An Invitation into Praying Deeply. . . .

I've found a new morning companion in Scotty Smith's recently released book, Everyday Prayers: 365 Days to a Gospel-Centered Faith. Scotty invites us to pour our hearts out to God each morning in ways that are truly transforming. I am grateful for this book and want to pass it on to you as a recommendation.

This morning, Scotty had me pray this prayer entitled "A Prayer About Beloved Thornbushes". . .

"I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.’" Hosea 2:6-7

Lord Jesus, I’ve praised you for the fall foliage of western North Carolina, the panoramic wonder of Cape Town, SA, everything about Switzerland, the Eden-like echoes in Butchart Gardens on Victoria Island, and the azure-blue waters kissing the sugar-white beaches of Destin, Florida. But today, I praise you for the gift of thornbushes.
Lord Jesus, you love me so much that when I love you less you come after me with tenacious uncomfortable providence. You are unrelenting in your commitment to rescue my heart from all illusions, mirages, broken cisterns, idols and wanna-be lovers. I so wish you didn’t have to be, but I am so grateful that you are so doggedly committed to us.
Oh blessed and beloved thornbushes, ever block my path when I begin chasing after lesser gods and other lovers. Hedge me in like a formidable fortress. Cause me to lose my bearings and my way when I set my GPS for an affair of any kind. Frustrate my every attempt to look for more or settle for less than Jesus…
That you are jealous for me and the affection of my heart is the greatest compliment you could ever give me, Lord Jesus. Who am I that the Lord of glory would make me a part of his bride for eternity? Who am I that you would rejoice over me with the festive joy, the impassioned delight, and the desire-filled gaze of a bridegroom?
How I long for the Day when I will never again have to say, “I will go back to my husband as at first…” Until that Day, Lord Jesus, that consummate wedding day, keep me sane, centered and settled through the gospel. So very Amen, I pray in your holy and loving name.

Sexual Predators. . . Some Facts from the Penn State Case. . .

I'm sure there's much that hasn't been said that's going to surprise lots and lots of people. What has been already been said is quite horrifying. . . almost too horrible to digest. Have you read the grand jury report from the Jerry Sandusky sexual abuse case? If you haven't, you should. It recounts - in vivid detail - what every human being is capable of. I want to encourage all my youth worker friends to give it a good look. Consider it preparation for the inevitable. If you haven't already had to deal with this in your church or community, you will.

As I read the report, I was reminded of other cases with which I'm more familiar. It's eerily similar. Since being thrust into some difficult circumstances and situations in the past, I've learned this about predators. . .

1. They are careful and calculating cultivators. They know exactly what they are doing. They are drawn to those who are vulnerable. They dance, dance, and dance around some more with great care. Their careful attention serves to keep them from getting caught.

2. They are conniving. They're masterful - MASTERFUL - at weaving lies and deception. They are not only good at deceiving their victims, but they are especially good at deceiving their closest family and friends.

3. They are convincing. You can't believe how convincing they are until you sit with a young victim and hear them say, "I just assumed that what they were doing to me was normal." They convince their victims that they have the victim's best interest in mind. All they have in mind is satisfying their own twisted needs, desires, and perversions.

I've also learned some things about the closest family and friends of predators who have been exposed. . .

1. You just can't believe the accusers or the accusations. The evidence can be right under your nose, and you just don't believe it. How many times have we heard people say of a predator, "He/She is just not capable of doing something like this!"?

2. You just won't/don't believe the accusers or the accusations. Even after confessing guilt in a court of law, there are predators whose closest family and friends still refuse to believe the truth. It's a combination of wanting to believe the best of those we love, along with the power of the predator to deceive.

3. Lack of belief sometimes leads to complicity.

If there's anything good that come out of what's happening at Penn State it's the wake-up call that might lead to preventing some horrible stuff from happening to a host of kids in a variety of places. It's the realization that not only is this stuff real, but that we need to have systems and protocols in place in our youth groups and churches to both prevent and redemptively deal with it all.

