Kissing My Kids Goodbye. . . I Never Thought I Was Up To It. . . .

It's been just about four weeks since our house emptied itself of children for the first time since 1983. There have been kids in this place for almost thirty years. We stood in the driveway with our youngest, Nate, as he climbed into a loaded Ford Focus and began the 10-hour drive north to the Muskoka Woods Sports Resort in Ontario. . . home to his summer job. The psychology of sending the 20-year-old "baby" of the family over the border into Canada on his own. . . without the required paperwork that should have arrived weeks before. . . was difficult. On the one hand, launching is necessary. On the other hand, we haven't done this empty house thing for three decades.

Our house is now void of children until Nate returns at the end of the summer. Josh married Sheila three years ago. It's been almost two years since Bethany got her own place. Caitlin and her new husband Rick are living in North Carolina. . . and are now expecting twins! Lisa and I are living together in a quiet that's hard to recall. Yes, there is a dog and an inherited cat. But this is a new stage of life for us. And, it's fun.

I was never really sure how I'd do with this. To be honest, I feared it and thought that the slow dragging pace of time would keep it at arm's length for an eternity. But time has passed incredibly fast since those days when our kids were little and the thought of them leaving home to head off to college, to work, to marriage, to whatever might take them away. . . well, those thoughts were gut-wrenching. I couldn't imagine them leaving without feeling some kind of deep grief. "How will I ever be able to let them go?" was a question that I pondered as I watched the parents of our graduating youth group kids say their "goodbyes" year after year after year.

As I was thinking about this during the days after Nate left for Canada, I ran across a wonderful little post from Leslie Leyland Fields. . . "Letting Go of Our Children and Killing the Sparrow."  Leslie is the author of one of my two most favorite parenting books (Parenting is Your Highest Calling: And 8 Other Myths That Trap Us In Worry and Guilt), both of which we recommend here at CPYU. In her post, Leslie offers some of her heartfelt and conflicted thoughts regarding needing to let go and wanting to hold on. It's good stuff.

If you're the parent of a young child, I want to pass on a few observations that have stuck as my kids have been leaving the nest over the last three years.

First, leaving is what you've been parenting towards. We don't own our kids. They are entrusted to us by God. We raise them to release them. We parent them from the dependence of childhood into the independence of adulthood. We need to keep the goal of their launch in mind from the moment we first hold them.

Second, we need to be aware that current parenting philosophies and practices discourage their launch. We over-parent. We hover. We helicopter parent. We bail them out. We do everything for them. We make sure they all get trophies. As a result, we're raising a generation of indulgent and entitled kids. We're creating a world of extended adolescents rather than a world of young adults. I know, this all sounds like an overstatement, but it's largely true. Nurturing kids in child-centered families yields self-centered twenty-somethings who are less prone to launch. All this to say. . . if we hold on too tight without the aforementioned goal in mind, we're not doing anyone any favors.

Third, it's really not as difficult as you think or once believed. We've discovered that just as God wants to prepare our kids to launch into independent adulthood, God is also preparing us to launch them. Our fear that we will be begging "Please, please don't go!" is eclipsed as they grow older with a "Please, please go!" realization that it really is time for them to be out on their own. Sure, it's difficult, you miss them, you fear for them, and you want to be sure everything is going to be OK. But somehow, if we've done our job right, God gets us all ready for their departure.

And finally, our prayers must never end. There's a little prayer I've been praying for my kids since they were little. It's a supplication. . . a blessing of sorts. . . that I prayed for them whenever they'd leave the house and when they finally left the house: "Lord, protect and watch over ______. May your angels surround them. Front. Back. Above, Below. On each side."

It's going to happen. It should happen. It will happen. Remember, God is sovereign and in control.

Gay Marriage. . . What Hangs in the Balance? . . .

With the Supreme Court set to rule on Gay Marriage issues today, my head is spinning. Gay marriage, homosexuality, same-sex attraction. . . these are difficult, complex, and confusing issues. They are also very recent social issues, which means that we really haven't had that much time to process and think about them. And, as the issues unfold at seemingly breakneck speed in both the culture and the lives of real people - people we know and love - we can hardly keep up. Just when you think you're getting your head and hands around things, you once again feel like you're having to catch up as new developments emerge.

