Mentored. . . .

When it comes to faith, none of us is ever too old, too smart, or too good to be mentored. I am increasingly convinced of this fact. But when I look back over the course of my life and the path of faith God has had me walk, I realize that there was a time when I was too young, too stupid, and too bad to consider the need for a mentor(s). In other words, I saw myself as having it so together in my faith and ministry that I thought, what was there, if anything, that anybody older and more seasoned could teach me? I see now that I was embracing a poisonous blend of pride, arrogance, and self-deception.

Sadly, this reality rears its ugly head from time to time in my own life. I’ve got enough years behind me that a look in the rear-view mirror confirms that I’ve invited this “ugly head” to pop up from time to time. Equally sad – and certainly not a justification for my own behavior – is the universal tendency of followers of Jesus and people in youth ministry to be doing the same. I’ve seen it more and more in recent years, particularly as we’ve been a part of the shift from a world that is less and less modern, and more and more postmodern. Potential mentors are disqualified because their age leads us to assume that they and the modern culture they inhabited are passé. In other words, what – if anything – of value would they have to teach or tell me? This tendency is especially prevalent among those of us in youth ministry who are closer to our first year of ministry than we are to our last. . . . that is, those of us who are young.

This fact has been confirmed by one of the great advantages of keeping a foot in the virtual community inhabited by fellow bloggers and social networking fans. One of things I most look forward to during my frequent visits to youth ministry bloggers and Facebookers is the list of books that are being read and have been read. Because I love to read, I’m always looking to discover new suggestions for that next book to add to my “to read” pile. . . . . which by the way, has gotten so overwhelmingly out-of-control that I now call it my “hope to read” pile. Again, an analysis of what many are reading shows a lack of balance. Most everything is new. . . . stuff which of course is important if we are going to read widely. But absent from many lists are texts from older saints – both living and dead – who are our brothers and sisters in the body of Christ. Could it be that our pride, arrogance, and self-deception has led us to believe that these folks have nothing at all to say to us? I hope not.

These thoughts were sparked this morning as I finished reading John Stott’s The Living Church: Convictions of a Lifelong Pastor.
Several years ago – knowing that Stott’s health was beginning to decline – I tried to set-up a meeting with Dr. Stott for the purpose of picking his wise and experienced brain. I was hoping to assume the posture of a Timothy on behalf of all Timothy’s in youth ministry, hoping to get to ask a series of questions that would get this modern-day “Paul” to pass on some final words of wisdom that would help us as we endeavor to live for the King and His Kingdom in the 21st century. That meeting with the man who has served as one of my greatest mentors through his books never materialized. So I’ve been happy to recommend his writings to anyone and everyone.

As I closed the pages on Stott’s The Living Church, I realized that what I had just read was most-likely what he would have said to me and our youth ministry community if I had been fortunate enough to meet with him face-to-face.

My challenge to you is this: allow John Stott to mentor you. This Godly and brilliant servant of Christ has much to say to those of us who follow Jesus and are calling kids to do the same.

And while we’re at it, do you have any mentor or book suggestions for me? I’m always looking.

1,000,000 words. . . . . .

The old saying goes, “a picture’s worth a thousand words.” The picture of the magazine cover you see below is worth a thousand times that. If you work with kids, parent kids, minister to kids, love kids. . . . you need to “read” this picture. Then, you need to talk about it. I think this photo – more than any other I’ve seen in a long time – captures the essence and reality of today’s youth culture.

If you’re in youth ministry, don’t plan anything for this week’s gathering. Instead, put the photo up on the big screen. Get into some small groups. Then, have your students discuss these questions:

- Does this picture make any suggestions on how to think, talk, act, or live?

- What does the picture say about the way the world is?

- What does this picture say about the way the world ought to be?

- Is there right and wrong?

- What’s portrayed as right?

- What’s portrayed as wrong?

- What do the Scriptures say about the values, attitudes, and behaviors portrayed in this picture?

- How does God call us to live out His Kingdom priorities in the midst of the world depicted in this photo?

Why does God? . . .

