Money or Meaning? . . . .

What is it that our kids are aspiring to? In what trajectory are they endeavoring to aim their lives?

Those are questions that researcher Alexander Astin has been asking of first-year college students since 1966. I read about Astin and his research this morning as I finished up James Cote's Arrested Adulthood: The Changing Nature of Meaning and Identity earlier today. . . a very good book by the way!

After tracking the life-goals of first-year college students, Astin found that in the mid-1960s there were about 45% of college students who rated "being very well off financially" as a very important objective. That figure jumped to 75% by the mid-1980s. When Astin asked those same students about "developing a meaningful philosophy of life," over 80% of the mid-1960s students endorsed that as a goal. By the mid-1980s the number of students who aspired to that same goal had dropped to just a little more than 30%. Cote concludes that money-seeking goals and meaning-seeking goals have traded places among those transitioning to adulthood. He writes, "the American college-educated population is far more interested in 'making money' than 'making meaning.'"

Hmm. . . could this explain why retailers are launching "Black Friday" just about now?

Perhaps we should address these realities with the greatest urgency. . . by first examining the way things are supposed to be, and then looking at what happens when we embrace money over meaning.

God cares deeply about our attitudes toward money and wealth. Did you know that more is said in the New Testament about money and wealth than about heaven and hell combined? Five times more is said about money than about prayer. And sixteen out of Christ’s thirty-eight parables deal with money!

Look at a few of the words Jesus spoke about money and material things:

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matt. 6:19-21, NIV)

“No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money.” (Matt. 6:24 NIV)

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. . . . But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matt. 6:25, 33, NIV)

God also spoke about money and material things through the apostle Paul:

“People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” (I Tim. 6:9-10, NIV).

Theologian John Stott sums up Jesus’s teaching this way: “What Jesus forbids his followers is the selfish accumulation of goods; extravagant and luxurious living; the hardheartedness which does not feel the colossal need of the world’s under-privileged people; the foolish fantasy that a person’s life consists in the abundance of his possessions; and the materialism which tethers our hearts to the earth.”

Throughout the pages of the Bible, God makes it clear that money in and of itself is not evil. Rather, it is the love of money and material things that clouds our view and leads us down the wrong road in the pursuit of worldly success. This is exactly what happened to the rich young man in Mark 10:17-22 who sought out Jesus for the answer to the gaping hole that he knew existed in his life. He comes to Jesus and asks what he must do to receive eternal life. Jesus tells him that he must give up his earthly treasures because they stand in the way of his finding treasure in heaven. The man left his encounter with Jesus sad because he was unwilling to stop worshiping the god of his wealth. Then Jesus turned and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!” (verse 23, NIV).

C.S. Lewis knew the dangers of money and wealth when he warned, “Prosperity knits a man to the world. He feels that he is finding his place in it, while really it is finding its place in him.”

In 1928 a group of the world’s most successful financiers met at the Edgewater Beach Hotel in Chicago. It is said that, collectively, these seven tycoons controlled more money than there was in the United States Treasury. For years newspapers and magazines had been printing their success stories and holding them up as role models to young people across the nation. But do you know what happened to each of these successful men within twenty-five years?

• The president of the largest independent steel company, Charles Schwab, lived on borrowed money the last five years of his life and died broke.
• The greatest wheat speculator, Arthur Cutten, died abroad, bankrupt.
• The president of the New York Stock Exchange, Richard Whitney, served a term in Sing Sing Prison.
• The member of the President’s cabinet, Albert Fall, was pardoned from prison so that he could die at home.
• The greatest bear in Wall Street, Jesse Livermore, committed suicide.
• The president of the Bank of International Settlements, Leon Fraser, committed suicide.
• The head of the world’s greatest monopoly, Ivar Drueger, committed suicide.

Our kids need to know that God’s definition of success stands in marked contrast to the definition that the world would have us believe. Two different definitions of success. Two different paths to take in life. Two different outcomes. We must teach our children that the real measure of their success in life - and ours - is how much they’d (we'd) be worth if they (we) had absolutely nothing.

Miley Cyrus. . . Another Teachable Moment. . .

