True or False? I Don't Know. . . And That's What's Scary! . . .

During a conversation with a youth ministry friend the other day, we were lamenting the growing level of shallowness in our youth ministry and church world. The conversation - not surprisingly - included some dialogue about Thomas Bergler's upcoming new release, The Juvenilization of American Christianity. We got talking about our (the church's) growing concern with style over substance, our love affair with relevance, the watering-down of the Gospel, and the unintended short- and long-term consequences all this will have on our faith and our culture.

In the midst of our conversation, my friend asked, "Hey, have you seen Ed Young's new site, pastorfashion.com?" "Really. No. Are you kidding me?!?" It was one of those moments when I had to ask my friend a few times over if he was serious or if he was messing with me. He was serious. He also said he wasn't sure if the site was serious or satirical.

Later that night, I went to pastorfashion.com. Yep. It exists. It's out there. Not only is it out there, but it's out there. . . really out there. I can't tell if it's serious or not. I had a couple of friends who are familiar with Ed Young give it a look. They can't figure out if it's serious or not. I can't tell if it's brilliant or horrifying.

Here's one of the videos posted on the site.

Pastor Fashion - Spanx from Fellowship Church on Vimeo.

So. . . what do you think? If it's serious, shame on us. We're in big trouble folks. And if it's satirical, shame on us again. Why? Because it satirizes a reality many of us have seen unfolding in many corners of the church as pastors hire fashion and image consultants, as pastors have themselves made over, and as pastors/churches spend a growing amount of time cultivating style at the expense of deep substance.

Look. . . there's not enough make-up in the world to fix me. The good news is that it's not about me. I've been called to be a sign-post pointing to the King, the King's Gospel, and the King's Cross. If someone's eyes land on me and they don't move on. . . maybe I need to check myself to see if I'm the reason.

Lots of issues here to think about. What do you think?

"I've Got A Kid. . . . "

There were three harrowing phone calls the other day that began with someone in ministry saying, "I've got a kid. . . " In each case, what followed were descriptions of horrifying brokenness and hurt.

Call #1- "I've got a kid who was found by one of my volunteer leaders walking on the side of the road. . . soaking wet, freezing, and carrying belongings in a bag. What do we do?" This providential encounter with a 14-year-old runaway who had just been arrested for the fourth time for shoplifting brought a youth worker into the kid's life for the first time. Now, as he lay broken and confused in a hospital after falling into a freezing river and nearly dying, the youth worker was at a loss for what to do next.

Call #2 - "I've got a kid in my church who is 16-years-old, very bright, a professing follower of Jesus. . . and she's cutting herself severely. What do we do?" Here's a kid from a Christian home. Her father is a leader in the church. She's questioning her life and her faith. She wears her hurt on her arms. What do we do next?

Call #3 - "I've got a kid in our church who is questioning her sexual identity. She's dabbling with homosexuality. Her parents are at a loss. We haven't faced this in our youth ministry before. We're at a loss. What should we do?"

As the years have passed in my own life, I've realized just how deep and wide brokenness and hurt run through our culture. I've also realized just how badly hope and healing are needed. Those who consciously or unconsciously buy into a human-centered understanding of life (yes, even Christians do this), tell us that we need to be more positive, to think more positive, and to not let this stuff get us down. But when you read the Scriptures. . . really read the Scriptures. . . the unavoidable reality is that life and everything in it is deeply flawed and horribly broken. That's the way it is from Genesis 3:6. And when that understanding is diminished, our need for Jesus is diminished as well. That's why recognizing and being realistic about brokenness is really all about being truthful.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture comes from the book of the Bible that confuses me the most - Revelation. While I can't for the life of me figure out the symbolism and details (consequently, I don't spend any time trying to figure them out), what is clear and unmistakable is what Revelation is really all about. That favorite passage of mine captures it. . . Revelation 21:3-5 - "And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.' He who sits on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'"

I look forward to that day. Whether they know it or, every human being is longing for that same thing. Until then, we need to endeavor to serve the King by doing all we can to bring chunk after chunk of that Kingdom and its hope into every life and nook and cranny of life that our lives are privileged to touch.

