These Trees and Truth. . . .

There are lessons to be learned from these trees. I am learning that God reveals visual metaphors for deep realities of life and faith if we work to quiet ourselves, come apart from all the distractions, and just look and listen. Thanks to the generosity of friends who have allowed us to use their cabin in the woods for the last ten years, I’ve gotten to know these trees better and better with each annual visit. They are fascinating. And they are teaching me.

One of my “happy places” is in this chair. There are two of them on this deck. At times, I’ve sat in this chair with my wife or one of my kids in the other, just talking. In the morning, this chair has become a place to read and ponder God’s Word. There are also days where I sit in this chair and just look around. The view is rather simple as you can only see trees and sky. It’s a view that’s never gotten old. That’s how I’ve come to know these trees that otherwise might just be background "noise."

Over the years the contrast between these trees and the trees in my yard at home has become marked. They are so different. At home, the trees in my yard were all planted by me when we moved into the house twenty-two years ago. They were carefully placed and spaced. They’ve grown up and out, becoming fuller and taller as the years have passed. They’ve all had room to grow.

The trees I’ve come to know here at this cabin are different. This forest is dense, with trees growing sometimes just a foot or two from each other.  When you look at these trees, the first thing you notice is their height. They are tall. You also notice that their height had to be achieved rather quickly. You know this because their trunks are relatively thin compared to our trees at home. You realize that the reason for this is the thickness of this forest. To survive, a tree has to grow up quickly in order to reach for the sunlight that gives it life, that nourishes it, and that sustains it. Branches and leaves are markedly absent from the lower three quarters of these trees. Rather, they are more abundant near the top, where they are able to see and benefit from the sun.

But scattered amongst these many living trees are both standing and fallen dead trees. They started to grow, but never made it. I’m not an arborist, but to my untrained eyes it appears that these trees never made it to the heights where they could benefit from the sun that gives life. At some point, life left them.

One tree that I find absolutely fascinating sits just off the deck. It reaches just as high as the others. At its top it is filled with healthy looking branches covered with green leaves. But as your eyes drop to where this tree meets the ground, you quickly realize that at some point, this tree was so traumatized that it started to die. But there, on either side of the death in the trunk, is life. Almost like two veins running up from the roots to the heights, there are these two compensatory “auxiliary trunks” (I’m sure there’s an actual name for these. . . I, however, don’t know what it is!) that take moisture and nourishment to the top. And so, it continues to grow to the point where at its’ top, it is indistinguishable from all the other trees in this forest.

Yesterday afternoon, while the sun was shining brightly, I sat and looked carefully at these trees. I compared the tall trees, the dead trees, and the tree that somehow kept struggling and reaching in spite of its’ trauma. What immediately came to mind was my own need to battle and reach for the light of the truths of God’s Word if I am going to survive and thrive with abundance in this world that is filled with noise, diversion, clutter, and the empty promises of so many false redeemers. I recalled what we so often told our youth group kids twenty-five years ago and more when we would talk about the many competing voices and choices they would face in this world. “When God calls you into a relationship with Himself, do all you can to pursue the voice of Jesus,” we would say. “He alone is the way, the truth, the life, and the light of the world. He is the one who gives you life. Seek Him and bathe yourself in the Word.” Now, twenty-five years later, the kids that sat in that room are represented by all these kinds of trees. 

As I look at these trees I pray for myself. . . for my family. . . and for those who are younger. I pray that we will pursue the truth. I pray that we will be brought to life rather than death. And I pray that God in His faithfulness will work through any trauma, woundedness, or hurt that would leave us dead. . . and that we would through His mercy and grace overcome these things to live and grow into His light.

Anthony Weiner. . . A Little Exercise in Cultural Discernment. . . .

For the last several days, I've been mulling over the most recent chapter in the ongoing saga of New York City Mayoral candidate Anthony Weiner. No doubt, Weiner's story offers a peek into just how fast our culture is changing. Consider the fact that his story has centered around "sexting," a term and practice that wasn't even on our cultural radar just a few years ago. . . an example of how we as broken human beings continue to take good things and use them in a destructive direction. In this case, it's taking good things like marriage, love, sexuality, and technology and using them in ways that bring glory to the kingdoms of the world, the flesh, and the devil.

In many ways, times have changed but people have not. Fifty years ago, the White House was inhabited by a President and administration who were indulging many of the same things. We just didn't know about it. There was a commonly-held notion that when these things happened, the media looked the other way and said nothing. One had to maintain the appearance of propriety. . . and we certainly didn't want to poison and spoil the innocence of children by giving them the knowledge that not only did these things happen, but that they might even be OK.

Weiner's story and the way it's being communicated indicate that things have changed. Yes, broken humanity still populates the globe. People still take good things and use them in destructive ways. But as the line shifts, no matter how we choose to use those good things, we increasingly see any kind of use as "good." Once-commonly-held borders and boundaries are disappearing.

I think that these realities and others are worth putting to the test by not looking the other way in the case of the Anthony Weiner story. It's out there. And when we don't make a deliberate effort to think critically and Christianly about Weiner's story, the way it's being reported, and the response of everyone from televised talking heads to bloggers to our own kids, we are only setting the table for increased acceptance and normalization of that which may shock us for a little while today. . . before becoming commonplace tomorrow.

