Youthworkers and Social Media. . . Some Guidelines. . .

So we were asked a great question by our friend Kevin Vinay, a youth worker here in Pennsylvania. Kevin realizes that social media is here and here to stay. Knowing full well that anything in life can be abused or used correctly, he's struggling through the best ways to employ things like Facebook and Twitter in his life and ministry. Great question Kevin. . . and I hope that your struggle is shared by others. If not, trouble is ahead. Struggling through these issues is an important first step to the thoughtful reflection needed as a precursor to responsible use.

The way that I would answer your question has really been taking shape for me as I've been working on our Digital Kids Initiative here at CPYU. The seminars I've written and that I'm starting to present to youth workers and parents include what I trust is a balanced Christian response to life on the Digital Frontier, along with some helpful guidelines.

Before passing on some guidelines, let me give you a couple of realities to consider as you think about how you are going to use social media. The first is that you have a great responsibility to follow Jesus as you live on the Digital Frontier. In other words, you've got to realize that integrating your faith into your own choices is not an option. It's essential. Secondly, as someone charged to minister to kids, you need to train them to do the same. It's not just about seeing kids "get saved." It's teaching them how to be followers of Jesus in every area of life. For example, you want to train them in Godly use of text-messaging, Facebook, etc. Which leads to the third reality: how you choose to use this stuff is what speaks loudest to them about how they should use this stuff.

So. . . what about some guidelines? I'll save the ministry-use guidelines for tomorrow. For today, let me pass on some personal guidelines youth workers should embrace.

1. Realize that you are a broken person. As a result of our sinful natures, we're prone to using this stuff in the wrong way. We're not immune to sin, error, misjudgment, and habitual misuse of social media. In fact, I've found it helpful to constantly remind myself that I'm just one bad decision away from being a headline, from losing my job, from having to pay the consequences of poor judgment. That keeps me on my toes. Always endeavor to know God's will, and then seek to do the right thing.

2.Limit your tech/online/social media time. Were plugged in way too much. We're increasingly tethered. At the National Youth Workers convention a couple of weeks ago it seemed like everyone was walking around with their faces buried in their handhelds. I did it myself. Here's a great way to figure out if you're spending too much time with this stuff: ask your spouse, "Do I have a problem?"

3. Seek accountability. It's good to have friends who check in on you, tell you if you need to slow it down a little, and who can help you set and hold to parameters. Also, make sure your spouse or a trusted friend has all your passwords.

4. Realize that the whole world is watching. Anything you put out there is there for anyone and everyone to see . . . forever! You are creating a digital footprint.

5. Stop and think before posting, replying, sending, commenting. Proverbs 29:20 asks, "Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than him." Proverbs 10:19 reminds us, "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Before you post. . . or tweet. . . or whatever . . . ask yourself these questions: Does this matter? Is this useful to others? Does this promote and reflect Kingdom of God living? Does this promote reflect service to the kingdoms of the world, the flesh, and the devil? Does this glorify God? Or, does this glorify me? Come on. . . why am I doing this. . . really???? Take, for example, our growing obsession with Twitter. Your students - or anyone else for that matter! - don't need to know where you are and what you're doing. What they need to know is who you are because who you are is what models life for them. If you are someone obsessed with tweeting where you are and what you're doing, then who you are at its possible worst is a self-centered narcissist, and what you are modeling (perhaps unintentionally) at its very least is self-centered narcissism. . and is that really what we want to model for our kids?

6. Be yourself. The online world is a place where we can so easily present ourselves as we most want to be seen. The Internet lets us "photoshop" our personalities and identities. Just be yourself. . . vulnerable. . . real . . . authentic.

7. Realize that you are not a brand. Don't market and promote yourself as if you are.

8. Don't put your spouse and kids out there. I was a ministry kid. I have ministry kids. Don't assume that they'll like or embrace the limelight or that the limelight is good for them. There are folks in the youth ministry world who are forcing their families into the public spotlight ala my former neighbors, Jon and Kate. Let's be discerning, fair, and mature. We are posting too many pictures, videos, etc. and I always wonder "why?" The fallout won't be good. When they get older, we can ask their permission and include them if they'd like. But when they are young. . . don't force that on them.