Josh hopped onto our bed late last Wednesday night. He had a question. “Why does God allow someone so young to die?” We’ve had these discussions before with our kids. I’ve had them numerous times over the years with other kids who have lost young family members or friends in tragic, unexpected ways. This time it was a 22-year-old high school classmate of Josh’s, Matt Garber, who had drowned in Costa Rica while spending his summer doing missions work.

Matt was one of four kids in a local family we’ve gotten to know over the years. Our kids are all close in age, and Matt’s three siblings have all been classmates, teammates, and friends with my kids. Matt was looking forward to starting a career in nursing in just over a month. . . . once he returned from his missions trip.

My discussion with Josh on the bed took the usual course. I explained that there are many things that happen in life that we just can’t understand or explain. When those times come, I hold on to the things I know (my list of “This I know’s”). I believe in God’s love, grace, mercy, and sovereignty. I also know that our world is polluted by sin. I know that God has begun and will finish his plan to undo all that’s been done.

As you can imagine, Matt Garber’s death is the big news in our town. Sadly, the Garber family has in one month gone from the joy of celebrating Matt’s older brother’s selection in the major league baseball draft and Matt’s college graduation, to coming together for a funeral. All last week we prayed for the Garbers. We prayed that eventually Matt’s body would be found so that some small sense of closure could come.

On Saturday morning, I went for a bike ride on a local trail. As I oftentimes do, I was praying while riding. This time, I spent time praying for the Garbers. Not coincidentally, I was a mile from the end of my ride when I skidded to a stop to talk with a jogger. It was Matt’s younger sister Janelle. She’s a good friend of my daughter Bethany. I said her name and she looked at me bewildered, not sure who it was who was stopping to chat with her. Once I took off my sunglasses and unbuckled my helmet she recognized me. It was an emotional moment as I asked her, “Janelle, how are you doing?” We stood there together and talked for a long time. We talked about what had happened to her brother. She told me they had just found his body. She spoke about her brother’s faith in Christ. She talked about how she was doing. When I finally rode away, I had been ministered to by a young lady whose deep pain, hurt, and grief were being experienced in the context of her deep faith in Christ.

Without the “This I know’s,” I’m not sure how people get through tragedy. It is a mystery of grace, but it is a reality. Last week in worship I reached into the hymnal rack and pulled out a little supplemental book of hymns written by the late Dr. James Boice. I’ve grown to love the words of #5. . . . and I think the text of this simply titled “Hallelujah” brings great light and hope in the midst of grief and questions.

What can separate my soul
From the God who made me whole
Wrote my name in heaven’s scroll?
Nothing. Hallelujah!

Trouble, hardship, danger, sword
Brought by those who hate my Lord?
Slander here? Or no reward?
Nothing. Hallelujah!

Angels, demons, now or then?
Wickedness dreamed up by men?
Persecutions come again?
Nothing. Hallelujah!

Victors we’re ordained to be
By the God who set us free
What can therefore conquer me?
Nothing. Hallelujah!

We face death for God each day
What can pluck us from his way?
Let God’s people every say
Nothing. Hallelujah!

New Teen TV. . . .

Last night I watched the premiere of the new ABC Family Channel series, The Secret Life of The American Teenager. I hadn’t seen any of the previews so I really had no idea what to expect from this new show from the producers of Seventh Heaven. Even though the first hour left me feeling like the show is a bit hokey, over-acted, and somewhat lame, I do believe there’s some potential. . . most of which lies not in the show’s plotline, but in the possibilities the plotline present for discussion with a certain – yet to be determined – group of kids.

First, the story. . . . which is at this point fairly simple even though it’s headed quickly into the realm of teen-targeted soap opera. All the campus stereotypes are present, and during the first hour they had some interesting interactions designed to lay the groundwork for further plot development. Fifteen-year-old freshman good girl Amy Juergens plays French horn in the band. She suspects and discovers she’s pregnant, the result of her first-time (and nothing good about it) sexual experience at band camp. The father, Ricky Underwood, is the band’s drummer. Sexually abused by his father as a child, Ricky now lives in a foster home, regularly attends therapy, and is obsessed with having sex with every girl he meets. . . . including Amy. In this first episode, Amy reveals her pregnancy only to her two best friends, who offer advice, but she has yet to tell her mom and dad. Incidentally, Amy’s 13-year-old sister Ashley is an emerging Goth whose search for identity is leaving her family dazed and confused.

