Self-Injury. . . What We Don't Know Will Hurt Them. . . .

As a culture-watcher, I sometimes like to “rewind” as a way to gain perspective on just how much and how fast youth culture has changed. The practice serves to wake me up at times when familiarity with what was once relatively unknown lulls us to sleep because it’s become all-too-common and widespread. That creates huge problems, because we’re prone to sleep through things that are so normalized that they don’t catch our attention and wake us up anymore. In just two days, I'll be hosting my good friend Marv Penner on a webinar about one the most pressing youth culture issues we face as parents, counselors, and youth workers. It's "cutting." Sadly, the epidemic of self-injurious behavior that’s swept through and taken up residence in today’s youth culture is one of those things that show us just how much the culture has changed. 

I first-encountered self-injurious behavior – more specifically, cutting – in the adolescent ward of a private psychiatric hospital back in 1974. Days out of high school myself, I was hired as a well-intentioned yet terribly ill-equipped and untrained “Mental Health Technician,” working the four-to-midnight shift with a revolving cast of 15 teenagers who were dealing with a variety of psychiatric disorders. One common-thread besides their close-proximity was a tendency for them all to slice away at themselves with anything and everything sharp that they could get their hands on. Usually, it was on their wrists. That location combined with a great deal of ignorance among our professional supervisors to lead them to instruct us to chart any and every incident as an “attempted suicide” or “suicidal gesture.” In hindsight, none of us had any idea at all what we were dealing with. 

Fast-forward almost twenty years to the early 1990s. It was then that cutting caught my attention. . . again. This time I was studying youth culture full-time, which is why the concerned mother sent me her letter. She wrote, “I am the parent of two students who attend a local Christian school, a 15-year-old girl and a 13-year-old boy. Recently, both of them have told me that they have numerous friends who slice themselves with sharp objects. Can you help me understand what’s going on and what to tell my kids???” A quick trip to the medical library at a local teaching hospital turned up next to nothing. . . which was still far more than I had known two decades earlier. But what was known about cutting by the early 90s was this: It was happening more frequently. It seemed to be launched as a thought or idea without outside provocation. It was usually engaged in alone by 13 or 14-year-old girls who simply had a desire to slice themselves as a result of overbearing emotional pain. Few people were doing it with the goal of taking their lives. Among those who did it, there was quite often an early experience of being victimized by sexual abuse. Once they cut, they felt better. Consequently, they cut again and again, leading to more frequent and severe episodes in an effort to achieve the end of emotional relief. Researchers also reached this conclusion: We need to learn more!

The sad reality is that since receiving that letter, self-injury has swept through youth culture like a plague. It’s not only a sign that more and more kids are hurting more and more deeply, but that cutting is no longer an unspoken and solitarily-discovered coping mechanism for those who hurt. It’s become popularized and thrust into the mainstream as an option for self-therapy and self-care through casual conversations, music, and film. In 2003, Catherine Hardwicke’s poignant film, Thirteen, depicted 13-year-old Tracey’s venture into the world of coping with a chaotic and confusing transition to adolescence through cutting. Last year, the always-relevant Pink took music-fans into the bathtub of a teenager who cuts in the video for her chart-topping song, “F___ing Perfect.” These depictions and others stand as brutal reminders of an increasingly mainstream reality many of us would rather ignore.

One cutter says this about a habit that, for those who don’t do it, seems absurd: “I feel like there's something terrible inside me that I have to get out any way that I can. I think that's part of the reason why I have to bleed. Afterwards, I feel cleansed. I feel like whatever was crushing me before has been removed. I feel calm and in control." Beneath his shirt, unbeknownst to even his closest friends, this twenty-year-old wears the cries of his heart and soul on his chest. Because these marks are usually outward manifestations of inward pain, one researcher has called self-injury "the voice on the skin.

I want to invite all of you who know and love kids to join us for our 90-minute webinar on Thursday at 1pm (Eastern Time) for an eye-opening, practical, helpful, and hope-filled look at the issue of self-injury. Dr. Marv Penner, one of the world's foremost experts on self-injury and author of Hope and Healing For Kids Who Cut, will be walking us into a deeper understanding of this crucial issue. This is a webinar for parents, pastors, counselors, and youth workers. You can get more information and register here.

Caring For Cutters - Part 3 on Kids Who Cut

Yesterday I posted a link on Facebook to my blog on cutting. One of my former youth group kids (who is now a mom in her 40s) commented under the link:  "Last year, my 9th grade daughter could name 23 kids she knew who cut. It's an epidemic!" Yes. . . it's out there and it's widespread. So, what should we do?

First, we must come to an understanding of the path this trend looks to take. We can be sure that the stigma associated with SIB will continue to disappear as this generation's bloody cry of confusion and self-hate appears on individual bodies and collective soul. Consequently, SIB will become more pervasive as a "normal" coping mechanism. If that happens, chances are good that SIB might move so far into the mainstream of youth culture that kids who exhibit none of the classic SIB precipitating factors will cut themselves simply because it's fashionable. In addition, we can expect that increased "publicity" for cutting will plant the idea in younger and younger minds. Eventually, we might expect SIB experimentation to be more common among curious and impressionable young elementary school aged children.

Kids Who Cut - Part 1

As a culture-watcher, I sometimes like to “rewind” as a way to gain perspective on just how much and how fast youth culture has changed. The practice serves to wake me up at times when familiarity with what was once relatively unknown lulls us to sleep because it’s become all-too-common and widespread. That creates huge problems, because we’re prone to sleep through things that are so normalized that they don’t catch our attention and wake us up anymore. Sadly, the epidemic of self-injurious behavior that’s swept through and taken up residence in today’s youth culture is one of those things. My “cutting” rewind reminds me just how diligent we really need to be.

I first-encountered self-injurious behavior – more specifically, cutting – in the adolescent ward of a private psychiatric hospital back in 1974. Days out of high school myself, I was hired as a well-intentioned yet terribly ill-equipped and untrained “Mental Health Technician,” working the four-to-midnight shift with a revolving cast of 15 teenagers who were dealing with a variety of psychiatric disorders. One common-thread besides their close-proximity was a tendency for them all to slice away at themselves with anything and everything sharp that they could get their hands on. Usually, it was on their wrists. That location combined with a great deal of ignorance among our professional supervisors to lead them to instruct us to chart any and every incident as an “attempted suicide” or “suicidal gesture.” In hindsight, none of us had any idea at all what we were dealing with.

Blood Everywhere. . . .

During my college years I had a summer job that was very eye-opening. I worked as a Mental Health Technician in a private psychiatric hospital that was in the middle of shifting from an old school sanitarium for chronic cases (think One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest) to a more modern facility that was focused on treatment and cure. Having grown up near the hospital’s property I had heard, believed, and spread many of the myths and legends about what went on deep into the grounds of the old stone estate that lay at the end of the long, long tree-lined driveway. To put it bluntly, the place was scary. I learned much about the old ways of treating mental illness, along with the emerging new treatments that were rapidly unfolding.