I know that these are timely and extremely important things that matter deeply. My Christian faith dictates that I wrestle through the issues, all the while prayerfully seeking not "my will" on the matters, but "Thy will." Things get even more confused as within the body of Christ "thy will" gets interpreted and understood in so many different ways. I've been reading like crazy in an effort to solidify my thinking. Still, it's so complex and confusing.

This morning, I decided to "regroup" in anticipation of whatever news comes from the Supreme Court today. I decided to blog a few thoughts on the "this I knows" . . . conclusions that I have reached at this point. This is not exhaustive or complete in any way, shape, or form. I could - and probably should - add much more in terms of explanation. But here goes. . .

First, no matter what decision the Supreme Court makes, one thing will remain unchanged: God is in control of all of this. The Sovereign God of the Universe is still the Sovereign God of the Universe. The world is horribly broken and filled with horribly broken people and institutions. Nobody and nothing is the way it's supposed to be. Consequently, nothing should be surprising. God is working out His divine will and plan and in that I can rest.

Second, perhaps the biggest thing at stake in this debate for followers of Christ is the way in which we choose to follow Christ. Our divisions in the church and the paths we choose to follow in our efforts to discover God's will says much about who we are and the authority on which we choose to build our lives. For me, I want to endeavor to put all my personal opinions and biases aside as best as I can, and then humbly seek God's will and way in His word. I want to have a responsible hermeneutic, engage in good exegesis, and seek the wisdom of the saints throughout church history. I don't want to pigeon-hole God into my biases, opinions, and desires. I know that will always happen to some extent, but that's no excuse for not reckoning with one's own biases.

Third, I believe that we need to subject our own personal feelings and experiences to Scripture, rather than vice-versa. The latter practice is not only increasingly widespread, but it will destroy us. In my reading I've read three books by professing Christians who have had to deal personally with same-sex attraction and it's been interesting to see how they engage with Scripture and emotions. Wesley Hill (Washed and Waiting) and Rosaria Butterfield (The Secret Thoughts of An Unlikely Convert) view their emotions and experience through the lens of Scripture and come to the conclusion that their same-sex attraction is a result of the brokenness in the world and it's their cross to bear in faithful obedience to Christ. It is not the way it's supposed to be. Justin Lee (Torn) views the Scripture through the lens of his emotions and experience. His story is compelling and his argument will play well in today's world. He concludes that he is the way he's supposed to be and he opts for a monogamous faithful relationship. We can either reconcile our lives to the Scriptures, or we can reconcile the Scriptures to our lives.

Fourth, we cannot eliminate the first three chapters of Genesis from our discussions. In fact, they are foundational. They are at the root of God's shalom. They are at the root of the way things are supposed to be. They establish and define marriage. They are at the foundation of Christ's understanding of marriage. The one-man one-woman order and design is what is established by God and assumed throughout the Scriptures. Go ahead and read the aforementioned books. You'll see that the inclusion of the Genesis narratives shapes conclusions. . . as does the omission.

Finally, we need to love. We need to love God and we need to love our neighbor. I fear, however, that those who endeavor to do both responsibly and well with the purest of motivations will be labeled as "intolerant" or "homophobic." Both of those terms are highly charged and horribly misused. A phobia is a fear. I don't fear same-sex attraction. I don't fear homosexuals.

This will be an interesting day.

What Are You Reading This Summer? . . . .

On a recent trip to Barnes and Noble to scout new books I saw a table marked "Summer Reading." Yep. . . it's that time of year. My love for reading at the beach has combined with my declining eyesight to warrant the purchase of a pair of reading sunglasses. I'm so glad they have these things. . . and I found a pair for four bucks!

With vacation and some study leave just a few days away I put the final touches on my summer reading list late last night. The books have been chosen, stacked, and are ready to be packed. All that's left is putting them in order and then getting them read. Here's a photo of what I've put together for summer.