Other characters offer stereotypical portrayals of how teenagers handle their emerging sexuality. Grace Bowman is the 15-year-old bubbly evangelical Christian who speaks in Christian clichés – oftentimes while a church organ plays in the background (I said it’s hokey), and is outspoken about her promise ring pledge. In teen language, Grace is “hot,” which may be why she’s so good at getting her unsaved peers to attend her youth group’s post-football game dance and party. . . . where, by the way, Grace teeters on doing some dirty dancing of her own with boyfriend Jack. Even though he’s a football player, Jack is Grace’s follower when it comes to faith. It quickly becomes obvious that all of Jack’s faith-talk (clichés and organs again) is more of an effort to convince himself to remain sexually pure, than to give in to his – for lack of better words – curiosity and horniness. After unsuccessfully trying to get Grace to engage in oral sex (“Is oral sex sex?”), viewers discover that Jack satisfies his sexual curiosity with steamy and seductive baton twirler Adrian (I told you it was going to be a soap opera!). Incidentally, it’s Grace’s downs-syndrome brother Tom (a member of Grace’s over-the-top and sticky-sweet evangelical family) who discovers Jack and Adrian locked in a kiss at the end of the first episode, leaving everyone hanging until next week.

One other character worth mentioning is Ben, another virgin freshman who wants a sex life and talks about his desire with unbelievable openness with the new school counselor. By episode’s end, Ben’s pursuit of Amy leads him to join the school band (cymbal player!) and the episode closes with Amy and Ben slow-dancing in the church gym. At some point in an upcoming episode, Ben is in for a big surprise.

That’s the story. Now some thoughts.

First, the show is simple, over-acted, and as I said before, a bit hokey. I felt like I was watching High School Musical without the music, but with a simplified peek into coming-of-age sexuality in today’s youth culture. That said, the target audience for this show is pretty clear. Late elementary-aged girls, middle-school girls, and high school girls who are less jaded (naïve) will most likely get sucked into this soap opera. I can’t imagine the typical high school kid connecting with The Secret Life of the American Teenager, but I could be wrong.

Second, I think the show will raise enough real-life issues (sexuality, sexual abuse, oral sex, etc.) that it’s value will lie in parents and their kids watching together, followed by some healthy discussion. If that doesn’t happen, the show could function as a pretty powerful mentor and map for kids looking for sexual and relational guidance.

Finally, I’m guessing the portrayal of Grace and her family will have lots of Christian’s buzzing with anger this morning. I can understand that. . . . I hope that I never come across that way to the watching world. (I can assure you that my life looks nothing like the smiley/bubbly/sugar-coated lives of the Bowman family). But the reality is that the portrayal flows from a watching world that has all-too-often seen Christians live shallow, cliché-filled, unrealistic, and dis-integrated lives. What the show reflects back to us shouldn’t make us angry at the writers and producers, but should make us angry with ourselves. I don’t think the stereotype would exist if we didn’t fuel it. . . . . which just might be the best discussion point coming out of the first episode of The Secret Life of The American Teenager.

So do we watch next Tuesday at 8pm? Or do we find a good book and lay in the hammock? It all depends on who else will be watching. If it catches on with the kids – and I think it’s destined to do just that – then we should be watching too. Then, we need to do some talking as this is one show that will help open doors for discussion on a variety of real-life issues, each of which the Scriptures speak to in liberating and life-giving ways.

Chasing humility. . . .

If I remember correctly, it was while watching the old Romper Room TV show that I learned at a young age to “do be a do-bee” and “don’t be a don’t-bee.” The meat on the bones of those little songs and rhymes were character lessons on virtuous behavior.