It was the mid-70s. And lost in the transition of what was really going on at least several times a week on the 20-bed adolescent ward that I helped manage during the afternoons and evenings, was a frightening regular occurrence. A not-so-unusual and all-too-frequent behavior we encountered was self-inflected cuts – usually on the arms and wrists – among our population of young patients. Because we were in supervisory roles, we worked with the nurses and doctors as part of the mental health team to record behaviors and enact treatment plans. I distinctly remember – most likely because it was happening regularly – that we were instructed to first seek medical attention for the bleeder, and then to make a chart entry indicating a “suicidal gesture” or “attempted suicide.” Based on what we know now, we were totally missing it.

Some 20 years later – back in the early 90’s – I received a letter from a local woman whose two teenaged children were attending a local Christian high school here in Lancaster County. The woman described some strange behavior her two kids were encountering among a growing number of their friends at the Christian school. They were cutting themselves. I embarked on a mission to get more information, knowing that there had been some significant developments in our understanding of this behavior. I went to the medical library at the local Penn State University teaching hospital in Hershey, and began my search. I found very little in the journals. In fact, the other day I pulled out the file and saw just how little there was. . . . not just in volume, but in understanding. Researchers at that time knew this much: it was happening more, it was happening mostly among young teenage girls, it was largely hidden and not discussed, those who did it were finding emotional relief, there seemed to be a common-thread of sexual abuse victimization in the past history of cutters, and there was a desperate need to do more research in order to gain understanding.

Fortunately, we have been learning more. Unfortunately, more and more kids are cutting and they are doing so with greater frequency and intensity. If you know anything at all about youth culture, you know that cutting is far more common and widespread in today’s world. Just this last week I spoke with another group of Christian college administrators and faculty who say that on their campus – like all other Christian college campuses – cutting and disordered eating continue to populate female dorms at epidemic levels.


This is one of those trends that we cannot ignore. My good friend Marv Penner has been counseling and working with cutters for years. He continues to research the problem and his understanding runs deep. I’m on a mission to get the word out to every youth worker, pastor, and parent about Marv’s new book, Hope and Healing for Kids Who Cut: Learning to Understand and Help Those Who Self-Injure. Each of us plays a vital role in identifying, helping, and referring cutters so that they might find the healing that comes not through the shedding of their own blood, but through the bloody wounds of the one who heals all wounds.

Several years ago I was speaking to a group of youth workers from a large national youth organization. I consider them to be some of the best at reaching kids. After I spoke, I had some great conversations with stragglers. I had difficulty listening to what one straggler was asking me. His arms interrupted my ability to listen. From his wrists all the way up to where his arms disappeared underneath his sleeves, every bit of his skin was covered by horizontal scars. It looked like scars on scars. He didn’t cower from my question nor did he think it rude when I asked, “Would you tell me about your arms?” I learned a lot more about cutting that day. I learned a lot about that young youth workers life and his past struggles. I learned about the redemption he had experienced. I saw why he was so effective in his ministry with kids who cut. This is stuff we all need to learn.

Inside A Cutter's Heart - Kids Who Cut, Part 2

If we care at all about kids we should learn to recognize, understand, and answer these visual cries of a generation longing for spiritual truth, emotional healing, and answers. Self-injurious behavior (SIB) or self-inflicted violence (SIV) has been defined as "the commission of deliberate harm to one's own body. The injury is done to oneself, without the aid of another person, and the injury is severe enough for tissue damage (such as scarring) to result. Acts that are committed with conscious suicidal intent or are associated with sexual arousal are excluded." By May 2013, the publication of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual – 5 is likely to include a new diagnosis - NSSI, or Non-Suicidal Self-Injury.

Since SIB is still stigmatized and usually hidden, accurate statistics on its prevalence are difficult to find. What is known is that the average self-injurer begins at age 14 and continues the practice, usually with increasing severity, into his/her late 20's.

Hurting Kids. . . .

I returned home from a great trip to Grand Rapids and Holland, Michigan to a wonderful article by Helen Colwell Adams in the Lancaster Sunday News. Helen interviewed Marv Penner and Rich Van Pelt about their upcoming trip to our area for the March 13 Hope and Healing for Broken Kids seminar.

Here's what Helen wrote. . . and it's great stuff about the very discouraging world of our kids. . .

When the first in-depth book on the phenomenon called "cutting" was published in 1998, one in every 250 teenage girls reported injuring themselves as a response to psychic pain.

Boys didn't have a problem with self-injury, the book, called "Cutting," concluded.

Just a couple of years ago, Marv Penner said, Princeton University surveyed its incoming freshmen and found that one in five young women and one in seven young men had cut themselves.

But the skyrocketing rate of self-injury reflects a broader cultural trend: broken and hurting kids.

Giving those teenagers both healing and hope is the reason why Penner, the head of Youth Specialties Canada, and Rich Van Pelt, national director of ministry relationships for Compassion International, are coming to Gap next month for a seminar aimed at parents, pastors, youth leaders and teachers.

"Hope and Healing for Broken Kids" is sponsored by the Elizabethtown-based Center for Parent-Youth Understanding. Seminar sessions focus on the kinds of hurt and brokenness teenagers are experiencing and on the specific concerns of cutting and suicide.

"There is some deep, deep brokenness," said Walt Mueller, CPYU's president.

"We see it in the research. Even worse, I see it in the faces of kids and parents each and every week as I travel around the country talking about youth culture."

Some national surveys seem to show that the "Millennial" generation is more than fine when it comes to measures of self-esteem.

But appearances can be deceiving. Penner and Van Pelt said pain and brokenness are becoming epidemic, not only in North America but around the world.

Kids don't open up about their hurt unless they trust the adult they're talking to, the seminar leaders noted. They don't want to risk being ignored --again.

Indeed, the most common kind of brokenness they encounter is the pain of betrayed trust.

"We desperately need kids to be OK because it affirms us as adults," Penner said.

"It not only affirms us," Van Pelt interjected, "but lets us off the hook."

"Plus," Penner added, "we don't have a clue what to do if they're not OK."

Adolescence often is a time when teenagers learn their parents aren't perfect and that families aren't always safe places to be. "We've complicated that by putting them in a historical moment where everything seems to be breaking down," Penner said.

"We as adults, for a plethora of reasons, have abandoned kids and have left them to fend for themselves," Van Pelt said. "The kind of support systems that kids historically counted on to help them through the turbulence of adolescence just aren't there any longer."

So teenagers look to their peers for support -- support that other teenagers aren't capable of providing. And kids end up even more hurt by "the bad decisions that they're making to try to fill the void that exists in their lives."

Twenty-first century teenagers are part of "a generation that's raising itself," Penner said.

"Kids are hurried to grow up in a culture where there's so much pressure on them to perform for their parents, to try to please parents in this desperate hope ... that they might get their needs met," Van Pelt said.

