Facebook. . . Good, Bad, Ugly? . . .

I stumbled into a conversation yesterday in the hallway at our church. It was occasioned by a remark our sixty-something pastor made during his sermon about "looking around on Facebook the other day." Yep, he's got an account. . . which I'm sure suprises many who know him and bothers some. Personally, I think it's great.

The conversation had to do with some discussions that are rumored to be taking place regarding whether or not our church should have its own Facebook page. I'm all for it. Others, however, are concerned that there are too many negative implications and dangers. Knowing our congregation as I do, I'm sure there are some who think that putting up a page equals caving in to the spirit of the times. . . . maybe even the start of a dance with the Devil. If you're scratching your head over this, you don't know my church. It's a congregation I love. Much of what I love is the thoughtful and sometimes very, very slow and deliberate manner in which we think about change. At times, it's a pain in the rear-end. At other times, it forces us to pause and ask the very important questions we might not otherwise ask in the very helpful process of iron rubbing against and sharpening iron.

While I have no idea where our church will land on this one, I'm thrilled that there's conversation and discussion taking place. I've found it helpful to have those conversations with myself regarding social networking technologies and the way I - or "we" here at CPYU - choose to use them. I'm having the self-conversation now about setting up a personal Twitter account, and if and when I do, what to embrace, and what to avoid. I have these conversations with the parents I meet in my travels all the time. Many of them want me to answer with a resounding "NO!" when they ask me if they should allow their kids to have a Facebook presence. Life in today's world is complex. Technological advancements and our age-induced ignorance combines with fear of the unknown to leave us wishing sometimes that it would all go away and life would go back to the simpler way it was.

To all of you who wonder about these things along with me, here are some thoughts that I've found to be constructive and helpful.

First, Facebook and Twitter are not the problem. The problem lies with the people that use them and how they choose to use them. Theologian Albert Wolters offers us a helpful and accurate paradigm when he talks about "structure" and "direction" in his great little book, Creation Regained: Biblical Basics for a Reformational Worldview. Structure refers to the constitutional nature of the thing. In this case, the thing could be Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or any other digital/social networking platform. In effect, the structure is nuetral. It isn't good or bad. What happens is that people whose lives have been marred by sin choose to employ the structures. The direction has to do with the order of sin and redemption. At times, we use the structures in a direction that brings honor and glory to God when they conform to God's design and promote things that are good, true, right, and honorable. At other times - all too often because of who we are - we use the structures to glorify the world, the flesh, and the Devil by employing them in ways that distort God's design for His world. A big part of the battle is simply paying attention to our tendency to move in this latter direction because of the sin in our lives, and the consequent need to pay attention to how we use . . . well . . . anything and everything in this world.

Second, it pays to know yourself. To be honest, there are people who should stay away from this stuff because it only feeds the beast within. For example, the narcissist finds this stuff especially enticing and even helpful, as now I can further promote myself while believing that there's a growing army out there who really does care about every little detail of my life and what I'm doing with every little minute of my day. That reality makes a good case for a parent saying "yes" to this stuff, as long as there's a good dose of instruction, oversight, and accountability that teaches kids how to balance the use of the structure in the right direction. In other words, you're training them to employ something that's part of their world in a direction that brings honor and glory to God, rather than to self.

Third, be careful about playing the community card. I'm still digesting Jesse Rice's thought-provoking little book, The Church of Facebook: How the Hyperconnected Are Redefining Community. While reading, I was reminded again that Facebook and other social networking tools allow us to carefully. . . very carefully and deliberately. . . manufacture the online self we want the world to see. Usually, it's a version of self that fails to show who I really am, while showing who I hope and want others to think I am. It's inauthentic. . . and our "entourage" usually doesn't even realize it. It's easy for insecure adolescents to get caught up in the frenzy. I wonder how it will effect their ability to be authentic and relate for the rest of their lives. Even adults with adolescent tendencies and insecurities are uniquely susceptible to falling into the trap. Add to that the fact that Facebook, Twitter, etc. are more about connection than community, and you can readily see that the kind of community fostered by these things is no replacement for real, gut-level, face-to-face suffer-through-life-together community. Don't miss the fact that these things can foster connections for people in that kind of real-life community, but it can never replace it with something that deep. I sometimes wonder if we are mistaking the marketing of self for the building of real community.