I've embedded a couple of reports on Weiner from last Wednesday morning's The Today Show. Take some time to give them a look with a discerning and critical eye. I especially think these videos are worth watching with your kids ( at home, in the classroom, in youth group, etc.) The first video reports on the story. The second offers commentary and response. There's an especially telling moment a little less then two-and-a-half minutes in to the second video. Listen to what is being said about normalization and acceptance. Wow. Think critically and Christianly out-loud with your kids as you watch. Listen carefully to their responses as they will give you insight into what your kids are thinking/believing about these matters.

What do you see and hear as you watch? Based on this story and these news reports, what can we learn about ourselves and our culture? Who are we? What do we value? What do we believe? Is there right and wrong? What do we need to be teaching our kids?

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

The Lost Boys. . . Some Much-Needed Perspective On All Our Stuff. . .

Yesterday I chatted with a good college friend about life. . . . specifically, the in-between time that began when we graduated and ended yesterday. Lot's has happened for both of us and God has blessed us both so deeply in so many ways. First and foremost, we have both been claimed, embraced, and adopted by God as His.

But there were some reflections we shared about stuff that doesn't matter. I'm convinced that for those of us living here in America, perspective is brought through a) the passing of time, and b) the experiences of those who don't have what we have. And, when you take the time to ponder it all in light of the truth's of God's Word, perspective begins to make itself clear. In my conversation with my friend, we agreed that with every addition material thing we accumulate, there comes responsibilities and headaches that make life more complex, cause us to waste our money, and lead us to spend our time doing things that don't matter. For example, when I graduated from college I had to get my first car. I was excited about that. Back then, I couldn't even imagine having more than one car. Now, we own two cars. . . which means two-times the expenses, bills, breakdowns, upkeep, etc.

After our conversation, I went back and watched a 60 Minutes piece I had seen just the night before. On Sunday night, the show revisited their original story on the Lost Boys of the Sudan. . . a kind of "where are they now?" show. The report offered that "experiences of those who don't have what we have" kind of perspective I just mentioned. Give it a look. . . and pay special attention to what is shared around the 6 minute mark of the clip. The young man's words remind me of what really matters. Watch too, to learn of the Lost Boys' response to 9/11.



Because we live unknowingly with so very much, we have no idea just how much the "how much" we have has gripped us. Yesterday's conversation and the story on the Lost Boys should cause us to ponder whether or not the grip is a death grip. The danger is very real that we are gripped by materialism and we don't even know it. Websters defines materialism as "the doctrine that the only or the highest values or objectives lie in material well-being," and "a preoccupation with or stress upon material rather than intellectual or spiritual things."

The Lost Boys of the Sudan

Several years ago, Dr. Bruce Baldwin did extensive research on the effects of giving and allowing our kids to have an overabundance of money and things. Out of his research evolved the concept of "Cornucopia Kids." They are children who have been raised in good homes with interested, involved, and well-intentioned parents. However, their parents have given them so much that it is difficult for them to develop into healthy self-sufficient adults. Baldwin defined a Cornucopia Kid as "a child who develops an expectation, based on years of experience in the home, that the good life will always be available for the asking and without the need to develop personal accountability or achievement motivation." In short, Baldwin saw the life defined as "success in excess" as one of the root causes of many of the problems we see in youth culture today. . . things like selfishness, materialism, narcissism, and entitlement.

As I've watched youth culture evolve over the years, I'm increasingly convinced that our kids have too much (from us), are given too much (by us), and expect too much (like us). They're not much different than we are as adults. With that in mind, I've done a lot of thinking about the kind of example and message I need to be sending to my kids. I believe there are two crucial elements that must be present in our teaching and example if we are going to begin to undo the effects of materialism.

First, we must realize that our job as parents of teens is to help our children redefine their idea of success by equipping them to understand and live out God,s definition of success. Of course, this requires that we understand and live out God's definition ourselves. Unfortunately, God never chose to include a clear one-sentence definition of "success" in his word. But even though we can't point our kids to a specific chapter and verse where God says, "Success is. . . ," the entire Bible, from cover to cover, defines "success" as faithful devotion to God and obedience to his commands. That's quite different from the definition fed to us by the unwritten dictionary of contemporary American culture.

And second, we must realize that we're buying into a lie if we set our hearts and efforts on providing our kids with what has been labeled "the good life." That's a dangerous road to take. The good news is that there's a better road to travel on our parenting journey. It's the road to "the best life." Our lives and actions should communicate to our kids that the best life is found in living by God's values and according to His standards of success. The best life consists of directing all that we have, do and are towards loving God. And, because of our love Him, we should love those around us rather than treating them as competition or means to material ends. John Wesley had these priorities in mind when he gave this timely and timeless advice: "Work as hard as you can, to make all the money you can, to save as much as you can in order to give away all that you can."

A big "thank-you" to the Lost Boys for setting us straight.

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and the Cover of Rolling Stone. . . Talking Points. . .