When teens' relationship with adults in their lives seems to depend on how well the kids perform, Penner added, the result is "shame-driven kids who believe there's something defective about them. They're not good enough."

The phenomenon of brokenness crosses socioeconomic and cultural lines.

"It just manifests differently," Van Pelt noted. "Kids in the 'burbs have their gangs. It just looks different" from urban kids' gangs.

"It's astounding to see how these phenomena that we're quite familiar with in North America are beginning to show up in cultures around the world," Penner said. He just returned from South Korea, which is reported to have the highest rate of adolescent suicide in the world. Self-injury is a rising problem in Korea, Hong Kong and other Asian countries.

One indication that brokenness is on the rise, he noted, is that cutting is no longer adequate for some kids to deal with their hurt.

The latest form of self-injury is called embedding, when "kids actually open their skin and bury destructive [items], usually shards of glass or bits of metal under their skin so they can just pound on it and cause internal damage."

"The level of self-destructive behaviors that they're choosing to cope are unprecedented," Van Pelt said.

But in the hurt, Penner and Van Pelt said, hope remains.

Often parents are cast as "the enemy," Penner said, with the perception that parents have disconnected from their kids because of self-absorption. The reality, though, is that parents often are "terrified they don't know what to do" with their teenagers.

"Coming alongside parents is a huge part of this," he said, "not to berate them, but to support them."

Churches also need to realize how much they have to offer kids -- not in terms of teaching or information as much as in providing "a safe place to belong and consistent, authentic availability" that teenagers can't find in other institutions, Penner noted.

"We want to help parents, youth workers, educators, and pastors address these very real issues with biblically faithful and time-tested strategies," Mueller, the CPYU president, said.

In the conservative church, Van Pelt said, "there's the sense that we need to circle the wagons and isolate our kids from what's going on," for instance, by homeschooling. But it's a mistake to think that anyone can isolate kids from the culture.

"What we're finding over and over again is that kids are starved for relationships," he said.

That's what parents and churches can offer broken kids.

"Empowering parents to know how to come alongside their kids in pain is freeing for parents," Van Pelt said. "That's where the hope is."

"Hope and Healing for Broken Kids" will be held from 8:45 a.m.-5 p.m. Saturday, March 13, at the Family Center, 835 Houston Run Drive, Gap. Registration is $35 per person in advance or $40 at the door. Group and college student rates are available. For information and to register, visit cpyu.org or phone 800-807-CPYU.

Some Thoughts On Integrity. . . .

I was looking at the paint on our bedroom walls the other day. I painted them four years ago. The job took much longer than I had hoped or expected (doesn’t it always?!?). Even though I’m a perfectionist when it comes to painting, my desire to just get done and get back to life led to a temptation to compromise my usual standards of neatness. My last painting project in our bedroom was our walk-in closet. Because nobody other than my family would be entering the closet and because it would be filled with all kinds of stuff once I was done, I caught myself thinking about painting faster, cutting corners, settling for only one coat, and being generally sloppy because, after all, it was only the closet and nobody would ever know. I wanted to get outside and enjoy the summer.

But my conscience got the better of me. I realized that if I had compromised my standards, each time I walked into that closet I would know that even though the rest of the job looked good, the walls hidden in that dark little space didn’t meet my standard. My painting job would have lacked integrity.

Integrity is an issue for all followers of Christ regardless of our age. The dictionary defines integrity as “firm adherence to a code of moral values” and “the quality of being complete or undivided.” For Christians in my generation, our compromise oftentimes takes the form of putting on a good show for others, while living with lower standards and cutting corners in “the closests” of our lives frequented only by our selves. . . those places that we think are never seen by others. However, as youthworkers and parents, we can be sure that our kids’ watchful eyes see more than we know or imagine.

I believe that the emerging generation of children and teens have learned well from our example. So much so, in fact, that they are now a generation where professing Christian kids are less prone to even try to hide their duplicity. They are marked by an increasing willingness to wear their lack of integrity on their sleeves with no cares about what anybody else thinks. For example, I can talk about being a follower of Christ, eagerly engage in corporate worship, sleep with my girlfriend, embrace a lifestyle of materialism that leaves me feeling entitled to everything, cheat in school, etc. . . . and do it all without even thinking there’s anything wrong or contradictory with any of it. It’s the same lack of integrity my generation has struggled with, but it’s now wearing a completely different face.

Charles Colson once wrote, “The church’s singular failure in recent decades has been the failure to see Christianity as a life system, or worldview, that governs every area of existence.”[1] In other words, we lack the integrity that Jesus calls for when he tells his followers to love the Lord your God with all you are, have, do, and ever will be (Mark 12:30) . . . consistently. Integrity describes a life that is united in a complete and consistent whole. An integrated life is one where words, thoughts and actions consistently reflect the will of God in our lives.

What can we do to counter the loss of integrity in today’s youth culture and the lives of our kids?

First, we need to take a long, hard look in the mirror to see what kind of example we are offering, both outside and inside our “closets.” Prayerfully take corrective action where necessary.

Second, we must map out a lifestyle of joyful integrity through our daily lives. The way we minister, play, work, worship, relate, and live all of life should model integrity to our kids.

Third, we must map out a life of integrity through our words. Never forget that the kids you know and love are on the road to adulthood. Full of confusion and questions, they want and need your guidance. Speak up loudly and often, challenging commonly held cultural standards that steer them in the wrong direction. In addition, don’t be afraid to speak openly about the specific duplicity you see them adopting in their own lives. Spoken in the context of a loving relationship, your words have tremendous power.

May God grant us all the grace to live lives marked by an infectious integrity that fills every room and closet, both now and for generations to come!

---

[1] Charles Colson, How Now Shall We Live (Wheaton, Ill: Tyndale House, 199), p. xii.

Lady Gaga. . . Born This Way. . . The Voice of a Generation?. . .

I'm not sure I can recall the release of a single that's been more trumpeted, more anticipated, or even more methodically marketed than the Lady Gaga song dropped onto our pop culture landscape just a few short hours ago. The trend-setting and cutting-edge pop star who - at every turn - sends shivers up the spines of anyone and everyone (either shivers of great, liberating joy. . . shivers of great fear and distress. . . or shivers of something in between)told us all back at the 2010 MTV VMA's that this was going to happen sometime soon. Today, the first single release and title track from her new album - "Born This Way" - is out. . . and it's probably the biggest thing happening in the world of pop culture. That's no exaggeration. This is big. Really big.

While the video is yet to be released, this morning's release of the audio track is a teaser for her live performance of the song which is scheduled for Sunday night's Grammy Awards. The video release will be even bigger. One young fan posted this reaction to the song on a message board: OH MY GAGA. THIS SONG IS ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE! SHE IS FEARLESS. THIS IS THE ANTHEM OF A GENERATION. WE WERE BORN THIS WAY BABY!!!!!!!

