The Youth Worker and Sexual Integrity. . . .

Two weeks from today I get to introduce my friend Jason Soucinek to a group of people who will gather to receive a day of training we're calling "Life Up Close: How To Challenge Teens to Embrace Sexual Integrity." I've been thinking about what I might say to kick off the day. Two of the facts I know I'll tell the folks in the room are these: 1. We are all broken and our brokenness has not left our sexuality untouched, and 2. There's not one of us who hasn't had to battle sexual brokenness and compromised sexual integrity in our past, our present, or our future.

Yesterday, my buddy Doug Fields posted a guest blog from my buddy Marv Penner that addresses these realities. In this case, Marv was writing to youth workers. Marv titled his post "Crossing the Line: 8 Warning Signs of Inappropriate Relationships With Students." PLEASE read it.

Folks. . . let me be blunt. This may be the most pressing yet ignored issue in the world of youth ministry and the personal life of the youth worker. I remember how easy it felt to point condemning fingers at Ted Haggard 5 years ago. That finger-pointing came on the end of arms attached to people who erroneously believe that 1) I'm not broken. . . at least not in this way, and 2) I would never do that! If you believe either or both of those lies, you are one or two steps closer to making that one simple little decision that today might be the only thing that makes you and Ted Haggard any different. Like Marv, I know too many first-hand stories. . . and the book of stories seems to get longer and longer every week.

It's taken me years to admit my brokenness in this and other areas. Maybe it's due to growing up in a Christian culture where this kind of stuff was denied and/or covered up. But I know I'm not above any of it in thought, word, or deed. Today, I thank Marv and Doug for reminding me and everyone else about that reality.

Pastor Beatle. . . Something To Think About. . . .

A few weeks ago I was chatting with my friend Steve Rabey when he made a very bold statement that I'm not sure I bought, but that I've been thinking about ever since. I have to be careful what I say. After all, Steve is the editor over at Youthworker Journal and I have to pass my regular culture column through him every two months.

So Steve tells me that he's just finished writing a piece on George Harrison. Then, he tells me that he believes that no other musician has addressed themes of spirituality with greater consistency and intent over the last fifty years than George Harrison. I wasn't able to disagree on the spot, although a flood of names started passing through my brain, each of them possible challengers to Steve's theory. I've been pondering the claim since then. To be honest, I wanted to agree. After all, nobody has influenced the shape of music since 1960 like the Beatles. . . collectively and individually. If you weren't around when the Beatles first showed up, you have no idea. Just ask your parents. Honestly, there's been nothing like them since. In a world bursting with musical choices, it's nice to be able to sit back and say "I remember," while hearing the influence of the Fab Four in just about everyone and everything musical these days. The 1960s were an amazing time in pop culture history.

After reading Steve's article - "How George Harrison Changed the Way We Believe" - I have to admit that Steve's bold statement was probably justified. In fact, Steve writes, "Harrison was the most explicitly and consistently theological rock star of the last half-century." Please give the article a read. Three things that Steve wrote really jumped out at me. . .

First, there was Harrison's interest in Eastern Spirituality and Hinduism opened the curtain for all of us to a world that we really didn't know existed. We were ushered into that world by Ravi Shankar and his Sitar. I remember how weird and abrupt it all seemed and sounded. . . like an old friend (The Beatles) had just gone through a complete makeover. Steve tells us that Harrison knew that drugs weren't enough to answer his yearnings. Thus, his journey to the east. Harrison was pop culture's "exhibit A" in the evidence locker that pointed to the Apostle Paul's universal "groans" of Romans 8. We were, indeed, made for God.

Second, there was Harrison's recognition of the disjointed hypocrisy in the American church. Sure, Harrison was looking for something more than his experience of the Catholicism of his youth. But his assessment holds true today. When he was in Bombay he said that "the difference over here is that their religion is every second and every minute of their lives." We don't only yearn for God. The relationship we yearn for with God is a fully integrated relationship that touches every nook and cranny of life. Sadly, Harrison might even be more accurate in his comparison today.

Finally, Steve's article reminded me of the sad day when I heard that the Beatles had broken up. It was early in the morning and I was standing at the bus stop waiting for the school bus to pick me up for another monotonous day at Huntingdon Junior High School. 8th grade to be exact. I can still remember Steve King walking quickly to our stop from his house. He was about 100 feet away from us when he asked us, "Did you guys hear about the Beatles?" Then, he broke the news. It was appropriate that this talented young drummer in a band fronted by his older brother was the one to break the news. After all, these two guys were the first in our neighborhood to emulate the Beatles in their haircuts and dress. The news he broke broke us. Turns out, there was nothing at all monotonous about that day. Steve Rabey's article mentions the last song the band ever recorded: "I Me Mine," a critique of narcissism written by Harrison that continues to describe a growing condition in our culture today, over forty years later.

