old-fashioned, irrelevant, judgmental. . . and, wrong.

Of course, the Scriptures should be our ultimate guide in all of this. And our kids need parents, grandparents, pastors, youth workers, and a village full of adults whose words and examples point directly to the truths of God's Word on truth-telling, character, and morality. But beware: even hinting at that in today's culture puts you into the camp of those who are hopelessly old-fashioned, irrelevant, judgmental. . . and wrong. I would suggest that while we ultimately appeal to God's revealed will and way for His world, it doesn't hurt to also teach our kids about the timeless standards of virtue and character that have served to advance societies throughout the course of human history.

The Josephson Institute of Ethics has been tracking attitudes and behaviors of young people for several years. They offer some helpful guidelines in their "Six Pillars of Character." These Six Pillars of Character are "ethical values to guide our choices," including trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring, and citizenship. Out of these values grow standards of conduct that constitute the ground-rules of ethics and of ethical decision-making. In other words, they help us to do what is right as opposed to what is right for me.

Consider these words from The Josephson Institute's Making Ethical Decisions: The Six Pillars of Character: 

"Honesty in conduct is playing by the rules, without stealing, cheating, fraud, subterfuge and other trickery. Cheating is a particularly foul form of dishonesty because one not only seeks to deceive but to take advantage of those who are not cheating. It's a two-fer: a violation of both trust and fairness."

"Life is full of choices. Being responsible means being in charge of our choices and, thus, our lives. It means being accountable for what we do and who we are. It also means recognizing that our actions matter and we are morally on the hook for the consequences. . . . Ethical people show responsibility by being accountable, pursuing excellence and exercising self-restraint."

"Responsible people exercise self-control, restraining passions and appetites (such as lust, hatred, gluttony, greed and fear) for the sake of longer-term vision and better judgment. They delay gratification if necessary and never feel it's necessary to 'win at any cost.' They realize they are as they choose to be, every day."

When you look at A-Rod today. . . and you most likely will. . . think about him as mirror that fires back a pretty clear picture of our culture and our selves. Yes, shame on you A-Rod. But if A-Rod's decisions and behavior don't seem as appalling as they might once have seemed, then shame on us. . . and on me. . . as well.