I don't think it's a coincidence that two days ago I met with three representatives of Harvest USA, an amazing ministry that addresses sexual brokenness with great compassion and integrity. During that meeting I told them that I believe that issues related to sexuality, particularly same-sex attraction and same-sex experimentation, are the most pressing issues we must address in youth ministry over the course of the next 12 to 24 months. It's crucial. Lady Gaga's new song reminds us of just how important this is. Give "Born This Way" a listen. . . and follow the lyrics as you do. Remember, this is just the song without the support of the video treatment which we have yet to see. . .




INTRO:
It doesn't matter if you love him, or capital H-I-M
Just put your paws up'
cause you were Born This Way, Baby

VERSE:
MY MAMA TOLD ME WHEN I WAS YOUNG
WE ARE ALL BORN SUPERSTARS
SHE ROLLED MY HAIR AND PUT MY LIPSTICK ON
IN THE GLASS OF HER BOUDOIR
"THERE'S NOTHIN WRONG WITH LOVIN WHO YOU ARE"
SHE SAID, "'CAUSE HE MADE YOU PERFECT, BABE"
"SO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP GIRL AND YOU'LL GO FAR,
LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY"

CHORUS:
I'M BEAUTIFUL IN MY WAY
'CAUSE GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY

DON'T HIDE YOURSELF IN REGRET
JUST LOVE YOURSELF AND YOU'RE SET
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY

POST-CHORUS:
OOO THERE AIN'T NO OTHER WAY
BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY
BABY I WAS BORN THIS WAY
OOO THERE AIN'T NO OTHER WAY
BABY I WAS BORN-
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY

DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN
DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN
DON'T BE A DRAG -JUST BE A QUEEN
DON'T BE!

VERSE:
GIVE YOURSELF PRUDENCE
AND LOVE YOUR FRIENDS
SUBWAY KID, REJOICE YOUR TRUTH
IN THE RELIGION OF THE INSECURE
I MUST BE MYSELF, RESPECT MY YOUTH
A DIFFERENT LOVER IS NOT A SIN
BELIEVE CAPITAL H-I-M (HEY HEY HEY)
I LOVE MY LIFE I LOVE THIS RECORD AND
MI AMORE VOLE FE YAH (LOVE NEEDS FAITH)

REPEAT CHORUS + POST-CHORUS

BRIDGE:
DON'T BE A DRAG, JUST BE A QUEEN
WHETHER YOU'RE BROKE OR EVERGREEN
YOU'RE BLACK, WHITE, BEIGE, CHOLA DESCENT
YOU'RE LEBANESE, YOU'RE ORIENT
WHETHER LIFE'S DISABILITIES
LEFT YOU OUTCAST, BULLIED, OR TEASED
REJOICE AND LOVE YOURSELF TODAY
'CAUSE BABY YOU WERE BORN THIS WAY

NO MATTER GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BI,
LESBIAN, TRANSGENDERED LIFE
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO SURVIVE
NO MATTER BLACK, WHITE OR BEIGE
CHOLA OR ORIENT MADE
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN TO BE BRAVE

REPEAT CHORUS

OUTRO/REFRAIN:
I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!
I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!

I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!
I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!
I'M ON THE RIGHT TRACK BABY
I WAS BORN THIS WAY HEY!

I'm anticipating some major push-back from some folks, but I think that the release of this song marks a watershed moment in our understanding of who we are and where we're going as a culture. That's why it needs to be listened to, watched, tracked, and talked about. It cannot be ignored. "Born This Way" offers a mix of truth (God as Creator, inherent value and worth, etc.), and a host of very dangerous ideas that are evidence of our slide into a postmodern world void of the truth factor. Yes, God has made us just the way He wanted to, instilling in us tremendous value and worth. The Scriptures are clear on that. But we are sinful and polluted beings who need to exercise Biblical discernment in our assessments of ourselves, our natures, what we believe, and how we live. Without a deep and sobering understanding of our own sin, we can never fully understand or appreciate the grace we received at the cross. The song puts forth and promotes a way of thinking about, looking at, and living life that's been increasingly embraced in our culture. We are who we are. . . but we need to be who we've been called to be. Lady Gaga is making some powerful statements about the nature of God, the nature of humanity, the nature of sin, and how to live life. The whole world is watching, listening, and believing.

Lady Gaga is not a flash-in-the-pan performer. She is speaking for a generation. She is leading a generation. If you are older, think about how attitudes, values, and behaviors have changed over the years. . . over a very short span of years. As I've said before, I'm so thankful that our kids have by-and-large walked away from the attitudes that I and my peers had towards homosexuals when I was in high school. Thinking back, it was horrible. But now, the pendulum has swung in the other direction, to leave us living in a world where we love sinners and celebrate sin. What was once seen as vice is now virtuous. And to use the words "sinner" or "sin" . . . well. . . that's actually the only thing that's seen as a sin.

"Born This Way" is a wake-up call. What are we going to do with it when we get out of bed? Stay tuned. And do I think Lady Gaga is the voice of a generation in this song? Yes, absolutely. I'm sure I'll be sharing more thoughts in this during the coming days. What are thinking?

"I've Got A Kid. . . . "

There were three harrowing phone calls the other day that began with someone in ministry saying, "I've got a kid. . . " In each case, what followed were descriptions of horrifying brokenness and hurt.

Call #1- "I've got a kid who was found by one of my volunteer leaders walking on the side of the road. . . soaking wet, freezing, and carrying belongings in a bag. What do we do?" This providential encounter with a 14-year-old runaway who had just been arrested for the fourth time for shoplifting brought a youth worker into the kid's life for the first time. Now, as he lay broken and confused in a hospital after falling into a freezing river and nearly dying, the youth worker was at a loss for what to do next.

Call #2 - "I've got a kid in my church who is 16-years-old, very bright, a professing follower of Jesus. . . and she's cutting herself severely. What do we do?" Here's a kid from a Christian home. Her father is a leader in the church. She's questioning her life and her faith. She wears her hurt on her arms. What do we do next?

Call #3 - "I've got a kid in our church who is questioning her sexual identity. She's dabbling with homosexuality. Her parents are at a loss. We haven't faced this in our youth ministry before. We're at a loss. What should we do?"

As the years have passed in my own life, I've realized just how deep and wide brokenness and hurt run through our culture. I've also realized just how badly hope and healing are needed. Those who consciously or unconsciously buy into a human-centered understanding of life (yes, even Christians do this), tell us that we need to be more positive, to think more positive, and to not let this stuff get us down. But when you read the Scriptures. . . really read the Scriptures. . . the unavoidable reality is that life and everything in it is deeply flawed and horribly broken. That's the way it is from Genesis 3:6. And when that understanding is diminished, our need for Jesus is diminished as well. That's why recognizing and being realistic about brokenness is really all about being truthful.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture comes from the book of the Bible that confuses me the most - Revelation. While I can't for the life of me figure out the symbolism and details (consequently, I don't spend any time trying to figure them out), what is clear and unmistakable is what Revelation is really all about. That favorite passage of mine captures it. . . Revelation 21:3-5 - "And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.' He who sits on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'"

I look forward to that day. Whether they know it or, every human being is longing for that same thing. Until then, we need to endeavor to serve the King by doing all we can to bring chunk after chunk of that Kingdom and its hope into every life and nook and cranny of life that our lives are privileged to touch.