So. . . thanks to Steve Rabey for his statement, his article, and for allowing George Harrison to say things that challenge me in my Christian faith once again.

Kids, Condoms, and Crafting a Response. . . .

Recently the CDC released another in what seems like a never-ending stream of reports on kids and their sexual activity. Perhaps you saw an article on the report's findings that was published last week. After reading the article in our local paper, I asked CPYU Associate Staffer Jason Soucinek for his response. Jason runs Project Six19 and is working closely with our Sexual Integrity Initiative here at CPYU. He'll be coming to Central Pennsylvania to lead a one-day training event - Life Up Close - How to Challenge Teens to Embrace Sexual Integrity - on Tuesday, November 8.

Here's what Jason had to say about the CDC's latest findings:

Last week, the CDC released a new study, Teenagers in the United States: Sexual Activity, Contraceptive Use, and Childbearing, 2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth which gives conflicting data. There seems to be a continued increase in the number of teens that are choosing to not have sex. However, there continues to be an increase in number of teens that contract STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) each year.

Teens already bear the burden of 50% of all new cases of STDs. Yet they only comprise 25% of the total population. Notably, the study points out, girls ages 15-19, have the highest rates of Chlamydia, a common STD. This is troubling since this statistic overlaps the time frame when most teens receive sex education instruction.

What makes the rise in STDs even more surprising is that this report shows that condom use among teens has increased since 2002. If condom use is increasing among teens, but STD rates continue to rise, teens may be taking sexual risks because they have been taught that condoms offer adequate protection from the physical consequences related to teen sex.

We live in an age of paradox. These statistics dramatically demonstrate this. On one hand we are seeing the rise of condom use. Which we might think would cause a downturn in STD contraction. However, as this report clearly shows, that is not happening.

For years, sex education has focused on the condom as the cure all for all physical consequences. But over and over again that is proven false. Condoms can be an effective barrier in the contraction of an STD and preventing pregnancy, but it is not the most effective. There are three things worth noting about a condom and its effectiveness. First, in order for the condom to have any impact it has to be used. As you are probably aware teens are not the best at being prepared “in the moment”. The CDC states that in order for a condom to be effective it has to be used correctly and consistently, which means every single time they have sex. Any guess how often a teen uses a condom correctly and consistently? Some studies suggest that it is as low as 3% and no study goes higher than 63%. Even at the highest mark, which I doubt are that high, teens are still potentially exposing themselves to STDs and pregnancy 37% of the time.
Second, even when a condom is used correctly and consistently you can still transmit and contract an STD. Viruses like genital herpes and HPV can grow in areas not covered by a condom. And once you get one of these STDs they don’t go away. You can treat the symptoms but you will always have the virus.

Finally, a condom will never protect a teen from the emotional, social and spiritual consequences related to early sexual activity. This seems to be the one thing we forget when talking about sex. Yet these are the consequences that are sinking this generation. Higher depression rates, lower academic achievement, growing number of students suffering from anxiety, increased dropout rates and less self esteem have all been linked to early sexual activity. In fact, in the last 10-15 years, many colleges have had to double and triple their counseling staff to deal with some of these issues, like depression and anxiety. And one of the first questions they are trained to ask is, “Have you been sexually active?”

That is why speaking honestly about the choice to wait to have sex is a powerful tool in seeing fewer teens contract an STD. Empowering teens with the knowledge to abstain can be life changing. But the message must do more than just focus on the physical. It must break down the barrier of language, going beyond don’t to the why, and create a movement of teens that are better equipped to discern the many messages they hear in the media.

Abstinence is the safest and healthiest choice a teen can make for their future. Better grades, higher academic achievement, more money earned over a lifetime are some of the many benefits a teen and young adult can experience by choosing to wait for sex in a lifetime committed relationship. . . marriage. We just need to be willing to share this reality in a way that causes teens to listen.

That is why Project Six19 is proud to partner with CPYU in the sexual integrity initiative. On November 8 we will be presenting our Life Up Close curriculum. This school-based curriculum has been developed as a resource for youth workers, parents, church leaders and educators. During this one-day seminar we will discuss the social science surrounding early sexual activity, the need for media literacy, and our responsibility to talk about starting over while encouraging those that have chosen to wait to continue in their journey are some of the many topics that will be covered. Please consider joining us!