Certain things I encounter in life trigger the juke box in my head and the repository of images stored away and long-forgotten in the disorganized file cabinet that is my brain. The juke box and image files both kicked into high gear last evening when I saw the news story about the controversy surrounding Rolling Stone magazine's decision to feature alleged (we need to let the justice system run its course here) Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on the cover of the latest edition.

Being a long-time reader of Rolling Stone, the old Dr. Hook tune "The Cover of the Rolling Stone" jumped onto the turntable in my skull. Hook and his Medicine Show sang, "The thrill we've never known, Is the thrill that'll getcha when you get your picture on the cover of the Rollin' Stone." Then, seeing Tsarnaev's cover prompted recollections of other past Rolling Stone cover images that I remembered as being eerily similiar. . . including Jim Morrison, Bob Dylan, and Charles Manson.

I haven't spent any time scouring what's sure to be a cascading number of news stories and blog posts regarding the cover, so I'm not sure how folks are exactly going to be processing it all. I do, however, have some thoughts of my own. . . thoughts that are still in process. . . that might serve to help as you process the story and talk about it with your kids.

First, Rolling Stone's cover is usually reserved for celebrity of some type. There's a sense that once you've made it to the cover of what once was (in pre-Internet days) the cutting-edge outlet for pop culture news and commentary, you can go no higher. That's why Dr. Hook sang what he did forty years ago. I certainly hope that Rolling Stone doesn't see nor is it trying to make Tsarnaev into some kind of celebrity. But one has to wonder if celebrity-seeking sociopaths who endeavor to make a name for themselves through some kind of sick and twisted (and usually violent) act might not be encouraged by the fact that Tsarnaev has gone from being a familiar face through all kinds of print, broadcast, and online news outlets, to being featured in this highly coveted spot. Those of us who do youth ministry or who work in education know that when a student takes his own life, you have to walk a fine line in your follow-up as you don't want to indirectly glorify what's happened in ways that encourage others to follow the same path so that they'll be noticed.

Second, the fact that Rolling Stone chose a photo taken by Tsarnaev himself deserves some deconstructing. One one level, we live in a self-obsessed and narcissism inducing/promoting/celebrating culture that's fertile ground for social media use that's not so much about serving others as it is about creating, curating, and marketing one's self. "Selfies" that don't serve me are quickly deleted thanks to digital photography. "Selfies" that make me look good are the ones that make the cut. The fact that Rolling Stone chose a photo by Tsarnaev that was taken and posted to make himself look good. . . well, that's a questionable decision but also a sign of our times. On another level, Tsarnaev has been given some control here. It's as if Rolling Stone's cover has become his own, personal Facebook page. There's something eerie about that which I'm still trying to figure out and which just doesn't sit well.

Third, I wonder about the shift taking place in our culture regarding the blurred lines between fame, celebrity, and heroism. Morally, we're all over the place. Relativism, tolerance, diversity, and pluralism run amuck have combined in a cocktail that allows each of us to individually decide not only what is virtuous and what is not, but who is virtuous and who is not. What gets us attention, magazine covers, and a following in today's world is not so much quietly living your life in ways that good, true, right and honorable. . . but just making noise. . . . even if that noise is horribly destructive. This isn't going to change until we stop listening, looking, and paying attention.

Fourth, maybe we shouldn't be surprised at all by Rolling Stone's decision. Have you ever surveyed the long, long visual history of the magazine's covers? Tsarnaev is not at all alone as what some have labeled as "the face of evil." Yes, he's allegedly done some horrific things. They are things that he thought about doing, planned to do, and carried out. He was informed by a worldview and ideas that are anything but biblical. While this is no justification at all for Rolling Stone's  decision or Tsarnaev's actions, we really do need to think about the ethical impact and culture-shaping influence of the ideas and actions of the great majority of people who have been featured on Rolling Stone's cover over the years. Ideas have consequences. They shape us. Maybe. . . just maybe. . . this week's Tsarnaev cover is one of the most harmless Rolling Stone covers of all time because we look at it and our guard immediately goes up. I wonder.

Finally, there's something deeper happening here that forces us to go to a place where most of us don't want to go. This morning, theologian Miroslav Volf posted this thought on his Facebook page: "Attractive Tsarnaev on Rolling Stone cover! We don’t like the evildoer looking like one of us. Perhaps because all of us are a bit like him?" Think about it. The same utter brokenness that lives in Tsarnaev lives in us all. We all need to be showered in and sustained by the life-giving grace of Jesus Christ. That's something we need to talk about with our kids.

It's going to be interesting to see where this story goes. . .

Death By Text. . . .

This morning I was reminded once again of just how much our world has changed thanks to technology. I was heading down the local interstate to meet a friend for breakfast in Lancaster. While I didn't look at the drivers of every car and truck I passed or that passed me (that would be dangerous you know!), I did spot several drivers splitting their eye time and concentration between the road and the device in their hands.