We're committed to that here at CPYU. For those of you who live in the Northeast, we're thrilled to invite you - parents, youth workers, pastors, counselors, etc. - to a one-day training event, Hope and Healing for Broken Kids, with Marv Penner and Rich Van Pelt. The date is Saturday, April 21st. The place is the metro New York City area. . . New Providence, NJ to be exact. We'd love to have you there. You can learn more here. And for those of you who might like to host this event in your community, just give us a call here at CPYU (800-807-CPYU).

You've Got To Be Kidding! . . . .

For years I've been relying on the world of advertising to help me explain youth culture. . . what it is, where it has come from, where it's going, and what it can tell us about kids. Those of us committed to "listening twice" - to the Word and the world - are always looking for and deconstructing the latest ad.

If you've been around when I've talked about the world of advertising and the way it has evolved over the years, you've probably seen some of the old ads that even though they were once cutting-edge and relevant, are now absolutely ridiculous. . . or even downright scary!

The other day, Derek Melleby forwarded to me an email that featured some of these old ads that "we will NEVER see again." I've included some in my presentations over the years. . . . but this is a great collection! So just for fun. . . . enjoy. . . .

The Soul in Cyberspace. . . 14 Years Later. . .

I'm still researching this project related to the role the digital frontier and social media are playing in culture and the lives of our kids. Yesterday I spotted a book on my shelf that was published in 1997, the same year I gave it a read. It's The Soul in Cyberspace by Douglas Groothuis. At the time, it was one of a few serious and thoughtful critiques of our developing digital world written from a Christian perspective. Still, when I spotted it yesterday I brushed it off as 14-years-old and most likely hopelessly outdated. To be honest, I thought it might be as relevant today as a monochrome (green and white, I think) monitor in a high-def flat-screen monitor world.

Still, I picked it up, brought it home, and read it again last night. I realized that with 14 years of monumental change under our belts since Groothuis first published his book, The Soul in Cyberspace was incredibly prophetic for its time and even more so relevant today.

We are integrated, troubled souls who long for redemption. Groothuis looks at and ponders the possible effects of the digital age with a Biblical worldview as the foundation. He says that any investigation of the fate of the soul in cyberspace must confront the jealous deity/god of technology, an almost-universally-held default belief that those things which are new and cutting edge are the only reliable sources for improving the human condition and ushering in redemption. Yes, even in the church. And so, we worship and follow and serve and are consumed by/with this god.

He quotes social critic Langdon Winner on our dangerous propensity (yes, even as Christians!) to quickly say "yes" to all this new stuff, to quickly integrate it without thoughtful reflection into our lives, and then ask questions later. We do that, don't we? And because the digital age has sped things up, we jettison thoughtful reflection much faster than we used to. In fact, we don't even give the need for thoughtful reflection a thought. How about this quote from Winner. . . "In the technical realm we repeatedly enter into a series of social contracts, the terms of which are revealed only after signing." Yep. That shows just how ignorant we've become.

Groothuis goes on to call for Christians to tackle life on the digital frontier with a commitment to avoiding worldliness. I like to call that "living redemptively." It's that "in but not of" type of living Jesus prayed for us the night before he died. Groothuis writes, "When worldly though patterns prevail, forms of culture are adopted (whether knowingly or unknowingly) that are God-resisting and dehumanizing; idols are embraced instead of exposed; the relative is absolutized and the absolute relativized."

He goes on to cite one of my heroes of the faith, Jacques Ellul, a sociologist I was first introduced to in college: "The Christian has a prophetic mission to try to think before events become inevitable." That's what I hope our CPYU Digital Kids Initiative will do. I hope that pastors, parents, youth workers and kids adopt a lifestyle of thinking Christianly about these and all other matters.

Re-reading this book reminded me that we need to settle down, stop, reflect, get our bearings, and even embrace 14-year-old thought that we increasingly are led to believe (erroneously) has a very short shelf life.

And for those fearing where I may be headed. . . no. . . I'm not becoming a Luddite.

Vice or Virtue? . . . .

My morning routine starts in our living room where I begin each day on our couch. Not a day passes when I don't look up to my left at a picture frame that contains some kind of crafty visualization (sorry,I'm not exactly sure what the German-looking paper cutting in the frame is called)of a couple of verses that continue to grow in significance for me: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5&6). It reminds me that I can choose to live life under the guidance and Lordship of the Creator, or I can choose to live my life under the guidance and lordship of any other number of things.

Yesterday I had one of those moments that brought those verses to mind in the context of concern and sadness. I was spending some time watching music videos on one of the many MTV outlets. . . one small practice that offers a window into the world of youth culture. Over the years I've seen my share of overt sexual expressions on MTV. Sadly, I think that in some ways the practice has left me desensitized and not much shocks me anymore. Even so, a trio of back-to-back-to-back videos hit me hard. First, there was Jamie Foxx, Kanye West, Drake, and The Dream's "Digital Girl". . . embedded below if you're interested. Next came Pit Bull and "Hotel Room Service". . . the most over-the-top and alarming of the three. Finally, Sean Paul's "So Fine." This normal everyday visual and lyrical fare filled my eyes, ears, heart, and mind with a smorgasbord of values regarding women, relationships, and sexuality. Suffice it to say, this was not the stuff of straight paths. I'm a 53-year-old man who has years behind him filled with experience, his own mistakes and misunderstandings, teaching on that straight path, some broken-in and practiced (yet, not perfect) filters, and. . . I hope and trust. . . a growing sense of what does and doesn't bring glory to God. I wondered, what does this stuff do to kids who have little or none of that, but inquisitive and moldable minds?

In preparation for a new seminar on Narcissism that I'm going to present later this month at the National Youthworkers Convention, I've been doing quite a bit of study and reflection. One thing that's become abundantly clear is that over the course of the last thirty or so years, narcissism and the focus on self has gone from being perceived as a vice, to being seen and embraced as a virtue. Jean Twenge's growing body of research proves this fact. I think the same thing is happening in terms of how boys and men and being conditioned to view women, treat women, and understand/experience the wonderful God-given gift of their sexuality. Yesterday, my 53-year-old self saw that video trifecta as a celebration of vice. I'm guessing that a overwhelming majority of young viewers didn't think twice about those videos and their powerful depictions of how to live life. Perhaps they saw them as depicting virtue. If so, I am - in their eyes - hopeless out-dated and old-fashioned.

That's got me thinking about Proverbs 3:5&6. I wonder what would happen if I asked kids to think about their lives and then fill in the blanks on these sentences? . . . "Trust in ______________ with all your heart and lean not on ___________________. In all your ways acknowledge _______________ and _______________ will make your paths straight."

Jamie Foxx - New Music - More Music Videos

Hey Death. . . You Don't Win. . .