 

You'll see that there's a combination of stuff. . . everything from a book on Roger Maris to Tim Keller to the latest from Steve Turner (Popcultured. . . which just arrived yesterday from InterVarsity Press!). This is going to be fun!

In an effort to help you make your summer reading decisions, we're offering a free webinar on summer reading suggestions, this Thursday at 1pm Eastern Time. CPYU's Derek Melleby will be interviewing Byron Borger, our good friend and proprietor of Hearts and Minds Bookstore. . . and a guy whose knowledge and enthusiasm for books is unsurpassed! It will be worth it to sign up and tune in just to get to know Byron!

Derek and Byron will be walking you through several great categories of books with suggestions from each. Remember. . . readers are leaders and leaders are readers. I trust you'll join us! You can register here. In the meantime, here's a great preview of our friend Byron. . . . 

Byron Borger - A Christian Bookstore?! from Redeemer Video on Vimeo.

James Gandolfini and the Cultural Autopsy. . . .

I never realized just how beloved James Gandolfini was until he died last week. Actors, musicians, and other pop culture celebrities are passing away all the time. But for some reason, Gandolfini's death and the response to it caught my attention for the simple reason that it caught the world's attention in some big, big ways. Gandolfini's death was everywhere.

In the few days that have passed since last Wednesday, I've been trying to get my hands around all the variables that contributed to all the outpouring and attention. I'm sure there are many things at play here. He was an "average" guy whose appearance made fans feel like, "yeah. . . you don't have to have movie star looks to make it. Heck, maybe even I could make it!" His conflicted Tony Soprano character resonates with people as they see in him someone who struggles with a divided self just the way they themselves struggle. . . . but are afraid to admit to even those closest to them. I think it's important that we think about these matters as James Gandolfini obviously mattered to so many. We need to analyze these significant moments in our culture. . . . performing what might be called a "cultural autopsy" that gets to the root and the answers to the why questions.

But even though it might not be the main reason for the huge response to Gandolfini's death, I did run across a thought that offers some explanation. I just finished reading Arthur Boers' Living Into Focus: Choosing What Matters in an Age of Distraction. (By the way. . . this is one of those books that could be a game-changer). Boers offers a compelling explanation for how technology mediates and alters and our relationships by 1) making our relationships easier to enter and exit, 2) diverting our time from face-to-face to virtual relationships, and 3) making it easier to disguise our motivation, identity, reputation, and history (in other words, online relationships can be managed to create and leave the impression we want to create and leave).

Here's where Boers hit me with a thought that explains the response to Gandolfini. . . a response that we'll increasingly see in our culture when the stars who have become our "friends" die. Boers writes: "While actual relationships become less substantial, we may come to count on celebrities and TV's 'pseudo-intimacy' and relate to onscreen personalities to alleviate loneliness. We get wrapped up in reality-television melodrama or talk-show confessions. . . .  Intimacy is inverted- we have too much information about distant screen characters who may or may not be real and too little knowledge about actual people nearby." Makes sense doesn't it? It explains our obsession with celebrity, our voyeuristic bent that's never fully satisfied by our love-affair with celebrity weekly magazines and TMZ, and our numbing addiction to TV.

And so, James Gandolfini was an intimate "friend" of sorts to millions of fans who didn't personally know him, but actually knew him better than the real living and breathing human being living next door. . . or maybe even under the same roof.

I wonder if more and more of us aren't becoming that caricature of the lonely woman sitting at home in her housedress. . . shades drawn. . . chain-smoking. . . while spending her hours in front of the television with soap operas, game shows, QVC, and whatever else she stumbles upon as she rifles through an endless array of channel options in search of virtual relational wholeness.

We need to nurture our kids into understanding and valuing real relationships so that they embrace a better future than one sitting home alone with "friends."

Faith As A Factor In Teen Pregnancy. . . .

