Teen Trouble. . . TV Worth Watching? . . .

Mention the Lifetime TV network and reality TV shows to me and I'm going to snicker with some skepticism. When it comes to Lifetime, I think of the glut of "Lifetime Movies" remind me more of overly-dramatized soap operas than about anything "real life." The term "reality TV" increasingly sounds like a lie. Take for example the new "reality" series "Amish Mafia" that is filmed here where I live. There's nothing real about it. For starters, why would camera-resistant Amish folks agree to be on camera??? Reality TV is now scripted. . . in painfully obvious ways.

Still, I'm wondering if Lifetime's new reality series, "Teen Trouble" (premiering tonight at 10pm est), might be worth watching. We'll find out. The series follows someone who knows firsthand about a troubled adolescence - Josh Shipp - as he "embeds" himself in the life of a troubled teen in order to steer the troubled teen in the right direction.

As I look forward to "Teen Trouble" with the hope that it will offer something positive in what has become a pretty grim TV lineup, I want to encourage you to give it a look with an open mind and some level of positive expectation. A show like this could benefit us all. Here are some questions to consider as we evaluate just how real, positive and beneficial "Teen Trouble" might be:

-Does the show realistically depict what life is like for today's adolescents?
-Does the show overstate teen issues and problems as a ploy to draw in viewers? Or, is the show balanced?
-What standards are used when value judgments on right, wrong, good and evil are made?
-What role does Christian spirituality and biblical truth (overt, covert, direct, indirect, stated, assumed) play in the solutions offered to troubled teens and their families?
-What worldview is foundational to the show? (Christian? Humanistic? Naturalistic? etc.).
-What truths about the human condition, evil, good, and redemption are evidenced in the show?
-How can we use the show to spark discussions with the kids we know and love?
-How could we use the show in our youth ministries? Homes?

Look. . . life isn't getting any easier for our kids. That's why I'm hoping that "Teen Trouble" opens doors to address, talk about, face, and solve these problems in ways that bring honor and glory to God. Will we be pleased or disappointed? I guess we'll find out.

We Are NOT Westboro Baptist. . . .

I was thinking. . . if the Westboro Baptist Church folks are really going to show up to protest the funerals of the Sandy Hook Elementary victims in Newtown, CT. . . could my youth worker friends in New England pull together their youth group kids (thousands of them!) to stand together between the Westboro Folks and those grieving at the funerals. It would be a symbolic and helpful gesture. I don't know any evangelical Christian who truly understands the Gospel who thinks that the Westboro folks are representing Christ or the larger evangelical church. I don't want my non-believing friends to believe that I believe what the Westboro people believe.

God Bless This Marriage. . . .

Many of you have asked about Saturday's wedding. Many of you prayed for Saturday's wedding. Many of you have prayed for our family for years. Thanks to you all. What a day it was. I walked Caitlin down the aisle at 3pm. I've included a photo that Bethany caught on my phone about two minutes before the door opened and we walked. I was a mess. As we walked down that aisle I focused on two people. . . my wife Lisa, and my soon-to-be son-in-law, Rick. That was all premeditated and I would suggest it to any father who is escorting his bride.

The highlight of my day was fulfilling the request of Rick and Caitlin to offer up the Prayer of Blessing. I prayed long and hard about what to pray. I thought about what God would want for Rick and Caitlin. . . and every other couple in that sanctuary. . . including the couple I'm half of. I decided to write out my prayer, eliminating the need to think on the fly and also to help me get through the emotions that I knew would come with being charged with praying for these two on behalf of everyone there.

Since some of you have asked me about the prayer, I decided to pass it on here. This is the longer, original form of the prayer. I made a few edits just prior to the service and a couple of changes on the fly. However, this is what we brought to the Lord as we interceded for this new family. . . .

Our gracious and merciful heavenly father,

We are grateful that we are able to be here today in your presence, family and friends, all gathered to witness Rick and Caitlin enter into the amazing mystery of marriage. We thank you that in your love you created marriage as the answer to the aloneness that you yourself said was not good. We thank you that you are today eliminating that aloneness, blessing them with each other.

Father, as we come together with Rick and Caitlin to witness and celebrate their union as husband and wife, we realize that more and more, what we are witnessing and celebrating in this room today is seen by many in today’s world as old-fashioned, out-dated, confining, and even irrelevant. The prevailing attitude in our culture is to scoff at the institution of marriage, to not take vows and promises seriously, and to so easily walk away if it just doesn’t feel right anymore. Defend Rick and Caitlin from these and every other enemy of marriage. In your word we learn that Satan hates you, he hates the Gospel, he hates your bride the church, and he hates marriage. Make them aware of the enemy’s assaults on your good gift of marriage. We pray that you would protect these two and all of us here today from ever believing the enemy’s lies. Marriage is your good gift to us. May Rick and Caitlin – and all of us who are married – keep the vows made publicly before you and these witnesses gathered here. . . in the midst of great pressure to do otherwise.

Lord, lead these two into your peace. We ask that Rick and Caitlin would so deeply crave a deep and growing knowledge of you, your Word, your will and your way, that your plan for marriage and their lives would always prevail, even in the times of difficulty that we know are sure to come. Fill them with a deep love and unwavering commitment to you and a deep love and unwavering commitment to each other. Lord, Caitlin and Rick are broken people, just like all the rest of us. When their brokenness rears its ugly head – and it will - may they show the same depth of amazing grace to each other that you have shown to them.

We pray that Rick and Caitlin would burn with a passion to know you more. Bless them with the desire to read and study your Word together, to pray together, and to enter into regular fellowship together with others who love, follow and serve you. Fill their lives with good and supportive friends wherever you may lead them to live over the course of their marriage.

We ask that you would help Rick and Caitlin to cherish and embrace your priorities for their life. Instill in them a desire to seek first your kingdom and your righteousness so that they become rich toward you. Teach them to value material things in relation to eternity. Don’t allow them to have so much in terms of material things that they no longer desire you. Still, we ask that you sustain them and provide for their material needs.

We ask that you would teach them to suffer well. When you invite them into the sufferings of Christ through disappointments, poverty, affliction, sickness, or brokenness, may they see that you are at work, growing them in their dependence on you. Help them to see the world’s dreams, lies, and vanities for what they are, and give them the ability to walk away from those empty things and run towards you. May they glean from their years with us, their parents, those good, true, right and honorable things that we have modeled and taught. And where we have failed as parents – and we have- may they walk away from our faulty words and example to pursue a better way. And father, if you choose to bless them with the amazing and wonderful gift of children, may they steward those children well, raising them in a Christ-centered home where the Gospel is both preached and lived.
Thank you Lord for Rick and Caitlin. They have been a great blessing to Dick and Kathy, to Lisa and me, and to all their friends and family gathered here. Today as they start a new family, and cleave to one another and you, guide them into a life of greater love and sacrifice. May they always care for each other, knowing that you will always care for them and keep them in your love. 