It's a week to think about death. . . . but that's not all. Thanks to the reality of Christ's sacrifice, the resurrection is ours as well! Death is not the end of the story! Charles Spurgeon captured the essence of the fallout from the Good News that we celebrate this week when he wrote, "When the time comes for you to die, you need not be afraid, because death cannot separate you from God's love." C.S. Lewis reminds us of the perspective we must embrace as followers of Christ: "Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind." That might be the greatest understatement Lewis ever penned.

I need the reminders of this week. You see, for many years I thought little about death. I never attended a funeral until I was an adult. In terms of my family members, I've only experienced the deaths of three grandparents who had lived very long lives. I've had several youth group kids die young over the years, but somehow the ease of my own life always allowed me to find solace in moving on and forgetting, more so than in grappling with the reality of death and the wonderful gift of the reality of the resurrection.

To be honest, I knew of the resurrection and I proclaimed it, but I don't think I was embracing it as I should. My own sense of youthful invulnerability eclipsed the reality of my own mortality. Then, God gave me the gifts of a speeding car through my office wall along with a trip over my bicycle handlebars to seriously consider the fact that yes. . . someday, I too was going to die.

In recent years I have worked hard to slow down during this week that we commemorate God's undoing of death and all the other things resulting from our sin and selfishness. I don't want to miss being amazed by the most amazing historical event ever. This year, the pondering is running deep for me. Tomorrow I will be attending the funeral for a 32-year-old we know who died suddenly last week. We hurt for his family. . . his wife, four-year-old son, dad, mom, and brother. We hurt for his unborn son who is due to arrive June. This is not the way things are supposed to be. This morning, I went back and read the text exchange that I was having with Pete's brother after Pete had died. Pete's brother wrote, "He is with the Lord. Praise God. The hope we look to in faith is now his reality." I'm sure that Pete's family members are enduring days filled with the ups and downs that come with grieving a great loss in the context of hope. But they have hope.

As I was texting back and forth last night with Pete's brother, this little note from a Facebook friend popped up:  Lowell's dad died suddenly on Saturday evening in a farm accident. He was out in the woods doing what he loved to do-- cutting and hauling in fire wood. It was a shock to all of us to hear the news of his death. Please pray for the family as they gather from around the globe. Pray especially for Lowell's mom. She is doing remarkably well--- full of faith and hope. 

Full of faith and hope. . . how do people get through their grief without the hope of the resurrection?

And then just a few minutes later I watched the report (embedded below) on the NBC news about the shooting at the Kansas Jewish Community Center. Again, I was pounded with the hope of the resurrection as Mindy Corcoran, just hours after losing both her father and her son in the shooting, gave testimony to the faith she has in Christ. . . not just through her words, but through her willingness and ability to stand and speak about the tragedy. Just watch. . . .



If the message of Easter has become an old, old story to you, think about the life, death, and resurrection of Christ and the hope that exists for those who are in Christ. Ponder the very real and unexplainable hope that is transcending the very real grief that is visiting the families of Pete, Lowell, and Mindy Corcoran.

The Psalmist wrote these amazing, truth-filled words : "Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints." (Psalm 116:15).

A Dangerous Adolescent Sexual Practice. . . .

Last weekend we held our Hope and Healing for Broken Kids one-day training conference in New Jersey. During one of the breaks, I stepped in on one of the many serious conversations taking place in the room. People were talking about specific problems and specific kids in their ministries. In this particular conversation, a youth worker was asking questions about a curious sexual practice that one of his students had encountered and experimented with. It was something I had heard before and something we have addressed over the years here at CPYU. I decided to rewind back to the mid-1990's and something I had written on this sexual behavior when it was spreading through the teen population. Here's what I wrote:

The black and white photo of the smiling young face caught my eye as I flipped past the obituary page of the morning paper. Printed above the photo were the words, "Kevin J. Witmer*, honor student." I read through the obituary and discovered that Kevin had been involved in camping, hiking, solving environmental problems, and had recently been named "Student of the month" at his junior-high school. The next paragraph told how Kevin had been found hanging in his bedroom. I wondered why this "all-American" kid took his own life.

Several days later a letter from Kevin's parents appeared in the newspaper. "Two weeks ago, our 14-year-old son died," they wrote. "Because the morning obituary omitted the word `accidentally,' there has been much speculation that it was intentional. Kevin did not commit suicide. We are willing to share what little we know with any parent who wants to call us." A conversation with his mother confirmed my suspicions: Kevin had died while "scarfing".

Oh Man. . . We're Excited About This! . . . .

One of our goals here at CPYU is to help parents, youth workers, and teachers effectively teach kids how to integrate their faith into all of life. One of the most discouraging marks of churched and professing Christian kids today is that they are living very disjointed lives. While they might be applying their faith effectively and consciously to one or more areas of their lives, they fail to see how their faith should inform other areas of their lives.


Perhaps you've been frustrated by the growing number of kids who never endeavor to think consciously and Christianly about what God and His Word might have to say about the hours and hours of media that they engage with each and every day. Our duty and calling is clear - we must teach kids how to integrate their faith into their media use and choices. To that end, several years ago I wrote a little media evaluation guide that's been taught and used with tens of thousands of kids. It's called, How to Use Your Head to Guard Your Heart: A 3(d) Guide to Making Responsible Media Choices. Kids are using this guide to filter everything they see, hear, and use in their media world.


Now, we're really excited to tell you about another media evaluation tool we've developed in conjunction with Doug Fields and our good friends at Simply Youth Ministry. The folks over at SYM are known for developing cutting edge DVD curriculum for use with kids. I was thrilled when they came to me and asked, "How would you like to do a DVD curriculum with us that youth workers, parents, and teachers can use to help teach kids how to use your 3(d) guide?" Easy answer. . . . "SURE!" So, we put together Download: Teaching Teenagers to Filter Their Media Choices with Walt Mueller, a 3-part video curriculum that you can learn more about here.

As the fall kicks-off and you're looking for something substantial to use as a teaching tool with your kids, please consider using Download. This isn't a once-and-done proposition. Once you've gone through the 3 lessons with your students, spend one meeting or small-group time every month practicing the skills and engaging in real-life Bible study.

Here's a little clip from Download to give you a taste of what's on the DVD:

A Couple of My Heroes. . . .

My good friend and CPYU Associate Staffer Paul Robertson has a wonderful habit of asking me the same question whenever we chat: "What are you reading?" I love that question. I loved being asked because it tells me that the one doing the asking is a learner. I love being asked because it keeps me on my toes. . . and reading. And I love being asked because it reminds me to be constantly asking others the same question. . . which has led me to discover some great books I might otherwise have never known about.