Jesus was clear on the fact that it's not what's outside of me - Facebook, Twitter, etc. - that's the problem. Rather, it's what's inside of me - my dark and sinful heart that's prone torwards all things wrong - that requires my vigilance, my attention, and His grace. I need to remember that as I endeavor to use the structures I've been given in a direction that glorifies the Giver.

Really? . . . .

On Sunday night I stopped at a Kiosk in the Cincinnati airport to pick up something to eat. While standing at the register I scanned the magazine rack behind the cashier to see if there was anything interesting that might catch my eye. My eyes stopped on the cover of the March 2010 edition of Maxim. Here's what I saw. . . .


















What caught my eye was the text towards the top right side of the cover. It seems the only thing Tiger Woods did wrong was get caught.

Imagine what the fallout would have been if this cover and the accompanying article hit news stands thirty or forty years ago. We live in a different world. We've got our work cut out for us.

Silence. . . .

This morning, I decided to follow-up a conversation I had last weekend with a concerned mom by penning a response for the April 2010 edition of our CPYU Parent Page. Here's what I wrote. . . . and I'd love to get some dialouge going on this. . .

A few days ago I was speaking on youth culture at a church that sits directly across the street from the local high school. I had challenged those in attendance to reach out to the large population of broken and confused kids who walked the halls of that school each and every day. Afterwards, a woman shared a concern and asked a question. She explained that she was part of a group of Christians who were working to get the school to ban the upcoming “Day of Silence.” “What can we do to stop it?” she asked.


If you’re in the dark regarding the “Day of Silence,” here’s an explanation: Founded in 1996 at the University of Virginia, the “Day of Silence” is billed by organizers as the largest student-led action towards creating safer schools for all, regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression. Scheduled to be held on Friday, April 16, hundreds of thousands of students in middle schools, high schools, and colleges across America will take a vow of silence in an effort to encourage their schools and peers to address the problem of anti lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, and transgender behavior. The event is now officially sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN).

After pondering the woman’s question for a few moments, I offered a response that I think surprised her. My response was rooted in a couple of realities. First, but not foremost, there’s my own experience of harassing people during my high school years, something rooted in my own adolescent insecurities. You know – putting others down to feel better about myself. While I’m ashamed to admit it, my behavior included harassment of peers who were rumored to be homosexuals. Second, and foremost, is my understanding of who God is, who He’s made people to be, and who He’s called His followers to be. . . especially to those who, like you and me, are sinners desperately in need of God’s saving grace.

And so I told her this. . . First, I believe that God has established sexuality as a good and wonderful gift that is to be experienced and celebrated with great freedom within the bounds of His order and design. Because our world is fallen and broken, there will be sinful distortions of that plan that we are to avoid including adultery, fornication, pornography, sexual abuse, lust, and homosexuality. . . among other things. We are to teach these truths to our children without hesitation.

Second, banning the “Day of Silence” only deals with symptoms of deeper issues. Shouldn’t we be concerned about the hearts from which the issues come? And while we’re talking about hearts from which the issues come, what about the hearts from which hate and ignorance flow. . . . especially when those hearts belong to those who claim to follow Christ?

Third, we can’t force anyone to follow Jesus. Only God’s Spirit is able to draw people to Himself. While we can’t strong-arm people into the Kingdom of God, we can and must choose to follow Jesus ourselves. Following Jesus means facing our Pharisaical tendencies/sins head-on, while loving sinners as Jesus has loved them (and us!. . . because we’re in that group too). Loving on sinners is our calling, just as our calling is to hate and avoid sin.

Finally, I asked her this question: “Have you ever thought about acting on your rightful concern by sitting down and spending some time getting to know and listening to the kids who are planning the ‘Day of Silence’ at your school?” She paused. . . as I guess most of us would. . . and said “no.” I then challenged her to find out the names of the kids, invite them out to Starbucks, and then sit with no agenda other than to listen and love.

What would happen if we would stop working so hard to “protect” our kids by legislating morality, and start “providing spiritually” for our kids by modeling how to take the Gospel to those who are hungry for Heaven? I’m learning that while it’s easier to wish and work away differences I might not like, Jesus is calling me to go as His ambassador to people He’s called me to love. Then, He’ll take care of the rest.