In the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ we pray, Amen

Wedding Tomorrow! . . . Thinking About Marriage. . . Part 3. . .

Well, tomorrow is the big day here at the Mueller house as I walk a daughter down the aisle for the first time. Excitement is building. . . as is nervousness. Lord, help me to be anything but an emotional mess! As we've been thinking lots about weddings and marriages here at our house this week, I thought it would be good to finish up our three part series on marriage in today's culture.

As a parent or youth worker, you’re called and uniquely positioned to systematically work to redeem and restore marriage in ways that rewrite the convincing cultural script your kids have come to believe. You stand between two worlds – the world of the Word of God and the world of today’s culture. Your calling is to bring the light of God’s Word on marriage to bear on the marriage messages they encounter each and every day in their world. Here are some strategies you can use to help your kids understand and embrace marriage, both now and for the rest of their lives.

First, teach them that marriage is part of God’s grand and glorious plan. Walk them through the Creation account (Genesis 1-3) to get them to see that God is the maker of marriage. Help them to understand that if He made it, He should be entitled to define it and rule over it. If they want to understand and experience the joy of what marriage was meant to be, they need to consult with the Maker of marriage.

Second, define, define, and keep defining marriage according to the Maker’s manual. God’s design for marriage brings one man and one woman together into a binding covenantal promise that they will commit to each other through all of life’s ups and downs without wavering or caving. . . even when their feelings tell them to do otherwise. I suggest that you read, study, and teach from two wonderful books on biblical marriage: Timothy Keller’s The Meaning of Marriage and Paul Tripp’s What Did You Expect?

Third, re-define “love” in light of God’s Word. Culture has somehow succeeded over the course of time to transform “love” from a willful decision to commit to another, into a feeling. While infatuation might feel pretty doggone exciting, wonderful, and good, it’s only a feeling. It never, ever remains. Neither can it be the foundation for a marriage. Drawing the distinction between other-serving love that gives to another and self-serving love that makes me feel good might be one of the greatest favors we could ever do for our students and their future spouses.

Fourth, debunk the cultural myths and lies about marriage. As I mentioned before, they’re all right there in large portion in the cultural soup your kids swim in every day. Ignoring them will not make them go away. Instead, you need to recognize their presence, explain their influence, and expose their fallacies under the light of God’s Word. Always remember that great patience is required as you address these cultural realities. They are pervasive and convincing. Your students have all bought in . . . incorporating aspects into their beliefs and behaviors. It will take time for God’s Spirit to work through you as you tell the truth.

Fifth, expose your students to examples of what God intended marriage to be. Start with your own marriage. Let your kids know how you and your spouse understand and manage your marriage in the midst of a culture that’s hostile to Biblical marriage. Take your kids to a Christian wedding. Afterwards, hold your own “reception” with  to process what just took place. Talk about the covenant of marriage, the vows, and the place that the Lord should hold in a couple’s marital relationship.

Finally, be forthright about the challenges, difficulties, and delights that will be encountered by all couples. After all, we are broken people marrying broken people. Together, our marriage in a sinful and fallen world will never be perfect. Anticipating the inevitability of struggles goes a long way in preparing your students to live out the marriage covenant when the feeling to do so might disappear or wane. Invite Christian married couples who are at different stages in their marriage journey (newlyweds, 10 years married, 25 years married, 50 years married, etc.) to share their stories and field questions from kids.

I sometimes wonder if the best and most truthful advice our kids have ever heard from culture on marriage come from that now-famous cleric who officiated at the wedding in The Princess Bride! Remember his words? “Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam… And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva… So tweasure your wuv.” OK. . . there’s some good stuff in there. But we need to do better. What’s been done to marriage in our culture needs to be undone with the glorious reality of marriage by God’s design. Commit yourself to teaching, modeling, and promoting that message of covenant love.

Thinking About Marriage. . . Part 2. . . .

Only 4 days left until I walk my oldest daughter down the aisle. Am I getting nervous? You bet. It might be the longest most emotion-filled walk of my entire life! Does anyone have any good advice for me?

As a youth worker, parent, or pastor, you’re called and uniquely positioned to systematically work to redeem and restore marriage in ways that rewrite the convincing cultural script your kids have come to believe. You stand between two worlds – the world of the Word of God and the world of today’s culture. Your calling is to bring the light of God’s Word on marriage to bear on the marriage messages they encounter each and every day in their world.

I promised to think more about marriage this week. . . particularly in relationship to the cultural forces that are shaping our values, attitudes, and behaviors on marriage. Here’s a short and incomplete list of some cultural forces and trends that serve as marriage maps for our kids, and marriage mirrors of where we’re at as a culture.

First, there’s our growing emphasis on feelings. Somewhere along the way, we’ve come to believe that the guide for all of our decisions, convictions, and priorities is our heart. “Follow your heart” we’re told, “and everything else will fall into place.” If it “feels right” or “feels good,” then “just do it.” The opposite is also true. Our feelings will tell us what commitments to avoid or break. The fallout is severe as we grow up trusting feelings as the pathway to self-fulfillment. Who doesn’t know someone who has justified a decision to divorce by saying, “I just don’t feel like I love her anymore.”

Second, there’s our growing love affair with ourselves. Sociologist Dr. Jean Twenge has studied the rapid rise of narcissism in our culture for the last few decades. She concludes that today’s children and teens are the most narcissistic generation, evidenced in their self-centeredness. In his sermon series on marriage, Timothy Keller says that self-centeredness is the main problem and enemy of any marriage. Since marriage is about submission to another person, it’s no wonder that fewer and fewer young people are eagerly entering into or staying in a marriage. During my daily morning ritual of reading our local newspaper, I glance at the list of people who have applied for marriage licenses, as well as at the list of “divorces granted.” The former seems to get shorter and shorter with the passing of time, while the latter continues to grow with the names of far too many friends and acquaintances popping up from time to time.

Third, there’s the growing acceptance of divorce as a natural and normal life event. Now, you can even purchase greeting cards that read “Happy Divorce!” It’s not a good thing that divorce is more and more common. I think it’s even worse that it’s been normalized while being drained of any stigma that might cause a couple to think twice or make an effort to work things out. The divorce rate has almost doubled since 1960 with close to 50 percent of all marriages ending in divorce. A growing number of children of divorce make up this emerging generation. While they by and large don’t like being children of divorce, they are more prone to avoid marriage altogether or wind up divorced themselves. That’s not what they set out to do, but a lack of good marriage models and a host of other cultural forces combine to make them statistically more prone to repeating the marital breakup of their parents in their own lives.

Fourth, there’s the trend toward cohabitation. For a variety of reasons, over 60 percent of married couples lived together before walking down the aisle. The rate of cohabitation has increased 14-fold since 1970! Children today are far more likely to spend part or all of their childhood in a cohabitating household, than they are to see their parents’ divorce. Before their royal wedding in 2011, William and Kate – like many other high profile couples - lived together. And the response of the church at the time to William and Kate was also a sign of the times. An article in The Telegraph included some quotes from Dr. John Sentamu, the Archbishop of York. It seems that Sentamu justified the couple's living arrangements because like other modern couples, they want to "test the milk before they buy the cow." That's from a leader in the church who was talking about the Prince who will someday become King. . . and when he does, also become the head of the Church of England.