Another reading question I love is one I'm thrilled to be asked by youth workers: "What books do you recommend I read?" Over the course of the last few years I've been answering the question not only with a list of books, but with a list of authors. Two of those authors that have shaped and reflected my own thinking on matters of faith and culture in concise and readable ways are two guys that I'm now privileged to count not only as heroes, but as friends. They're both humble and unassuming guys who are incredibly gifted, have amazing stories, and who have gotten enough years of experience under their belts to have deep wells of time-tested wisdom to draw from and share. They are guys I encourage you to seek out so that you can sit at their feet, listen, and learn.


The first is Dick Staub. You can learn more about Dick at his website. I used to require his first book - Too Christian, Too Pagan - in all the undergrad and grad classes I taught. Students ate it up and consistently said that it transformed their thinking and lives in terms of who we're called to be as Christ's followers in the world. Sadly, that book is out of print. . . but still worth looking for. Then Dick released his next book, The Culturally-Savvy Christian, and once again students had the opportunity to soak up some wonderful wisdom on finding their place in God's world.

The second is John Fischer. Perhaps you've heard me speak in the past about how as a 9th grade, I sat in the bleachers at a Philly high school and heard this long-haired guy with a guitar sing about Jesus. Just to get some context. . . that was a long time ago. Music like that was really cutting edge. I was 14 and John Fischer was 23. John then started to use his writing skills to go beyond music. Since then, he's written several books. A few years ago I stumbled upon a copy of Fearless Faith and I was blown away. I began requiring students to read that book. The response was unbelievable. When have you ever heard an undergrad say to his prof, "Thanks for requiring that book! It's changed me."????? I heard that from several students over the years.

I thought I would pass on some quotes from the beginning of Fearless Faith that shatter so much of the conventional and erroneous thinking that has infected the church over the years:

"He doesn't intend for us to be removed from the world, but to be protected in the middle of it. He doesn't want us removed from danger, he wants us surrounded by danger on every hand - but safe from the evil one."

"The prayers of Jesus are completely in accord with God's will because he and the Father are one. If Jesus prays for our protection, then it is because he knows God fully intends to protect us. And if he prays for us not to be removed from the world, it is because he has no intention of rescuing us out of the world. This is not a well-intentioned wish on the part of Jesus. It is the will of God to leave us in the world and meet us with all the provisions and protection we need to be here and be involved in the world. Anything short of this is less that what God intends for us."

"We want to be safe in a safer world; God wants us to be safe in an unsafe world. We want to protect ourselves by removing ourselves from danger; God wants to protect us in the middle of danger."

"The more we remove ourselves from the world, the worse the world gets in the absence of a Christian influence and the stronger the argument becomes to stay away from the world. If we were training our children to understand and critically examine the world's popular art, literature, music, and film instead of limiting them to safe Christian versions of these things, we might have a different world waiting for us in the next generation."

John nails it. . . over and over again. I've come to love John's thinking and message so much that a couple of years ago I approached him and invited him to consider serving on Associate Staff with CPYU. I was blown away when he accepted. I'm thrilled that John is now traveling and speaking on our behalf about true fearless and biblical faith. He's a voice you need to hear. I hope that some of you would consider doing what you can to help others hear John's message. If you're interested in bringing John in to speak to your adults, young adults, college students, or other group, you can click here to learn more.

What are you reading? Who are you listening to? May I recommend Dick Staub and John Fischer?

Leave Them Alone. . . .

The media’s latest blitz, not surprisingly, is all about last Saturday’s shootings in Arizona. The fact that a young gunman killed or wounded a total of 20 people is certainly newsworthy. Add to that the fact that a federal judge and nine-year-old little girl were killed and the Congresswoman targeted in the shooting was critically injured, and the story becomes all the more compelling. We need to know about these things, as watching the news gives us insight into who we are, how we’ve gone terribly wrong, and our need to look for remedy’s to the sin that runs so deep and wide in our world. But sin should never justify further wrong actions or lapses in common-sense and good judgment. Specifically, I’m thinking about two threads that are developing fast in this sad and compelling saga.

First, there’s the media’s obsession with the family of Jared Loughner, the young man who planned this out and pulled the trigger. We’ve seen the scene before – media trucks, bright lights, and a growing bank of cameras that are all part of the makeshift camp that sits outside the Loughner’s home. What new news does the media expect to gather from a set of parents who are horrified, in shock, grieving, dizzied, and wondering what to do next? What are they expected to say beyond what’s already been said in the statement they released? And why would so many of us choose to stay glued to the television set voyeuristically watching, all the while hoping that something new will happen and we won’t miss it when it does? These people need to be left alone.

Second, there are those unbalanced and terribly misguided folks from the Westboro Baptist Church who have announced their intentions to show up to make a scene as those living and grieving bury their dead. We know for a fact that these folks have a history of bad theology and bad judgment. Is additional airtime helping the situation, when that’s why they choose to show up in the first place? Perhaps the media machine could for once make a unified decision to let these people exercise their first-amendment rights without having to tell anyone that they’re doing so. The media needs to leave the folks from Westboro Baptist alone, just like the folks from Westboro Baptist need to leave grieving families alone. . . that is, unless they want to truly minister to those who mourn.

Sadly, one thing we can’t deny is that we’ve grown to love watching this kind of stuff. Maybe we need to leave it all alone, cut off the supply by cutting off our demand, and get on with the more important aspects of living life in God’s world.

A Youth Culture Peek Worth Watching Tonight. . . .

We used to call these "VCR alerts" here at CPYU. That was back when the VCR was cutting edge technology. I'm not sure what we are supposed to call it now that technology is changing at breakneck speed. For now, let's just call it "maybe you should watch this!"

Tonight, PBS is running a POV episode featuring the film "Only The Young." The synopsis of the film says this: "Only the Young follows three unconventional Christian teenagers coming of age in a small Southern California town. Skateboarders Garrison and Kevin, and Garrison's on-and-off girlfriend, Skye, wrestle with the eternal questions of youth: friendship, true love and the promise of the future. Yet their lives are also touched by the distress signals of contemporary America — foreclosed homes, abandoned businesses and adults in financial trouble. As graduation approaches, these issues become shocking realities. With sun-drenched visuals, lyrical storytelling and a soul-music soundtrack, Only the Young embodies the innocence and candor of its youthful subjects — and of adolescence itself."

Be sure to give it a look. . . .

Watch Only the Young - Trailer on PBS. See more from POV.

5 Adults to 1 Kid. . . But Who Are the 5? . . .

Shortly after graduating from seminary in the mid-1980s, I jumped back into local church youth ministry with a renewed commitment to ministry effectiveness. At the time, I worked to build a volunteer youth ministry team that would reflect a 1 to 5 ratio. . . one volunteer who could endeavor to care for a small group of five students. We quickly reached that ratio with a wonderful group of volunteers, most of them under the age of thirty. . . and many of them in their early twenties. The number of volunteers and their average age was enviable. Thirty years ago, this was cutting-edge stuff in youth ministry.

Not so today. The world has changed. Along with that have come new cultural realities that have turned the volume up on systemic brokenness, making the relational needs of our students that much deeper and urgent. 

