Be Careful Little Heart. . . Valentine's Day and Social Media. . .

This is a day to be happy and in love, isn't it? At least that's what we're told by the good folks at Hallmark Cards and Whitman Chocolates. . . and the local florist. I was wondering though, how many of today's love stories have been either enhanced or destroyed by the amazing new technologies and media platforms that we've got at our fingertips? I'm sure you know many of these stories firsthand as they've played out in your own little circle of family and friends. I know I do.

These stories are well-worth pondering today for a simple little theological reason: We are broken people living in a broken world. We must recognize that our default setting is to indulge our depravity in every area of life. As followers of Jesus, our divine calling is to wholeheartedly pursue life, love and everything else as it was meant to be. . . what the Bible calls "Shalom" . . . or universal flourishing. We need to be conscious of both our default setting and our calling. . . especially as they relate to our closest and most intimate relationships, along with our use of social media.

As part of our Digital Kids Initiative here at CPYU, we've been looking at the blessings and curses of social media and technology. Take a look around and you'll quickly notice that social media is a blessing and a curse when it comes to existing relationships, new relationships, and reconnections. Knowing this can help us consciously employ safeguards that keep us from wandering down dangerous and destructive paths.

As a blessing, social media can be used to build our off-line real-world relationships. When I travel, I can stay connected in a variety of ways with my wife and children. It's amazing, really. I can follow-up with new friends I meet on the road, connecting the dots between them and resources that can help them in their real-world relationships. And as far as reconnections go, there are people from my high school years, college years, and old youth groups who I would have never been in touch with if it hadn't been for social media. Again, amazing!

But then there's the dark side.. . which is why we all need accountability and limits. Social media provides a "closet" into which we can escape to secretly enter into, build, foster, and indulge in destructive emotional and/or physical relationships. There are oppotunities to "flirt" and "dance" through our fingertips when nobody is looking over our shoulders. It can be the spouse tapping away on the other end of the couch. It can be the employee "working" in the office just down the hall. It can be the youth worker who spends too much time "alone" in inappropriate virtual relationships with their students. What we call "dangerous reconnections" is actually more of a problem for those of us who are older. We use Facebook to revive dormant and sometimes forgotten relationships, reconnecting with old flames. People don't typically join Facebook for this reason. . . it just happens while they are there. One prominent divorce law firm say that 1 in 5 current divorce petitions cites Facebook as the avenue that was used to make and keep connections.

This just serves as a little reminder to us all as we think about what we're told to think about on this day of red. . . be careful, aware, and on guard little heart. Because of your brokenness, you could wind up being your own worst enemy.

The Music Story of the Weekend. . . And Not Who You Think. . .

Sure, everything else in the world of the news media came to a screeching halt due to a high profile entertainment death on Saturday. This will consume the airwaves for quite some time, I'm sure. The news coverage reminds us of just how important and influential our celebrity role models are. They really do shape us, don't they? And last night we got to see the annual extravaganza known as The Grammy Awards. . . more proof of the fact that pop culture and celebrities do have worldview shaping power. . . as if we needed more proof. At one point during the day yesterday, I actually entertained the rather morbid and embarrassing (yet probably true) thought that those who had purchased commercial time during last night's Grammys were thankful for the death and its timing. More viewers tuning in to gawk and then build the ratings.

And that's where I think the big music story of the weekend really took place. . . at least in my mind. The Grammys. Yes, there was nicely written and delivered prayer from L.L. Cool J. The prayer was refreshing in the way that it expressed gratitude for a life and the God-given giftedness of that life. It also didn't - as many pop culture prayers do - function as a prayer for the dead. There was also that touching moment with Glen Campbell. Sure, most young viewers had no clue who he was. But his appearance on stage as he battles the Alzheimer's that will most likely take his life was a moving reminder that life is short, fragile, and very broken. Yes, the Grammys were filled with these and many other interesting moments.


But what has stuck with me as the most significant moment of the night was also one of the most troubling and confusing segments in the show. When Nicki Minaj took the stage to sing her upcoming single-release, "Roman Holiday," it began dark and stayed dark, as some kind of exorcism was performed featuring one of the many alter-egos she conjures up. . . this one named Roman.

A few weeks ago we took some time in our Doctor of Ministry cohort at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary to talk about the Ellen Degeneres/Sophia Grace/Nicki Minaj moment that became a YouTube hit. We processed the significance of that moment that I had blogged about several weeks before. The next day, some of our African-American students offered us some background and perspective that was deeply troubling, including directing us to some video clips where Minaj describes things that many would label as demonic. That was troubling.