In an effort to imagine the equivalent behavior when I was first learning to drive forty years ago, here's the best that I could come up with. . . . my driver's ed teacher telling me to spend half of my driving time looking at the floor of the car. I know. . . it's absurd. But it's no coincidence that my first car accident (I was 16 and it wasn't my fault!) occurred when a man came around a corner too wide because he was looking on the floor of his car for a paper that had blown off his seat. Crash. Boom. My employer's pickup truck was totaled.

Some of the latest stats on teens who text while driving are frightening. In 2011, nearly 40% of high school students admitted to texting while driving at least once in the last thirty days. I'm guessing that the viral spread of smart phones has made that statistic obsolete. It's gotten so bad that experts are now calling texting while driving a "national epidemic."

Drinking and driving has now been eclipsed by texting and driving as the number one cause of teenage deaths on the road. The Cohen Children's Medical Center in New York reports that texting while driving has resulted in injuries to 300,000 teens each year. . . and 3,000 teen deaths.

Texting while driving is now widely considered more dangerous than drinking and driving. That's why my home state of Pennsylvania and numerous other states have outlawed the practice. But judging from what I see on the road, the law doesn't seem to be making much of a difference.

We suggest that you talk to the teens you know and love about the dangers of texting and driving. To get you started, you can download our free Texting While Driving fact sheet.

A Youth Culture Peek Worth Watching Tonight. . . .

We used to call these "VCR alerts" here at CPYU. That was back when the VCR was cutting edge technology. I'm not sure what we are supposed to call it now that technology is changing at breakneck speed. For now, let's just call it "maybe you should watch this!"

Tonight, PBS is running a POV episode featuring the film "Only The Young." The synopsis of the film says this: "Only the Young follows three unconventional Christian teenagers coming of age in a small Southern California town. Skateboarders Garrison and Kevin, and Garrison's on-and-off girlfriend, Skye, wrestle with the eternal questions of youth: friendship, true love and the promise of the future. Yet their lives are also touched by the distress signals of contemporary America — foreclosed homes, abandoned businesses and adults in financial trouble. As graduation approaches, these issues become shocking realities. With sun-drenched visuals, lyrical storytelling and a soul-music soundtrack, Only the Young embodies the innocence and candor of its youthful subjects — and of adolescence itself."

Be sure to give it a look. . . .

Watch Only the Young - Trailer on PBS. See more from POV.

A Little Primer For Parents on Teens and Peer Pressure. . . .

The only “hunting” I’ve ever done in my life took place on our annual family vacations to Florida. When we weren’t fishing, swimming, or visiting tourist attractions, I would venture out on a “lizard safari.” Although I knew the little chameleons were hiding in every bush and tree, at first I had a hard time spotting them. But it wasn’t long before I learned that when chameleons were hiding on the green leaves of a palmetto plant, I’d be looking for a green chameleon. Those same chameleons could sit on the trunk of a palm, turn brown, and be almost invisible. At other times, they would turn almost gray, camouflaging themselves from the “great hunters” while sunning on the stucco walls of the house. In an effort to protect itself from the dangers of predators, a chameleon will change color to blend in with its environment.

When they become teens, our kids will be tempted, to one degree or another on numerous occasions, to become like chameleons. Caught in the midst of change, confusion, challenge, media bombardment, family dysfunction, and a host of other stresses, they yearn for stability and normalcy. In an effort to protect themselves from feeling like they’ve been left alone to wander through adolescence, our teens will change colors and blend in with the surrounding environment – the peer group.

Negative peer pressure is frightening – perhaps even more so to those of us who remember what it was like to face it when we were teens ourselves. We don’t want our kids to make the same mistakes and bad choices that we did. We want to protect them from the painful pull between doing what is easy and doing what is right. But peer pressure rears its ugly head when our children and teens begin to test and evaluate the values we have worked hard to instill by lining themselves up with many of the dangerous values espoused by our rapidly changing culture. Peer pressure turns its head and snarls at us when the children we love compromise what we’ve taught them about God’s right and wrong in order to go with the flow.

As Christian parents, what can we do to equip our teens to weather the inevitable peer pressure storm in a way that brings honor and glory to their Heavenly Father? Here are some suggestions to get you started on this difficult yet necessary task.

First, recognize that peer pressure reaches its greatest intensity during the adolescent years. Along with the rest of the teenage population, your teen is experiencing the natural adolescent shift in social focus from her family to her peer group. As part of their growth toward self-sufficiency and independence, teenagers are prone to no longer see their family as the center of their social universe. They begin to disengage from the family while forming more and more meaningful relationships with same-sex and opposite-sex peers. Consequently, they will sometimes look for the guidance and direction typically sought from Dad and Mom from their peers. This transition can be turbulent for parents, especially when the kids take on thinking and behaviors drastically different from their own. These sudden changes can leave us feeling like we’ve failed. The good news is that as your children move through the post-high school and college years, the influence of the peer group will decrease. Amazingly, your children will begin to look more like you in terms of their values, attitudes, behaviors, and lifestyles even though they are well established in the groove of being independent.