Needed. . . . Biblical Carnivores. . . .

Over the course of the last few years, the scuttlebutt in the world I inhabit has been increasingly filled with questions that start with the simple word “Why.” Youth workers, parents, pastors, and others are prompted to ask these "why" questions - with great frustration - by a combination of personal experience and a growing body of research that points indisputably to the fact that in the big picture 1) our kids aren’t growing deep in faith, 2) that an alarming number of those who seem to grow in faith walk away from it when they leave their teenage years, and 3) whatever it is we’re doing with our kids in regards to spiritual formation is getting little or no traction in their everyday lives. And so we ask “Why?” . . . . specifically, “Why is this happening?”

The cover article in the latest edition of Christianity Today (March 2010) is one worth reading and pondering as it gives, I think, some valuable perspective that speaks to the reality of this mutation of Christian faith among our kids, our young adults, and yes – even ourselves - that is increasingly anything but Christian. In the article – “The Mind Under Grace: Why Theology is an Essential Nutrient for Spiritual Growth” – University of Western Ontario professor of theology and Jewish studies, Darren Marks, lays out a compelling case for how we’ve gotten to where we are, along with what needs to happen if we’re going to get ourselves and our kids to the right place.

Marks introduces readers to Jon, a first year student in a Christian Theology class who has “a great heart, but little understanding of his faith.” Already sounds familiar, huh? Marks quickly states his remedy for Jon’s “cul-de-sac faith”: “Hardcore academic and historical theology, in my experience, almost invariably makes a student like Jon a better Christian – not in his heart per se, but in his understanding of God’s call for him and his generation.” Using the terms “theology” and “doctrine” interchangeably, Marks asks if it’s even possible to live as a true disciple of Jesus Christ without a good measure of heady doctrine. “I see doctrine not as a boundary,” writes Marks, “but as a compass. Its purpose is not to make Christians relevant or distinctive but rather to make them faithful in their contexts. Doctrine is a way of articulating what God’s presence in the church and the world looks like. It can orient us by helping us, like Jon, major in the majors.”

Marks goes on to state his case for the great value of grappling intellectually with the faith, thereby nurturing us into a deep and growing faith that can inform all of life by giving us a steady and true foundation built on the never-changing God and His Word, rather than a faith built on our own spiritual experience that’s put together in “10 minutes or less.” He asks, “How can we sustain any spiritual growth if it is grounded in something as transitory as what we feel, individually or corporately?” Simple answer: we can’t. Need proof? Just check the growing body of research. . . or better yet, just look at our churches and our kids.

The old me would have scoffed at Marks’ assessment and prescription. After all, how relevant can doctrine be? And why would I ever want to waste time on doctrine when I could be out doing ministry with kids? The older me sees Marks’ words like a hammer hitting a nail square on it’s head.

I run into the old me all the time. It saddens me to see myself in a growing number of people in youth ministry, pastoral ministry, and the church who are satisfied to swim on the surface of the pool, not only leading them to miss out on the amazing world of wonder and beauty that lies deep beneath, but to also miss out on the ability to take those under their charge into the life-giving beauty of those same depths. The writer of Hebrews reminds us how unhealthy a steady diet of milk is, while telling us how beneficial a hearty diet of spiritual meat will be.

Last Friday night at our CPYU 20th Anniversary Banquet, I was reminded once again of the importance of meat when my pastor stepped to the podium to end the evening in prayer. Here we were, all gathered to celebrate a ministry that’s all about making sure the Gospel is heard by a youth culture that’s changing and changing fast. My pastor was wearing a traditional dark suit, just like the suit and tie he wears under his black clerical robe each and every week during our worship service. He looks almost identical to the way he looked when I first met him 16 years ago. His hairstyle, his clothing. . . all the same. He hasn’t changed his look with the times. His shirt’s always tucked in and his hair is still parted on the side. He doesn’t have a stylist who makes sure he’s looking good before he steps up to the pulpit and under the lights (which, by the way, aren’t theatre spots!). When I look at him he appears anything but relevant, at least in the way most people understand “relevance” in the church today. But when he opens his mouth to preach after a week of preparing that week's "meal", what comes out is theology/doctrine that requires a certain level of intellectual engagement and attention on the part of everyone in the room, including me. And if I prayerfully do my part by the grace of God and with the help of the Holy Spirit, I walk out humbled, challenged, and changed. It’s as if a bricklayer has thrown a few more rows up on what was already there when I walked in. I leave having eaten something of deep substance.