I distinctly remember a conversation I had back in the 1980's regarding youth ministry and criticisms that youth pastors were talking about certain things way too much. At the time, this oft-criticized topical trifecta that most youth ministries like ours was addressing was sex, drugs, and rock &roll. At the time, the sexual revolution of that same 60's decade was bearing fruit in loosened values, attitudes, and behaviors that were encouraging all of us who felt sexual temptation (all of us!) to no longer see those struggles as temptations to fight, but as natural desires to indulge. We needed to talk about sex. The drug culture rooted in the 1960's had grown and was bearing fruit in broken lives, horrific addictions, and crime related to drug trafficking. It was bad. We needed to talk about drugs. In addition, And then there was the world of rock & roll, which tended to evangelize the young into adopting and indulging the changing mindset on the prior two topics. We needed to talk about music.

Yes, we talked about a whole lot more than sex, drugs, and rock & roll in our ministry. . . a lot more. We talked about how faith mattered in all of life. But we also learned that where the culture is speaking to matters of life and defining for kids what matters, our responsibility is to channel that Other Voice that speaks clearly, plainly, and truely on those matters. And the louder the culture speaks, the more diligent we need to be about bringing the light of God's Word to bear on the spirit of the times.

While leading a Bible study for a group of biblically-illiterate high school kids back in 1981, I mentioned the issue of temptation. I illustrated the idea of temptation by talking about sexual temptation. i figured that was something they could identify with. I knew I could! They had blank stares on their faces. Then I mentioned that the Bible talks about sex in very positive ways. That it's a good thing. That God created it and wants us to indulge it. They were blown away as they had never heard this before. One kid asked, "You mean the Bible talks about sex?!?" I directed them to the Song of Solomon. . . and our discussion of temptation was tabled until another time! These kids had been steeped in sex talk, but it was horribly unbalanced.

Sarah Brown, the CEO of The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, has issued a call to Christian parents and youth workers to turn up the volume and frequency on our conversations with kids about sex. In a Washington Post op-ed piece earlier this week ("Can faith prevent teen pregnancy?"), Brown offered this directive. . . .

"It may be even more surprising for adults to ponder the role that faith and individual morals and values have played. Among those teens who haven’t had sex, the primary reason they give for…well…not doing it is that having sex at this point in their lives is against their religion or morals, according to the most recent data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Research makes clear that religion, faith, and a strong moral sense play vital roles in protecting teens from too-early sexual activity and teen pregnancy. In particular, being connected to a religious community has been linked with a decreased risk for teen pregnancy. Moreover, a survey we released this week suggests that the majority of Americans want more from religious groups rather than less. Some 52 percent of adults and 57 percent of teens think religious leaders and groups should be doing more to help prevent teen pregnancy."

We need to continually show how faith matters in all matters of life. And talking about how faith matters in the matter of sexuality. . . well, it matters!

Cannonball Wounds, Serena Williams, and the Steubenville Rape Case. . . .

Brian Regan is a really funny guy. His comedic observations about everyday life make me laugh. His little bit on going to the doctor is a good one (see video below). In the middle of the bit, Regan ponders what it would be like to go the doctor with a cannonball wound. . . and the doctor shows you a list of how to avoid getting a cannonball wound in a preventive effort to get you to wise up ("#1 - Do not stand directly in front of cannon."). Regan drives home the obviousness of cause and effect, along with our unwillingness to live our lives wisely in light of cause and effect.

How come we're so stupid about these things. We know we shouldn't do things that we know are risky and might hurt us. Still, we choose to do things that we know are risky and might hurt us. . . and when risks are realized and we get hurt, we typically blame someone or something else.

Tennis Star Serena Williams is taking a bit of heat this week for some comments she made in her Rolling Stone  interview with Stephen Rodrick. Her comments brought Regan's cannonball wound bit and issues of risk to mind. It seems that the TV news was on during the interview. An update on the well-publicized Steubenville Ohio rape case came up on the screen.

If you aren't aware of what happened in Steubenville last August, it was a case involving a 16-year-old girl who passed out after drinking too much. While she was passed out, she was undressed and sexually assaulted by some high school football players. She was also photographed with pictures of and texts about the incident going viral from peer to peer. In March, two of the football players were found guilty of rape.