Second, recognize that the nature of peer pressure has changed since we were teens. My first and most memorable brush with negative peer pressure took place when I was in fourth grade. The dynamics of my initial peer pressure encounter pretty much typify what peer pressure used to be like. I had been asked to go swimming at the local YMCA by a group of older guys in our neighborhood. I was thrilled that these guys would be willing to include me – the little squirt they usually picked on – in their Saturday afternoon plans. Since I was the only one in the bunch who didn’t have a membership at the Y, I took along my dollar admission to get me into the pool. After all the older guys had flashed their ID cards to the admission attendant, I stepped up to the window to pay my admission. Just as the attendant asked if I was a member, one of the older guys crawled beneath the window and attempted to hand me his membership card so that I could flash it and get in for free. I remember three things about that moment. First, I got incredibly warm. My body almost felt like it was on fire. Temptation has a way of doing that to you. Second, I “saw” an angel on one shoulder that looked a lot like my mom, and a devil on the other that had the face of my older friend. And third, I handed my dollar bill to the attendant. Sadly, I also remember how the guys harassed me for my “stupidity” and then ignored me for the rest of the afternoon. I also remembered that it was one of the occasions where I made the right choice in the heat of the moment. Unfortunately, I didn’t grow through my teenage years to always do the right thing. That experience had all the elements of what peer pressure used to be. You see, back then, peer pressure usually took the form of a verbal invitation to come and participate in some behavior that both you and the person inviting you to do it knew was wrong. There was always that element of sneaking around. In order to help our kids navigate the dangerous waters of today’s peer pressure, we must understand that it is markedly different. Today, peer pressure typically takes the form of an unspoken expectation to participate in behavior that the great majority of the peer group believes to be normal and right. Today, it’s much more difficult for our kids to go against the flow when the behaviors promoted aren’t sneaky, but celebrated.

Finally, peer pressure shouldn’t lead us to wave the white flag of surrender. Instead, it should motivate us to do all we can to encourage and equip our kids to stand firm in the midst of their pressure-filled lives. Here’s a checklist of strategies you can employ to that end:

• Realize that negative peer pressure is a spiritual battle that all of us will fight constantly. Like the apostle Paul, we will find ourselves baffled by our behavior (Romans 7:15-24). But like Paul, we can see the way out of our struggle with sin through Jesus Christ (Romans 7:25). 

• We must pray, pray, and continue to pray for our kids in the midst of pressure so intense that it can leave parents and teens feeling helpless and hopeless. 

• We should examine ourselves and our lifestyles to see how our example teaches them to handle negative peer pressure. 

• We should model a lifestyle of discipleship and, by doing so, show our kids that following Christ is not always the easy choice but is always the right choice. 

• Actively help your children realize their value and worth in God’s eyes so that they are less prone to seek their satisfaction by conforming to the images of the world. 

• Get your kids involved in a positive peer group – perhaps a strong church youth group – where following the narrow path that leads to life is celebrated and affirmed by both leaders and students alike. 

• Help your kids to understand the truth of Proverbs 13:20 – that for better or for worse, friends always do influence friends. 

While negative peer pressure is sure to be a part of your teenager’s world, your conscious recognition of the role you continue to play in their lives as they pass through the adolescent years can go a long way in teaching them how to respond to the pressure as ones who image the “colors” of the way and will of their Creator, rather than the “colors” of their peer environment.

The Spirit Knows. . . And A Prayer For Those Who Are Stressed. . .

I want to share some of the treasure that I've discovered with anyone who will take it or needs it today. It's a treasure that twenty years ago or so I would have taken for granted. . . perhaps not even being able to see its value. But today. . . I think differently. The shift came around fourteen years ago when I was in a period of spiritual stagnation. I prayed this prayer: "Lord, increase my dependence on you." He answered. What has come and gone over the years since praying that prayer are some times marked by crying out to the Lord.

During these times, I've been blessed with eyes open to things that I never really pondered or appreciated before. . . the Psalms of lament, the cries of Biblical characters who have nowhere to turn but to God, the stories of peers whose experiences I can now identify with, and the deep yearning of prayers to know God's presence.

I've mentioned before that there are two prayer books that have become part of my daily routine. One is The Valley of Vision, a book of Puritan prayers that are rich and deep. The prayer book's title comes from the fact that it is in the blessing of finding ourselves in the valley that we have nowhere to look but up to catch a deeper and more meaningful vision of God. The second is Scotty Smith's Everyday Prayers. While Scotty and I have connected, we've never met face-to-face. But I know from praying the yearnings of his heart that we are kin on similar paths.

This morning. . . after a couple of particularly cloudy days for me. . . Scotty's prayer (see below) became mine. It's amazing how the Spirit leads me by the hand at just the right time to resources that I need. I am grateful to Scotty for his vulnerability. It is through vulnerability that we are able to bless each other. I'm guessing that there are others today who will benefit from pouring their hearts out to God with this prayer from Scotty's Everyday Prayers. . .

A Prayer for Showing Jesus When Feeling Stressed

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. 2 Cor. 4:7-10

Dear Jesus, to compare my season of stress with the apostle Paul’s would be like comparing my guitar playing with Phil Keaggy’s, or my photography with Ansel Adams’s, or my cooking with Bobby Flay’s, or exercise regimen with the Rock’s. There’s simply no comparison. When I consider everything Paul experienced as your servant, honestly, I have nothing to bemoan, groan, carp or harp about.