9. Don't post or communicate anything you wouldn't be willing to say from the front of the church.

10. Watch your private one-on-one communication with members of the opposite sex. This includes your interactions with students, your leaders, and parents. One-time communication is fine, but extended and ongoing conversations. . . avoid them. It's like being alone with someone you shouldn't be alone with. I've seen and heard far too many stories about innocent communication that slowly (or quickly) turns into an emotional or physical affair.

11. Pursue digital maturity that reflects deep spiritual maturity.

12. Turn it off on a regular basis. Shut it down. Use the time to focus on others. Use the time to think deeply without distraction. Use the time to live deeply without having to be tethered.

Tomorrow. . . some guidelines on how to use this stuff "redemptively" in youth ministry.

And Kevin. . . for prompting today's post we're going to send you a copy of Tim Challies' great book on faith and technology, The Next Story.

Anyone else have any helpful guidelines to share? The person who posts what we judge to be the most helpful guideline will get a free copy of The Next Story as well!

Trending. . . Pornography. . .

One reality that keeps rearing it's ugly head as I complete research for our Digital Kids Initiative is the pervasive presence of pornography in today's world. It's a growing issue for men, women, and children. Way back in 1996, the U.S. Department of Justice issued this statement: "Never before in the history of telecommunications media in the United States has so much indecent (and obscene) material been so easily accessible by so many minors in so many American homes with so few restrictions." That was 15 years ago. The Internet has grown. Access to computers has increased. And sadly, the online pornography industry has either kept or set the pace.

Statistics are hard to nail down. What we did know back in 2006 was this. . . every second there were 30,000 Internet users viewing pornography. Seems a bit low. There were 4.2 million pornographic websites, or 12% of all Internet content was pornographic. Again, sounds low. And every day, there were 68 million search engine requests for some type of pornography. Probably a bit low compared to what will happen today. Experts say that pornography addiction is driven by three factors: it is accessible, it is anonymous, and it is affordable. Sadly, the average age of first exposure to pornography is 11. I'm guessing that as the years advance, that number will go down.

A youth worker friend recently told me that he no longer looks at his middle school boys and asks them if they are struggling with pornography. Rather, he looks at them and tells them that he KNOWS they are struggling with pornography. Never has a kid challenged his assumption.

As I've continued on in my work in the area of youth culture and digital kids, I'm increasingly convinced that 1) this problem is only increasing, and 2) we need to be aggressive and proactive in shaping responses that are prophetic, preventive, and redemptive. The immediate and long-term fallout is going to be beyond anything we can dream or imagine.

If you are a youth worker, parent, pastor, teacher. . . or just someone who realizes how vulnerable both you and the kids you know are to this stuff, let me point you to three of the best resources I know. Consider this a starting point. . .

First, I want to encourage you to visit, bookmark, and favorite the website for HarvestUSA. Please check out the HarvestUSA website now. There are some great resources for you to access, use, and pass on.

Second, I want to recommend with urgency that you pick up a copy of Tim Chester's book, Closing the Window: Steps to Living Porn Free. We are so excited about this book that it is our featured resource this month at CPYU. If you choose to secure your copy through us, you will be supporting our ministry.

And third, I want to invite any of you who live in our Central PA neighborhood to join us on November 8 for a one-day training seminar for youth workers, pastors, parents, and pregnancy center workers: "Life Up Close - How To Challenge Teens to Embrace Sexual Integrity." During the day, Jason Soucinek will train you in how to talk to children and teens about sexuality. You can learn more and register here.

10 Days Without. . . .

Daniel Day works for Axis, a ministry committed to moving students from apathy to action. Sounds like a mission we should all embrace. I love the mission, the concept, and what Daniel has chosen to do personally for the cause. Daniel has embarked on a journey of "doing without" for 10-day periods. So far, he's spent 10 days without shoes and 10 days without furniture. He's going to spend 10 days without legs. Right now, he's in the middle of spending 10 days without media. I learned about his unique mission because he's highlighting what we do here at CPYU in regards to media as he does without. I love it.


I want to encourage you to do a couple of things in response to Daniel and his journey. First, I want to encourage you to follow him as he does without. He's got a blog going that you need to check out. Second, tell your students about what Daniel's up to and encourage them to not only follow him on his blog, but to consider doing without something that would be personally significant. Third, pray for the ministry of Axis and consider having them plug into your group at an event or weekend. To learn more, check out their video here. Finally, consider going out of your way to teach your kids to interact with media Christianly and biblically. We've got loads of resources here at CPYU to help you with that task.