Last night was deeply troubling as well. I'm still trying to sort it all out, hoping to see where this story has come from, where it's heading, and just what might really be going on with Minaj. I would love to enter into some dialogue on this. I would encourage you to watch her Grammy performance (below). Then watch her explanation of her alter-ego "Roman" that was part of an MTV Documentary (below). Then take a look at the video clips from The Ellen Show. And after you've done that, take a moment to read Scotty Smith's timely prayer from his great prayer book, "Everyday Prayers." The prayer is dated "February 12." That was yesterday. Grammy Day.





A Prayer About a Fleeing Devil

"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." James 4:6-7

Heavenly Father, at times I make things so much more complicated than they need to be. (Enormous understatement) This is certainly the case when it comes to spiritual warfare. When I look back over the years at all the different teachings I’ve had about “fighting the devil”, much of it promoted more fear than faith… more phobia than freedom… more preoccupation with darkness than fascination with the Light of the World. Somewhere along the line, I missed the image of a fleeing devil. Alas, another arena for gospel-sanity.

Certainly Father, I know that I cannot afford to be naïve about the deceitful and destructive schemes of the enemy. Because of Jesus’ cross, he knows his time is short and he is filled with fury. En route to his secured demise, he ramps up his seducing, tempting, distorting, persecuting, lying, accusing and condemning ways, every opportunity he gets.

But, even more so, I can no longer afford to be ignorant of how to resist the devil with the gospel. So today, Father, because the gospel is true, I humble myself before you. Only the gospel frees me to see and own my weakness and susceptibility to the devil’s schemes. I’ll not be sucker-punched by my arrogance and pride. I need the gospel today as much as the first day you justified me by the faith and grace you freely gave me. I trust you, in this moment, for all the grace I’ll need to live for your glory in this one day.

Accordingly, Jesus, I submit to you as my Prophet, Priest and King, right now. You’re my wisdom and my righteousness, my holiness and my redemption. I’ll not boast in anything about me, I’ll simply boast in you. I’ll resist the devil’s deceitful and damning ways by looking unto you, and pondering your beauty and bounty. With the eye of faith, I set my gaze on you, the author and perfecter of my faith. I’m not even going to glance at the devil as he flees. I just want to keep my eyes on you, Jesus. So very Amen, I pray, in your powerful and present name.

-Scotty Smith

JFK, Position, Power, Persuasion. . . and Our Youth Ministry Responsibilities. . .

I've hesitated writing today's blog entry for two reasons. First, I'm still trying to process what I saw and heard last night in the Rock Center interview with Mimi Alford. Second, the whole story seems to verge on being "soap-opera-ish". . . which makes me feel a little dirty even talking about it. But it's about real life. It offers deep and important insights into the human condition. It provides strong evidence of shifts in culture. And, I think we can learn from it.

Today's blog entry comes out of the nexus of two real-life stories that have grabbed and held my attention. One of those stories grabbed me when I was just 7-years-old and it's been holding me ever since. The other story has gripped me since November of last year. The former is about John F. Kennedy, the young President who was assassinated when I was in second grade - an event that I can replay in my mind in vivid detail. I've been fascinated by that event and Kennedy's Presidency ever since. It's a significant childhood marker for me. The latter story is the now-familiar and yet-unfinished child-abuse scandal at Penn State University. That one's gripped me because it's combined with other events in recent years to open my eyes to the hidden yet all-too-widespread dark side of life in our world.

Briefly, Mimi Alford just released a book about her affair with the President. At the time, the President was in his mid-40's. He initiated the whole thing. Alford was a 19-year-old college student interning at the White House. She was a virgin who had only kissed a boy once. . . in 8th grade. Alford was outed by a historian in 2003 who wrote about the affair in his book on Kennedy. She had no intention of ever telling her story publicly. It's only since then that she has decided -with hesitation - to tell her story. It seems rather clear that this isn't something prompted by a desire for fame and fortune.

If you haven't watched the interview from Rock Center with Meredith Viera, you should. Again, it offers a fascinating peek into the cultural mores of the time, along with lots of discussion fodder on human nature. There's much rattling around in my head as a result of what I watched. Kennedy was a philanderer who was somehow adept at compartmentalizing his life and justifying his infidelity. This has been known for a long time and the interview only confirms and cements what we already know. With the press serving to protect him as well through their turned heads and silence, it truly was a different time. We also know that even though these things were not public, they were there. That confirms the fact that there's nothing new under the sun and that the human heart has always been polluted by sin and bent towards wrong-doing. There's much more I've been pondering as well.