Fifth, there’s the rapid redefinition of what constitutes a marriage. The “one-man one-woman” arrangement is increasingly seen as archaic, out-dated, and just plain old-fashioned. Almost daily news reports on practices, legislation, and legal challenges to the “traditional view” of marriage have chipped away at our kids as our culture has embraced a definition of marriage that includes any “two people” who love each other. I suspect that with the passage of time, “two people” will quickly morph from “two” and “people” into all kinds of new and unusual definitions.

Sixth, pop culture continues to promote and glamorize all the aforementioned trends and ideas. Whether it’s the lifestyle of the “celebrity du jour” who graces the covers and pages of celebrity weekly magazines (the most popular genre of magazine among teenagers!), the human dating and mating rituals of shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, the dark pages of The Shades of Gray trilogy, the antics of the cast of reality-defining shows like Jersey Shore, or any number of today’s sappy block-buster chick-flicks. . . marriage is being made-over and then glamorized in convincing ways.

Finally, what’s resulted is a deep-seated cynicism towards marriage that’s gripping kids at younger and younger ages. The old cliché – “Marriage is a great institution. . . but who wants to spend their life in an institution??” – has moved from being a poor excuse for a joke, to a mantra that’s reflecting the values, attitudes, and behaviors of a generation. Because of what they’ve seen and heard their entire lives, many feel that marriage has a chance of never working for them.

In Part 3, we'll look at some of those strategies.

DJs, Phone Calls, Humor, and a Deceased Nurse. . . .

The story coming out of London just gets stranger by the moment. You've most likely heard the story by now. Two Australian DJs make what we kids used to call a "phony phone call" to the London hospital where  a pregnant Kate Middleton is being treated for acute morning sickness. While impersonating the Queen Mother and Prince Charles, they coaxed some hospital nurses into reporting on Middleton's condition. When they broadcast the call, humiliation ensued. Then on Friday, one of the two nurses was found dead. . . with the cause of death still pending. The backlash against the DJs and the radio station has been fierce. The show has been cancelled and prank calls banned from the radio company.

This is a news item worth talking about with kids, especially in regards to humor and its proper time and place. Attempts to humiliate through humorous deception is nothing new in the world of morning radio and late night television. To be honest, I've often times found it all very funny. . . quite possibly because I spent a good portion of my pre-caller-ID childhood and college years perfecting and even recording "phony phone calls," some of which have been preserved on cassette tape. Perhaps it's a sign of our changing times and my own developing maturity that I oftentimes cringe with embarrassment and shame at some of the things my younger and not-so-younger self did (or perpetrated).

I sometimes wonder if my developing ability to be comfortable in my own skin hasn't yielded a more civil self-deprecating humor, even though I know full well that I still catch myself crossing the line into territory I should never visit. In recent years, I've come to realize that while both Lewis Black and Brian Regan can make me laugh, it's the target of their jokes that dictate what I should and should not laugh at. When humor is other-destructing (individually or institutionally), is it something that can and should be enjoyed?  Or, when humor is self-deprecating, is it something we can celebrate and affirm? How do we live the Gospel with our God-given sense of humor? It's worth thinking about.

And while you're thinking, give this little self-deprecating bit from Brian Regan a shot. . . .

Thinking About Marriage. . . Part 1. . . .

A chant from my childhood that was enlisted to harass others offers a reflection of some once widely accepted and recently lost foundational truths. When budding young “love” would “bite” one of our peers - disrupting our belief that the opposite sex was “cootie-infested” and thereby threaten the divide between us boys and “those girls” - we’d join our high-pitched pre-pubescent male voices in unison to mock our friend’s compromise: “Todd and Stacey sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage. . . then comes baby in the baby carriage.”

I know. . . highly childish and immature in practice. But those words captured an order that we understood and accepted as the way things were supposed to be. . . an order we knew was right even if we made the choice to stray before we walked down the aisle ourselves. I wonder what we would be chanting in today’s world, where confusion regarding love, sex, and marriage reigns among young and old alike?

I’ve been thinking about marriage a lot lately. Earlier this year, Lisa and I celebrated 30 years since we tied the knot. In just 10 days, I will  – for the first time - walk a daughter down the aisle. The cultural realities of her world are markedly different from the cultural realities of  my childhood. These new emerging cultural realities have shaped her generation’s understanding of love, sex, and marriage in ways that we must understand if we hope to lead the students entrusted to our care into convictions and practices that reflect the guidance of the Word rather than the confusion that reigns in the world. Sure, there was plenty of misunderstanding and brokenness on these matters when I participated with friends in the mocking chants of our childhood. And the world was fairly confused when Lisa and I walked down the aisle in 1982. But it’s a safe bet to conclude that fewer and fewer young people are growing up with healthy models or convictions that reflect biblical priorities. What God has established, humankind has in many ways put asunder.

When you lift the lid on the “soup-pot” of today’s youth culture, you see a perfect storm of ingredients that have served to change our views on marriage. Imagine what it’s like to spend your most impressionable formative years “swimming” in this stuff that so powerfully shapes how you will view and practice marriage. . . now and for the rest of your life. If you are an older youth worker who grew up when I did, you can’t assume that your students have any notion or idea about the way things are supposed to be when it comes to marriage. They didn’t grow up in our world. And if you’re a younger youth worker, chances are that just like your students, you came of age swimming in a cultural soup full of confusion.

One way to start conversations with students is to discuss cultural icons that depict our current cultural views on marriage. Advertisements offer clear views into our culture's attitudes. I've often used some of the print ads from jewelry chain Simon G. I've included a couple of Simon G's ads in this blog to get you started.

Stay tuned. . . in part 2 we'll look at some of the current cultural forces that are shaping our kids' views on love, sex and marriage. 

Kaepernick's Tattoos And My 90% Cotton Shirts. . . .

So sportswriter David Whitley of The Sporting News has spoken on 49er's quarterback  Colin Kaepernick's tattoos. . . and Whitley is highly critical. In fact, in his article on Kaepernick he calls the QB out for being inked up, likening him to an inmate at San Quentin. An article in today's USA Today reports that Kaepernick's adoptive parents are coming to his defense, saying that their son is an upright kid who does indeed have tattoos. . . of some personally meaningful Bible verses. . . covering his arms.

Should a Christian. . . or any human being for that matter. . . get tattoos? I've been asked that question countless times over the years. Usually the asker is quick to provide an answer. . . making it seem more like they're quizzing me on my Bible knowledge or theology as opposed to seeking my opinion on the matter. Most of the askers don't realize that the go-to Bible verse is Leviticus 19:28 where it says, "You shall not make any cuts on your body for the dead or tattoo yourselves." Cut and dry, right? Not really. This isn't a black and white issue.