Ok. Be honest. When you checked the news this morning and you heard about Miley Cyrus and her antics at yesterday's MTV Europe Music Awards, what did you think? When collecting the Best Video award  for "Wrecking Ball," Cyrus pulled a joint out of her purse, lit it up, and proceeded to start smoking. Of course, that was embedded in a day that included some other all-too-familiar and not-so-shocking-anymore behavior from the not-yet-21-year-old pop star.  .  . including how she was dressed, twerking with a little person, and tweeting a naked selfie (shoulders up) from her shower to her 15 million followers.

In many ways, this story is simply a continuation of old news. The downside of that is that it's going to take someone who decides to stretch the envelope even further to send us into a state of shock and awe. That's how pop culture evolves and stretches. But what this story does do is give us an opportunity to respond. We all respond in some way that falls somewhere on the response spectrum. That can be anywhere from total disdain to not batting an eyelash.

As I've been tracking the development of Miley Cyrus over the years, I've also been tracking our response in the church to Cyrus and others like her. The latter practice is probably the most important of the two, since we can't take responsibility for Cyrus's behavior but we must take responsibility for ourselves.

I've encountered a full spectrum of responses among the brethren, from disdain to disinterested yawns. This morning, I was challenged personally regarding my response. I'll pass my thoughts on as I think we need to strike a balance that truly brings glory to God, while serving our kids and others who might benefit from some healthy perspective.

First, Cyrus can't be ignored, easily discounted, or just written off. In other words, we can't take the "who am I to judge" stance. If we do, we will fail to teach our kids that yes, behavior does matter. We will also fail to teach our kids a balanced perspective on grace. In the first two sentences of his classic book, The Cost of Discipleship, Dietrich Bonhoeffer writes, "Cheap grace is the deadly enemy of our Church. We are fighting to-day for costly grace." Bonhoeffer goes on to say that "cheap grace amounts to a denial of the living Word of God. . . . (a) justification of the sin without the justification of the sinner." Costly grace, on the other hand, calls us to follow Jesus Christ. "It is costly because it condemns sin" and "grace because it justifies the sinner" . . .

. . . which leads then to the second aspect of our response. We cannot arrogantly cast stones at the sinner. Instead, we must humbly pray with passion and earnest compassion for this young lady. To fail to see her as Christ sees her should be seen as an even graver misdeed than excusing her behavior under the cover the cheap grace. Once again, I go back to something that I once heard John White say about our response to sinners: "As Christ is to me, so must I be to others."

Remember that your response is a powerful teacher to those who are watching, especially our kids. Strike that balance while talking about sin and grace.

Managing Marketing Madness. . . .

Did you know that all media exists to deliver a captive audience to people who have something to sell? Because of their age, developmental vulnerability, and spending power, our teens are currently the most targeted market segment in the world. Based on their own research, marketers now estimate that teenagers encounter anywhere between 3500 and 7000 marketing messages a day. While a teen will act on those messages by purchasing only a very small number of the products advertised, there’s another aspect of these messages which they more easily “buy” into. You see, marketing not only sells product, but it sells a worldview. Over the course of their childhood and teenage years, kids encounter message after message defining what they’re to believe and how they’re to live their lives, both now and in the future. Marketing is shaping the kids long after the product’s been used or forgotten.

I was prompted to think about these realities recently while driving down local highway 283 here in Lancaster. I saw this billboard. . .  which happens to be one of many similarly themed billboards in this local radio station's billboard ad campaign. Not only does it send clear messages about what we should believe and how we should live, but it's very presence sends an even clearer message about what we already believe and how we are already living.

How do you talk about and process an ad like this with your kids? 

If you are committed to discipling teens and leading them to spiritual maturity, it’s essential that you teach them to think deliberately, criticially, and Christianly about the marketing diet delivered to them each and every day. Process ads with teens on a regular basis, filtering them through these “Simple Seven” ad-processing questions:

What product is this ad selling?

What, besides the product, does this ad sell? (ideas, lifestyle, worldview, behaviors, etc.)

What’s the bait, hook, and promise?

Complete this sentence: “This ad tells me, use_________ (the name of the product) and ____________ (the result the ad promises).

Does the ad tell the truth? What? How?

Does the ad tell a lie(s)? What? How?

How does this ad and its messages agree or disagree with God’s truth and what does that mean for me?

Richie Incognito. . . Perpetrator? Victim? Or Both? . . .