Keep listening. Jerry Sandusky's story will continue to unfold. There's much, much more to learn.

Joe Paterno. . . And More Lessons. . .

Yesterday morning I was sitting with my wife in the Susquehanna Club at the Harrisburg International Airport. The TV to our left was on Fox News. I looked above Lisa's head and saw a large framed photo on the wall that I've seen many times before. I said to her, "Turn around and look at who's on the wall above you." I snapped a photo of that photo with my phone. The photo I took is to the left. It's a familiar scene that's been happening on Saturdays for years a few miles north of where we sat. There was Joe Paterno leading his Nittany Lion team onto the field in what has become known as Happy Valley. At the exact moment I was taking the picture, a story broke on the TV. . . Joe Paterno had just announced that he was retiring at the end of the year. No joke, exact moment.

I love football and I have followed Penn State over the years. I know several people who have played for JoePa. This year, one of the team's leading players is the son of a man who was a part of my earliest youth ministry efforts. As I blogged two days ago, my son Josh had been coached at camp by Jerry Sandusky when Josh was a middle school player. We have a picture of the two together. I admired Sandusky for his charitable work with children.

Yesterday, I tried to verbalize the feelings I was having to my wife, Lisa. My friend Adam McLane had asked me to put it all in perspective for people who don't live here in Pennsylvania. Adam's question had me struggling to find words to describe the feeling I had. What I said to Lisa has nothing to do with Penn State and football. To be honest, I don't bleed blue and white. What I was feeling was more a response to being duped. . . deceived. . . fooled. I don't think I would have been able to find the words for my emotions or even had those emotions if I hadn't had a couple of unfortunate opportunities to have experienced those emotions already in some very deep and personal ways over the last few years in situations that are eerily similar. The Penn State situation simply triggered memories and emotions in ways that allow me (in some small manner) to understand what folks in the Penn State situation are feeling. It's like walking into your house after it's been turned upside down by burglars. . . something else I've experienced.


This morning, I woke up to see the newspaper front page you see on the right. Yep, JoePa and news of his firing was there. . . big and bold. But look at the headline to the right. The assistant principal at Lancaster Mennonite High School. . . and sexual abuse. What's next?

I made a statement in my last blog that some people have taken issue with. I wrote: "Welcome to our contemporary world. In a culture saturated with sick and sinful distortions of God's good gift of sexuality, it's no wonder this stuff happens with increased frequency and depth. It's going to be happening more. That should make us wonder: if it starts to happen more, when will it be normalized, overlooked, and no longer criminal?" I stand by that statement. . . with even greater commitment this morning. There is a biblical sexual ethic that's been given to us by the One who created the amazing gift of sexuality. There's a competing cultural sexual ethic that continues to evolve. . . a compelling and convincing ethic that's grabbing hearts, minds, and human beings. . . convincing them that anything goes.

Four things I'm thinking about today. . . .

First, it can be anybody. . . even you. As I said in a youth worker forum last week, all of us are just one split second and one bad decision away from doing this stuff. A good and proper understanding of human depravity and sin is a tool that can keep each of us in check. And, don't be surprised when those closest to you who you might trust the most choose this stuff and eventually get exposed. It happens.

Second, let's talk about sex. I know that these cases are incredibly complex. But if we don't set and continue to set the table for kids in terms of their understanding of sexuality, they will learn, buy into, and live the lies. Then, the more the lies take root deep and wide, the less we'll be concerned about what the Scriptures call sin. Vice will become virtue. . . something that will destroy ourselves and others.

Third, our churches and youth groups are places where this stuff is happening. We can't keep looking the other way. Two of the biggest mistakes we make are to not have systems already in place for dealing with this stuff, and refusing to believe that what's been done has been done. . . and then blaming the victims or those whose hands were forced to respond.