The older me is increasingly convinced that I’ve got to do everything I can to seek to go deep into the limitless depth of the things of God. . . . and by doing so, my spiritual compass will be calibrated with greater and greater accuracy as the days, months, and years pass. So, what will we do to get our kids to the same place? What will we do to be sure the research shifts and the frustrating anecdotes fade?

We’ve got to be there ourselves. The beauty of church history is that it’s filled with great stuff from which to draw. What a great thing to be able to read and study good theology. . . . and to learn how to introduce our kids to the same thing.

Because I know the questions will come, here are a couple of books that I’ll recommend as starter texts. . . and by no means is this short list well-thought-out or exhaustive. It’s off the top of my head. John Stott’s The Contemporary Christian and The Cross of Christ are required reading. With two weeks to go until the celebration of the Cross and the Resurrection, why not pick up the latter first. And then how about Albert Wolters’ Creation Regained, the best foundational book on Christian worldview that I think has ever been written.

Violated. . . . again. . . .

We've now experienced and felt it twice. Unless it's happened to you, you have no idea what it feels like. I know I didn't until it happened for the first time 17 years ago. We had packed up the car and driven about two-and-a-half hours from home to spend a week of vacation with out-of-town family. A few hours after going to bed that first night away, the phone rang. It was my neighbor calling at 2am to tell me that my house, his house, and a third house in our neighborhood had been broken into and robbed. After finally convincing me that he wasn't joking, I spent the rest of the night on and off the phone with both him and the police as they systematically went through my house.

When the sun finally rose early the next morning, I hopped in the car and drove home alone to survey and clean up the damage. My kids were young at the time and I didn't want them to see what someone had done to our house and their stuff. I'm glad I left them behind. I'll never forget the helpless and angry feeling that enveloped me when I walked in the front door to the place that until then had been our family's private sanctuary and safe refuge. Someone who didn't belong there had been there. The people who did this had tracked mud all over the carpets and floors. Drawers in every room were pulled out of place with their contents thrown randomly all over the place. Everything was a mess. It was now my job to clean it all up while figuring out what had been taken. This should not have happened. We had been violated.

Those same feelings reared their ugly head again a couple of weeks ago when our car was broken into just a few short minutes after running into our church. This time my visible GPS had served as an invitation for someone to break a window. After rifling through every nook and cranny of our vehicle, whoever did this ran off with not only the GPS, but our cellphones, an extra set of keys, wallets, and more. Granted, we won't leave our stuff hidden in the car anymore. . . lesson learned. But when we were escorted to the scene of the crime, that lousy helpless feeling I had 17 years ago reared it's familiar ugly head once again. Not only was our stuff gone, but we now faced the daunting task of rebuilding and replacing that which was gone. We felt vulnerable knowing that someone had not only barged into our locked private space, but they now had the ability to do even more damage based on what they had taken.

Whenever I find myself in trying situations like these, I try to remember (but don't always succeed) to stand back to gain perspective, reminding myself that this is all nothing compared to what some people face. This time, my thoughts were taken to the thousands upon thousands of kids who live among us in our fallen and sin-sick world while having to deal with being violated in one way or another. Divorce, sexual abuse, fatherlessness, etc. . . . all these things are like sneaky thieves who prey on unsuspecting victims who never asked for it in the first place, stealing their innocence and leaving them having to deal with tough stuff that just shouldn't be. . . with the fallout pounding away at them for the rest of their lives.