We're committed to that here at CPYU. For those of you who live in the Northeast, we're thrilled to invite you - parents, youth workers, pastors, counselors, etc. - to a one-day training event, Hope and Healing for Broken Kids, with Marv Penner and Rich Van Pelt. The date is Saturday, April 21st. The place is the metro New York City area. . . New Providence, NJ to be exact. We'd love to have you there. You can learn more here. And for those of you who might like to host this event in your community, just give us a call here at CPYU (800-807-CPYU).

Jimmy Fallon And A Spot-On Cultural Critique. . .

Over the course of the last couple of years I've become increasingly convinced that the worst enemy we face here in the U.S. is an enemy that lies within. In fact, that enemy is ourselves and the allegiances we have to things that are just not very good for us at all. We love those things, we embrace those things, we celebrate those things. . . and those things are eventually going to kill us.

I include in that list many of our obsessions. . . things like certain TV shows, our technological gadgets, and stuff that fills our time. My theory has been that our enemies don't need to resort to conventional weaponry to take us down. All they have to do is wait for the stuff in our "cultural soup" to run their course, and we'll be finished.

This morning, I ran across this quote from Jimmy Fallon in USA Today - "North Korea has officially agreed to suspend its nuclear program. Apparently, they watched one episode of Toddlers & Tiaras and realized we're destroying our own society."

Funny. . . but so, so true that it's also incredibly sad.

The Chardon School Shooting. . . And "We've Got Nothing God". . . .

These are the times when we want to have and to give answers. A 17-year-old boy goes on a shooting rampage in his Ohio high school. We ask "why???" His act leaves three dead and others wounded. Again, we ask "why???" A community mourns. Families are broken and shattered. We wonder how they will ever rebound, recover, and live out the rest of their lives in the midst of unimaginable loss.

Over the past few days I've watched as the all-too-familiar parade of pundits and experts exploit the moment to grow their audience, develop their brand, launch their 15 minutes of fame, or promote a book. But if there's something we should have learned over the years of dealing with school violence it's that we should have stopped trying to find easy answers and simple solutions/explanations for stuff that is incredibly confusing and complex. Yes, there will come a time for people to get their heads together to process lessons learned about prevention and how to do things better in cases like these. But for now, I wonder if the best thing might not be to just remain quiet and to listen.

My good friends Rich Van Pelt and Marv Penner have way too much first-hand experience in dealing with this kind of stuff. Something I've heard them say over and over is that those who are involved in this kind of stuff - the victims, the kids who were in the school, the parents, the teachers, etc - all need space to tell their story. Anyone who's been on the receiving end of trauma knows just how important this is. I'm not sure how it works. I just know that it does. We need to listen as those who were there tell their stories over and over and over again. They need to.

We also need to listen to the One who weeps the most over the events in Chardon. Yes, in the midst of all the brokenness, God was there. He's still there. He's there for those who have dropped their hands to their sides - like the Psalmist of old - as they lament this painful reality. . . looking to him in confusion and loss as they say, "OK God. . . we've got nothing here." And lest we jump in, supposing that we are well-equipped to speak for God, perhaps the best reality we can convey at a time like this is that there are things we just don't know or understand.

I'm guessing there are many brothers and sisters in the Chardon area who are stepping up to exert a faithful presence in the midst of this chaos. . . something they never imagined having to do. The rest of us should be serving like Aaron and Hur. . . holding up their arms by asking God to work in them and through them in the midst of these difficult days.

In a few days, the media frenzy will stop and Chardon will be off the map for most of us. But for those who are there, the dust will be flying for a long, long time. Let's remember to keep these people in our prayers. We are broken people who have to deal with brokenness. Sometimes, that brokenness is very extreme. Thanks be to God that He is.

Thomas Bergler Is A Royal Pain In The Butt. . .