Nonetheless, Paul’s honesty is a great gift to me this morning. His freedom to acknowledge both his anguish and his joy in the same paragraph gives me tremendous encouragement and focus. Posing and pretending were crucified at Calvary. Despair and hopelessness were sabotaged by your resurrection. Merely sucking-it-up and perpetually pulling up bootstraps are expelled by the gospel.

Jesus, help me to be far more preoccupied with the treasure within than with the pressures without. If your all-surpassing power will be shown most dramatically through my weakness, I submit to your will. If your incomparable beauty will be most clearly revealed through my hardships, I surrender to your ways. If your redeeming purposes will be most fully realized through my brokenness, I surrender to you with joy.

With my palms up, I offer you praise for the treasure of the gospel. The gospel will win the day, my heart, the nations, and the cosmos. Though there are seasons when throwing in the towel, finding another story, or just flat running away are incredibly attractive, where else would I go but to you? You alone give the words of life, the sufficient grace, and the hope of glory. May your voice be ten times louder than the murmurings around me and the grumblings inside of me.

Jesus, in the coming hours and days and weeks, prove the wonders of your love. So very Amen I pray, with hungry expectancy, in your powerful name.

Watch Your Mouth. . . Spiritual Health and Political Correctness. . .

"This lady gets it." That's what my buddy Marv Penner enthusiastically told me when he called me for the sole purpose of asking me if I had read Miriam Grossman's Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student. Marv was plowing through the book and wanted to be sure that I didn't miss this one. I didn't. I read it last week. . . and it boldly confirms what many of us have been seeing in the world of kids for quite some time.

Grossman has been counseling and treating students for almost three decades now, most recently at UCLA Student Psychological Services. When Unprotected was first published back in 2006, Grossman's name wasn't on the cover. Rather, the book's author was identified only as "Anonymous, M.D." Grossman was hesitant to identify herself as she was calling out the entire field of campus health and counseling, including organizations like the American College Health Association, the American Psychological and Psychiatric associations, Planned Parenthood, Columbia University, and others. Grossman was talking and writing about things that she and her peers were taught to never talk or write about.

Don't think for a minute that Grossman isn't proud of her work. She is. But there's a price to pay for pulling back the curtain on what's really going on in the campus community, both among students and those who provide them with moral guidance on matters of sexuality and health. Grossman says that Unprotected "tells the stories of college students who are casualties of the radical activism" in Grossman's profession. And so, the book tells the grim story of what's happening on campus through the stories of students and young adults struggling with sexuality, STD's, pregnancy, abortion, self-injury, disordered eating, and more.

In the book's conclusion, Grossman tells of the moment when she shared with a colleague her concern about the omission at her center of questions about sexually transmitted diseases and abortions. She thought. . . rightly so. . . that this omission was very unwise. Her friend agreed. Then, both admitted to the other that they both did, in fact, break professional protocol by broaching these and other "taboo" subjects with students. At that moment, both of them realized that even after all those years of working side by side, their silence with each other was rooted in their mutual fear of challenging the entrenched dogma of their profession. She writes, "The concerns Joanne and I shared about our patients - the physical and emotional harm of the anything-goes mentality, the devastating consequences of abortion, hookups, and STDs - are not politically correct. We feared sharing our views in an atmosphere perceived as intolerant; we were not prepared to risk malignment or ostracism."

Let me float an idea here that I couldn't shake as I read Grossman's account of this conversation. I think we are close to. . . if not already in. . . a situation where we are so divided in the church (and our youth ministry world) on how to best handle these and other ethical issues that those who feel the need to speak the truth's of God's Word in love wonder when, if, and how to open their mouths out of fear. To be more specific, there are those who are afraid to speak up from the perspective of historical orthodoxy because that perspective is seen as hopelessly outdated, old-fashioned, and irrelevant in our rapidly changing culture.

I've pondered Grossman's prescriptions and thought about what they might mean for us as Christians endeavoring to live to the glory of God in the church and world. . . and in our youth ministry world. After all, there is so much at stake. Consider what Grossman suggests.

First, "like a patient unaware of his illness, the first step is acknowledgement that all is not well." Grossman says that her profession has been hijacked by "repressive, radical ideologies" and that those who dissent are "intimidated and silenced." Keep your eyes open. . . this is happening in our ministry world as well.

Second, Grossman says we need to realize that these "radical agendas - promoted in the name of patient welfare and positive social change - are a prescription for disaster." Scripture and history tell us that agendas contrary to God's will and way will only lead to disaster as well.

Finally, Grossman knows that way too much hangs in the balance. After all, she's talking about dealing with vulnerable young people who have much to lose. "What we say or don't say will have far-reaching effects: the responsibility is awesome." She says that what we need is straight talk with all the facts. The same goes for us in the church as well in regards to everything God says about everything in life.