This weekend I'll be spending time once again with a group of youth workers, parents, and educators who want to know what's happening in the sometimes ugly world of today's children and teens. I will tell them that as cross-cultural missionaries sent to this rapidly changing culture they will need to know the Word, they will need to to know changing kids and their changing world, and they will need to develop strategies for taking the unchanging Word to kids growing up in a rapidly changing world. I will tell them that part of that task involves recognizing that hurt runs deep and wide in young lives. I will tell them that changing kids are violated by so many things and that as helpers, they need to recognize not only how kids have been violated, but how getting violated shapes their lives in both the present and future. I will tell them that there are two essential questions related to violation that must be asked of every young person they meet:

1. What is happening in this young person's life that shouldn't be happening? and. . .

2. What is not happening in this young person's life that should be happening?

It's sad that these questions even need to be asked, but that's a reality in a world that groans and cries out for redemption. And in order to represent the One who redeems, we need to do the asking so that we can effectively communicate His answers to the realities that exist. . . realities that can only be known if we've asked. People living in a world with broken selves that are repeatedly violated and violating can only find hope and healing through the Redeemer, Jesus Christ.

Today's Book Winner! . . .

I'm in a generous mood! So, we decided that this week we'd randomly choose a couple of followers of Learning My Lines to win a couple of books as a "thank you" for their loyalty to this blog. So BRANDON SCHNEIDER, you're today's winner! To claim your books, post a comment with your snail mail address and we'll get your books in the mail. By the way, we won't post your comment for all to see. . . that'll keep the stalkers and book thieves away from your place!

What did you win? . . . A copy of Michael Novelli's brand new "Enter the Story: 7 Experiences to Unlock the Bible For Your Students," a copy of Gordon Fee and Douglas Stuart's "How To Read The Bible For All It's Worth" (one of my all-time favorites with over 500,000 sold), and a copy of some guy's "The Space Between: A Parent's Guide to Teenage Development."

Congrats Brandon! Can't wait to hear from you.

And for the rest of you, another Learning My Lines follower will be a winner later this week.

Thanks. . . . and a call to prayer. . . .

Now that the busiest weekend in our 20-year CPYU history is over, I want to offer up some "thanks" as I continue to wipe the sleepiness from my eyes. Yes, it was a marathon that required lots of physical and emotional energy.

The weekend kicked off with our 20th Anniversary Banquet, hosted well by the good folks at The Shady Maple Banquet Center. Almost 300 of our friends and family gathered to celebrate 20 years of God's faithfulness and blessing on CPYU. The evening not only included a great meal, but a silent auction (I won nothing), a very lively live auction, a great video on CPYU, a testimony from our dear friend Rich Van Pelt, and some remarks from me.

Bright and early the next morning, our staff hoofed it down to The Family Center in Gap for our Hope and Healing for Broken Kids day-long seminar. Over 500 youth workers, parents, and counselors filled the meeting room to capacity in order to absorb 6 and-a-half hours of amazing, timely, and intense training from Marv Penner and Rich Van Pelt. People drove to be with us from as far away as Michigan, New Hampshire, and Florida! The conversations during the breaks and that continue even this morning have been intense, heart-breaking, and hopeful. Our kids are truly hurting.

This morning, our mighty staff of 5 returned to the office to start another week. I, for one, am still excited and energized by not only everything that happened over the weekend, but from the opportunity to reflect on the last 20 years of God's faithful provision in all things. It's been awesome.

As I look back and as I look ahead, I want to say "thanks" to all those whose fingerprint was on the weekend. Behind the scenes, our staff has labored hard. . . so hard, that some people think we're ten times the size that we really are. Just last night I received a Facebook message from someone who said, "I know you have a whole organization of researchers. . . " Actually, we don't. We have a very small organization made up of literally a handful of people who do so much that it looks like "a whole organization."! My wife Lisa is my living and breathing rock. She assisted our VP of Administration, Cliff Frick, together doing a great job of organizing and shuffling the massive amount of details that went into making the weekend work. They've been doing that for a long, long time. Chris Wagner burned the midnight and early-morning oil (while expending blood, sweat, and tears) to prepare a video that did the best job I've ever heard or seen of explaining the mission and ministry of CPYU. Not only that, but he put up with me standing over his shoulder far too often during the process. Chris keeps our public digital "face" refreshed and looking good. Derek Melleby, the Director of our College Transition Initiative, plugged in to fill holes and assist where plugged holes and assistance were needed. As always, he also provided some light-hearted entertainment.

I also want to thank our Board members, past and present, for all their hard work over the years. When I established CPYU 20 years ago, I was committed to establishing a board-run non-profit. I needed guidance, direction, and accountability. I didn't want to have a vote. From day one, our board established policy. Over the years they've done a stellar job of being a sounding board, working hard to move us forward, and dealing with some at-times very difficult policy decisions. They have been a great encouragement to me and our staff.