Here are some initial thoughts and responses that came to mind as I read about the Kaepernick dilemma this morning. First, I don't think the Bible forbids tattoos. The context here is a listing of Old Testament ceremonial laws, many of which had to do with keeping God's people from participating in the pagan rituals and worship of the time. In particular, the context references a defiling of one's self in some kind of ritual for the dead.

Second, I know that people get tattoos for different reasons. Colin Kaepernick has permanently marked his body with things that are significant and life-giving to him. If someone marks their body with things that they find life-giving that in fact are not life-giving at all, then there's an issue. In those cases, the issue lies deep in the person's heart, not on the surface of their skin.

Third, we need to think about who or what we hope to glorify through the marks on our bodies. Do we endeavor to glory self? To glorify the things of the world, the flesh, and the devil? Or do we seek to glorify the Lord and Maker of the universe? When I read this article on the back-story on Kaepernick's tattoos, I do think we should have serious concerns about his use - or misuse - of Scripture.

Fasten your seat belt here. . . I must confess that in recent years I have considered (never seriously, I might add) what I would tattoo on myself if I were to get a tattoo. I would want to permanently glorify the way God has moved in my life. It's too personal to be specific about it. . . but rest assured that I also realize that a guy like me could never pull it off!

In our house we've had kids who have expressed interest in tattoos. Our policy has been this. . . "Until you are an adult supporting yourself, you can think as much as you want about a tattoo, but we don't want you to get one." Our concerns are really more about finances, adolescent impulsivity, and possible future regrets. In other words, save your money and give it great thought.

In the meantime, I've got my own sin to deal with. While reading Leviticus 19 this morning I was reminded of the fact that it is wrong to "wear a garment of cloth made of two kinds of material" (v. 19). I do prefer 100% cotton shirts. I see that that's biblical. Still, I think I've got a few 90/10 blends in my closet. Oops.

Faith, Filth, and Two-And-A-Half Men. . . .

19-year-old Angus T. Jones plays Jake Harper in the CBS sitcom "Two And A Half Men." This week he's put the show on the map with what many are calling a "controversial rant" against the show. . . a rant that was occasioned by his Christian convictions. It's a story that's all over the news. Not surprisingly, the reactions to Jones' words run the spectrum from those who are praising him for taking a stand, to those who are accusing him of stereotypical Christian judgementalism. One commenter posted this under a YouTube video of Jones' "rant": "damn Christians hate alot of stuff."



As one who studies media culture, there's no denying the fact that media does shape culture. Consequently, media does shape people. What media shapes is values, attitudes, ideas and behaviors. It follows that values, attitudes, ideas and behaviors have consequences. By shaping us they shape our society. . .  and we morph and change in significant ways - sometimes very quickly - that most of us don't even see.

The Christian faith has consequences as well. . . and so it should. Following Jesus in the life of discipleship is a path to a counter-cultural lifestyle of living in but not of the world. It is the responsibility of the community of faith to interact with culture in ways that celebrate that which is good, true, right and honorable . . . while challenging, calling-out, and even gracefully/lovingly correcting that which is not.

Angus T. Jones and his comments offer us an opportunity to seize a teachable moment with the kids we know and love. Give the full video "testimony" from Angus T. Jones a look. You can view the full video here. Watch it with your kids. Then, talk about it. Here are 5 questions to get your discussion started:

1. Is Angus T. Jones right? Wrong? Something in between?
2. Does media shape us? How?
3. Should a Christian's faith shape how he/she engages with media? How?
4. What can we learn from this video and the response it has generated?
5. What should we do now?

Black Friday, Cyber Monday, And The Diversions That Never Work. . . .

So people went crazy once again on Black Friday. Have you seen the videos of the lines wrapping around stores. . . not on Friday, but on Thanksgiving night?!? Did you see how people pushed, shoved, and rushed once retailers' doors were opened. And people went crazy yesterday on what's become known as "Cyber Monday." Reports are that consumer online purchases yesterday exceeded last year's total by 28%. Supposedly we can attribute the rise in spending to the rise in volume of hand-helds. We're now tethered to "the mall" and "retail therapy" can be indulged 24/7.

How we spend our money and time speak loudly about who we really are. And when we spend our time spending our money. . . well, that's just downright scary. When I was a sociology major during my college days I was introduced to the work of the French social critic Jacques Ellul. He's worth reading. A Christian, Ellul wrote, "The first great fact that emerges from our civilization is that today everything has become 'means.' There is no longer an 'end"; we do not know whither we are going. We have forgotten our collective ends, and we possess great means: we set huge machines in motion in order to arrive nowhere." I believe that if Ellul were alive today, his "huge machines" would include cash registers, credit card terminals, and anything on which we do online shopping.

In his book A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, Eugene Peterson writes about the ineffectuality of our efforts to buy happiness, satisfaction, and redemption in anything but life in Christ: "A common but futile strategy for achieving joy is trying to eliminate things that hurt: get rid of pain by numbing the nerve ends, get rid of insecurity by eliminating risks, get rid of disappointment by depersonalizing your relationships. And then try to lighten the boredom of such a life by buying joy in the form of vacations and entertainment." We might add to that last sentence, "or anything else for that matter."

We've run ourselves full speed ahead to the brink of what folks are now calling "the fiscal cliff." We spend money we don't have on things we don't need and we get nothing of lasting substance in return. Unfulfilled, we continue to run (by spending) towards our demise. The great and very sad irony is that the way we conduct ourselves during the season set aside to celebrate the coming of the Redeemer in a manner that reveals how we are looking for redemption everywhere. . . except where we should.

Some Thoughts On Integrity. . . .

I was looking at the paint on our bedroom walls the other day. I painted them four years ago. The job took much longer than I had hoped or expected (doesn’t it always?!?). Even though I’m a perfectionist when it comes to painting, my desire to just get done and get back to life led to a temptation to compromise my usual standards of neatness. My last painting project in our bedroom was our walk-in closet. Because nobody other than my family would be entering the closet and because it would be filled with all kinds of stuff once I was done, I caught myself thinking about painting faster, cutting corners, settling for only one coat, and being generally sloppy because, after all, it was only the closet and nobody would ever know. I wanted to get outside and enjoy the summer.

But my conscience got the better of me. I realized that if I had compromised my standards, each time I walked into that closet I would know that even though the rest of the job looked good, the walls hidden in that dark little space didn’t meet my standard. My painting job would have lacked integrity.

Integrity is an issue for all followers of Christ regardless of our age. The dictionary defines integrity as “firm adherence to a code of moral values” and “the quality of being complete or undivided.” For Christians in my generation, our compromise oftentimes takes the form of putting on a good show for others, while living with lower standards and cutting corners in “the closests” of our lives frequented only by our selves. . . those places that we think are never seen by others. However, as youthworkers and parents, we can be sure that our kids’ watchful eyes see more than we know or imagine.