This morning I ran across this quote from theologian John Stott, penned almost fifty years ago: "These then are the marks of the ideal Church - love, suffering, holiness, sound doctrine, genuineness, evangelism and humility. They are what Christ desires to find in His churches as He walks among them." Oh how we need the balance of all of these elements mentioned by Stott. We need to lovingly, humbly, and gracefully tell the truth in a church, youth ministry world, and day-and-age where increasingly we're losing our willingness and ability to even know what the truth is. If we don't, much will be lost.

Not Good Enough. . . Teens And Plastic Surgery. . . .

A few months ago she caught my eye as I scanned the magazine rack at Barnes & Noble. Everything about her looks absolutely perfect as she stares off the cover of Seventeen magazine. Her name’s Nikki Reed, and every 12 to 15 year-old girl who reads Seventeen knows her as Rosalie Hale from the hit film series, The Twilight Saga. Her picture captures the hair, eyes, skin, nose, lips and chin every pre-teen and teenage girl covets. Her face is framed by teasers trumpeting this month’s Seventeen content. They direct readers to look inside to learn about “your perfect party look,” how to “win a $10,000 fashion and beauty haul,” and a “bonus style section” all about current celebrity looks. This and every other magazine cover, advertisement, and media clip targeting children and teens sets the “appearance bar” higher and higher for our kids.

It shouldn’t come as any surprise that kids who are developing physically during the transition from childhood to adulthood compare what they see unfolding in the mirror with what they see in media. Of course, that’s the way the marketers want it. The sad result is a generation of kids who buy the lies that “I am what I look like” and “if I don’t look like that (or him or her. . . insert name of the hottest celebrity dujuor), well. . . then I’m worthless.” This reality is not only feeding the pandemic of eating disorders and depression among children and teens, but is also feeding the dissatisfaction that’s leading a growing number of kids to pursue cosmetic procedures and plastic surgery in an effort to tweak or even overhaul their physical appearance.

Plastic surgery is certainly nothing new. It’s a legitimate branch of medicine that is dedicated to restoring or altering the human body. It is used to reconstruct and correct abnormalities caused by birth defects, developmental problems, injuries, infections, or disease. It’s also used to cosmetically reshape body structures in an effort to improve one’s appearance and feelings of self-worth. According to The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery, this latter type of cosmetic procedure has increased by 197 percent in the United States since the stats were first tracked in 1997, to what is now total of 9.2 million procedures annually at a cost of $10 billion. Of that number, 1.4 percent or 132,000 cosmetic procedures were performed on children 18 and under with the most popular procedures being otoplasty (reshaping of the ears), rhinoplasty (nose jobs), skin rejuvenation, and laser hair removal. In addition, teenagers are seeing cosmetic surgeons for liposuction, otoplasty (reshaping of the ears), breast enlargement, breast reduction, breast lifts, collagen injections, microdermabrasion, and chemical peels. Teens in South Korea are flooding cosmetic surgeons with requests for procedures that enlarge the eyes. And believe it or not, there are reports that a growing number of girls here in the U.S. are getting breast enlargements from their parents as high school graduation gifts!

What’s fueling this growing trend that’s not expected to slow down anytime soon? A look at today’s youth culture reveals several reasons for our teens’ love affair with cosmetic procedures.

First, there is the intense and pervasive presence of image pressure. In a Bliss magazine survey among British girls with the average age of 14, two-thirds of the girls surveyed said “the pressure came from celebrities with perfect bodies and boys.” Girls who compare themselves to the never-ending onslaught of images know that to be acceptable is to be young and to be beautiful. Our boys are buying the lie as well. If they see themselves as not good enough and there’s the possibility of getting better, they’ll pursue it with little or no regard for the cost. Cosmetic surgeons report that more and more teens are showing up holding celebrity photographs that capture the appearance they want for themselves.

Second, our kids are growing up in a media culture where shows like America’s Next Top Model and the recent Pretty Hurts trumpet and glorify the possibilities and merits of cosmetic alteration by the high standards they set. They know it can be done.

Third, our teens live in an instant fix society. If something’s broke, hurting or not right, there’s a pill, prescription, or procedure available to make it right. Because they want to avoid emotional and physical pain, they’ll opt to do anything that makes them feel and/or look better.

Fourth, our culture is extremely “me-centered.” This reality is certainly not limited to today’s youth culture. We’ve all learned to selfishly do “what’s best for me.” If I’m growing up with my eyes focused on myself and my needs, it’s not at all surprising that I’d want to fix anything that I don’t like about me.

Fifth, peer pressure is extremely powerful. When our teens’ peers, boyfriends, and girlfriends buy into the appearance pressure, they will in turn pressure our kids to buy the lies that so easily lead to the desperate and vain measure of cosmetic procedures.

Finally, parental pressure plays into the mix as well. It should come as no surprise that many teens who feel the pressure to change their appearance have learned from parental example. Liposuction, botox injections, and breast augmentation are three of the top procedures for both men and women alike. That example, coupled with our criticisms of our teens (“You look like you’re gaining weight.”, “You’re skin looks so pale.”, etc.) can lead our teens to desire and choose the plastic surgery option.

What can youth workers do to instill a healthy sense of physical self in their teens so that they will avoid the growing obsession with plastic surgery?