Then, there's our army of faithful supporters. Our prayer supporters are our lifeline. Our financial supporters fuel our tanks each and every day. I can't say enough about those who have entered into this "holy partnership" with us. I am humbled.

Finally, I want to say something about Saturday. The Hope and Healing for Broken Kids seminar stands as a momentary monument to what we've been doing here for 20 years. It is ultimately all about spreading the good news about Jesus Christ and redemption through his death on the cross. It's about communicating the message of God's unfolding drama of redemption that is being revealed around us and within us. It's about embracing the undeserved gift of wholeness in the midst of life in a world that's not the way it's supposed to be. That's why we do what we do.

And so I say "thanks" to the God who has made this and all things possible, and "thanks" to all those (far too numerous to mention here) who have been used as His instruments to push us - and sometimes pull us - forward. And if you would, please commit to praying for us as we move forward for what I hope is the next 20 years!

Legacy. . . .

I love how God uses the sum total of the everyday events of our lives to do things like teach, hone, and remind. The last two weeks have been filled with events that keep reminding me of the power of people and the legacy they leave. It's made me think about my legacy. . . which I know will be filled with things that I don't like. . . and I hope, by God's grace, might be smattered with some things positive.

Two weeks ago I was able to spend a weekend in Chicago with some of my best friends in the entire world. Add to that the 2500 youthworkers who had gathered at the same Simply Youth Ministry Conference, and it was an amazing time of challenge and encouragement. The theme of the weekend was. . . you guessed it. . . "Legacy." Before I had a chance for the theme to sink in, I was approached by numerous people who simply wanted to say "thanks" for the legacy of CPYU. One friend told me that he had been prompted to thank those whose wake he was ministering in. His "thanks" to me meant more than you can imagine. It was humbling, simply because I look inside and see a heart that he can't. Yes, God can and does use us in spite of ourselves.


With "legacy" fresh on my mind, I traveled last weekend to speak at my buddy Mike Flavin's church in New Providence, New Jersey. I was almost literally a stone's throw from the hospital where I was born 53 years ago, and the house my parents carried me home to a few days later. After I was done speaking, we punched the address into the GPS and then drove on over. I talked to the owner, walked around, and stood on the porch. I think I was only 3-years-old when we moved away. Still, I have a few memories of the place that came flooding back.

As we drove away, I thought about the 53 years of my own life and the legacies of others in whose wonderful ministry wake I've been living since 1956. First and foremost, my parents, who modeled and talked about a love for Jesus. That's where I received my foundation. The many teachers, leaders, and missionaries who I was fortunate enough to meet as a result of growing up in a pastor's home. My high school youth pastors to whom I owe a deep debt of gratitude - Phil, Mike, and Chuck. I graduated from high school wanting to be just like them. My profs, friends, and CCO leaders at Geneva College. Lowell Meek, my RD, stands tall among that crew. The pastors I worked under during my years in youth ministry - Richard Burns and my Dad. Those who trained me and walked alongside me during my years with the CCO. My profs and friends at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. My wife Lisa. She's amazing. The list goes on and on. Taking stock of these folks makes my head spin.

Now, the weekend has arrived for us to celebrate 20 years of ministry with CPYU. Almost 300 hundred of our friends will share a meal and celebration tommorrow night. Eleven hours after that ends, we get right back to business as 500 youth workers will gather to learn more about how to deal with the brokenness that exists in kids' lives. As I ponder the legacy that God in His mercy and grace grants to CPYU, it's into the lives of those youth workers, those kids, and their parents that I hope God uses us to leave a legacy for the Kingdom.

20 years. Hard to believe. Soli Deo Gloria.

Yes, Culture Is Changing . . . .

Last week I taped some new video spots with our friends from Simply Youth Ministry. . . stuff for kids on how to evaluate music and media. At one point, I was talking about how technology has changed over the years. You know, trying to describe what once was normal when we were kids to today's kids. . . who have no clue what we are talking about and think we're terribly outdated. Stuff like 8-track tapes, console stereos, etc. Today I saw this 5 second video that one of my adult friends who used to be one of my youth group kids posted on his Facebook page. Funny. Yes, it's changing and changing fast!