I believe that the emerging generation of children and teens have learned well from our example. So much so, in fact, that they are now a generation where professing Christian kids are less prone to even try to hide their duplicity. They are marked by an increasing willingness to wear their lack of integrity on their sleeves with no cares about what anybody else thinks. For example, I can talk about being a follower of Christ, eagerly engage in corporate worship, sleep with my girlfriend, embrace a lifestyle of materialism that leaves me feeling entitled to everything, cheat in school, etc. . . . and do it all without even thinking there’s anything wrong or contradictory with any of it. It’s the same lack of integrity my generation has struggled with, but it’s now wearing a completely different face.

Charles Colson once wrote, “The church’s singular failure in recent decades has been the failure to see Christianity as a life system, or worldview, that governs every area of existence.”[1] In other words, we lack the integrity that Jesus calls for when he tells his followers to love the Lord your God with all you are, have, do, and ever will be (Mark 12:30) . . . consistently. Integrity describes a life that is united in a complete and consistent whole. An integrated life is one where words, thoughts and actions consistently reflect the will of God in our lives.

What can we do to counter the loss of integrity in today’s youth culture and the lives of our kids?

First, we need to take a long, hard look in the mirror to see what kind of example we are offering, both outside and inside our “closets.” Prayerfully take corrective action where necessary.

Second, we must map out a lifestyle of joyful integrity through our daily lives. The way we minister, play, work, worship, relate, and live all of life should model integrity to our kids.

Third, we must map out a life of integrity through our words. Never forget that the kids you know and love are on the road to adulthood. Full of confusion and questions, they want and need your guidance. Speak up loudly and often, challenging commonly held cultural standards that steer them in the wrong direction. In addition, don’t be afraid to speak openly about the specific duplicity you see them adopting in their own lives. Spoken in the context of a loving relationship, your words have tremendous power.

May God grant us all the grace to live lives marked by an infectious integrity that fills every room and closet, both now and for generations to come!

---

[1] Charles Colson, How Now Shall We Live (Wheaton, Ill: Tyndale House, 199), p. xii.

Your Kids Have Seen Pornography. . . . So What??? . . .

It seems like a day doesn't go by without the news featuring some kind of story related to the dark side of the Internet and social media. This week, it's the unfolding saga of government officials and socialites. That's the big story. Thousands and thousands of "little" stories never make the news, but they sure make our lives miserable when they hit close to home.

One incredibly dark side of life in today's tech-saturated world is pornography. We've been examining the issue here at CPYU with some intensity for the last few months. It is incredibly dark. . . perhaps more dark than any of us care to know or imagine.

As I've examined this pervasive and magnetic cultural force I've come to the conclusion that when it comes to kids and pornography, it's a matter of when not if.  It's not at all unreasonable to assume that your middle school or high school-aged teen has seen, sought out, or developed a dangerous and destructive relationship with pornography. That's why one week ago today, we held a live webinar on "Pornography and Your Kids: What You Need to Know and What You Need to Do." That's why this weekend at the National Youthworkers Convention in Dallas I will be speaking on "Growing Up In a Porn Is The Norm World." Again, this is one of those topics I wish we never had to talk about. . . but we do.

Let's be realistic here. . . when it comes to what our kids are doing with pornography today, there will be long-lasting fall-out tomorrow. I talk about that in the webinar. Several people have asked me if I've got an opinion on what the future of pornography holds. In other words, if the world of pornography and what the world of pornography does to change the world is evident in what's happened over the last 30 or so years, what can we expect to see 30 years from now. . . or less? Here are some thoughts:

1. We will see increased frequency and widespread exposure to pornography at younger and younger ages. That's what's called age compression. We know that pornography is already finding five and six-year-olds. That trend is only going to ramp up to the point where rare is the elementary-aged kid who hasn't seen it.

2. Pornography's envelope will stretched to the extremes. There's a growing market for pornography. That  growing market is creating a need for more extreme types of pornography. We're not talking here about naked women. We're talking about even more horrifying and even criminal stuff that at it's most extreme level, depicts and includes children.

3. Like a drug habit, desensitization occurs, creating a need for more frequent and higher doses. Pornography addiction will be off the charts.

4. As pornography moves into the mainstream, it will be increasingly accepted, tolerated, and even celebrated. The use of pornography will become a right - maybe even a virtue - that is nothing more or less than a matter of personal preference and taste. Gone will be our societal ability to label it as wrong.

5. There will be a normalization of depicted behaviors and practices. What one sees is what one will do. This is called social norming. Perhaps this is the most horrifying expectation imaginable.

Now is the time to understand, examine, and address the problem of pornography. We need to be prophetic, preventive and redemptive in our approach. I want to encourage every individual, every parent, every youthworker, and every church to take steps to deal with pornography. A good place to begin is with our webinar - "Pornography and Your Kids: What You Need to Know and What You Need to Do" - which is now available on DVD. You can order it here.

We can't take a "so what???" attitude.

More Visual Evidence of Cultural Change. . . .

This is one of those infographics that I look at and just gets me shaking my head. Yep, the world is changing and changing fast. What are the benefits? What are the unseen and unexpected liabilities? 

Petraeus, Apple, Call of Duty, and School Photos. . . .

You know the drill here at CPYU. . . John Stott's "dual listening" to both the Word and the world. . . Karl Barth's starting the day "with the Bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other hand." Did you happen to do that this morning? If you executed the drill with this morning's USA Today there's a quartet of stories that should have captured your attention.

First, there's the CIA scandal involving General David Petraeus and his extra-marital affair with his married biographer. Petraeus has stepped down. Second, there's the headline asking, "Is the age of Apple ending?" Third, another story predicts that tomorrow will be a day marked by school absenteeism and calling-in-sick for students and employees who are lining up for tonight's midnight release of Call of Duty: Black Ops II. Finally, the paper is telling us that "Lack of coolness factor chills school photo sales."

So what? What difference does it all make? These stories and others tell us much about the human condition, about ourselves, and about how we are choosing to live in God's world. Think about it. . .

In regards to the Petraeus affair. . . the high-ranking and highly-respected military leader known for his commitment to integrity and leadership had the cover blown off his affair with biographer and West Point alum Paula Broadwell. The sad, sad irony is that Broadwell has advertised herself via social media as a bigger-than-life person whose "most important title is mom and wife." Petraeus' own lessons on leadership begin with Rule No. 1 - "Lead by example from the front of the formation." As with all types of affairs, this one was a bomb that was secretly built by the pair. Now that it has blown-up, countless lives, institutions, relationships, and who-knows-what-else have been changed forever. The fallout will extend far-and-wide both geographically and chronologically. These things are not at all benign. Not only should that serve as a warning to us all, but this is also a story about the universal human condition. As I tell youth workers all the time, we are all just one bad decision away from being a headline. And there's not one of us who is above making that one bad decision. It's been almost six years to the day that our CPYU staff sat down to talk about Gordon MacDonald's powerful written reminder about the assassin that lives in all of us, a reminder he penned just days after news of Ted Haggard's indiscretions broke. It reminded each of us of our bomb-building bent and potential. . . and to watch-out. . . for ourselves.