Back to Serena Williams and Rodrick. . . as the two watched the news about the Steubenville verdict together during the interview, Williams asked, "Do you think it was fair, what they got? They did something stupid, but I don't know. I'm not blaming the girl, but if you're a 16-year-old and you're drunk like that, your parents should teach you: Don't take drinks from other people. She's 16, why was she that drunk where she doesn't remember? It could have been much worse. She's lucky. Obviously, I don't know, maybe she wasn't a virgin, but she shouldn't have put herself in that position, unless they slipped her something, then that's different."

Rodrick included this account of William's comments in his Rolling Stone interview. Now, the backlash against William's opinion on the matter is picking up momentum.

I'm wondering if it would be best to look at the Steubenville case and liken it to standing in front of a cannon. The young men who perpetrated the rape and all those who participated as bystanders did something very criminal and very wrong. . . something extremely foolish. . . and the risk they took both hurt a 16-year-old girl and hurt themselves. Yes, they should be held accountable. . . and others who are watching the story should learn from it. But to stop there is not enough. As a dad and as a youth worker, I think I have a responsibility to my kids to not only clearly define right and wrong regarding the behavior of the boys and other bystanders, but to warn my kids about making risky decisions like the one made by the rape victim. . . a decision which resulted in her being in a physical state and place in time that made it easy for this crime to be committed. In other words, if you choose to put yourself in a risky location and/or if you choose to drink yourself into oblivion, you are choosing to stand in front of a cannon. . . and you might wind up with a cannonball wound.

Common sense, caution, and wise judgement are severely lacking in our culture. Borders and boundaries have been thrown to the wind. These realities should shape the way we converse with and nurture our kids as we work to equip them to live their lives to the glory of God.

Are We Systematically Killing Our Selves? . . .

Don't you just love those "get smacked up side the head" moments? I had one this morning as a result of the convergence of Bible, book, and newspaper. It was a nexus that has given me such personal pause about myself and our culture that I thought I would pass it on. Perhaps you'll find it personally challenging and helpful as well.

The Bible part was that familiar Sunday School story from Mark where Jesus heals the paralytic after he is lowered through the roof by his friends. I can still see the story played out on the flannel graph and countless take-home papers. What hit me hardest this morning was the skeptical push-back from the Scribes. So convinced of their rightness about all things religious, they wound up getting lost in their wrongness. When I was a kid I'd hear the story and think, "Idiots!" Now, I hear it and see my need to be more introspective. Is it possible that I've grown up to be the very idiot I once scorned?

The book is Arthur Boers' Living in Focus: Choosing What Matters in an Age of Distractions. I've been working through it for a week. Boers offers a much-needed multi-faceted gut check regarding our carte blanche acceptance and adoption of technology without thought as to what it might be doing to us, and how to use it so that it doesn't shape us in negative ways. Boers quotes Karissa Thacker, a management psychologist, who suggests that our growing reliance on electronic devices should prompt several telling questions: "Can you manage your need for control? Can you manage your need to be important? Can you manage your need to feel in the know?" Ouch! Working away for the last couple of years on our Digital Kids Initiative here at CPYU has me thinking about those questions on a regular basis. When I process my own fallen bent as well as the fallen leanings of our culture, I realize that our default setting is narcissism. . . . which makes the asking of those questions all the more necessary.

The newspaper journey began with a look at today's "Speed Bump" comic from cartoonist Dave Coverly. The image makes Thacker's questions even more urgent!

Finally, columnist David Brooks' piece on "Religion and inequality" offered the knock-out punch. Brooks says that our culture used to be marked by competing status hierarchies that tended to keep things and people more balanced and healthy. For example, it wasn't that long ago that people "were more likely to assume that jobs at the bottom of the status ladder were ennobling and that jobs at the top were morally perilous. That is to say, the moral status system was likely to be the inverse of the worldly status system. The working classes were self-controlled, while the rich and the professionals could get away with things." Brooks sites the biblical roots of this type of system as God would use the weak and "unwise" to accomplish his work. One's place in society was not determined by worldly accomplishments, but through an acceptance of God's grace. In other words, people didn't have to nor should they think they have to build themselves up, establish their brand, and market themselves. Brooks quotes theologian Paul Tillich: "Do not seek for anything; do not perform anything; do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted." Brooks goes on to state that all the rival status hierarchies have disappeared, with the only one left being the hierarchy of professional success. . . which, by the way, has become more easily manufactured (creating the appearance of success by creating your successful self on social media) than earned.  Brooks concludes that we aren't better off for it all.