My kids grew up without Romper Room, but television fed them lots of lessons on character and appropriate/acceptable behavior. As a dad, I quickly learned that it was important to be looking over their shoulders to see how what they were watching was schooling them for life. Sadly, looking over the shoulder has become more and more necessary, as the “do’s” and “don’ts” have become quite muddled since shows like Romper Room went off the air. It’s become harder and harder to find good positive role models whose lives evidence positive character and virtue.

While the only consistent model for our behavior is Christ, we can from time to time point to examples of people who go against the flow of the status quo to model in a breath-of-fresh-air sort of way character that is worth aspiring to. A couple of weeks ago our local paper ran an article about one of those people and the valuable life lessons he learned from his Dad which continue to inform the way he lives today. According to the way most high-profile sports superstars live self-absorbed “look at me” lifestyles today, this guy just goes about his business quietly and without flair. If you’re a sports fan you no doubt know the name Chase Utley. The quiet and unassuming second basemen for the Philadelphia Phillies is such a good player that more fans have sent their all-star votes his way than in the direction of any other player. I’ve watched Utley more closely this year than ever before. Whether winning or losing, homering or striking out, or fielding or missing a ball (rarely!), Utley’s demeanor never changes. There’s never any showboating. When things don’t go his way, there are not tantrums, anger, or excuses. The more I watch him, the more amazed I am by the way he plays the game. The fact that I’m amazed is a sad commentary on the state of our culture. Utley’s behavior and approach to the game should be commonplace. Because it’s not – sadly – it stands out.

Back to Utley and his Dad and the article our paper ran on Father’s Day. . . . it seems that when Utley was a little boy playing ball in his home state of California, he complained to his father about a fellow player who did quite a bit of show-boating on the field, and bragging off the field. Utley’s dad simply shared a lesson he had learned from his high school guidance counselor. The lesson was this: “If you’re really good at something, you don’t have to tell people. They will tell you.” And so, Chase Utley focuses on pursuing excellence at his craft. You know by the way he plays. Not by what he says. What I like about Chase Utley – and what I like to point out to my kids about Chase Utley – is his humility. It’s refreshing because that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

The writer of Proverbs says that “humility comes before honor.” Jesus reminds his followers that “whoever exalts himself will be humbled, and whoever humbles himself will be exalted.” And Peter reminds Christ-followers to “clothe yourselves with humility.”

We are all sinners saved by grace. Anything good we have or do is a gift of grace. I am reminded this morning that in my home, my church, my community, and my world I am nothing. . . and if I am something, it is only by the grace of God. So with the Puritans we should pray, “Help me to humble myself before Thee by seeing the vanity of honor as a conceit of men’s minds, as standing between me and Thee.”

Babies, babies, babies. . . .

Big news in the world of babies this week. Or more specifically, what some people have labeled as “babies having babies.” Britney’s little sister Jamie Lynn had her baby this week. Reports are that the new mother is not only living with her boyfriend, but she’ll most likely score a cool million from whichever magazine she decides to bless with the baby’s first photos. If you weren’t aware, Jamie Lynn is a celebrity beloved by young girls. . . . and she’s only 17-years-old herself.

Then there’s the rapidly unfolding story of what’s happening with the girls at Gloucester High School just north of Boston (Remember the film and story of The Perfect Storm? That all happened in Gloucester). Just in case you’re one of the few who hasn’t already heard, the 1200 student school saw a marked spike in the pregnancy rate over the course of the last year. This year, 17 girls – at least the 17 girls that the school is aware of – got pregnant. That’s more than quadruple the school’s average of four pregnancies a year.

Baffled by the high rate, school officials investigated. What they’ve discovered may seem unbelievable. But then again, in our current cultural climate, I’m not too sure any of us should be very surprised. It seems that at least half of these girls – all under the age of 16 – had entered into a pact to get pregnant, give birth, and then raise their babies together. The school reports that several of the girls kept coming into the school’s clinic to get pregnancy tests. They were hoping they were pregnant. When the tests came back positive, girls were seen high-fiving each other and excitedly making plans for baby showers. Other girls, finding out they weren’t pregnant, were disappointed. Nobody knows for sure how many other girls were part of the agreement. In addition, there are questions about who fathered the children, along with legal ramifications in cases of statutory rape. It’s reported that at least one of the babies was fathered by a 24-year-old homeless man.