And finally, I believe Penn State did the right thing last night. Yes, JoePa has done much for the University and college football. Yes, Jerry Sandusky was the perpetrator. But when there's a system in place that lets time pass, that covers things up, that looks the other way, that minimizes something that can't be minimized. . . well, then that system needs to be purged. JoePa's sin was a sin of omission that was occasioned, perhaps, by years of living in a world where people would sweep these things under the rug and look the other way.

My home state is now a stage that the country is watching. But this is a story about us all.

Thinking About Coach Sandusky. . . .

We have a picture of our son Josh with Jerry Sandusky. During his middle school years, Josh attended Coach Sandusky's local football camp. Meeting Sandusky was a treat. The guy worked under the legendary Joe Paterno, he was the defensive genius credited with creating "Linebacker U," and he cared enough about kids to start a foundation for kids. Jerry Sandusky was admired and respected for so many reasons. As the father of a football player, I was thankful for the opportunity afforded Josh to learn under a guy like this.

Now there's what's happening today. The allegations have been floating around for years. Now, there's at least enough credence to warrant his arrest. And the Penn State football program and community is hanging out there in uncertainty. The court of public opinion has been working overtime the last few days, with media outlets across the country hashing, speculating, and editorializing non-stop. . . a contemporary reality that makes it increasingly difficult for the greatest judicial system in the world to function at an optimal level.

In thinking about this story over the last few days, there are some themes that keep popping up in my head.

First, if these allegations are true, Sandusky has perpetrated some horrible, horrible things that have harmed and hurt far too many people. . first and foremost, the alleged victims. Whether you call them predators, child abusers, or creepers. . . these guys are good at lying, cultivating/grooming victims, and keeping up appearances. They're incredibly shrewd. I've seen it up close a couple of times in recent years, and it's scary. I liken what these people do to meticulously creating a bomb. When the bomb explodes, the fallout and shrapnel is spread far and wide. . . echoing on and on and on. The shock waves are rippling through Penn State as we speak.

Second, the legal process needs to be allowed to work. Let's not forget, Jerry Sandusky is innocent until proven guilty. We need to embrace that reality as if we were the one's on trial.

Third, the aftermath of these things can be so upside down. . . horribly upside down in fact. I have seen it happen and heard too many stories. . . blaming the victim while blindly believing and supporting the lying perpetrator. Reality is, they are such good liars that they can convince people that what really happened didn't really happen. . . even when the evidence that it did happen is undeniable. If the perpetrator is someone near and dear to us, many of us just can't and won't believe the allegations to be true. We might need to have the scales fall from our eyes.

Fourth, welcome to our contemporary world. In a culture saturated with sick and sinful distortions of God's good gift of sexuality, it's no wonder this stuff happens with increased frequency and depth. It's going to be happening more. That should make us wonder: if it starts to happen more, when will it be normalized, overlooked, and no longer criminal?

Sneaks are in our midst. When they're exposed or sniffed out, do everything you must to intervene so that future victims can be spared from having to deal with the detonation that will leave them broken and shell-shocked for the rest of their lives.

As you watch this story play out, learn from it.

Homeschooling. . . Now This Makes Sense. . . .

What took the longest on this post was coming up with a title. I've got the sneaky suspicion that anything I write in that title slot is going to get me in trouble with somebody. I've settled for what it says up there. . . so let's move on. . .

Homeschooling. . . to be honest, the topic has sometimes driven me nuts. Over the years, I've had aggressive and offensive/defensive homeschoolers come at me hard. I've stood at the front of the room fielding questions at the end of a seminar where I know that warring factions are in the room and I'm being set up. I avoid those arguments like the plague. My standard answer and position is this: "Different kids thrive in different kinds of schooling." I also tell people that my kids all went to public school. Christian/Private school options were not affordable. If we had chosen homeschooling, you would have read about our family in the newspaper.