Dear Gareth. . . Thoughts On Your Thoughts About My Thoughts On Steve Jobs. . .

If there's one thing I realized yesterday after posting on the reaction to Steve Jobs' death, it's that Steve Jobs was a lot more important to people than I ever knew or imagined. This morning Gareth commented on my blog post about Jobs. You can read Gareth's comment in the comment section beneath yesterday's blog. I very much appreciate Gareth and his comment and thought that it deserved more than a passing nod or short response from me in the comment section. So, here goes. . . some thoughts for Gareth. . .

Dear Gareth,

Thanks so much for your response to my blog post about our collective reaction to Steve Jobs' death. Thanks for admitting you found it annoying. I'm used to that actually! No problem. Regarding offending me. . . you didn't. I appreciate not only your honesty and candidness, but your willingness to speak up. I know you're new to my blog and most likely to the ministry I'm involved with at CPYU. I would encourage you to dig deep into the blog and our website to get a feel for who we are and what we do. I hope you'll find that our work is thoughtful and biblically faithful. In a nutshell, we want to know the times. It's always my hope that as Christians we are thinking about things that need to be thought about in ways that we so often overlook.

Regarding the timing of my post. . . I would disagree. My post was prompted by the collective response I was seeing to Jobs' death. I agree. . . he was an amazingly creative guy who has given us many great tools. Frankly, he imaged God through his creativity. . . something we must celebrate. You can't read the first three chapters of Genesis today without thinking of the image of God as it burst forth in Jobs' incredible abilities. Still, my point in the blog is that we might be a bit imbalanced in who and what we value in the church. Please read the blog again. The time to respond to that imbalance is when you see it rather than down the road.

These matters are fresh in my mind as I've just completed about 5 months of concentrated research for our Digital Kids Initiative at CPYU. . . an effort on our part to think Christianly about technology. You and I would agree that technology can be used in a variety of ways - for good or for bad. Last weekend I presented my first Digital Kids seminar at the National Youth Workers Convention and I wish you would have been there to hear first-hand how I'm processing and thinking about these things. I mentioned Albert Wolter's book Creation Regained and his whole notion of structure and direction. Wolters has done a great job of unpacking what you and I both know to be true. . . that we can use things like the structure of technology in a direction that brings honor and glory to the Kingdom of God, and in a way that can bring honor and glory to the Kingdom of the world, the flesh, and the devil. As leaders of kids, we need to know this reality exists, and then endeavor to move it all in the right direction. You cite leading worship and your use of technology. Nothing wrong with that at all. But we do need to avoid our tendency to integrate technology without first thinking about how our use of technology will shape and influence kids. For example, I think it's possible to use technology in worship in such a way that we actually discourage worship of God, while encouraging and fostering worship of worship and worship of the technological tools. I often ask youth workers this question: "If the power grid went down, would your students be able to worship?" In the end, Jobs' tools have been used to bring people closer to Jesus. But is it possible, probable, or even a fact that his tools have pushed people away from Jesus as well? Yes, that's happening all around us, which makes the desire you and I share to use these tools to the glory of God and for the expansion of His will and way a task that we must embark on thoughtfully and consciously. Make sense? You've mentioned some of those ways and there are lots more. But we still need to be careful.

In my seminar I also spoke about the concept of "media ecology" (Neil Postman) and Marshall McCluhan's great work on how media works us over without us even knowing it. History shows that both those guys were dead-on in these matters. For Postman, the introduction of the cell phone changes everything in the landscape in some way. . . even if it's subtle and difficult to see. Think about how the handheld device has both enhanced your ability to be in touch with your students 24/7. But think as well about how those same handheld devices have interrupted family communication in the home as kids are tethered to their friends, physically present with their parents, yet relationally cut off from parents in the midst of that physical presence. Make sense? And that's just the tip of the iceberg! Here's another thought. . . have you been in youth ministry long enough to see the growing inability of kids to sit comfortably in silence to listen to God?

Gareth. . . again, I want to commend you for thinking about these things. Can I challenge you to go a step further and think with me some more? If so, here's the challenge.

First, I want to ask you to read a wonderful book that's been very helpful to me in these matters. Tim Challies has written The Next Story and I would like to give you a copy. . . a brand new copy in fact. The only catch is this. I would simply ask you to give it a read and then engage in some conversation with me about the book. Deal? Get me your email address and we can arrange for me to get the book to you right away.