Fact is, we might not know best what we need. We might not have it all figured out. And, our clawing, jockeying, positioning, and posting in pursuit of that successful image (or brand) might actually be the road to the death of our selves rather than the road to redemption.

This Is Where We Cried. . . And Prayed. . .

I'm a sucker for nostalgia. . . I'll admit it. When my travels take me to places where I used to live, I will oftentimes go out of my way to visit a spot that holds a piece of my personal history and loads of memories. Included are old houses, old churches, parks, playgrounds, schools, and ball fields. Like the Beatles sang in 1965's "All My Life," "There are places I remember/All my life, though some have changed/Some forever not for better/Some have gone and some remain." And I love to visit every one of them.

No matter how much or how little those places have changed, just seeing and standing on a spot brings up all kinds of memories and emotions for me. Sometimes I am moved to tears. That happened today as I stopped at a special place that's simply a piece of blacktop on the side of a road. It's right there in the picture where the curb and sidewalk now sit.

Thirty-one years ago next month I sat on the shoulder of this road in a beat-up old Chevy Monza with my wife of barely two months. It was raining. . . just like it was today. And we cried. And we prayed. We believed that God has called us to move to the North Shore of Boston so that I could begin the trek through seminary at Gordon-Conwell. We had traveled up several days before to find housing. Several frustrating days passed and we had found nothing affordable. At the end of our rope with all possibilities exhausted and no sense of what to do next, I pulled off of Route 1A in Hamilton, Massachusetts onto Asbury Street and a spot next to Patton Park. Confused, frustrated, and even a little bit angry, I cried. Lisa did too. In fact, "wept" is a better descriptor for what I was doing. And we prayed. We simply asked God to show us the way forward. Did he even want us at seminary? Then, we began the long and confusing drive back to Pennsylvania after having decided that with nothing else to do, we would go home and give it one last shot a few weeks later.

That spot on Asbury Street just off 1A is a special place that I remember. Sitting on that spot in the rain today, I thanked the sovereign God of the universe for keeping His hand on my life. Thirty-one years ago we sat there at his mercy. . . crying. A month later, we returned and within a few hours of our arrival, God had provided an affordable housing option that was better than anything we could have ever asked for or imagined. I attended Gordon-Conwell and was shaped by that education for the rest of my life.

As I sat in the rain on Asbury Street today, I prayed for a few friends who are facing difficult uncertainties in their lives. I know that some of them are praying through tears. I also know that the sovereign God of the universe has his hands on their lives.

Hurts So Good. . . Thoughts On Welcoming Suffering. . .

Yesterday I caught a peek at the cover of the latest edition of People magazine as I stood in line at the grocery store. There in the picture stood three women - Mery Daniel, Adrianne Haslet, and Heather Abbot - who all lost limbs in the Boston Marathon bombing. Now, seven weeks later they are telling their stories of hope and healing. While the physical and emotional pain is beyond what most of us will ever experience - I'm sure - their stories remind us of the good that can come out of suffering. 

Suffering of all types hurts. It hurts to go through it. It hurts. . . a lot. . .to watch your kids suffer. In a youth culture pervaded by bullying, our kids may sometimes suffer injustice at the hands of others. Sometimes, their suffering is brought on by choices they’ve made of that have been made by others. At other times, circumstances related to illness or accidents are the cause of their suffering. 

The Scriptures teach us that because of the flawed nature of ourselves and our world, we should not be surprised by difficulty and suffering. In fact, times of difficulty, pain, and suffering are what God uses to draw us to Himself, to conform us to His likeness, and to whittle off all that extra “fluff” that keeps us from maturing in our faith. 

The Psalmist knew this to be the case. In Psalm 119:71 we read, “My suffering was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your decrees.”  James tells us that we should “consider it pure joy whenever you face trials of many kinds” (James 1:2). Really??? Why??? Because this testing of our faith produces perseverance and maturity. 