But here's the big takeaway. . . What Mimi Alford described last night to Meredith Viera offers a huge window into the mind of the victim. Sure, some would argue that Alford wasn't a victim here. She herself admitted that she went along with it all and even enjoyed it. But it is clear that Kennedy used his position, his power, and his ability to persuade to start and continue an illicit affair with a teenager who was 25-years-younger than himself. She went along with it. . . remained silent. . . etc. She was naive, stupid, whatever you want to call her. In the end, Mimi Alford comes off as looking incredibly foolish and easily swayed/manipulated. I think she was both. But then you hear the stories of other adults (Jerry Sandusky, etc.) who carefully and with great calculation know exactly what they are doing as they choose to indulge their sinful inclinations and pathologies by grooming, cultivating, and then violating young people sexually, emotionally, or otherwise. As we talked about the interview in the office this morning, we discussed the fact that this was calculated, consensual, and criminal.

We need to carefully consider, understand, and uncover instances where this may be taking place where we live. To my youth worker friends. . . examine yourselves, examine your volunteers, listen for hints from your students. . . these things happen everywhere and they're happening more and more. Understand that as someone in ministry you have position, you have power, and you have the ability to persuade. Don't ever, ever, ever abuse any of those things. . . or the precious young lives committed to your care.

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"I'm Eating A #Donut. . . And Other Ridiculous Stuff You Don't Need To Know. . . "

I spotted this thought-provoking photo on Facebook this morning. It made me laugh. It's a tutorial on the differences between a variety of social media platforms. It's clever. It's somewhat accurate. It's also quite telling. Some questions. . .

1. Why would I EVER want to tell you that I'm eating a donut??? If I think you and the rest of my "followers" need to know. . . well . . . then there's something wrong with me. Of course, because my wife is concerned about my health and what I eat, then telling my "world" would be risky business. Word might somehow get back to her. But that's not the real issue. The real issue here is that I might think I need to tell others, that others might need to know, and that somehow it all matters in the larger scheme of things that this information is necessary to share.

2. Why would you EVER want to know that I'm eating a donut??? Seriously. Do people sit around waiting to hear this stuff? In a world characterized by information overload, this is pure fluff. In a world where we hurry here there and everywhere, do we need to carve out time to look for and absorb this kind of meaningless trivia? And if you and the rest of my "followers" need to know. . . well . . . then there's something wrong with you.

3. What's your "donut?" What's my "donut?" In other words, since we've got people watching, are we saying things to gain and keep their attention? . . . Are we saying things to gain and seek validation and approval? . . . Are we saying things to somehow stake and keep our claim for attention? Or, are we saying things because they must be said? You and I need to be careful about this, don't we? When I dig down deep inside I know that there are things I put out there to gain the approval of others, to brag something up, or to maintain a "following." When I post about a child's achievement. . . or how fast I ran my last mile. . . or an award I received. . . I should be looking deep down inside to evaluate and ponder what's really going on. And once I see it for what it is, then I need to stop going to the "Donut shop."

Hey. . . there's nothing wrong with Social Media. Let's use it, and use it right. Using it right means using it redemptively and to the glory of God. . . not to the glory of self.

Perhaps you need to be a digital immigrant (as opposed to a digital native) to really understand the comparison to days past. Does anyone who grew up pre-social media remember a time when before, during, or after doing anything/everything in the course of a day you would pause, step outside, and shout out what you were doing at the top of your lungs? Or you would go to the neighbor's house, knock on the door, and announce what you were doing, had done, or were about to do? No, of course not. We would have thought there was something very, very wrong with people like that!

Which leads me to wonder about what we've become. . . .

STOMP. . . . Banging In The Kingdom. . . .

The same thing happened to me the last time we went to the show. This morning, I wanted to go out into my garage and start banging on anything and everything. I was also thinking about the chaos that is our world and our calling to bring beauty and order where ugliness and disorder abound.

Sadly, my attempts to put my own little STOMP performance together would be an epic fail. STOMP is all about rhythm and dance. I'm no good at either. But the traveling troupe we saw perform the show last night is incredibly gifted. I watched in wonder and awe at the talent, the order, and the way the show has developed since we first saw it over 10 years ago.

If you haven't seen STOMP, you should. As a Christian, the show serves as a powerful visual and aural reminder of what God is doing in the world, along with the calling He's placed on our lives to be His Kingdom representatives. His story is being worked out. . . Creation. . . Fall. . . Redemption. . . and one day, Restoration! STOMP takes elements of the fallen created order. . . things that appear to be castoffs and garbage. . . and "redeems" them as the characters embrace them in rhythmic precision. Order comes out of chaos. It's a strong reminder of who we are to be as God's people in every nook and cranny of our world and lives. Not only that, it's incredibly fun.

Redeeming Those Super Bowl Commercials. . . .

So now I'm getting emails from GoDaddy telling me that their Super Bowl commercials are being pre-released. Think about it. . . commercials. . . hype. . . anticipation. . . pre-release. . . it's crazy! And this year, it costs $7 million for a minute of commercial time!