Second, I want to ask you to give another blog post that a friend just pointed me to this morning a look. It's a post from James Emery White about Jobs' influence and death. I learned some things about Jobs' that I didn't know before. It's a thoughtful post that models deep Christian analysis of culture. White's post is titled "A Most Curious Hero." This blog post will shake up anyone who reads it.

Finally, if you happen to be in Atlanta next month for the next National Youth Workers Convention, I would encourage to come to my Digital Kids seminar where I'll be unpacking this stuff a little more deeply than I can here.

Gareth, thanks again for your comment. No offense taken and it's fine for you to be annoyed. In fact, it was being a bit annoyed along with being deeply concerned that prompted my blog response to the reaction to Jobs' death.

Blessing and thanks,

Walt

Thoughts On Steve Jobs And Our Reaction To His Death. . . .

Last night while watching my beloved Phillies fizzle out, the Twitter-verse was going crazy with word that Steve Jobs had died. So massive and fast was the spreading of the news, that I wouldn't have been surprised if my Blackberry had blown up right there in my hand. I couldn't help but think about how much the world has changed in terms of information available, information shared, and information speed thanks to visionary and extremely gifted folks like Steve Jobs. In years past, news like this wasn't available until the next morning if - in fact - the AP or UPI had chosen to pick it up. What's normal speed to our young digital natives is still astounding to guys like me if we stop, remember, and think about it.

Any time someone we know or are familiar with dies, there is a gnawing inside of us. We somehow know that this is wrong, sad, and not the way it's supposed to be. Even the widespread tweets and Facebook posts that stated simply, R.I.P. Steve Jobs, point to our yearning for the universal flourishing void of disease and death that once existed and was known as "Shalom" . . . which is the peace so many want Steve Jobs to rest in. I'm not a Mac guy nor do I own an iPhone or iPod. My computer is a PC. My handheld is a Blackberry. My mp3 player is a seven-year-old Creative Zen. They all work fine for me and I've worked hard to not get sucked into the vortex of technology that leaves me desiring the latest and greatest in ways that waste my time and money. I know that's left me fairly "uncool" in some people's eyes, which I think says more about our culture than it does about me. Still, I don't think I'd be able to do what I'm doing in the way that I'm doing it if it hadn't been for the vision, creativity, and work of guys like Steve Jobs. That said, the outpouring in reaction to his death had me tossing and turning a bit overnight.

Most of the reaction I was following came from the world of youth ministry. That's where I've lived for the last 30-some years. Naturally, the tweets I saw came from all over the youth ministry world. I was seriously blown away by how widespread the response was. I saw it on Facebook too. I can't ever remember a more immediate and widespread response to the death of anyone. Granted, if all this stuff had existed when Mike Yaconelli died several years ago, I wouldn't have heard about it several hours after the fact through a phone call from my friends at Youth Specialties. This left me pondering not so much what Steve Jobs meant to people in my youth ministry world, but how much we've come to love and depend on the technology guys like Jobs created. Several weeks ago the church lost John Stott - a great theologian who has done more to directly and indirectly shape the faith of our youth ministry world than maybe any other theologian of the last 50 years. Judging from the traffic - or lack thereof - on Twitter and Facebook, Stott's passing was a small blip. . . especially when compared to the passing of Jobs. So I'm asking and wondering. . . do our reactions to both indicate what's more important to us in the church. . . technology/tools or the content of our message?

Some words from Marshall McCluhan are fresh on my mind as I've been looking at his 50 year-old "prophecies" on media and technology and what they do to us without us even knowing it. Consider these quotes from McCluhan that I shared with youth workers in San Diego last weekend in my Digital Kids seminar:

“Societies have been shaped more by the nature of the media by which men communicate than by the content of the communication.”

“All media work us over completely. They are so pervasive in their personal, political, economic, aesthetic, psychological, moral, ethical and social consequences that they leave no part of us untouched, unaffected, unaltered. The medium is the message.”

“We shape our tools and afterward our tools shape us.”

Steve Jobs' death is sad, very sad. But I'm wondering if there's something even more heartbreaking about our response to it and what it says about us. AP writer Pamela Simpson's piece this morning included these words: "Fans for whom the Apple brand became a near-religion grasped for comparisons to history's great innovators, as well as its celebrities, to honor the man they credit with putting 1,000 songs and the Internet in their pockets."

Have we been lulled into worshipping the tools and their makers? Thoughts?