When we and/or our kids suffer, it might actually be good for the simple reason that God is at work in our lives. While we want to ourselves and those we love to thrive in a life free of hurt and pain, we shouldn’t miss the opportunity to learn, grow, and mature as we persevere through suffering.

The Need For "Smartphone Control" . . . It's All About Wisdom. . . .

It's said that "wisdom comes with age." That's true. . . I think and hope. . . especially as I get older! I'm convinced that the more accurate statement is that "wisdom comes with endeavor." I'm thinking here of the endeavor to consciously seek and embrace wisdom, which can and should be done when you're young. . . which is something I now wish I had consciously done more of when I was younger. Spending this last week engaging with a very bright and wise room full of young doctoral students has put the issue of "wisdom" at the forefront of my thoughts.

I've spent the week on campus at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary co-mentoring (with Duffy Robbins and Adonis Vidu) a Doctor of Ministry cohort in Ministry to Emerging Generations. Our task during this residency has been to grapple with the subject of culture and cultural exegesis/analysis and the implications for our ministries with children, teens, and young adults. With culture changing at breakneck speed, we haven't been at a loss for things to talk about.

The other afternoon we watched Holy Rollers, a film about a group of young pastors (many of them youth workers and church planters) who create a successful blackjack team. Getting into their heads regarding the thinking behind their motivation, justification, and practice was a daunting task that we unpacked yesterday by pondering the ethical questions and our response. We landed on seeking and nurturing biblically-shaped wisdom as the great tasks precipitated by Holy Rollers and most all of the other confusing and complicated issues of the day.

Since that discussion, we've been attending an on-campus conference , "From the Garden to the Sanctuary: The Promise and Challenge of Technology," that's taken our discussions of culture and wisdom into another present-day reality. We hit the jackpot as a result of Gordon-Conwell scheduling this conference smack dab in the middle of our two weeks on campus. For me personally, this has been a nice reminder of the importance and necessity of our Digital Kids Initiative at CPYU. For our students, it's been a reminder of things we've studied together to this point, along with their need to continue to seek wisdom as they consciously nurture themselves and their charges into embracing and using technology in ways that bring honor and glory to God.

Yesterday afternoon we had the privilege of hearing Arthur Boers, author of Living Into Focus: Choosing What Matters in an Age of Distractions, talk about opening the wells of grace and salvation. Boers reminded us that in the Bible, wells are places of dramatic encounters, deep conversations, and desperate conflicts. Wells were a technology of the times. If you look at the technology of the well, it had the potential to draw people together towards divine priorities. Boers contends that the church is "one of the few remaining wells in our culture, regularly and radically gathering people of all ages, classes, and nationalities to worship God and serve others and always employing technology to do so." Boers went on to talk about our need to wisely use technology well so that God's grace and salvation can be mediated today. Sounds a bit heady. . . but it makes total sense and is pressingly timely for the church and for people doing youth ministry today.

I've been thinking about what Arthur Boers said yesterday. I find it interesting that in our current American culture, debates are raging over the need for and implementation of gun control. No matter where you fall on the spectrum of the gun control issue, you have to admit that guns have extreme and obvious dangerous potential. . . thus the debate. I'm not sure that we've even come close to realizing the extreme and obvious dangerous potential of digital technology. . . or more specifically those smartphones that almost 100 percent of us (and our kids) "holster," wield, and palm almost 24/7. Arthur Boers reminded us of something Thomas Merton said that should prompt good thinking, good discussion, and the implementation of healthy self-control when it comes to smartphones and digital technology: "The dominant cultural question (has unfortunately) become, 'will this work?' instead of. . . 'is it right?'"

With that in mind, here's a helpful little rundown of some things Arthur Boers said yesterday that are important for us all to consider as we ponder this issue. . .