Regarding the news on Apple. . . I'm one person who believes that too many of us have put too much emphasis and stock into what we might call "the Apple factor." Over the years people have turned some great technological innovations and the Apple brand into something synonymous with "cool." But that's not the main issues here. What's most alarming is the fact that we value and embrace "cool" in ways that border on idolatry. As USA today says, Apple has relied on charisma and sex appeal. . . and for that reason perhaps "a short run on top is long enough." OK. . . but this is more about us than it is about Apple. We elevate them when we value charisma and sex appeal.  In his book A Long Obedience in the Same Direction, Eugene Peterson serves up a reminder of how this kind of mindless thinking and living is not only a recipe for the temporary, but something dangerous as it creeps into our Christian spirituality: "In our kind of culture anything, even news about God, can be sold it if is packaged freshly; but when it loses its novelty, it goes on the garbage heap. There is a great market for religious experience in our world; there is little enthusiasm for the patient acquisition of virtue, little inclination to sign up for the long apprenticeship in what earlier generations of Christians called holiness."

Then there's tonight's release of Call of Duty: Black Ops II. I once had a friend say to me, "You tell me who or what you daydream about, and I'll tell you who or what your God is." That was a punch in the gut. We could say the same thing about how we spend our time. No, there's nothing at all wrong with video games. As Tim Keller would say, they are a good thing. But when we make them an ultimate thing. . . or the thing around which our lives revolve. . . well, then we've got a problem.

Finally, the story on school photos is really a story about the rapidity of cultural change. I love my old school photos and the photos of my kids. They really do tell the truth about how we changed as we grew up. . . visually at least. Sure, we didn't like all of them and "re-takes" were many times scheduled. But there's something real about those annual school pictures. USA Today tells us that there's now a bias against that kind of "lowbrow" school photography shot by the guy set up in the gym. Now, people (the article says it's mostly moms) are paying premium dollar (upwards of $700 to $1200) to hire the hip photographer who will capture their kids in ways that depict "coolness". . . and there's that word again. . . and there's another look into our hearts again.

What's important to us? What do we value? What drives us? The news in USA Today isn't really that good, is it?

Something New From CPYU! . . . .

I was clicking through our CPYU website this morning when I was reminded of how much I love what Derek Melleby is doing through his leadership over our College Transition Initiative. The CTI has been up and running for a few years. Derek's seminars, books, and other activities are garnering great reviews. A couple of weeks ago, we launched a brand new College Transition Initiative Website. It's good. . . . and I want to encourage you spend a little bit of time there. . . .

Election Day. . . Will You Be Happy or Sad Tonight? . . .

It's a good possibility that half of our country's residents will go to bed sad, frustrated, angry, and maybe even a bit hopeless tonight. If your guy doesn't win what will you be thinking and feeling?

I don't in any way shape or form have this all figured out. My understanding of politics, the political process, and earthly rulers has been has evolving over the years. I've participated in the process by exercising my right, responsibility and privilege to vote. I will do so today. Over the years, I've read, studied and talked about the role of Christ's followers in politics and I've watched Christians involve themselves in politics a variety of ways. Again, I don't claim to have this figured out. But I do know that whatever happens tonight and whatever anyone feels as their head hits the pillow (regardless of who they've voted for), the Someone who is in control has never and will never live in the White House.

Today is a very important day for our country. There's a lot hanging in the balance. Make no mistake. . . this is an important day for our nation. We must be active, informed and involved in the process. But ultimately, something bigger is being unfolded by a Sovereign Someone who is the Lord of the universe.

As you vote today, as you watch the results, as you celebrate or lament the fact that your guy won or didn't win. . . . ponder these perspective-giving words from Psalm 20: "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."

I was reminded of these words as I went to bed last night listening to Robin Mark's song "Some Trust In Chariots." Perhaps you'll find it helpful to listen to and ponder the song a few times during the day today. . . .

Sports Parents. . . Kill The Coach and Scare The Kids. . . .

One of my most unnerving childhood memories has to do with Little League Baseball. I remember exactly where it took place and who was involved. . . .Alverthorpe Park. . . on the Triple-A field. My dad was our team's coach. He made sure that everyone played, that everyone played fair, and that everyone had fun. That's the way it's supposed to be.

On the particular spring night that I remember, the coach of the opposing team - a man with an already well-known reputation for flaring up - decided to flare-up over something about the way my dad was coaching. His flare-up escalated to the point where he challenged my dad to a fight. My dad never instigated or responded in a way to egg the man on. Dad turned the other cheek. The man just blew up in a frightening and embarrassing display of emotion in front of a bunch of scared little kids and wide-eyed parents sitting in lawn chairs. And so, I remember it. . . well.

As I recount the episode, I sometimes wonder how my adult self would have responded if my adult self had been present during the incident. I might have passively-aggressively asked him about his childhood experiences related to potty training and breast-feeding. . . which would not have been a good idea. That approach, while not at-all-right or wise, does get at the fact that people who have grown up having too much of something (pain, heart-ache, pressure, entitlement, parental coddling, etc.) or not enough of something else (love, time, attention, limits, consequences, etc.) often-times act out in inappropriate ways. What's especially frightening in today's world is that the inappropriate nature of such responses are now becoming more and more appropriate, commonplace, expected, and even accepted. Bad sideline behavior isn't just limited to those who have histories.

Youth Pastor Greg Dowell recently sent me a link to an article from a suburban-Chicago newspaper: "Angry parent accused of threatening to kill Lisle volleyball coach." Wow! It seems that John Kasik was a little bothered after his high-school-aged daughter was pulled from a match that her team wound up losing. Included in his outlandish behavior were voice-mail threats telling the coach he was going to rape his wife and daughter and then kill him. Not surprisingly, Lisle was charged with felony telephone harassment and misdemeanor counts of battery and disorderly conduct.

Now that my own kids aren't playing sports anymore, I don't get out to the games like I used to. But the few times I've shown up to catch a game over the past two months have been eye-opening. The behavior of parents on the sidelines has declined rapidly over the last couple of years.  .  .  so rapidly that it's noticeable. There are more yellers. And there are more and more super-intense folks who put more stock in what's happening on the field than they should. It's not just at the games where teenagers are running around on the field. It's happening on fields where the players haven't yet started elementary school!

This is cultural trend we need to watch and derail. . . . in our communities and in our mirrors.

I recently read about a three-decade-long survey by coaches who asked college athletes to think back on their early playing careers. They were asked, "What is your worst memory from youth and high school sports?" The overwhelming response was this. . . . "The ride home from games with my parents."

Wow. That's telling.

Facebook Infographic. . . .

Here's a great new infographic on Facebook from the folks at Mashable Infographics. . . .

Responding to Youth Culture Trends. . . Lessons From Sandy, Part 3. . . .