Following these stories this week, I couldn’t help but think about the end of the film Lord of the Flies. Remember the story? A group of boys create their own society void of adults while castaways on an island. At the end of the film, the first adult to encounter the boys and their self-made culture is troubled and confused by the unorthodoxy of their ways. He looks at the boys and asks, “What are you boys doing?” The more time passes and the more our culture evolves – or devolves – we are left asking the same. . . . like this week.

A few weeks ago in our Sunday School class we were talking about teenagers. One of our pastors reminded us that no matter what the sociologists say about the lists of issues facing kids, the number one most basic problem they all face is the problem we all face. . . that is, sin. So true. This week’s news offers more evidence of that fact. The world is broken, and that brokenness is seen in the multiplicity of factors that have combined in a perfect storm that leads to things like teen pregnancy pacts. There are declining moral standards, celebrity role models, girls starved for father-love who look for love in all the wrong places, the equation of “love” with sex, a desire for relational intimacy, absent or disengaged parents, guys who are all too ready to prove their masculinity by fathering children, etc. In the end, confused kids lead and guide other confused kids. Then, we adults wind up arriving with befuddled looks while asking, “What are you kids doing?”

Here’s a thought – perhaps we should be so attuned to the culture and what’s going on with the kids that we look in the mirror to ask ourselves, “What are we doing to and for the kids?”

Girls kissing girls. . . .

A few weeks ago, CPYU’s Chris Wagner gave me a heads-up about a new artist he thought was positioned to land very, very soon on the landscape of today’s youth culture in a big, loud way. He emailed me a link to the video “I Kissed a Girl” on Katy Perry’s website. The site touts Perry’s upcoming album, One of the Boys, which will be released this coming Tuesday.

Anticipating a big splash, I decided to view Perry’s song and video through the “3D” evaluation tool we use and promote here at CPYU. Two weeks ago I wrapped up my evaluation of “I Kissed a Girl” and sent it off to the editor for inclusion in the Summer 2008 edition of ENGAGE (which will be out next week by the way). During the research process, I learned that Perry – real name Katy Hudson and the daughter of two conservative church pastors – is really not a newcomer to the music scene. In fact, she released a self-titled debut album, Katy Hudson, in 2001. At that time, she was pursuing a career in contemporary Christian music (you can read Christianity Today magazine’s review of that album here).

Katy Perry is one to watch. I think she offers us an interesting and sad case study in youth ministry, faith development, and contemporary adolescent values, attitudes, and behaviors. Since Chris sparked my interest in Perrry, I’ve had numerous culture-watching friends email (Josh Keller, among others) or call (thanks David Fraze!) to ask if she’s on our radar and if we're going to post something. The answer is “yes.” Because there’s such interest and because her album hits stores next Tuesday, I’ve decided to pop the lid off of the “3D” review that will appear in the Summer 2008 edition of ENGAGE, and give it to you here in its entirety (below). This is an artist and song you must talk about with your kids.

Song/Video: "I Kissed a Girl"
Background/summary: This is the first single release off 23-year-old rising star Katy Perry’s debut album, One of the Boys. Born Katheryn Hudson, she grew up in a Christian home where both of her parents were conservative pastors. She released a Christian album under her real name in 2001. Claiming she was not a good Christian girl during her adolescence, she is pursuing her music career with a new name, new sound, and a new message/worldview. The single was pre-released on April 29, 2008, and quickly rose on the charts. The full album debuted on June 17, 2008. Perry has been dubbed “the next big thing” by Blender magazine, and the “one to watch” by Teen People.