First, technology is not neutral. In fact, for many it is very dangerous. Of course, Boers never advocates that we trash all technology. Instead, he calls for wise and thoughtful use. That wise and thoughtful use requires us to consider how technology is dangerous. He offered these thoughts:

• Technology is compellingly and persuasively attractive. It's even seductive. And much of what is attractively seductive is "junk food for the brain, soul, and relationships."
• Technology forms us and some might even say that technology is subtly designed to be addictive.
• Most of us have little choice or say about technological devices. In other words, we are only able to choose from a limited amount of options. In essence, corporations have already made those choices for us because of what they've chosen to develop and market. 

Second, the best response for Christians is to embrace wisdom and reject idolatry. This is our primary task for all of life. Boers offers these suggestions on how to make this happen in the realm of technology:

• Make wise and discerning choices.
• Don't admire something too much and don't fear something too much. Both of those postures are idolatry. Both are postures that usurp God's rightful place in our lives and in His world.
• Adopt a redemptive attitude toward technology as a gift from God. See both the great potential of technology and the sinful dynamics of technology.
• Move beyond all-or-nothing choices. It's not "all good" or "all bad." Taking those postures is not a Christian practice.
• Realize that the "idolatry of adulation" present in our culture AND in our church culture is a more prominent challenge. (Wow!)
• Realize that we have choices, power, and agency. . . and exercise those things.

These are difficult and complex but very necessary questions. How are you addressing them in your life and in your ministry?

Teens and Abortion. . . There's An App For That. . . .

During yesterday's drive from Pennsylvania to New England my companions were the scenery (stunning!) and the radio. Thanks to my eyes and ears, I was reminded about life and death. . . and what matters related to each.

Somewhere along I-78 the billboard soliciting money for a pet rescue effort caught my eye. The sad looking dog and cat sat next to text telling me that about 3 million canines and felines are euthanized each year in shelters. . . and that I should do something about it. We've got a dog who just turned 10. His age is on our minds and when he's gone, we will miss him deeply. I never liked cats. . . and then one moved into our house thanks to our daughter. She's grown on me. . . but keep it quiet please. Nobody wants their pets to die. As a culture, we are increasingly committed to keeping our animals alive, and we are going to unprecedented lengths to do so.

Along that same stretch of road I heard a news report about a new smartphone app that the New York City Department of Health has launched in an effort to inform teenagers of their reproductive and sexual rights, along with instructions for how to find places that will help them exercise those rights. . . including the right to abortion.

This morning, I downloaded the app - "Teens In NYC Protection+" - onto my own smartphone so that I could see just what it's about. Before opening the app for the first time, an info screen informed me of the following: "Teens in NYC have the right to sexual health services without getting permission from parents, girlfriends/boyfriends or anyone else.  Whether or not you're having sex, learn about where to go, what to get and what to expect. Confidential and free services are available. There is a lot more to staying healthy. For more info, search online for NYC Teen."

The app's welcome screen offers three options: Where to Go (sexual health services), What to Get (condoms and birth control), and What to Expect (at the clinic).

If I'm a teenager wondering "Where to Go" I am taken to a page with drop-down menus asking me to select the services I'd like (including birth control, testing, treatment, and abortion), the methods I'm interested in, and my location. It's that easy. If I'm wondering "What to Get" I'm taken to an information page for a host of contraceptive methods, including emergency contraception (the pill to take up to 5 days after unprotected sex). If I'm wondering "What to Expect," I can watch a series of videos that tell the sexual stories of teenagers.

I was reminded once again of that fact that our culture is changing. . . and changing fast. Sexual values, understandings, and parameters are draining sex of it's God-given purpose, wonder, and glory. Families shirk their responsibilities to even attempt to pass on a Godly sexual legacy. And even when families consciously endeavor to nurture a commitment to sexual integrity in their kids, there's a culture screaming a different message 24/7 with high volume into the ears of the kids. There are also people telling kids that when it comes to their sexuality, listening to or even informing their parents really doesn't matter.

As a culture, we are increasingly committed to the convenience of ourselves, our feelings, and our dreams. In addition, we are not increasingly committed to keeping our unborn fellow human beings alive. We are going to unprecedented lengths to do so. Roughly 1 million unborn children are aborted here in the U.S. each year.

Things that should matter and used to matter just don't matter anymore. That's all the more reason to be sure that we tend to matters that really do matter.