The perfect storm of youth culture trends I blogged about yesterday is here. We need to deal with it. So what now? A theologian once said that every Christian should start their day with the Bible in one hand and newspaper in the other. Our calling is to speak the truths of God’s Word to the cultural realities that exist. Because the cultural stuff they swim in everyday serves them as a map (telling them what to believe and how to live), we must know where the cultural map is sending them. Then, we must respond by showing them the way of God’s map for their lives. Effective ministries to children and teens–whether in the church or home – are marked by a balanced, three-fold response to everything we see in the soup.  

First, respond to what you see in the soup prophetically. Make an intentional effort to look for and seize opportunities to speak biblical truth into their lives in response to the realities that exist. Looking in the soup will reveal the realities that exist. Spending time with Jesus in his Word will shape your prophetic response. At times, you will find yourself affirming where the map of culture is sending kids in the right direction. At other times you’ll challenge the map where it sends them down the wrong road. Maybe the best way to put forth a prophetic response is to follow the lead of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount. Do you remember how he did this? He would begin by saying something like, “You have heard it said that. . .” Then, he would lay out whatever the popular cultural belief was. Then, he would continue by saying, “but. . . I tell you. . .” Then, he would lay out the Kingdom way of looking at the matter. Your kids are soaking in a culture that shapes their values, attitudes, and behaviors with lots and lots of “you have heard it said that’s.” Your responsibility it to expose the “you have heard it said that’s”,and then correct them with the scripture’s “but I tell you’s”. That’s what it means to respond prophetically.

Second, respond to what you see in the soup preventively. All parents share a great concern for their kids’ physical well-being when they are young. We know enough about children to know that they might wander into the street, talk to strangers, or reach for hot stuff. As a result, we do our best to prevent them from wandering into the street, talking to strangers, and burning themselves on a hot burner or dish. Likewise, if we care about the spiritual health of our children, we should answer the map’s faulty directions preventively, by going out of our way to equip them to face all of life and its challenges in a way that brings honor and glory to God. They need us to pass on the valuable information we’ve learned about life so that they adopt values, attitudes, and behaviors that keep them from harm and provide for their spiritual well-being. One very practical suggestion is to regularly offer your kids opportunities to evaluate their music, media, and advertising from a Christian perspective. Not only does this preventive measure teach them to think Christianly about all of life, but it opens the door to address all the topics in the media “soup” from a biblical perspective.

Finally, respond to their sin, failures, and mistakes redemptively. All children face temptation, and all children will make dangerous and sinful choices. Remember, they’re young, impressionable and very vulnerable. The determining factor in whether or not a bad choice turns into a situation that gets better or worse depends largely on your response. Your goal should be to help the child and their family redeem these situations by turning a mistake into an opportunity for the child to become a more Godly and Christlike person. Don’t ever write off any child as hopeless or irredeemable. Rather, treat her as you know your heavenly Father treats you – regularly! - when you are the offending party.

I want to pass on one more little bit of advice that’s really, really important. As a student of youth culture, you are going to learn a lot. As a parent, I want to ask you to do me, and all other parents, a big favor. Pass on everything you learn about youth culture to parents. I know this sounds like it might be extra work, and you’re already super busy. But this may be the most important service you can provide to moms and dads. Most parents would readily admit that they’re terribly out of touch with the culture of their kids. They may even feel frustrated by the growing cultural-generational gap that exists in their home. But if parents are the one’s primarily responsible for the spiritual nurture of their kids, doesn’t it make sense that we would do everything in our power to help them better fulfill their calling as cross-cultural missionaries? Use every avenue and opportunity to pass on your youth culture knowledge and insights to parents.

As a culture-watcher, I’ve listened to a lot of music over the years. A few years ago I ran across a song by Tom Petty called “LostChildren.” Even though Petty’s never claimed to be a follower of Jesus, he’s concerned enough about kids and the problems they face in today’s youth culture to intercede on their behalf. In the song, Petty asks the Lord to“shine light on these lost children born to chase the hurricane. . . far away from home,” and to “lead them all home again.” Youth workers, childrens' ministers, Sunday School teachers, and parents are all uniquely positioned to fulfill that task. But first, we must say “yes” to God’s invitation to be a cross-cultural missionary to children growing up in a rapidly changing and very confusing cultural soup.

Major Youth Culture Trends You Need To Know. . . Lessons From Sandy, Part 2. . .

If youth culture is the soup our kids swim in everyday, what are some of the ingredients that serve to shape the values, attitudes, and behaviors of our kids that warrant our response? If you were to stir up today’s youth culture soup, here’s a surfacy look at eight of the “big” cultural ingredients and trends you must monitor, understand, and respond to as you cross-cultures to do ministry (missons work!) with children and teens.

1.      Family Breakdown: Every child you know and minister to was created to live in a family. That’s the place God made for a child to be nurtured into a spiritually, physically, and emotionally mature adulthood. But for a variety of reasons, the family is failing miserably. More and more of your kids are growing up in homes marked by emotional detachment, father-absence, divorce, unmarried parents, single-parents, cohabitation, domestic violence, and sexual abuse. When it comes to the state of the family, things are not the way they’re supposed to be, and our kids are paying the price. And, when the family fails to function as it should, the doors and windows of the home are thrown open, allowing other institutions to raise and shape the kids. And by the time they’re old enough to raise families of their own, a growing number of our kids will have never had a healthy model of family and family roles.

2.      Media Influence: Ever wonder who’s raising the kids in today’s world? It’s the world of today’s media. The latest research from the Kaiser Family Foundation reports that the average 8 to 18-year-old is now spending 7 hours and 38 minutes a day engaged with media. . . and that doesn’t include time spent on computers in school or doing schoolwork. . . nor does it include time spent texting! In addition, over 70% of 8 to 18-year-olds have a television in their bedroom. That means they can watch anything and everything, without the benefit of wise and Godly parental filters to help them process what they see in healthy ways, or to make good viewing choices. Perhaps the most powerful media force is advertising, which comes at them 24/7 through every media outlet. With kids seeing upwards of 4000 marketing messages a day, you can rest assured that they’ll never buy every product they see in the ads. But the reality is that the greatest power of those ads is not to sell product, but to sell a way of looking at and living life. Sadly, few if any kids have parents or other adults in their lives taking the time to teach them to think Christianly about this marketing glut.

3.      Narcissism: Researcher Dr. Jean Twenge has studied the epidemic of Narcissism sweeping through our culture. She’s concluded that the Millennials are the most narcissistic generation ever. That’s our children and teens. They have grown up learning that the only holy trinity worthy of their worship is “me, myself, and I.” Narcissism is excessive self-love and self-indulgence, a way of looking at and living life that is totally contrary to Christ-centered and other-centered lifestyle Jesus calls His followers to embrace. In today’s world, even the positive trend towards getting involved in missions and service projects is sometimes motivated by this dangerous focus on self. More and more kids are doing for others in order to pad a resume that will allow them to get into the “right” college, a place they see as a passport to self-centered privilege.