If you'd like to join us on November 8, you can get more info and register here.

Alice Cooper, Britney Spears, NPR. . . . Seriously?

My past came back to haunt me last night. . . almost literally. Big Tom Piotrowski (if you've been around CPYU for a few years you remember my 7-foot-tall former NBA-playing friend) texted me to ask if I had ever heard the Alice Cooper interview on NPR. Nope. . . can't say that I have. Nor can I say that I would even have imagined Terry Gross sitting down with the shock rocker from my own adolescent past. Tom's suggestion along with the weird combination (think my Grandma's Peanut Butter and Onion sandwiches) got me interested enough to tune in immediately. Big Tom was right. It was worth it.

The character known as Alice Cooper (real name Vincent Furnier)was hitting it big with his shock rock antics and first mega-hit single "School's Out" way back in 1972 at just about the same time I was walking away from my last day of 10th grade. His career was propelled into the realm of success thanks to the famous "chicken incident." You can learn more about Cooper, the chicken incident, and his shtick by listening to the interview.

What struck me most about what I heard was the story of how he created his character and the Alice Cooper shtick. In hindsight, Cooper's explanation makes full sense. But I was one of the people he refers to who just didn't get it. I was a kid who was drawn to his antics out of curiosity. After all, he was the first person to pull this kind of thing off. As he says in the interview, his "band drove a stake through the heart of the love generation." I'm not sure any of my friends and peers were getting it at the time either. Instead, this new kind of counter-cultural presence was a way for kids to spit on accepted values and conventions, including the Christian faith. Today, we all know that Cooper is a professing Christian. Adamant about his faith in fact. If you listen to the interview, you'll hear him say that Marilyn Manson took it way too far with the evil anti-God stuff. But back in the day I'm not sure Christians could have said anything but the same thing when it came to Cooper. Bottom line. . . when it was all happening, it seemed like he was serious. Consequently, I'm sure he did have some influence on people of my generation. . . and I recognize that his influence was much greater on some rather than others. Even today I continue to struggle with what seems to me to be a disconnect between Cooper's profession of faith and performance.

I don't think that it's coincidental that just before listening to the Cooper interview, my television told me about Britney Spears' envelope-stretching new video that's scheduled to break in a few days. Even today's New York Daily News reports that it's over-the-top: "Britney Spears' new music video for "Criminal" is guilty of being really racy. In it, she and real-life boyfriend Jason Trawick strip down to nothing and steam up the screen in bed and in a shower."

I know this stuff leaves a deep visual and lyrical impression on kids - it's life-shaping for young listeners. I watch and wonder how this mixes with the persona and message of the teenage girl Spears once was. . . a girl who was open about her Christian faith and background. I wonder if thirty years from now she'll be on NPR with Terry Gross, telling the world that it was all just an act.

The point here is that when we follow Jesus we are to follow with integrated and complete lives. I'm struggling to understand obviously divided selves that are going here, there, and everywhere. In the case of Cooper, I can now understand what he's saying and what he's doing. Still, I'm struggling to justify the connect between his faith and his art. In Spears' case, the disconnect is huge. In both cases, I'm convinced that if by chance it's all an act, the children of their respective times are doing more following of the act, than critique. If it's an act, they aren't getting it.

This all reminded me today of something I read over the weekend in Richard Mouw's great little book on Abraham Kuyper. Mouw quoted James Hutton MacKay - a turn-of-the-20th-century Scottish pastor who spent time ministering in Kuyper's native Holland. MacKay said this of Kuyper and the mental habits of the Dutch: "they like to see things clearly, and to see them as they are - at least as they seem to be men of sound understanding. 'We are people of dykes and dams,' a Dutch writer said recently, 'both as to our land and our mental life.' And Dr. Kuyper's often-quoted saying about the danger of 'blurring the boundary lines' is characteristically Dutch. . . . Much, I believe, can be learned from a people who have a remarkable gift of making distinctions, wrought into their nature, possibly, by many centuries of unrelaxing toil in making and holding that distinction between land and sea, which to them is a matter of life and death."

This is what our kids will be watching in a few days. I wonder if they'll be able to think Christianly enough to distinguish between land and sea?

Brandon Marshall's Challenge To The Church. . . .