Pop Music and Sex. . . The Science Says 92% . . .

So here's an interesting story on an interesting study that counted and catalogued some interesting stuff. According to a study written up by Dawn R. Hobbs for Evolutionary Psychology, 92% of the 174 songs that made it into the Billboard Top 10 in 2009 contained "reproductive messages." I'm not surprised. I'm thinking about this today as I'm just a few minutes away from a phone call with a news reporter who wants to interview me about Lady Gaga and her influence on kids.

Should we be concerned? Sure. Remember, the great tasks of adolescence are identity formation and worldview construction. Both of those tasks result in life-long beliefs, commitments, and behaviors. This also has me thinking about our upcoming "Life Up Close" seminar that's designed to teach us how to present the "Do's" about sex rather than just the "Don'ts."


A few years ago I gave a little quiz to youth workers and parents during some youth culture seminars. I'd play a song and ask them if it was one they wanted their kids to hear. Most of the songs I played were more than familiar to kids at the time. Each one of these chart-toppers would have fallen in 2009's 92%. As expected, the response was overwhelmingly negative. But then I would always slip in a track called "Love Cocoon" from Bill Mallonee and the Vigilantes of Love. I'd ask for a response again. This time, about 50% of the hands went up in favor of basically banning the song. . . . something, by the way, which many Christian book stores decided to do when they kept the band's album off the shelves. The other 50% answered in the affirmative, saying they wanted their kids to hear the song's message. And so they should! It's said that Mallonee would often intro the song from stage by holding up his wedding-ring clad left-hand then saying, "This one's for anyone out there who has a license to do it." I'd tell people that in my seminars and a debate would ensue. I would often suggest that to be consistent, we should rip the Song of Solomon out of our Bibles or at the very least, ban the Bible from Christian book stores. Of course, that was all to make a point.

The point today? Singing about sexuality is not necessarily a bad thing as long as we're preparing kids for a lifetime of celebrating marital intimacy in all of its wonder and glory. So, maybe you'll want to play this little Vigilantes of Love song for your kids to let them know that there's something out there worth listening to that puts what the other 92% is singing about in its most wonderful context.

I Married The Wrong Person. . . .

Earlier today I was finishing a run-through of the September issue of Christianity Today magazine when I ran across a little interview with Glenn Stanton on "The Science of Shacking Up." Stanton's the author of The Ring Makes All The Difference: The Hidden Consequences of Cohabitation and the Strong Benefits of Marriage, a book that focuses on the scientific evidence about the dangers and downfalls of cohabitation.

The last question interviewer Caryn Rivandeneira asks Stanton is this: "What would you say to a those who believe cohabitation can help people marry the 'right person'?" OK. . . now you've really got my attention as I hear this argument all the time. Stanton begins his answer with a great little quote from Christian ethicist Stanley Hauerwas of Duke University. That little quote is from an article Hauerwas penned in 1978 in which he refers to his own law. . . known now as Hauerwas's Law. . . which is this: "You always marry the wrong person." Stanton goes on to explain that Hauerwas's Law is so important to grasp and the sooner young couples can understand that, the better off they'll be. Young couples typically protest by asking, "You mean you don't want us to be soul mates?" Hauerwas knew that nobody marries their soul mate. Rather, you become soul mates as you live together and love each other over the course of your married life.

Here's Hauerwas's Law in its original context from that 1978 article: "Most of the literature that attempts to instruct us about getting along in marriage fails to face up to a fact so clearly true that I have dared to call it Hauerwas’s Law: You always marry the wrong person. It is as important to note, of course, as Herbert Richardson pointed out to me, that the reverse of the law is also true: namely, that you also always marry the right person. The point of the law is to suggest the inadequacy of the current assumption that the success or failure of a marriage can be determined by marrying the "right person." Even if you have married the "right person," there is no guarantee that he or she will remain such, for people have a disturbing tendency to change. Indeed, it seems that many so-called "happy marriages" are such because of the partners’ efforts to preserve "love" by preventing either from changing. This law is meant not only to challenge current romantic assumptions but to point out that marriage is a more basic reality than the interpersonal relations which may or may not characterize a particular marriage. Indeed, the demand that those in a marriage love one another requires that marriage have a basis other than the love itself. For it is only on such a basis that we can have any idea of how we should love."

So. . . even though I married the wrong person, I know that today I am married to the right person. . . a reality that will be even more true tomorrow.