4.      Materialism and Entitlement: Do you know that Jesus spent more time in the Gospels talking about the dangers of money and wealth, than He did about Heaven and Hell combined? It’s true. But we have to wonder if we or our kids have ever heard what He’s saying. Marketing and Narcissism have combined with other cultural forces to create a volatile mix that feeds the belief that “things bring happiness.” The accumulation of stuff is now seen as redemptive and fulfilling, which means that the vicious cycle just moves along faster and faster leaving us emptier and emptier while looking for more and more. What parent hasn’t lamented the sense of entitlement that’s sweeping this generation of kids?

5.      Over-Sexualization: The marketing-mantra “sex sells” has been around for a long, long time. Sex sells for the simple reason that we have all been created as sexual beings. Marketers and media-makers have tapped into these inherent desires and exploited our sexual-fallenness by selling a message to our children that’s left them believing this: When it comes to your sexuality, you can do whatever, wherever, however, whenever, and with whomever. Since 1997, MTV’s “It’s Your (Sex) Life” campaign has been sending this message to our kids: “Fundamentally, it’s your body and it’s up to you what you do with it.” The result is that many kids indulge themselves while exploiting others, with kids experimenting with sex before they’ve even reached puberty. Among the results of the sexualization of everything is the casual sex revolution (friends with benefits, hooking up, etc.) same-sex attraction, and a growing fascination with pornography.

6.      Peer-Pressure: It doesn’t matter how old you are. . . you remember this phrase. . . and the mention of it still strikes fear into the heart of parents. For my generation, peer pressure usually took the form of a spoken, verbal invitation to come and do something that both you and the person inviting you to do it knew was wrong. That led you to sneak around for fear of getting caught. While peer pressure still exists, the nature of peer pressure has changed. In today’s world, peer pressure is an unspoken expectation to participate in behavior that the overwhelming majority of your peers think is normal and right. That means that peer pressure in today’s world is not only stronger, but much more difficult to resist.

7.      Amorality: During my childhood, my wrongdoing usually set a series of events in motion. If (let’s just say!) I got caught doing something I shouldn’t have been doing at my friend’s house, three things would happen. First, my friend’s mother would get angry and discipline me, usually with a restriction from playing with my friend for a couple of days. As I would head home with my head down, I knew that she was calling my mother on the phone. Which then. . . would lead to the third thing. . . the punishment I’d get when I got home. Everyone seemed to agree on matters of right and wrong. Behavior either conformed to a standard of morality (moral behavior) or it didn’t (immoral behavior).  With that shared standard disappearing in today’s world, everyone does what’s right in their own eyes. Not only that, but we give everyone else the latitude to do what they want, even if that differs from our own personal standards of right and wrong.

8.      Over-parenting, Over-protecting, Over-praising: This ingredient works to up the ante on several of the culture-soup ingredients we’ve already mentioned. In today’s world, we over-parent by doing everything and giving everything to our kids. Kids who have everything done for them don’t learn how to do things for themselves. Kids who get everything only get spoiled and want more. And when we over-protect our kids by running interference for them anytime they make a mistake, we teach them that actions don’t have consequences. . . which then leads to entitlement. Finally, when we over-praise, we teach our kids to think more highly of themselves than they ought. . .which could eclipse the understanding we want them to have of their sin and desperate need of God’s grace. Make sense?

 

Tomorrow, I'll blog in Part 3 of this series on "What now?"

As Cultures Clash. . . . Lessons From Sandy, Part 1. . .

While we've fared fairly well here in Central Pennsylvania, the fury that history will remember as "Hurricane Sandy" did a real number on the East Coast. . . particularly along the shoreline. Our beloved "Jersey Shore" got hammered. The photos of familiar places that no longer look at all familiar are difficult to view. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like for the people who live there.

The news reports have brought back memories of a childhood trip to Long Beach Island in the summer months after a particularly strong hurricane. I remember the spooky sight of seeing a house that had been lifted off its foundation sitting in the middle of the bay. That wasn't the way it was supposed to be. It's seared into my memory.

Not the way it's supposed to be. . . That's a good descriptor for much of what's happening in today's youth culture. It's changing and changing fast. The perfect storm of a variety of emerging trends is coming together to change the landscape in big ways. Several months ago, I was speaking to a group of parents, youth workers, pastors, and educators in the Midwest about today’s rapidly changing youth culture. During the morning break, a man approached me to say “thanks.” “My wife and I have both been teaching in the local public school district for over 30 years,” he said. “What you’re telling us today about youth culture is so true. What everyone in this room needs to know is that the high school student I’m teaching today, is nothing at all like the high school student I was teaching five years ago. Everything has changed.” Really? Yep. His words are true.

Of course, some things have remained the same for a long, long time. Whether your age warrants the label “Boomer,” “Buster,” or “Millennial,” growing up has always had its difficulties. If you grew up committed to pursuing your faith, there were extra challenges. But life for kids living in today’s world is markedly different.

Today’s kids face an unprecedented mix of problems, challenges, choices, pressures, and expectations. Add to that a phenomenon known as “age-compression” and you realize that the stuff we struggled to navigate when we were teens has not only been amped up in terms of intensity, but it’s hitting kids at younger and younger ages. What I had to deal with when I was old enough to drive, today’s kids are dealing with while still young enough and small enough to be strapped into a car seat.

Take, for example, issues related to body image. As a teenager, I spent more time than I wanted to looking at myself in the mirror, all the time wondering if the changes taking place in my appearance were going to end at a place that would make me desirable to others and comfortable in my own skin. In today’s world, our kids are marketed to from birth in a manner that nurtures them into being acutely dissatisfied with themselves so that they’ll willingly spend money on clothing, make-up, and other products promising to leave them looking older and more desirable. Sadly, the thousands of ads targeting kids hit parents as well, creating a situation where we cave and add to the pressure our children already feel. Maybe that’s why we live in a world where five-year-olds fuss over what they look like. It should come as no surprise that disordered eating has hit epidemic proportions in the teen population, with healthcare professionals now seeing incidence rise among the Tween population. . . both girls and boys.

A rapidly changing youth culture has combined with age compression to create a situation where the uncomfortable stuff that we had to address with our students in youth ministry, is now the even-more-uncomfortable stuff that we must address with children in children’s ministry. And the conversations parents used to dread having with their teens. . . well. . . now those are the conversations they must have with their elementary and even pre-school aged children. Not only are our kids facing things at younger and younger ages, but the things they face at those younger ages are unique to their generation. What’s resulted is a ministry context where parents, youth workers, Sunday School teachers, children’s ministers, and anyone else who endeavors to minister to kids need to view and approach their ministry callings as a cross-cultural missions venture. In fact, the culture is changing so fast that you’ll increasingly hear older siblings lament the fact that their younger brothers and sisters (from the same generation!) are living in a different world.

So, what are the cultural forces and "fronts" that are combining to alter the landscape? Tomorrow, I'll list and describe eight of those forces/fronts in part 2.