Yep. . . sports can serve to teach us valuable lessons about life. That connect was made for me again yesterday when I happened to catch a sports radio broadcast of Travis Rodgers interviewing former Miami Dolphins' wide receiver Mark Clayton. Right out of the gate, Rodgers asked Clayton about the remarks current Dolphins' wide receiver Brandon Marshall had made in the days leading up to last night's showdown with the Jets. Marshall had said that he was going to play like a maniac. . . so maniacal in fact, that he was going to get himself thrown out of the game by the second quarter. Clayton pointed out that it was "the most idiotic thing I ever heard." Seems Marshall is dropping lots of passes, performing horribly, and just not getting the job done on the field. Still, he continues to talk, talk, and talk some more.

A little further on in the interview, Rodgers asked Clayton what he would say to Brandon Marshall if they were playing on the same team. Clayton was blunt. He would tell Marshall that we can do without the antics and "do your talkin' on the field."


I love that line. . . "do your talkin' on the field." Clayton's words reminded me of a couple of related needs we have in the church. There are times to speak and times to remain humbly quiet. The time to remain humbly quiet is when we are tempted to toot our own horns. The time to speak is when we humbly speak for the One we follow. The way we speak should be more non-verbal than verbal as we live our lives to His glory.

This was fresh on my mind yesterday as I had been following a series of linked blogs and posts from followers of Jesus. What struck me was the subtle and not-so-subtle boasting and self-promotion I was seeing in profiles and posts. I wonder if we don't even notice that we're doing this anymore. Our world is so totally self-absorbed that a little bit of self-absorption might seem relatively innocent. I realized that since we live in a world where it's easy to construct ourselves and created nuanced online personas - being anything and anyone we want - we need our flesh-and-blood real life relations to step up and say, "that's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard" when who we really are isn't what we present ourselves as. That's why we all need accountability. . . especially spouses who are willing to step up and say what we need to hear when arrogant self-absorption runs wild and we start to believe our own slanted press. This is especially true for those of us who live and move both online and in the world of youth ministry and ministry in general. Do we realize that if we have to tell others about our accomplishments, then chances are they wouldn't have noticed them otherwise? And if they wouldn't have noticed them otherwise, then maybe those accomplishments are more figments of our wishful imagination than they are real accomplishments?

As I follow Jesus in today's world, the world can do without my antics. I need to do my talkin' on the field. To my younger friends I would pass on this little bit of advice that I need to be reminded of all the time: Know your calling. Pursue it with a passion, with excellence, and with humility to the glory of God and God alone. Keep your mouth shut about any accomplishments or attention the Lord might grant. . . and keep your mind and body moving with passion, excellence, and humility.

How Do You "Look?" . . . .

"Worldview" . . . that's a word I used to have to define when I'd talk about it with youth workers and parents 15 years ago. I was finding that it was a relatively new and unfamiliar concept, term, and matter of discussion in the church at that time. Now, it's something familiar to us all thanks to good discussions about "Worldview." But I wonder if we need to rethink and maybe redefine the meaning we've given to the concept, term, and word.


I got to thinking about this over the weekend as I read Richard Mouw's amazing little book about one of my heroes of the faith, Abraham Kuyper. Ever hear of Kuyper? If not, he's someone you need to meet. I first heard about Mouw's book Abraham Kuyper: A Short and Personal Introduction - from Byron Borger, proprieter of the world's greatest book store, Hearts & Minds. (If you'd like to buy the book, it would be great if you would do so from Byron!).

I love Mouw's chapter on Kuyper and "World-Viewing" so much that I thought I'd pass on a little bit here. Mouw reminds readers that Kuyper's understanding and development of the concept of Worldview is all about how we, as Christians, are called to see things in new ways. We need to care about what God cares about, to rejoice in what makes God's heart glad, and to grieve about what saddens him. It's all about discernment. We need to learn how to do that ourselves and then we need to teach our kids how to do the same.

What I find especially helpful in Mouw's chapter on Worldview is how we say we have to "have" a Christian worldview. Mouw says we need to go beyond that understanding. We tend to talk and live like a worldview is something we possess rather than something we engage in and do. It's a subtle yet significant distinction. . . and it's a good one! Mouw says that instead of thinking about "having a worldview" we should be about the business of "engaging in worldviewing." Mouw writes, "It is something we do on a journey. . . . being a Christian worldviewer means allowing the Bible to shed light on the paths we walk."

Our task is clear. . . we are called to walk the path of life under the illumination of God's Word, shining the light of God's Word on every old and new reality we encounter along the way. I'm indebted to Abraham Kuyper for the concept of worldview. I'm indebted to Richard Mouw for a deeper understanding of world-viewing.