What always concerned me the most was the "why" behind homeschooling. I've seen and heard from an overwhelming number of people who believed that 1)homeschooling was the only "Christian" option; 2) homeschooling is a clear indicator of parental love and a close family; 3) homeschooling guarantees good outcomes; 4) homeschooling keeps kids from being poisoned by the world; 5) etc. I've never bought it. . . any of it. Theologically and biblically you just can't make the case. These attitudes have troubled me deeply. I've also seen too many sheltered homeschooled kids who either couldn't function in the world, or who blew up later in life. The real issue for all kids - homeschooled or not homeschooled - is the darkness in their hearts. . . just like the rest of us. Too much of the homeschooling culture has reminded me of the Pharisees. Fact is, no kid is immune from cultural influence. Still - and people need to hear this - I think homeschooling can be done in the right spirit and that it is the best option for some kids. I could say so much more.

This last week, a friend informed me of an article that a Christian school headmaster had posted on the school's website. The title caught my attention: "Solving the Crisis In Homeschooling: Exposing the Seven Major Blindspots of Homeschoolers." At first glance, it might look like an attack from outside the Homeschool community. Rather, it is written by someone from within. It's a noble and honest article that wrestles with biblical and practical realities. It's worth a read. . . not just if you're a homeschooler who's got your head in the sand. . . but if you're a Christian parent who's got your head in the sand. . . or a Christian parent. . . or someone like me who needs to be reminded of these things.

Give it a read. This is helpful stuff.

The Lesbian Homecoming King and Queen. . . .

This is a story that is much more multi-layered and complex than any of us might imagine. In day's past, you might read the headline someone sent me from the San Diego Reader - "In Bold Step Forward, Patrick Henry High School Selects Pretty Lesbian Couple As Homecoming King and Queen" - and simply condemn. . . no questions asked. . . no compassion. I think it's a good thing that we don't live (at least most of us don't) in that kind of world anymore. In the past, you've heard me lament the heartless and less-than-God-honoring response to homosexuality that was a part of my high school experience. Sure, it wasn't extreme, but it was bad enough. I'm not proud of it.

This year, Patrick Henry High's Homecoming King and Queen - as voted by their peers - are Rebeca Arellano and Haileigh Adams. It's a first for the high school. It's also a first as far as anything I've ever heard about.

Again, the issues are complex. There's the issue of homosexuality. There's the issue of our attitudes towards homosexuality. There's also the issue of faith. In her acceptance-speech, a cross-wearing Adams was sure to thank Jesus "for making this all possible." We can also learn a lot from the fact that a student body voted for this.

Perhaps I'm even more concerned about remarks made by Taylor Hunter, a senior at Patrick Henry who was raised in an evangelical Christian home where he was taught that homosexual behavior is wrong. Here's what the article reports Hunter as saying: "Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe in, despite what you've been told all your life. And I believe in hot lesbians. . . . . I believe that young people are the future, and we have the power to change things for the better. By honoring the beautiful people - whatever their sexual orientation - we can do our part to make the world a more beautiful place. I hope that 2011 will be remembered as the year that teenagers stood up for physical attraction in all its forms."

Wow! There's a lot to unpack in that last paragraph. Changing attitudes in our kids, the lack of integration of faith into life, a postmodern ethic, the fruit of a culture obsessed with style and appearance over substance, our sense of what is "better", issues of the trustworthiness of parental and Biblical authority. All that before we even get to the issue of homosexuality.

I need to think about all of this some more. In the meantime, I decided to revisit some wonderful recommendations from Dennis Hollinger in his book The Meaning of Sex. His words are concise and to the point. Let me pass some on. . . .

"When we look honestly at the teachings of God's Word, inlcuding those of Jesus, it is evident that Christians and the church cannot legitimize same-sex relations. The paradigm from creation is clear that God created humans in a two-fold way, male and female, and that sexual union is to be a one-flesh relationship between to humans who are not alike in gender. . . .