During my first three years in youth ministry. . . fresh out of college. . . I would attend church board meetings in order to report on our ministry and get approval for my plans. One of the old guys on the board. . . a guy named Jack. . . would sit during those meetings in a big old wing back chair in the corner of the church parlor (yes, there was a room called the parlor!). Jack very quickly instilled in me a dread that would start to rear its ugly head a few days before the meetings. It was as if Jack had been waiting for the church to hire me so that he could sit on that throne and question every single thing I wanted to do in youth ministry. With his constant flow of "Whats?", "Whys", and "Hows?," Jack very quickly became a royal pain in my butt.

Eventually, with a little help from other folks at the church, a bit of maturity on my part, and an effort to get to know Jack, I began to understand the method behind his questioning madness. Jack was not trying to make my life miserable. Instead, he was trying to make my ministry more God-honoring and effective. In hindsight, I realize that Jack was on my side the entire time, and he was making me a better youth pastor.


The youth ministry world is about to be introduced to another royal pain in the butt. Thomas Bergler, Associate Professor of Ministry and Missions at Huntington University, has written a disturbing book that will be released in April. . . The Juvenilization of American Christianity. I call the book "disturbing" because it's going to shake us up. I'm currently reading the manuscript as I've been asked to write an endorsement. Bergler brings together history, theology, sociology, and developmental theory in a brilliant mix that's going to make the church - I hope - sit back and ask ourselves some pretty hard questions about what, why, and how we've been doing things.

"Juvenilization," writes Bergler, "is the process by which the religious beliefs, practices, and developmental characteristics of adolescents become accepted as appropriate for Christians of all ages. It begins with the praiseworthy goal of adapting the faith to appeal to the young. But it sometimes ends badly, with both youth and adults embracing immature versions of the faith." He goes on to explain how our churches now pander to American consumerism, self-centeredness, and immaturity of American believers. He clarifies, "The story of juvenilization is a story not of a sinister plot or a noble crusade, but of unintended consequences and unquestioned assumptions."

I'm not yet finished with The Juvenilization of American Christianity, but I'm really liking what I'm reading. I'm sure I'll be blogging on this book more in the coming weeks. At this point, I'm thinking that Bergler is offering a nice follow-up to Christian Smith's Soul-Searching.

Here's a little interview clip with Bergler that will give you a taste of what the book is all about. If you can't bear to sit through the entire 15 minutes of the interview your impatience might just prove Bergler's point! Church, youth ministry world, and fellow juvenile Christians. . . meet Thomas Bergler. . . a royal pain in the butt whose arrival is timely and even long overdue! . . .

Jesus Stole My Daddy. . . .

My dad would often tell a story that not only involved me, but served me as a constant reminder of what's really important in life. The story goes like this: I was four or five years old and the son of a Pastor. When the worship service would end, my robed pastor-father would recess to the back of the sanctuary and greet folks as they left. I would go back there with him, stand in front of him, and pull the folds of his big black robe around me so that nothing but my head was showing. . . kind of like a baby kangaroo in a pouch.

One Sunday morning, an older woman in the church bent over to greet me after greeting my dad. My dad says she looked at me and said, "Good morning Walter! Do you love Jesus today?" . . . which is, by the way, one of those test questions people like to ask the children of people in ministry. My dad says that without giving it much thought I fired back, "No, I hate Jesus!" The woman - who was most likely a bit stunned. . . like my father - was bright enough to follow-up. "Why do you hate Jesus?" she asked. I answered, "Because. . . he stole my daddy."

If I remember correctly, my dad shared this horrifying little vignette with my mom later that day. After processing the comment, they came to the conclusion that maybe my dad was spending too many nights away from home immersed in church meetings and ministry busyness. To my great benefit, my dad quickly informed the church board that there would be some changes in his schedule.

Even though I don't remember the actual incident, I do remember my dad telling the story. I also remember my dad being around as I was growing up. Both of those things are great blessings for which I am deeply grateful. There are lessons in there for all us. . . as husbands, wives, fathers, etc. And lest you think that those lessons are only appropriate for people serving in ministry, think again. It's a far-reaching lesson for us all. . . particularly in today's wired world.