Using Social Media in Youth Ministry. . . Some Guidelines. . .

Yesterday I promised to follow-up some personal social media use guidelines for youth workers with some parameters for use of social media and technology in youth ministry. Here's the deal. . . in our Digital Kids Initiative we are not looking at real specific strategies. In other words, our goal is not to provide alot of "how-to's." There are plenty of other people out there who can help you with that. In fact, we hope to set up a special spot on our Digital Kids Initiative Page where youth workers can share their great ideas with each other. What I want to do is provide some general guidelines and parameters that will help us use and address social media in God-honoring and redemptive ways, rather than in ways that are counter-productive (even when we may not know it) to the advance of God's Kingdom.

Here are five general practical ideas, guidelines and parameters. . .

1. Use technology and social media to enhance, not replace, real-world ministry and community. One of the very real dangers of all these emerging technologies and tools is that we will begin to employ and rely on them so much that our face-to-face ministry and relationships wane. . . even if only a little bit. Kids in today's culture all need more face-to-face and real-world relationship time. Physical presence is necessary for spiritual nurture. Technology and social media should serve to extend our real-world flesh and blood relationships with students. In addition, don't buy the lie that digital community is real community. Real community is lived out in close physical proximity with down and dirty vulnerability. Remember. . . technology can extend and enhance this kind of community, but it can never replace it. Doing life together virtually really isn't doing life together.

2. Use technology and social media to connect and communicate. Perhaps you've heard me say that in youth ministry eras past, the best way to get into the heart and soul of a student was to get into their bedroom and take a look at the walls. Not a very smart strategy these days. Yep, it's a different world. But the bedroom wall has extended in today's world onto the walls, photos, comments, links, profiles, and postings that fill their Facebook pages. Facebook offers a connection to who they are. Go there to learn more about their hopes, dreams, desires, struggles, and needs. And if what you find on their Facebook pages doesn't line up with what you know of them in the context of real community, well. . . then you've gained a deeper sense of who they are and how you can minister to them because they've just revealed their disconnected identities and selves. Social media also allows you to communicate with your group during the week. Use it to extend your reach by promoting events, sharing Scriptures, posting thoughts, and putting up thought-provoking quotes.

3. Use technology and social media to equip and inform parents. Social media must be employed to communicate and stay in touch with parents. If you're wondering what to pass on to parents on a regular basis. . . well. . . just check out our CPYU website for a treasure-chest of stuff to pass on. Provide them with links to news, articles, and reviews. Send them an article a week. Connect them to our daily Youth Culture Today radio show. Or, subscribe to our weekly Youth Culture e-Update and forward it on to your ministry parents. Parents love youth workers who keep them informed.

4. Teach kids to use technology and social media redemptively. This is discipleship, plain and simple. Warn them about how easy digital media can suck them in and become idolatrous. Teach them about the many dangers that lurk on the Digital Frontier. . . things like sexting, dumbing down, information overload, pornography, over-sharing, etc. We'll be talking more and more about more and more of these dangers in the coming weeks and months. Introduce our Digital Code of Conduct to parents and their kids. It's a tool that offers clear parameters to discuss and follow. In addition, walk them through the Scriptures, teaching them about what the following issues and topics have to say toabout how they live on the Digital Frontier: truth, authority, humility, spiritual maturity, wisdom, respect, creating culture, honesty, sexuality, integrity, discernment, self-control, etc. Be sure to discuss these topics in your one-on-one conversations and in your times with your youth group.

5. Help your students establish media parameters by establishing media parameters in your ministry. An 8th grade teacher who's been teaching for 16 years told me this about the effect of social media and technology on kids: "We've lost the art of written and spoken language, solving problems regarding differences in personalities, resolving conflict, and maintaining real, loyal, accountable relationships." That's not the kind of world we want to create or live in. Since they are increasingly tethered and almost always "on," your youth ministry needs to be a place where there are times where they turn it all off and put it aside. Teach them how to be close to others in physical proximity by honoring them and turning off your phone, your computer, and your tablet and then focus on those who are present. Establish and encourage them to practice a media sabbath - one day a week when they turn it off and put it aside. Give them opportunity and space to be silent (Remember those youth group "solos" that were so meaningful for so many of us?). Promote deep reading, contemplation, and quiet times to sit and mediate on God's Word. . . listening to hear Him speak. Or how about this. . . a 40-hour technology famine to raise money for a cause?

Any other parameters/ideas floating around out there?