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've no doubt heard about the mounting tension in the NFL regarding what's happened with Miami Dolphin offensive lineman Richie Incognito, and what needs to be done about it. In a nutshell, Incognito's long-standing reputation as a bully and perhaps the NFL's dirtiest player (an actual award he won in 2009) has caught up with him thanks to allegations that he has harassed teammate Jonathan Martin. The story continues to unfold this week with Martin leaving the team to seek counseling, and the Dolphins suspending Incognito for engaging in conduct detrimental to the team.

While none of us actually knows what happened between the two and where this story will end, one thing is sure: Richie Incognito has what many are calling a well-deserved reputation. In fact, in an interview on this morning's Today Show, the highly-respected Tony Dungy clearly stated that when he had the opportunity to draft Incognito several years ago, he didn't even consider the option. For Dungy, Incognito was someone whose presence, personality, and influence would be unwanted in his team's locker room.

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Learning more about this story and hearing Dungy's remarks earlier this morning has gotten me thinking about what the Incognito affair reveals about our contemporary culture. . . who we are, what we believe, and how those beliefs inform and shape our behavior. It's gotten me thinking about the ways in which sport (at all levels), the way we play, and the way we spectate are a clear window into our individual and collective souls.

In one sense, it's easy to see Incognito as a perpetrator of sordid behavior. . . everything from  poor sportsmanship, to cheating, to bullying and intimidation. Yes, he is (like all of us) responsible for his behavior. But what kind of family, community, and society nurtures and normalizes that kind of behavior? One recent article in USA Today quotes Incognito's dad as telling a sixth-grade Richie, "If you let anyone give you (expletive), you're going to take (expletive) your entire life." Growing up in a family and culture that thinks and lives that way can certainly create what sociologists call a state of "anomie," or normlessness. It might be that Richie Incognito is just one example of both cause and effect when it comes to our moral schizophrenia.

Last evening I had the opportunity to speak on kids and technology at a local school district at their Internet Safety Expo. Teachers and administrators were disappointed by the turnout- a sign that people just don't see this topic as something that's important. One teacher came to me afterwards and lamented the fact that most of today's parents would find my suggestions regarding online boundaries for younger children and the need to push back at kids with a clear "no" every now and then to be antiquated (for example, not giving young children smart phones with 24/7 Internet access). She told me, "I may agree with you, but most young parents today don't and won't." That's more evidence that we live in the kind of culture that spawns and hothouses values, attitudes, and behaviors like Richie Icognito's. (Another recent example is the Oregon middle school football coach who sees no problem with taking his team to Hooters. . . which I blogged on a couple of days ago.)

Back in 1991 Thomas Lickona published his book, Educating for Character: How Our Schools Can Teach Respect and Responsibility.  At the time, Lickona's book was descriptive, predictive, and prescriptive. The first words of Chapter 1 are a quote from Teddy Roosevelt: "To educate a person in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." Lickona wrote that if things were to continue as they were in terms of morals and character formation, our culture would face a dim future as we moved into the 21st century. At the time, Lickona listed these ten indicators that we are failing as a society to provide for the moral development of the young:

1. Violence and Vandalism
2. Stealing
3. Cheating
4. Disrespect for Authority
5. Peer Cruelty
6. Bigotry
7. Bad Language
8. Sexual Precocity and Abuse
9. Increasing Self-Centeredness and Declining Civic Responsibility
10. Self-Destructive Behavior

Welcome to the 21st century. You'd be hard-pressed to state a case that any of these ten indicators have shown improvement rather than further decline. This all points to the fact that if we are going to see change, our prayers for a shift will require the additional efforts of deep individual and corporate introspection, a clear understanding of right and wrong, and a deep commitment to change course so that our kids wind up integrating a biblically faithful and God-glorifying character ethic into every nook and cranny of their lives. It's a tall order, but one that's necessary and worth pursuing. 

What Screen Time is Doing to Our Kids. . .

Last night I had the opportunity to speak about kids and technology (a short segment of our "Born 2b Wired" seminar) to parents and staff at a local school district. They were holding an Internet Safety Expo that was designed to pass on all kinds of resources to parents. . . who happen to be the most important people in a child's life (something we seem to have forgotten in our culture). We talked about the need to set boundaries for our kids, not only to protect them from others (predators, hackers, bullies, etc.), but to protect them from themselves (impulsivity, bad decisions, lack of wisdom, etc.). Sadly, we all know children, teens, and adults whose online behavior has been costly to themselves and to others.