I thought about this the other night as I was speaking to a group of parents as part of our new Digital Kids Initiative at CPYU. We chatted about how habit-forming and time-consuming our obsession with technology and staying connected can become. It can happen without us even knowing it. For example, how many of us spend loads of time being physically present with our family members, but emotionally, relationally, or attentively-detached. . . yes, even while sitting together in the same room and on the same couch? With electronic device in hand and/or in our laps, our attention is divided in multiple directions as we post updates, tweet our every move, and obsess over what's happening in the lives of our followers and friends.

Is technology "stealing" you? Do you fret when you're not connected? Do you find it increasingly frustrated to un-tether? Do quiet, solitude, and silence bother you? What would your spouse or children say is you asked them, "Do I have a problem?"

Why not take some time today to ask those difficult questions? Take stock of the time you spend with your technological tools. Take a look at your Facebook page and consider how much time you're spending/wasting. If you've got a Twitter account, look at the number of Tweets you've been sending. If you're staring at a six-figure number, chances are you've got some issues to deal with.


Way back in the 1960s Marshall McCluhan made a bold statement: "We shape our tools and afterward our tools shape us." Not many people listened to or understood McCluhan. Sadly, even though history has proven McCluhan right, very few people are listening today. I don't think we want to listen. Perhaps we're too busy posting updates and composing tweets to listen. But not heeding the truth of McCluhan's warning means that there's some thievery going on. Sadly, the decisions we make cause us to be the perpetrators. The victims are those closest to us. Pray that the people closest to you will speak up and say the hard things you need to hear.

"If Your Spouse Isn't Doing It For You, Just Leave! . . ."

We believe that, don't we? We've bought into it, we embrace it, and we live it out. Commitments and vows mean very little any more. If I'm not feeling it, it must not be. And if it isn't, then I'm not going to continue trying to make it happen.

I've thought about this quite a bit over the last few weeks as I've been listening to Tim Keller's nine-part sermon series on marriage. He preached these sermons - amazing sermons I might add - way back in 1991. They're circulating once again thanks to his recent book based on those sermons, The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment With the Wisdom of God. Keller blasts through the lies we've bought about marriage. . . that we come to it with a faulty consumer-mindset that leads us to believe that marriage is there to meet our needs. . . and when our needs are no longer being met. . . well. . . we just move on. Keller also talks quite a bit about the prevalence of feelings in today's world. If we're no longer feeling love, or feeling in love, or feeling like we want to love. . . well. . . move on! Do you know what this does to us? Keller answers, "Modern people make the painfulness of marriage even greater than it has to be, because they crush it under the weight of their almost cosmically impossible expectations."

To all you married folks out there. . . raise your hand if there are times when you don't feel love. Raise your hands if there are times when you bemoan the fact that your needs aren't being met in your marriage. OK. . . I see those hands. You've all got both hands up. Welcome to reality.

Still, we enter into a covenant. . . a commitment. . . a binding agreement that not only holds us together in difficult times, but one that makes us better as we endeavor to image the Bride and Bridegroom we read about in the New Testament. I'm at 30 years this year. My hands have been up and down for thirty years. I've worn out my joints! But I'd also be the first to raise my hand to talk about just how amazingly life-giving it's all been.

I was thinking this morning about how these marriage realities translate into our relationship with the Bride of Christ, His church. More and more we approach our local church commitments with a consumer mindset. And more and more we rely on our feelings as the final arbiter of whether we stay or go. And so when it comes to our local church involvement we marry, divorce, marry, divorce, marry, divorce. . . hopping from one place to another. . . hoping to be feel good, have our needs met, and be satisfied. Some of us get so tired of the institution that we stop marrying. Instead, we cohabitate with our local church body. We're there. We're living together. But we just won't commit. We fail to remember that our local church is like a family. . . like a marriage. . . that it's something that requires our commitment through thick and thin. That it's a place where we give rather than expect to just get.

In just a few minutes I'll be hopping onto a conference call with Bo Boshers and the crew at Lead 222 to talk to youth workers around the world about kids, culture, and the topic of "Our Youth Ministry Responsibilities." Maybe that's why I've been thinking about this today. I trust that we'll keep thinking about it. . . not only in terms of our own relationships with the church, but in terms of what we're teaching our kids.