First, we must communicate that plastic surgery, while sometimes necessary for one’s physical health, is not the road to redemption. Our dissatisfactions with ourselves are rooted in a yearning for God and His gift of new life. No surgeon’s knife or miracle cream can fill the God-shaped hole in the soul. Plastic surgery is a redemptive dead-end that leaves you feeling empty.

Second, we must teach our kids that aging and death are theological realities that can be fought, but never beaten. Humanity has been cursed to physically age and die since the rebellion of Adam and Eve. Try as hard as we like, those realities can never be reversed on this earth. It’s a fact that time and gravity are not at all kind to the human body. Consequently, they need to realize that a growing number of people in our culture are locked into an anti-aging exercise in futility.

Third, we must shoot straight with our teens about the risks related to plastic surgery. A simple search of the internet uncovers stories and warnings about the very real dangers of some of the most popular cosmetic procedures sought out by teens. If nothing else, we can show them photos of older folks who are aging less-than-gracefully thanks to cosmetic surgery procedures gone wrong.

Fourth, we must teach our kids about the seductive power of advertising. They need to know that marketing is designed to seize on and magnify their insecurities. Then, marketers make product promises that translate into “needs” that lead to purchases. This vicious cycle is formulated and reformulated every day for one reason. . . .getting our kids to spend their money. As youth workers, we must teach our kids to recognize and understand the lies ads tell and sell.

Fifth, we must never lose sight of the fact that in God’s grand scheme, suffering builds character. Even though the “perfect appearance” is an always changing cultural construct, our kids still buy the lie, feeling like they don’t measure up. But if we heed the words of James, we soon realize that the suffering of not measuring up or being “imperfect” is part of the growth and maturation process: “Consider it all joy. . . . whenever you face trials of many kinds. . . . the testing of your faith builds perserverance.”

And finally, we must affirm our kids’ value and worth as God has created them. When I was a teen I never liked what I saw in the mirror. Sure, the pressure wasn’t nearly as great back then. But when we were kids the pressure was there. Nothing meant more to me than to know that even though I felt I fell painfully short in the eyes of the world, I was loved and accepted by the real people in my life who were really important to me for the simple reason that I was really important to them. . .  no matter what I looked like! Over time, that message finally got through and I came to realize that my “flaws” were really only unique differences.

A few years ago I ran across a two-page ad for Botox that features a middle-aged married couple locked in an adoring embrace. The ad wants me to believe that they were “perfect” in appearance. The ad’s text reads, “We promised to grow old together, not look old together.” What a tragedy. 

If I can communicate God’s radically different message on appearance to the kids I know and love, I trust that the growing obsession with plastic surgery won’t hit home where I live. I pray the smiling young faces I know will reflect the image of Christ, and not the images on the front of the magazines.

How To Listen to Kids. . . A Helpful Little Practice For Youth Workers and Parents . . . .

In my work with kids over the last three decades, I have learned that the most powerful conduit to understanding young people is listening. Through one-on-one conversations, reading their poetry, visiting their Facebook pages and tweets, digesting their journals or tapping into other creative outlets, we discover their joys, concerns, questions, frustrations and ideas.

But a second way sometimes speaks louder and with greater clarity than young people themselves. Popular culture speaks through a variety of media outlets, including music, television, advertising, books and film. It can speak for them to us.

A little over twenty years ago I had an encounter with an 8th grade boy that really drove this home for me. I was speaking at a middle school retreat to a group I had never met before.  Over the course of the weekend I immersed myself in their lives the best that I could - we ate together, sang together, played together, etc. After our Saturday afternoon football game, I went into the guys cabin where I was staying to change my clothes. It was one of those standard church camp cabins that had two bunk rooms (about 10 bunks on each side) separated by a bathroom. I thought I was the only one in the cabin when I heard some loud music coming from the other bunk room. . . it was stuff I had never heard before. 

I poked my head through the door and could see John sitting on his bunk in the back corner of the room, oblivious to everything but the music he was playing at high volume. When he spotted me he quickly hit the "stop" button on the CD player (remember those?!?) and apologized for playing his music. When I responded by asking him to "Turn it back on. Play some more. I've never heard this music before", he was surprised. After some questioning from me he explained that this was a new band called Nirvana. He told me about the troubled lead singer, Kurt Cobain. He played me his favorite song, "Smells Like Teen Spirit." When I asked him what he liked about the music he simply said this: "This guy's singing what I feel." Wow.

Hans Rookmaaker, art critic and Christian scholar, “listened” to art in order to hear what the culture was saying about itself. Rookmaaker’s comments in his book Modern Art and the Death of a Culture, while written in specific reference to modern art, apply equally well to contemporary popular culture and its youthful audience:

"This art is the work of your neighbors, your contemporaries, [your children,] human beings who are crying out in despair for the loss of their humanity, their values, their lost absolutes, groping in the dark for answers. It is already late, if not too late, but if we want to help our generation we must hear their cry. We must listen to them as they cry out from their prison, the prison of a universe which is aimless, meaningless, and absurd.”

Listening to their culture opens our ears and eyes to the reality and depth of the needs of young people. And once we know the reality, we can communicate the gospel in ways that can be heard and understood.