This morning I opened an email from a friend (thanks, Kent Kessler!) that included a link to this helpful infographic that illustrates some of the physical  consequences our kids face due to too much time spent on their devices. It doesn't paint an exhaustive picture, but it sheds enough light on the subject that it's worth our time and attention. Take a look at the infographic. Pass it on to parents. And if you want to know more, you can read the full article here.

Middle School Football, Hooters, Two Letters, And Decency. . . .

Tim Keller defines "wisdom" as "having competence in the complexities of life where the moral rules or laws don't apply." With life becoming more and more complex, perhaps its no surprise that foolishness now eclipses wisdom in a world where our need to pursue the latter is becoming more and more crucial. . . especially as it relates to our kids.

Coach Burbach

Consider this news story I encountered this morning. . . a story presenting a dilemma that appears to be a "no-brainer" regarding the right thing to do. . . but a story that clearly shows just how foolish we've become. As the football season came to a close at Corbett Middle School in Corbett, Oregon, head coach Randy Burbach asked his players where they would like to have their end-of-the-season awards party with their families. OK. . . these are 7th and 8th grade boys. So, it's not at all surprising that the majority of players wanted to go to Hooters. So, Burbach scheduled the event for the local Hooters restaurant. Equally not surprising is the fact that some parents complained. When the school district's athletic director stepped in and told Coach Burbach to change his plans to a more appropriate venue for a school-sanctioned event, Burbach said "no." In fact, Burbach told his AD that he would rather lose his job than change the venue. He didn't want to be "bullied by a vocal minority." And lose his job he did.

The school district's website is home to this well and wisely-written letter sent to Corbett Middle School families from AD, J.P. Soulagnet. . .

Dear Families and Friends of Corbett 7th/8th Grade Football –

First I want to thank Brian Davis for the e-mail he sent out regarding the end of the year celebration and the fact that he and his family will not be in attendance. I spoke with Randy Burbach this evening and asked him to move the event to a different venue so that all of the athletes and their families could attend and feel comfortable about the location and enjoy the season. He was unyielding and emphatically said no for a number of reasons. As a school district and athletic department we do not support nor condone the decision to hold an end of season celebration at Hooter’s for any of our teams, groups, or clubs cross the board and at at all levels including high school. This was a choice made by Randy Burbach on his own accord. This is no longer a Corbett Middle School Football event.

I’m disappointed on a many different levels. The one that affects me the most however is the fact that “the team” is the one that loses out. It has become an issue that is no longer about your boys.
Another unfortunate thing is that we will lose coaches that did a great job turning a group of middle school boys into a cohesive, affective football team. I’m very supportive of the time and effort that they have put in and contributed towards Corbett Football but cannot further support them in coaching roles here at Corbett based on the unwillingness to change the location of this event to a more appropriate spot.

I spoke to many people over the weekend regarding the location of the event and time after time they looked at me in disbelief. I started the conversation off with posing a question. Outside of a bar, tavern, or strip club where would be the next worse place in the lines of restaurants to take a middle school football team to? Time after time the reply was Hooters.

Their menu and food is good! They however are not known worldwide for their family style restaurant. If you have never been to a Hooter’s restaurant you can visit their website at www.hooters.com. This international chain bills itself as “delightfully tacky yet unrefined”.

Some might say that this restaurant objectifies women. I would tend to agree. It is not a restaurant that I would feel good about my wife or daughter working at. I think it sends the wrong message to our young men and that saddens and worries me the most. I’m surprised that more families are not concerned. If my son had played on this team our family would not be in attendance as well. As a 21 year old he was shocked about the location.

I'm not sure that the issue any more is that we don't think. Rather, I believe that the issue in our culture increasingly is that we don't know how to think or what  to think. Consequently, what we do wind up thinking is that taking our middle school boys to Hooters is actually a great idea. Reality is, we have become incredibly foolish. And when vice becomes virtue and foolishness morphs into that which is seen to be wise. . . well. . . welcome to Coach Burbach's world. It's a world where the wise old owl is the one pictured in the Hooters logo.