The church should be unambiguous in articulating God's design for sexual intimacy: a covenant relationship between a man and a woman. The church actually shows great love and pastoral care though its gracious articulation of God's designs. We fail the world and struggling individuals when we continually appeal to more dialogue, ambiguity, and merely compassion. . . .

But at the same time we are called to walk and cry with, empathize, forgive, and support those who struggle with homoerotic impulses. We can never apply biblical ethics with cold callousness and harness. We must recall that after discussion homosexuality in Romans 1, Paul gives a list of other sins that we too easily ignore in the church: greed, envy, strife, slander, arrogance, pride, and lack of love and mercy. . . .

What can the church offer pastorally to those struggling with this issue? First, we can offer hope for healing through divine resources and professional counseling. Second, we can offer hope for healing through divine resources and professional counseling. Second, we can offer ongoing empathetic support and accountability for those who find it difficult to change their inward inclinations, but are called to maintain celibacy. Third, we can offer forgiveness when there is failure amidst the struggle, albeit without watering down the ethical norm. And finally the church must rid itself of homophobia, the hatred of gay persons."

The More I Think I Know. . . .

Yesterday was a shot in the arm. We had a full day with a room full of pastors, youth workers, parents, and seminary students at the Evangelical Theological Seminary Fall Forum on "Engaging the Soul of Youth Culture." I typically leave those events wondering if I said things correctly, if my words were clear, if I got in the way in any manner that I should not have, etc. I also treasure the speaking opportunities - like this one - where I leave knowing that I've been blessed. That happened yesterday for sure.

How was I blessed? I was blessed by the diversity in the room. We had a full spectrum of folks in that room. Young and old. Suits and ties. Guys who looked like they were modeling skateboard clothes. The contrasts were marked. But everyone was there because they love Jesus and they want to serve Him more effectively by loving and caring for kids.

As the day ended, a man named Levi thanked me for sharing what I did. He was a pastor. Levi was one of the oldest people in the room. I won't guess his age - I'm not good at that. He was, however, old enough to be my dad, I'm sure. He was dressed the way people used to dress to go to church. Nothing about his appearance seemed culturally relevant in the ways we so sadly understand cultural relevance today. He was sitting in the 2nd row on the aisle. He furiously scribbled notes throughout. Levi's presence and words blessed me in great ways, and he did so on behalf of dozens of other folks like him in that room.

First, Levi and the members of his generation in that room reminded me that we spend too much time thinking about style over substance/content. We get too concerned about appearances, and we've even been led to believe that if it's not styled in the latest or most contemporary way, it's not going to work. Not true. Levi and others like him have lots to give. . . and give they do. Why else would a man who (according to our culture) should be retired and playing golf give up a day to learn how to be more effective at reaching and ministering to the next generation? I know lots of kids who have been deeply impacted by guys like Levi. I hope men and woman like him keep showing up.

Second, Levi and the folks like him in that room reminded me of just how counterproductive, dangerous, and wrong our age-segregation practices really are. When marketing has done its job and convinced us that those who are younger need to be separated from those who are older in our churches during worship. . . well, I don't think there's anything good that comes from that. Why in the world would we ever want to break up the body of Christ and keep kids from Levi's wisdom, experience, and knowledge? Why wouldn't we want to foster and create opportunities for Levi and the kids to connect in ways that are mutually edifying?

Third, Levi and his peers in that room reminded me that we should never stop seeking to learn. In fact, we need to be constantly reminded that the more we know and the more we think we know, the more we should realize how much we don't know. That's the person I want to be. It reminded me of the day I graduated from seminary. I had a conversation with a classmate where I verbalized something I had been realizing in the days leading up to graduation: "I wish I knew as much as I thought I knew on my first day of school at this place." I don't ever want to lose the perspective that puts me in my place and keeps me humble.

So. . . today. . . thanks so much to Levi and everyone else in that room. Thanks for what you do. Thanks for your passion. Thanks for your example. And thanks for reminding me of things I must never forget.