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

Discover: What is the message/worldview?
• The video for this catchy and musically formulaic pop song opens with a quick image of Perry lying seductively in bed. Images continue to flash across the screen quickly for the video’s duration, showing Perry and numerous other scantily lingerie-clad girls caressing themselves and flirting seductively with the camera while in close proximity to each other.
• While the song’s visual content serves almost as a soft-porn teaser that is sure to be a draw for sexually-curious young male viewers, the song’s title and lyrical content tell Perry’s story of kissing another girl. This is really a video for young girls.
• In the song, Perry says she didn’t plan or intend the kiss. Rather, with a “drink in hand” she lost her discretion and satisfied her curiosity over another girl that had caught her attention.
• After the kiss, she says, “I kissed a girl and I liked it/The taste of her cherry chapstick/I kissed a girl just to try it.”
• As she processes her response to the kiss, she describes how it felt both “so wrong” and “so right.” Still, this “don’t mean I’m in love tonight.”
• The random and boundary-less nature of sexual experimentation in today’s culture is captured in the fact that Perry says she doesn’t even know the girl’s name, and that the girl is her “experimental game.”
• Perry goes on to justify the kiss by describing “us girls” in purely physical terms as “so magical, soft skin, red lips, so kissable, hard to resist so touchable, too good to deny it, ain’t no big deal, it’s innocent.”
• As the video draws to a close Perry says, “I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it.” The camera draws back and Perry is seen sleeping in bed next to her boyfriend. As she opens her eyes she realizes she’s been dreaming, but the smile on her face as she rests her head back on her pillow indicates that she enjoyed the dream.


Discern: How does it stand in light of the biblical message/worldview?
• The video clearly depicts a current cultural reality related to our fallenness as human beings, particularly how the fall effects our God-given sexuality. The Scriptures tell us that God made all things and pronounced them all “good.” In Genesis 3:6 all things are polluted by sin. "I Kissed a Girl" offers lyrical and visual evidence of this brokenness and how it is being uniquely embraced, expressed, and celebrated in today’s youth culture through distortions of sexuality.
• God’s clear plan for celebrating and experiencing our sexuality in all its glorious fullness invites us into exercising that gift in the context of a committed, life-long, heterosexual marriage. Fornication, adultery, and homosexuality are wrong.
• We all make decisions based on some authority. In this case, Perry opts out of making behavioral choices based on God’s plan as revealed in His Word, instead choosing a personal, feeling-based ethic. She does what she does based solely on feeling and attraction, thereby justifying any of the choices she makes. The Scriptures call us to make our choices and live our lives according to the revealed will of God and to His glory, not our own satisfaction.
• Women are depicted as objects. The Scriptures teach that God looks on the heart, not on outward appearance. In addition, we are to find our identity in who we are in Christ. Not on what we look like on the outside.

Decide: What do I do with it?
• Because it mirrors our culture, "I Kissed a Girl" offers those called to love and lead kids an eye-opening glimpse into several rapidly developing mainstream cultural realities. Homosexuality is no longer stigmatized, but is now accepted and celebrated as normal. Feelings are the guide for life. Girls are taught to assume the role of objectified boy toys. Our teenage boys increasingly enjoy watching girl-on-girl sexual activity. Our teenage girls – even those void of lesbian leanings or feelings – are engaging in what we might call “experimental homosexuality.” While it’s not pretty, these are realities that we must recognize and understand if we hope to address them.
• Because it serves to direct young viewers and listeners, "I Kissed a Girl" is more than a song kids will listen to. It actually serves as a map to life, guiding impressionable kids into accepting and practicing the values, attitudes, and behaviors that are depicted and promoted in the song. This includes a postmodern ethical relativism, and homosexuality.
• The song and video should be played for parents and youth workers. Use it to spark discussion on evolving values, attitudes, and behaviors, along with how to bring the light of God’s Word to bear on those realities in our day to day living with and ministering to kids.
• Since Katy Perry and her music are finding their places in the collective consciousness of today’s youth culture, she and her music are realities that we can’t ignore. Kids are seeing and hearing the music of Katy Perry. We suggest that after securing parental permission, youth workers view the video and deconstruct its message with their middle school and high school students. The exercise will not only offer opportunities to bring the light of God’s Word to bear on the song’s faulty messages, but will serve to teach kids how to think Biblically and Christianly about their media choices.
• Katy Perry’s own personal story and transformation can be used to spark a discussion on the true nature of being a Christ-follower, how to integrate faith into all of life, and how to guard ourselves from falling prey to dominant cultural values that oppose the way and will of God.