Reading this story and the letter from the AD reminds me of another letter I recently saw posted on a Facebook friend's page. This time, the letter came from a mother and blogger by the name of Kim Hall. Kim's letter to teenage girls oozes wisdom in a world where girls are encouraged from every angle to just go wild. . .

Dear girls,

I have some information that might interest you. Last night, as we sometimes do, our family sat around the dining-room table and looked through the summer’s social media photos.

We have teenage sons, and so naturally there are quite a few pictures of you lovely ladies to wade through. Wow – you sure took a bunch of selfies in your skimpy pj’s this summer! Your bedrooms are so cute! Our eight-year-old daughter brought this to our attention, because with three older brothers who have rooms that smell like stinky cheese, she notices girly details like that.

I think the boys notice other things. For one, it appears that you are not wearing a bra.

I get it – you’re in your room, so you’re heading to bed, right? But then I can’t help but notice the red carpet pose, the extra-arched back, and the sultry pout. What’s up? None of these positions is one I naturally assume before sleep, this I know.

So, here’s the bit that I think is important for you to realize. If you are friends with a Hall boy on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter, then you are friends with the whole Hall family.

Please know that we genuinely like staying connected with you this way! We enjoy seeing things through your unique and colorful lens – you are insightful, and often very, very funny.

Which is what makes your latest self-portrait so extremely unfortunate.

That post doesn’t reflect who you are at all! We think you are lovely and interesting, and usually very smart. But, we had to cringe and wonder what you were trying to do? Who are you trying to reach? What are you trying to say?

And now – big bummer – we have to block your posts. Because, the reason we have these (sometimes awkward) family conversations around the table is that we care about our sons, just as we know your parents care about you.

I know your family would not be thrilled at the thought of my teenage boys seeing you only in your towel. Did you know that once a male sees you in a state of undress, he can’t quickly un-see it? You don’t want our boys to only think of you in this sexual way, do you?

Neither do we. We’re all more than that.

And so, in our house, there are no second chances with pics like that, ladies. We have a zero tolerance policy. I know, so lame. But, if you want to stay friendly with our sons online, you’ll have to keep your clothes on, and your posts decent. If you post a sexy selfie (we all know the kind), or an inappropriate YouTube video – even once – it’s curtains.

I know that sounds so old-school, but we are hoping to raise men with a strong moral compass, and men of integrity don’t linger over pictures of scantily clad high-school girls.

Every day I pray for the women my boys will love. I hope they will be drawn to real beauties, the kind of women who will leave them better people in the end. I also pray that my sons will be worthy of this kind of woman, that they will be patient – and act honorably – while they wait for her.

Girls, it’s not too late! If you think you’ve made an on-line mistake (we all do – don’t fret – I’ve made some doozies, even today!), RUN to your accounts and take down the closed-door bedroom selfies that makes it too easy for friends to see you in only one dimension.

Will you trust me? There are boys out there waiting and hoping for women of character. Some young men are fighting the daily uphill battle to keep their minds pure, and their thoughts praiseworthy – just like you.

You are growing into a real beauty, inside and out.

Act like her, speak like her, post like her.

Mrs. Hall

We need more people like Kim Hall, Brian Davis, and J.P. Soulagnet who pursue and implement wisdom. We need to pursue wisdom, live wisdom, and teach wisdom to our kids. And this is where I'm constantly reminding myself  to fill and transform my self and the well of my soul with a knowledge of God's Word. Solomon says it so well: "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline" (1:7). "The Lord gives wisdom" (2:6). It is in His word that we "find the knowledge of God" (1:5).

Moms and Body Image Pressure. . .

If you're raising or working with girls, you know that body image pressure is epidemic in our culture. Sadly, it's resulted in a situation where disordered eating and an unhealthy obsession with appearance is spreading like a cancer through our entire population. . . young and old, female and male alike.

One source of body image pressure that most of us never consider is the pressure that comes from us. That's right, us. It's the parental pressure that we put on our kids to look a certain way. It's spread through our examples, our own personal obsessions, and the comments we make. . . even when we think those comments are benign.

The reality is that in our culture today, we are more concerned about our outward appearance than we are with the inward content of our character or the state of our souls.

Today, our daily one-minute radio spot - "Youth Culture Today" - will get you thinking about one source of body image pressure that sometimes gets to be too much for our girls to handle. Take a minute and listen to today's "Youth Culture Today" on "Mothers and Body Image Pressure."