My good friend Chap Clark was the first one to get me thinking about flip-flopping that once-enviable ratio of yesteryear. It's been almost fifteen years since Chap first suggested to me that every kid needs five adults investing in their lives. I scratched my head for about two-seconds after hearing Chap's new ratio. . . and then I quickly realized that it was a no-brainer. In a 2004 article in Decision Magazine, Chap went public, encouraging readers to embrace and pursue the 5 to 1 ratio for the sake of our kids spiritual growth. He wrote, "Here's the bottom line: every kid needs five adult fans. Any young person who shows any interest in Christ needs a minimum of five people of various ages who will say, 'I'm going to love that kid until they are fully walking as an adult member of this congregation.'" It makes complete sense. And since Chap first brought it up, it has - fortunately for our churches and our kids - been getting more and more attention and traction in our youth ministry world.

Now, I'm wondering if we should go beyond just thinking about 5 to 1, to thinking more deeply about who those five adults are and the kind of mentoring they provide. 

Last week, I began working through Diana West's no-nonsense book on extended adolescence and our culture of youth here in the United States, The Death of the Grown-Up: How America's Arrested Development is Bringing Down Western Civilization. As one who loves reading sociology, history, and social commentary, West's book is one that I find compelling. So far, I can't bring myself to argue with any of her arguments. West contends that since World War II and the rise of post-war marketing, consumerism, and the advent of adolescence as we now know it, we have become a culture that has shifted from a child's duty to his parent (or to adults in general), to a culture centered on a parent's (or adults in general) duty to his child. In addition, we adults have become consumed with looking like, thinking like, acting like, and feeling like we're drinking out of the fountain of eternal youth. Thus, we now have extended adolescence that's extending far beyond one's twenties and thirties. West contends that adults are now abdicating their role to provide a social counterbalance to a younger generation that typically wants to break with the past and take charge. 

If West is right, we've got our work cut out for us. Not only do we need to work hard to convince adults to take their place in the 5 to 1, but we've got to work hard to convince those adults to be adults in the first place. If we don't, we might as well let the kids mentor each other. 

This is a trend worth recognizing, watching, and addressing. The implications for our ministries run deep. We need to realize that effective ministry to kids requires the investment of Dads, Moms, and those other five-plus adults who reflect the full spectrum of adult-age. And the ministry effectiveness of those adult mentors increasingly depends on just how deep, wide, and mature (old, maybe?) in the faith those adults have been taken by those who are ministering to and nurturing them. 

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and the Cover of Rolling Stone. . . Talking Points. . .

Certain things I encounter in life trigger the juke box in my head and the repository of images stored away and long-forgotten in the disorganized file cabinet that is my brain. The juke box and image files both kicked into high gear last evening when I saw the news story about the controversy surrounding Rolling Stone magazine's decision to feature alleged (we need to let the justice system run its course here) Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on the cover of the latest edition.

Being a long-time reader of Rolling Stone, the old Dr. Hook tune "The Cover of the Rolling Stone" jumped onto the turntable in my skull. Hook and his Medicine Show sang, "The thrill we've never known, Is the thrill that'll getcha when you get your picture on the cover of the Rollin' Stone." Then, seeing Tsarnaev's cover prompted recollections of other past Rolling Stone cover images that I remembered as being eerily similiar. . . including Jim Morrison, Bob Dylan, and Charles Manson.

I haven't spent any time scouring what's sure to be a cascading number of news stories and blog posts regarding the cover, so I'm not sure how folks are exactly going to be processing it all. I do, however, have some thoughts of my own. . . thoughts that are still in process. . . that might serve to help as you process the story and talk about it with your kids.

First, Rolling Stone's cover is usually reserved for celebrity of some type. There's a sense that once you've made it to the cover of what once was (in pre-Internet days) the cutting-edge outlet for pop culture news and commentary, you can go no higher. That's why Dr. Hook sang what he did forty years ago. I certainly hope that Rolling Stone doesn't see nor is it trying to make Tsarnaev into some kind of celebrity. But one has to wonder if celebrity-seeking sociopaths who endeavor to make a name for themselves through some kind of sick and twisted (and usually violent) act might not be encouraged by the fact that Tsarnaev has gone from being a familiar face through all kinds of print, broadcast, and online news outlets, to being featured in this highly coveted spot. Those of us who do youth ministry or who work in education know that when a student takes his own life, you have to walk a fine line in your follow-up as you don't want to indirectly glorify what's happened in ways that encourage others to follow the same path so that they'll be noticed.

Second, the fact that Rolling Stone chose a photo taken by Tsarnaev himself deserves some deconstructing. One one level, we live in a self-obsessed and narcissism inducing/promoting/celebrating culture that's fertile ground for social media use that's not so much about serving others as it is about creating, curating, and marketing one's self. "Selfies" that don't serve me are quickly deleted thanks to digital photography. "Selfies" that make me look good are the ones that make the cut. The fact that Rolling Stone chose a photo by Tsarnaev that was taken and posted to make himself look good. . . well, that's a questionable decision but also a sign of our times. On another level, Tsarnaev has been given some control here. It's as if Rolling Stone's cover has become his own, personal Facebook page. There's something eerie about that which I'm still trying to figure out and which just doesn't sit well.

Third, I wonder about the shift taking place in our culture regarding the blurred lines between fame, celebrity, and heroism. Morally, we're all over the place. Relativism, tolerance, diversity, and pluralism run amuck have combined in a cocktail that allows each of us to individually decide not only what is virtuous and what is not, but who is virtuous and who is not. What gets us attention, magazine covers, and a following in today's world is not so much quietly living your life in ways that good, true, right and honorable. . . but just making noise. . . . even if that noise is horribly destructive. This isn't going to change until we stop listening, looking, and paying attention.

Fourth, maybe we shouldn't be surprised at all by Rolling Stone's decision. Have you ever surveyed the long, long visual history of the magazine's covers? Tsarnaev is not at all alone as what some have labeled as "the face of evil." Yes, he's allegedly done some horrific things. They are things that he thought about doing, planned to do, and carried out. He was informed by a worldview and ideas that are anything but biblical. While this is no justification at all for Rolling Stone's  decision or Tsarnaev's actions, we really do need to think about the ethical impact and culture-shaping influence of the ideas and actions of the great majority of people who have been featured on Rolling Stone's cover over the years. Ideas have consequences. They shape us. Maybe. . . just maybe. . . this week's Tsarnaev cover is one of the most harmless Rolling Stone covers of all time because we look at it and our guard immediately goes up. I wonder.

Finally, there's something deeper happening here that forces us to go to a place where most of us don't want to go. This morning, theologian Miroslav Volf posted this thought on his Facebook page: "Attractive Tsarnaev on Rolling Stone cover! We don’t like the evildoer looking like one of us. Perhaps because all of us are a bit like him?" Think about it. The same utter brokenness that lives in Tsarnaev lives in us all. We all need to be showered in and sustained by the life-giving grace of Jesus Christ. That's something we need to talk about with our kids.

It's going to be interesting to see where this story goes. . .