No doubt, the Super Bowl commercial debuts have become an event in and of themselves. Why not take the time to practice "thinking Christianly" about marketing by filtering this year's ads through the following questions? If you hit YouTube after the game (or in some cases before!) you'll be able to watch and talk about them with your kids. At the very least, sit with your kids and filter the ads through "The Simple Seven" questions. If you want to go deeper, use the additional ad filtering questions.

Here's an additional suggestion just for all you youthworkers: build next week's youth group meeting around this year's Super Bowl commercials. Divide up into groups. Give each group one ad to process through the matrix of "The Simple Seven" ad filtering questions. Come back together and have each group report on what they learned. It's a great way to get them to think consciously and critically about marketing, and to get them to see how God's Word applies to all of life!

The Simple Seven
-What product is this ad selling?
-What, besides the product, does this ad sell? (ideas, lifestyle, worldview, behaviors, etc.)
-What’s the bait, hook, and promise?
-Complete this sentence: “This ad tells me, use_________ (the name of the product) and ____________ (the result the ad promises).
-Does the ad tell the truth? What? How?
-Does the ad tell a lie(s)? What? How?
-How does this ad and its messages agree or disagree with God’s truth and what does that mean for me?

Additional Ad Filtering Questions
-Who made this ad?
-Why was this ad made?
-Who is this ad targeting?
-What do the makers of this ad want me to do?
-What’s the plot?
-What are the ad’s themes and assumptions?
-What techniques are being used to sell the product?
-What does the camera say is most important? How are lighting, angles, focus, close-ups, etc. used?
-How is the camera used to manipulate my emotions and create moods?
-How is music used to manipulate my emotions and create moods?
-How are the camera and music used to manipulate and distort reality?
-What longing/need does this product promise to fulfill?
-How are people treated and portrayed? Men? Women? Children? Parents? Authority figures? Etc.
-If you use this product, what does the ad explicitly or implicitly say your life will be like?
-If you don’t use this product, what does the ad explicitly or implicitly say your life will be like?
-What inadequacies, anxieties, and aspirations does the ad exploit?
-Who/what is the redeemer/messiah in this ad?
-Is this ad exploitive or manipulative? How?
-What role do you think this ad plays in shaping the lives of your peers?
-Is this product necessary? Why? Why not?
-How does this ad try to make me need the product?

"So That's What Was Wrong With Me!!. . . My Teenage Brain. . . "

Whenever I talk about adolescent development, I spend some time talking about the intellect, the brain, and cognitive abilities. We covered that topic just a couple of nights ago as I was leading our No Parent Left Behind seminar in Alberta, Canada. And every time I talk about the teenage brain, my own brain reaches deep (or not so deep) into my own memory, recalling the ways that my own not-so-developed frontal lobe and almost-absent impulse control mechanisms mixed it up pretty well.

The memories that pop into my head first involve cars. We all know that teenagers and cars are sometimes a lethal mix. Let a mind lacking impulse control take the controls of a couple hundred horses mounted under the hood of a speed machine. . . and. . . well. . . you know. You've most likely been there. I know I was. I think my dad may have been as well. I remember him telling me that he did some stuff when he was a teenager. When I'd ask "What stuff?". . . he would go silent. I knew he went silent because I was looking for new and exciting ways to let my lack of impulse control shine.

Perhaps I've become like my dad in the sense that I don't want to fully divulge all the little details of some of my teenage motor-fueled impulse-driven adventures. What I can tell you is that some of my adventures involved my dad's cars. One car was the same model and color as the unmarked cars used by a local police force. Let's just say that the cover of darkness, a good hiding place on the side of the road, a hand-held spotlight, and some flashing headlights. . . well. . . I was able to pull a few people over. Other adventures involved a different car. I learned that a good front-end alignment, some very true-steering, and a straight road. . . well. . . again. . . you could drive from somewhere other than the driver's seat. That's all I'm saying.

Alison Gopnik's little Wall Street Journal piece that appeared last Saturday - "What's Wrong With the Teenage Mind?" - offers some great insight into not only what was going on in my adolescent head, but how that has been changing over the years. Puberty arrives earlier. Adulthood is arriving later. Lots and lots of interesting stuff is happening in the period in between. The wonders of modern imaging technologies have coupled with advances in research to help us understand the amazing complexities and God-glorifying structures of the human brain. If we're working with or raising kids, these are things we need to know and understand. Give Gopnik's article a read. Pass it on to the parents and youth workers you know.

I love this metaphor from Gopnik's article: "If you think of the teenage brain as a car, today's adolescents acquire an accelerator a long time before they can steer and brake." Interesting. I think the teenage version of me. . . in a car. . . serves as "Exhibit A."

(If you want to know more about adolescent development, you can check out a couple of books that we've got here at CPYU on the topic. . . The Space Between. . . and 99 Thoughts For Parents of Teenagers)